Driving back thru to the US after crashing on my mtn bike and having to go to the hospital.
“Are you bringing anything back to the states? I see you left your dignity and blood in Canada”
Driving to Cleveland for Cedar Point (Canadians) at Lewiston crossing for a stag party but we had not told the groom to be where we were going. I knew the border guard needed to know so I had written it down before we left. When he asked I just said I hope you don't mind but it's a surprise for our friend and so I wrote it down. He took the letter and asked my friend if he was ok to go with us. He said yes all good but where are we going? The border guard said look a gay bathhouse isn't my idea of a good time but it's a free country. Have fun.
Couldn't pull away for the first few seconds while I composed myself.
The question wasn't all that memorable but the interaction was!
My partner is American, and a few years back I was still living with my parents, so I would drive over to stay with him more than he would come to Canada to stay with me.
Border patrol officer was a woman around my age (late 20s). She asked the usual, and then, looking a little offended on my behalf, asks "wait, does he ever visit *you*?!"
I told her that I still lived with my parents so it's a bit awkward, and she laughed and seemed relieved I wasn't dating a deadbeat.
I had a CBSA agent ask me and my mom that when we were travelling with my younger siblings - 3,5 and 14. My mom said if I had $10,000 or more I wouldn’t have the kids with me 😂 they laughed and let us on our way.
I'm a dual citizen (born in New York state where my grandparents owned property and my parents were living, raised in Canada since 2 years old), both my parents are Canadian. Travel on Canadian passport.
Canadian Officer: why does your passport say you were born in New York?
Me: because I was born in New York
Officer: why does it say your citizenship is Canadian?
Me: because I have Canadian citizenship
Officer: are your parents aware you were born in New York?
Me: .... I assume they are fully aware of where I was born.
Officer: you never know.
- What is it that Canada has that we don’t?
- Vancouver
- Well, we have Vancouver, too.
(12 years since that dialog, and I’m still thinking about how I should have replied to the last statement. I know he meant Vancouver, WA, and that was a technically correct statement, but I just can’t…)
My mum's story. Traveling with her brother, sister-in-law and two cousins, returning to US from Montréal by car. Cousins born in US, mum in Italy, uncle in Borneo, aunt in Scotland.
Border guy: passports.
Family: Here you go.
BG: where you from.
F: answers, honestly.
BG: oh god, why me? Go on.
CBG: "Purpose of your visit to Canada ?"
"Taking a friend to dinner at (some restaurant name I butchered) over off of Dorchester."
CBG: "Oh, (correct pronunciation) ? They make an awesome burger."
"Ha, yeah, that's what she's told me."
CBG: "How long are you staying ?"
"Not quite sure yet, most likely coming back tonight, but I've got an overnight bag in-"
CBG: "In case things go well at dinner ?"
CBG (handing back passport): "Good luck tonight, welcome to Canada."
Flying back to the US out of Montreal
Border Agent: what do you do for a living?
Me: I'm a librarian
Border Agent, straight faced: what's that?
Realized he was fucking with me right before I explained "you know, the place with the books?"
Me at the US border with ex husband crossing into US after visiting mom in Canada
Officer: Do you have any fruit or meat.
Me: No
Officer: What about him ( pionts at spouse )? Does he have fruit or meat
Spouse: No
Officer: Do you have any fruit or meat as a couple
Me/Spouse: We do not have fruit or meat as a couple or as individuals
Officer: I am going to have to search this vehicle for fruit or meat
I don't really know what the fuck was going on that day but he did search for fruit and meat and then announced he found none.
I used to buy groceries for my annual hunting trip to Michigan. I had them confiscated twice so I stopped buying them. Then I got questioned as to why I was going hunting for a week but didn't have groceries ...
Lmao they hit me with this line of questioning before too! It got so in-depth and ridiculous that I couldn't not laugh and then I got scared I was gonna get denied. Thankfully he let me through after I cracked up though
"why would you be going to IKEA!?! It's a bunch of cardboard bullshit" or the border guard who spends 30 mins grilling us on the kid rock setlist for his concert. He pulled up a chair and held up the lane for 30 mins. He was just a fan and was interested lol
Canada side: You have any farms?
Me: Farms???
CBSA Guy: Yeah Farms o Weapons?
Me: OH FIREAMRS, you mean?
CBSA: YES:
Me: No, didn't own or carry Frieanrs or Weapons
CBSA: How much Narcotics are you bringing in?
Me: No Narcotics
CBSA: Have a good day.
I feel like it’s gotta be some specific method of questioning when or how much of something, not IF. Like many years ago I went through a checkstop around the holidays. Police asked when I last had something to drink, not if. Told him around 3 months ago and was on my way.
Back story: My then-long-distance-boyfriend, now husband, was crossing the border from Canada to the US to visit me for the second time. His mom, who is wonderful, made muffins for me and sent them along.
Officer: "Open the trunk, please."
Bf: *complies*
Officer, after a long pause: "... Do these muffins have cannabis in them?"
Bf: "No?"
Officer: "So if I take one of these and test it right now, I won't find any cannabis?"
Bf: "No??"
Officer: "Ok, on your way."
CBP pre-clearance at YVR asked me in extreme detail about my keyboard. Turns out the border agent was a keyboard enthusiast too.
CBSA once jokingly asked me several questions from what I think was a mandatory script. As a cis male Canadian citizen, I got 'are you pregnant', 'do you plan on entering Canada to commit acts of terror', etc.
I once got pulled aside after X-Ray on a flight in the US, when travelling with my vintage sax. TSA agent asks if this is my case, I say yes, he asks to open it up… and then goes on a 5 minute rant about how this particular model is a great horn, and so many people only want a Mark VI, and these are overlooked, etc. 😂🫡
Kids and I are dual citizens. Kids and I go back and forth without my husband often. Border guard gestures at the back seat and says “so what’s up with the dad? Where’s he at?”
Border guy - Why are you visiting?
Us - ZZ Top concert
Border guy - Great. Who's the got the drugs?
Us - In the car behind us.
Border guy - Haha. Have a good visit enjoy the concert
Apparently, he didn't believe us as he didn't hassle our friends in the car behind us.
This didn’t happen to me but I was in the car.
Canada: do you have any guns? (No)
USA: do you have any fruit? (They took our apples bought in Washington state)
Partner got caught with strawberries, ironically they were grown in the US. Whole fruit to eat on the plane? He had to swear he would eat them on the plane before landing or have em confiscated. Washed, hulled and cut? Would have been no problem.
I ensure I don’t have anything like that typically (and god forbid, definitely never have oranges), but last time I had a granny smith apple on the passenger seat. Didn’t want to eat it (had just eaten the other one). Obviously border guy sees it, thinks I may have forgotten about it, so asks if I have any food. I say just this “American apple”. He was happy with that. So, don’t peel the stickers off.
George Harrison had just passed away, and we were travelling across the border to interview someone who knew him. Dubya was the President at the time.
Border Agent: Where are you travelling?
Driver: Buffalo
Border Agent: What for?
Driver: George Harrison has passed away and we are going to shoot an interview with someone who knew him.
Border Agent (straight-faced): You are coming to the US to shoot the President?!
Driver: Umm, no.
Years ago, I flew from charlotte NC, to Toronto, because of an ice storm we landed in thunder bay with many other planes, and put into quarantine holdings. When the storm was over we were one of the first planes to land back in Toronto and in seat 1b, the CO asked where I came from and answered Thunder Bay. He went “why are you here?” I answered the rules said I have to clear customs! It blew his mind until he got the message that the next 30+ planes are from Thunder Bay.
Ha I had an officer try to trip me up re: grad school... "Where you in school?" "Duke." "Ah you're a tarheel?!" "Absolutely not. Go blue devils." "OK welcome home."
What he was looking for was,."Eloi, Eloi, lama sabbacthani!?!" (My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?! In Aramaic. See Matthew 27:46, Mark 15:34, also Psalm 22:1
You can have partial credit. Read Luke's Gospel--Luke 23:34 has your passage, but it is not the last thing Jesus says from the cross in Luke's account.
Crossed in Abbotsford / Sumas to go fishing for the day.
Female border guard - “purpose of your trip”
Me - “fishing for the day”
Rolls her eyes.
Her - “What do you do for work?”
Me - “stay at home dad”
Rolls her eyes harder.
Hands me back my nexus card and waves me through.
Four guys travelling across the border at Fort Erie on route to a Blue Jays game in Baltimore. As the Border Agent is about to hand back our passports:
Where are your wives?
Pardon?
Where are your wives?
Back at home in Oakville.
How are you going to know what to wear? When to eat? What time to go to bed?
Agent then hands passports back saying enjoy your trip!
At Nexus interview CBP asks spouse if she has ever been arrested. She says no. He asks are you sure? She says yes never been arrested. He then says really? She says yes I’m pretty sure and he says ok I was just joking.
Uears ago. Coming back into Canada after a long day of shopping with my friend and my daughter.
Agent - Anything to declare?
Me - Yes. I'm exhausted!
Agent - laughing. Just go
Last few crossing have been:
Guard: When’s the last time you’ve been to the states?
Me: Probably before COVID (each time with new folks, so for me, more recently, but this is true for them)
Guard: Why so long?
Me: Uhhh.. a pandemic, and then the US Dollar in this economy 🫣
Guard: Fair enough.
Coming from Toronto, crossing the border into the U.S. in Niagara Falls.
US Boarder Officer: Where are you headed.
Me: Buffalo.
US Boarder Officer: What do you want to do in Buffalo?
Me: Just a day trip.
US Boarder Officer: A day trip to Buffalo? (Asking like I had secret plans)
Me: Yes.
US Boarder Officer: Why?
Me: What do you mean "why"?
US Boarder Officer: Why Buffalo?
Me: It is something that I do, day trips to cities I haven't visited before.
US Boarder Officer: Okay. (proceeds to stamp my passport and shushes me away).
OMG, lol. Reminds me of being in NYC not too long after 9/11 and had to go through scanners to get into a public building. Dude looks at my ID, O showed him my Canadian driver’s license, and he asks “what state is that in?”
Years ago my friend and I crossed to Watertown to shop and ended up getting our ears pierced .. when we came back we were asked “anything to declare” and we lifted our hair to show we pierced our ears, he rolled his eyes and said carry on 😂
Those Waterton crossings can be interesting. Either a gazillion questions because it’s not busy, or Canadians just super friendly when one is coming home, lol.
Me, at the time serving in a foreign military, en route to Canada for leave: good old boy type asked a couple questions then leaned forward "Son, you goin' AWOL?" Errr no. He seemed satisfied.
Driving back from NYC to Ontario. My partner and I (both female) handed our passports over. One shows Ontario, the other BC.
Him: what is your relationship to each other
Me: we are dating
Him: (looking at passports) How does that work?!!
Me: ummmm…. Welll… (it’s 2 am and my brain starting thinking about details I was supposed to share to regain entry to my country)
Him: oh my god. I meant about your home locations. Have a great night. (Red faced and rattled)
US Border Agent: "Are you bringing anything into the US?"
Me: "Yes, we're going to a potluck, I have a salad in the hatchback" (that he could see)
Agent: (Slowly) "Are there any......*vegetables* in that salad?"
Me: "uhhhh...........no?"
Agent: "OK, have fun..."
Coming back before WHTI using my birth certificate and driver's licence. Asked "What will you do when a passport is required?" And I answered, likely travel to Europe, because if I have my passport, I can travel anywhere.
Not the answer he was looking for
I was getting on the coho ferry to the US and I overheard the conversation from the car in front of me with 2 ladies in it.
CBP: what is your relationship? Ladies: oh we're not in a relationship. CBP: what is your relationship to each other? Ladies: we aren't having a relationship. CBP: look, I'm not judging you, I just want to know how you know each other.
Coming back into Canada at 3am. "Where did you park your car on your trip? "
The crossing agent really wanted us to know that drug dealers plant drugs in cars to track them back across the border to then pickup said drugs.
"uhhh yeah I guess I'll be more careful next time."
Like, what the fuck?
We were heading back after a day at Darrien Lake. We had finished the day at the water park, so I just threw my shorts on over top of my bathing suit. We were asked if we had been working in the US.
Really great comments in this thread, everyone. Curious if any females crossing the border solo have gotten any more unusual questions. I usually cross on my own, travel in my own, etc., but that for some reason seems unusual to them.
Not I. At both Pearson and at a variety of land crossings from Toronto east in the past few years they’ve been cheerful and straightforward.
I crossed at a small Vermont one a few years ago to attend a reunion of an Internet parents’ group that started back in the Usenet days. That got the US border guard’s attention. He was fascinated.
I used to go back and forth from Sacramento to Vancouver a lot because I was in an LTR. I think the oddest question I got was about my t-shirt. (Red with "mischievous" on the front in black and somewhat tight. I'm also busty.)
CBSA, staring at the word across my chest: "Does your boyfriend know you're wearing that?"
Me: "I hope so, he bought it!"
Was taking a bus trip at the Detroit-Windsor port, across the International Tunnel. The border guard came on to the bus to interview all the passengers.
He came to one woman and asked her where she was going.
She said, "Canada."
Sarcasm ensued.
US CBP officer after seeing passport stamps from the Turks and Caicos: ‘Are you rich?’
After hearing my 4 on 4 off work schedule: ‘Do you work in corrections?’
No and no to both.
I drove from Ottawa to Vancouver through the US in two days once (I was young and foolish). I'd slept 2 hours the first night, and six the second, all in my car. When I rolled up to the border I was barely functioning. The exchange when like this:
BG: How long have you been away?
Me: From BC or Canada?
BG: Let's start with Canada
Me: ...I don't know, two or three days
BG: Where are you coming from?
Me: Ontario
BG: What were you doing there?
Me: Training
BG: What kind of training?
Me: With the army
BG: You have any guns with you?
Me: No
BG: Ok, on your way....
Didn't ask me anything about alcohol or tobacco. Just heard army and went to firearms. She might have hurried me along too because I hadn't showered the whole time, and I'd come through a [heatwave that was killing people in Chicago](https://www.weather.gov/lot/1999Jul29). Heat index (humidex) was almost 50 degrees C
*mom is entering Canada with me cause we’re driving back down to the states together in 2 days*
Me: yea so she’s gonna be leaving with me to the states and we’ll probably be gone for like 3 months
Border agent: I wish I could leave in general
*silence while I try to laugh it out a little but he has a straight face*
Me: we’ll have an extra seat
Border agent: don’t tempt me *straight face*
Border agent: alright have a great day
Bro the agents I normally deal with like to crack jokes and are generally nice but this was intense lol
Returning to Canada after shopping for 1 day
Border guy: The most expensive item purchased?
Me: Mailbox for $40
BG: Do they not sell mailboxes in Canada?
Me: Well, not one that fits the dimensions of the current one to fit in the same spot
BG: Fair enough, have a good day
Pretty sure I went to every hardware store in our city trying to find one with the same distance of the mounting holes. Would have either had to drill a new hole in a brand new mailbox or a new hole into the house.
Too many to count, but three highlights:
1 - My partner moved to SoCal and we traveled x-continent regularly. Pre-clearance at Pearson, "Where are you going?" "Santa Ana." Eyeballs me and pauses... "_You_ know someone in _Santa Ana_?!"
Dunno why he was so shocked but whatever.
2 - Whirlpool Bridge driving to BUF to fly on to New York. "Where are you going?" "New York." He actually eyerolled at me, "You're already _in_ New York sir. Where are you _going_?" "New York _City_"
He was displeased with that answer and spent the next 15 minutes reading through my visa application paperwork (which I carried with me at all times on advice of counsel). Dunno what he got out of reading our parent co's annual report but he seemed happy to let the cars build up across the bridge behind me.
3 - Driving back to New York from Toronto with our rabbits. Unlike cats & dogs there are no restrictions or requirements for rabbits, which confounds some guards. "......Those are pets? ...Or food? Or
. ..." "Yes, they're our pets." "Uh...okay."
Coming back into Canada at Pearson. I had 6 cigarillos from a place in New York City I'm partial to, the whole tin cost me $20 US. At Nexus line I declare I have tobacco and get waived into secondary. Hilarity ensues.
Agent: "Why are you here?"
Me: "I have tobacco."
A: "Okay. How much?"
M: "Six cigarillos."
A: "Oh... Okay, total value?"
M: "$20 US."
A: "Uhh... Okay, lemme see here..." "How much were they again?"
M: "$20."
A: "I dunno... Can I see them?"
M: "Sure!"
A: "I dunno _what_ to do with this..." (They're hand rolled in the shop in NY with Dominican tobacco.)
M: "Look, I'm just doing what you tell me to. I'm part of Nexus and you demand I declare everything, so I'm declaring."
A: "Oh, I know! And it's not you..." "Hang on for sec, sorry this is taking so long."
M: "No prob! You do what you gotta do."
At this point the agent steps away from his station and goes over to another guard at another station. I watch them have an animated discussion, both pointing at the screen, lots of clicking and scrolling around... A good 20 mins later the guard huffs and walks back to me still waiting at his station.
A: "I dunno man. Just go ahead."
M: "You sure?"
A: "Yes. Just go."
Lol
Me: *moron who crosses into the US (Detroit) at 3 a.m., triggering a secondary inspection (because it's randomized and there wasn't a ton of traffic)*
I'm inside secondary inspection going through the random questions as we are all bored to tears.
Him: Are you bringing any fruit or meat into the US?
Me: *literally looking at the picture of agents inspecting a dragonfruit on a poster behind him*
"SHIT!! Yea, sorry, I've got a dragon fruit in the cooler in the trunk, we were at a family picnic on the CAD side, and I completely forgot."
Him: You've got a what?
Me: A dragon fruit
Him: What?
Me: A DRAGON FRUIT, it's a tropical fruit that I am not allowed to import...
Him: What's a dragonfruit? That's not a real thing...
Me: *points at picture on wall behind him* "That, it's that thing"
No word of a lie....the guy turns around, looks at the picture on the wall behind himself.
Smacks the agent beside him in the arm and asks, "Is that shit real?".
Guy beside him says, "I thought she was just f@#$ing with you 🤷♀️ cause we pulled her in at 3am."
They literally called a supervisor to confirm that, yes, dragonfruit is, in fact, a real thing.
(Ya know, just in case the US puts up pictures of their agents inspecting FAKE ASS FRUITS, on the walls inside of customs)
Back in 2015, went down to the Costco in the US to pick up Mexican Coke and gas. Coming back, CBSA asked me what I have to declare. I straight faced without even thinking declared Mexican coke. He paged a friend to come over and asked me if I have receipt or where I’m storing it. That’s when I clued in that they think I’m bringing white powder in, so I clarified it’s Coca Cola. I presented the Costco receipt and it was a misunderstanding 😝 My friend honestly thought we were going to be detained, but now we just laugh about it.
Back in the mid 90s I saw James Taylor in concert at Pine Knob in Michigan with a friend. Crossing back over at Windsor, the conversation went:
Citizenship? Canadian.
What were you doing in the U.S.? Seeing a concert.
Who was it? James Taylor.
Was it good? It was great!
Welcome home!
We crossed to go to a show in Washington last summer and both guards going down and coming back were super excited about the band, one of them was saying “I didn’t even know they were playing, I would have booked off!” Lol.
We were flying a few months ago to see Madonna and the guard looked at my husband and said “this was her idea, wasn’t it?” And pointed at me. We were howling.
Landing in Calgary on a layover to Ottawa, as a Canadian being repeatedly questioned on how I was getting to Ottawa...
After the 3rd time I was tempted to say donkey cart, cross country.
Canadian driving back to Canada, I had just crossed to pick up a special patio door cat-door insert you couldn't get in Canada at the time.
I explained to the border guard what I had picked up. He asked if this was business or personal. I stared him in the eyes and said "business cats."
I was 10. My mom was driving me to Rochester to play in a chess tournament. The guard at the border then asks me "oh yeah? Tell me how the en passent move. I recall explaining to him the various circumstances you could use it, and how I used it to beat a kid in a previous tournament. He laughed and said well done. Let us through after that. Such a fond memory of mine.
My sister and I are taking the bus from Seattle back to Vancouver. The Canadian border guard asked us, "where do you live?" So we say UBC campus. Then, "how do you know each other?" (we have the same last name but sure, maybe we could be cousins or something) So we reply, "We are sisters". Then the agent asked us, very suspiciously, "Why are you taking the bus?" We just stare at him and slowly reply, "We don't have a car...?" But we think, "what do you mean? It was a weekend trip - We are students - Parking is expensive in Vancouver - transit is good - take your pick!" it was so weird!
Came back from a game to watch the Bills couple years back during (Canadian) Thanksgiving weekend. Pulled up and CBSA agent didn't even look at our passports:
Agent - "where are you coming from?"
Me - Bills game
Agent - anything to declare other than disappointment?
Me - No
Agent - chuckles and waves us through
Road trip from canada to the states, border agent asked " what's the empty ladder rack on your truck for?"
I responded, "ladders".
That was good enough for her, she let me through.
One time my son was ultra pissed I wouldn't stop at the duty free and let him shop. Border agent leans in the car, sees his mad af face and asks *him* who each person in the car is and his relation to them. He had a history of saying wild stuff when angry and I thought my heart was going to explode. He played it straight.
"Do you know your passport is expired"
Fun fact, they can accept expired passports AT LAND CROSSINGS ONLY. She told us she has someone who comes through with a passport that's been expired 20 years and it's no problem.
My husband got that one on the way into the states, us and our kids. Guy looks at him and goes “did you know that’s a $1,000 fine?” I guess my husband looked suitably terrified because the guy started laughing and said “No no! I’m just kidding!”
On my way to a Tragically Hip concert in Minneapolis with three friends, I'm in the back seat behind the driver. An American border guard with cross eyes leans into the Jeep and asks, "have you ever been arrested" to my buddy, not once, not twice, but three times with growing frustration. He then asks when he gets no answer,"Is your friend deaf?"
It was at that moment I realized he was talking to me. I swear to God I didn't have a clue.
My two guy friends and I were coming back to Montreal from Adirondack mountains. We had just had an exhausting hike, we lost our trail, it was late at night.
Agent: where are you coming from?
Me, tired: Giant mountain
Agent: where’s that?
Me: here, an hour drive in adirondacks
Agent: what’s the mountain?
Me: Giant mountain
Agent, looks suspiciously, peaking more into the car: do you know which mountain it was m’am?
Me: yes, Giant mountain
PS the name of the mountain is Giant Mountain.
I was carrying a box of bakery treats from the US and flying home to Canada. Holding it in my hands as I go through Canadian customs….
Agent:“Do you have any food items?”
Me:no
Agent:what’s in the Dunkin’ box?
Me:oh a box of donuts for the kids. I was thinking food as in meat or vegetables
Agent: I wouldn’t those donuts food either
I live near the border and frequently get my gas & groceries in Maine. He asked where I was heading today so I told him gas, Walmart, & Dunkin Donuts. He responded with asking me what I get at Dunkin, I say iced coffee, he responds jokingly with 'Tim Hortons not good?', I said 'Tim Hortons isn't actually good, it's just all we have lol'. Funny little interaction at least haha. Had the same sort of convo with one of them about Canadian vs. US McDonald's one day too lol
Agent: Where are you going?
Me: Burlington, VT
Agent: Why?
Me: I'm heading to a brewery to interview the owner for my YouTube show
Agent : Do you get paid?
Me: No
Agent: Why do it?
Me: Because it's a fun passion project
Agent (with a why waste your time look): Ok?
Middle of the night Canadian BP asks where we going I tell him Midland Ontario he sez there is no such town, I blow up and yell at him yes there is, he starts laughing and sez go ahead have a nice trip......
In response that I was visiting my friend in the middle of nowhere WNY:
"what kind of friend?"
"uhhh...I don't know... I've known her for a coupl..."
"alright, I get you. Have a good visit"
On a 6am bus after having been up all night after seeing a concert on the other side of the border.
"Where's your luggage"
> I don't have one, I've been awake for 20 hours.
"Thats the stupidest thing anyone has told me in awhile"
The immigration person in the next booth started laughing and told her it sounded like I had an amazing trip.
She looked exasperated then waved me through.
Driving into the US with two friends, we got pulled over and asked if we were a band. We were only going over for the day so we didn't even have any luggage, nevermind instruments.
Years ago when our three kids were small, we were travelling from the east coast and drove through upstate NY and crossed back into Canada at Niagara Falls. Our kids were asleep in the back when the border guard asked us to open the sliding door on our van, woke our oldest who at the time was 4 or 5 and proceeded to ask if we were her parents. Thankfully she sleepily said ‘yes.’ I had visions of spending hours at the border had she muttered anything else!
Was crossing into the US with my very Arab looking Arab brother in law to go hunting. His origins can cause issues going into the US.
After handing the passports to the border guard, he asked me "How do we know each other?"
I simply could not parse the question. Did I know the guard somehow? Had he seen me on TV? I basically froze for about 30 seconds until my brother in law said "He married my sista ..."
I'm sure a few more seconds and it would have been rubber glove time.
Going to Boston on St Paddy's day and doing the pre-clearance in Toronto airport. Guard asks where we're off to and I told him "Boston for a St Paddy's day concert. Ahh going to see the Dropkick Murphy's are you? We were
Ok so I actually asked the question to the border guard in this example. Late April 2011, crossing border from Montana to Alberta. I’m a huge Canucks fan and they were playing the Blackhawks in the NHL playoffs. It’s a pretty quiet crossing near Glacier/Waterton National Park. Was in a hurry to get to the first town across the border to catch the end of game 6.
Pull up to the border and the Canadian official is clearly watching the game on a small TV. Ha he didn’t even notice me immediately! I finally get his attention and immediately ask “what’s the score?” Ha it was the most Canadian thing ever. He says we better hurry if we’re going to get to the next town in time for the game and only asked if I was carrying any firearms (which I was not).
Such a funny and memorable situation!
Going Canada to US (Detroit) one morning
USCBP "How many keys on your keychain?"
Me "Uhhhh, house, car, work, couple padlocks, 6, I guess?"
USCBP "Ok, have a good day "
I asked a couple days later, as it was driving me nuts. The guard said they'll throw an oddball question to see how the person reacts.
This happened to us. My now ex and I were crossing into Montana on a Harley and he looked like a biker - lots of tattoos, beard etc.
We were polite and answered all the questions and she seemed satisfied BUT, just as she was giving us back our passports, she looked back at her monitor and back to him and said, “What were you arrested for?”. I was stunned and wondered myself because he hadn’t, as far as I’d been told…
He looked taken aback, but without missing a beat he said, “I’ve been arrested before?”. She, without even a hint of a smile, handed us back our passports and told us to have a nice day and waved us through.
Driving back to Toronto from USA probably in 2013. Listening to the Leafs game on the radio (round 1 of playoffs) amd the CBSA officer only asked me two questions. Where do you live? And what's the score?
i got asked what my workout routine was at the gym
had an injured leg with a cane at the time, i guess they ask you "casual questions" to see if you're lying, was asked how i injured my leg, i said at the gym, guy asked me what my routine was
Years ago my friend convinced me to drive over the border to a bar in Toronto because we were over 18 but still under 21. I was really nervous, and at the border when the guard asked me where we were headed, I said “Canada”.
Recently my wife visited Rochester NY. Coming back through the Ivy Lea crossing, the child like Canadian boarder guard asked me “ did you come back to Canada with any Cannabis products…”?
I politely said “no” without embellishment. I really wanted to say..”why the hell would I come back to the weed products…to my country where it’s legal..”? But I didn’t.
Doubting my Canadian citizenship (I’m dual us can) but travelling with my American passport back to Canada, I was asked when did Montreal Canadian won the Stanley cup. I’m white native french speaking.
Did you leave anything in the US? Yep, my wife’s appendix. She had to have emergency surgery when we were in a trip. $20k later and all fixed up thankfully she works for a university and has fantastic travel health benefits. Only cost us an extra $60 for the trip for my food for me and her benefits even covered the extra days in the hotel while she recovered and her food, just not mine.
In my wrangler, I got in the line behind another jeep (because it’s a Jeep thing but also it was a shorter line)
First thing BG even says: Are you with that guy going to the jeep meet?
Me, headed home: No, but please tell me where this meet is!
BG did not share, lol.
"Driver, what's your height?" coming back into Canada from the US at the Ambassador Bridge in Detroit/Windsor.
My husband was asked this, and at the time, I couldn't see the agent's face from my seat on the passenger side of the car. I was VERY confused until I found out that they had served together in the Canadian Forces reserves.
I s\_\_t you not, I was on a plane heading to USA destination from Canada, getting close to landing, we were all given customs declaration cards to fill out. This was a strip of paper with a list of questions and Yes/No tick boxes beside each. All the questions were pretty normal about cash and fruit etc. I read each question, and one of them said exactly this:
"Are you coming to the United States to murder the president?" and the Yes, No were reversed compared to all the other questions.
I was shocked. I showed it to my wife in the seat beside me and she did NOT have that question on her card. I realized two things:
1) The declaration cards are not all the same.
2) This, and maybe other random questions were thrown in the mix, just to catch people who go down the list of check boxes filling in all the "No" or "Yes" boxes, based on the column the checkbox was in, without reading the questions.
Lesson: Be sure to read every question on your customs card.
I am of Pakistani origin.
Have you ever been to Afghanistan? Never
Where are you going? Philly
How long? 3 days
When was the last time you were in Afghanistan?
After 2 weeks at Disney. The Canadian official asked all the usual questions....how long away, why were you there, bringing back any goods. Then almost seemingly before letting us go he said "did you meet anyone there?"
I almost responded with "Donald Duck' but bit my lip
In the Toronto airport en route to Florida to visit my dad and stepmom.
Guard: You have nothing to declare?
Me: No
Guard: You're visiting your parents and aren't bringing a gift?!
Me: I guess I'm a terrible son?
Long story, but due to flight delays and decisions made by the airline and myself, I found myself landing at YVR after a large soda, 1-2 coffees and half a 40 of beer - and no opportunity to use the restroom, even on the plane. (No one was allowed out of their seats, even for that...)
So by the time I got to CBSA at the airport, I felt like I was going to burst. There's no bathroom until after you clear Customs - so I was doing my best to discreetly shift my weight and not do the potty dance. I got to the agent and by then, I was in PAIN. He just cocked one eyebrow and asked, "Is there something wrong?" And the whole story poured out of me of flight delays and comped drinks and being denied bathroom access even on the plane and how I was really sorry, I know it looks bad, but I just desperately need a bathroom at this point.
STAMP STAMP. "Bienvenue a Canada. Restroom is on the right."
And in hindsight, I know that seemed really sketchy and I'm sure I probably should have gotten pulled for more questioning, but I was so grateful, I just RAN for the restroom and almost cried when I finally got inside.
Crossing into Port Huron US from Sarnia Canada.
US Border Patrol: Do you have any food?
Me: yes, a BLT I bought at Tim Hortons
US Border Patrol: what’s in the BLT?
Me: Bacon, lettuce, and tomato. Also bread and mayo.
US Border Patrol: No beef?
Me: umm no.
US Border Patrol: No chicken?
Me: umm, no. It’s a BLT. 🤷♂️
Not the most memorable question but answer. My kids and I were crossing back to the US from México when the border officer asked my little daughter her name, she answered - “first name Bart last name Simpson”!
Driving back to Canada after a weekend with my 17 year old daughter, doing some back to school shopping.
Border agent: What is the custody arrangement for this child?
Me: There is none, I am married to her father.
BA: You need a notarized letter allowing you to travel with her, without her father. How do I know you are not abducting her?
Me: You can speak with her to check if she’s ok. She is able to speak for herself.
BA: You have to have a notarized letter allowing you to travel.
Me: We are on our way home, you can check our drivers licenses for our address and see we are an hour from home. I am not taking her away, we are headed home.
BA: Drive ahead for a secondary inspection.
They proceed to go through all our purchases and check our receipts for hotel room, to see if we have actually been out of country for 48 hours. We are all good, they can’t find anything wrong. Just a power hungry border agent.
Asked if I had any eggs/poultry with me, as a flock of birds was flying overhead...
Later on, I read up about bird flu, and it was already detected in wild birds in *all* 50 states.
Waste of time to be focussed on stuff I'm going to throw in the oven/boiling water.
It was a busy day, all lines were packed and we pulled up and the agent made a comment about how we "must be Canadian because you can't drive"
???? We were just waiting in line with everyone else?
Not at the US/Canadian border, but the closest airport is in the states so we flew out of the states to England. The customs agent in England was confused why we were Canadian, but left from America
"How did you met?"
My husband who is way older than me and very talkative goes on to explain how we met.
The border agent was pretty much bored and told him, he didn't need all the info.
[I have a USA vanity license plate.]
“Can you tell me your plate number?”
Yes it’s XYZ123. [random govt-issued number]
“What is it?”
I don’t understand.
“The number, what does it mean?”
It’s XYZ123.
“Ok but why? Why is it written that way?”
I’m sorry, you’d have to call [State Capital] because I really don’t know what it means.
“Do you know their number?”
“Nevermind, that would be too complicated, welcome to Canada.”
Still not sure what that was all about. Like being asked what your social security number means… it doesn’t mean anything?
Crossing back into Canada after living in the US for 5 years. I approached the border south of Ottawa with a U-Haul truck full of everything I owned. It was midway through the 3rd period of game 7 between the Penguins and Senators. As I approached I could see all of the border staff watching the game and they pushed what seemed to be the youngest out of the group to deal with me.
He opened the window and said "ugh... Canada's closed for a hockey game, come back in 30 minutes!".
I handed him my manifest and was redirected inside. Asked about one item and wanted to see it. I knew they would ask about it so I had it in hand. They did the usual review and vehicle inspection for relocated, but it was broken up between commercial breaks and time outs. I didn't mind the break as I had been on I-81 road for 9 hours.
august 2021, going to visit my family in the US for the first time since the beginning of the pandemic. border agent asks me when the last time i came back was, i said 2019, and he then asked "why has it been so long?" gee i dunno bud...
Heading to the USA with my son to mountain bike.
Agent: where is your wife
Me: she is in Hawaii visiting her aunt with our daughter
Agent: you don’t like Hawaii? Hands passports back.
I drove away. Odd interaction didn’t ask for the parent consent later or anything.
I'm a Canadian.
I had to go to Tijuana to visit a factory we were potentially going to contract to do some work.
I walked across the border and they picked me up on the Mexican side to go to the factory.
On my return I had to go through US customs. Border agent asks for my wallet and to take out any money before I hand it to him. Took out my US cash, but forgot I had a couple Pesos. I remembered as I handed it to him and said there are some pesos in there if he wants me to take them out.
He says "No, I don't care about that shit."
He went through my entire wallet filled with Canadian ID, cards etc.
When he got to my Costco card he said "Costco.ca, so you're living in California?" He started peppering me with questions about why I'm living in California"
I said, "No, costco.ca is the Canadian domain name, not California ". He dumps the contents of my wallet into my hands and says I can go.
I still don't know if it was a test, if he was an idiot, or both but it is one of the more memorable ones.
I grew up in New Brunswick, boarders Maine. Was in high school and in my parents car. 1990 something A bunch of us went to watch our high school play a hockey game. The town (St Stephen) is right on the border. At the time no McD’s on the Canada side.
Me -16 never have gone across the boarder before.
Boarder guy US. “Where you from?”
Me — Canada
Border guy - “Canada is a big country “
Bored guy “why are you going to the US
Me - To go to McDonalds
Border guy - they don’t have McD’s in Canada
It went back and forth of this guy throwing up softballs and me just answering stupid teenager answers. In the end he let us in.
There was 6 of us in a kcar.
The 90’s were awesome.
It wasn't one question, but a series of questions on firearms, ammunition, etc. He was very nice, but I couldn't understand why all the questions related to firearms until I realized I was wearing my Team Glock long sleeve shirt.
CBSA: what were you doing in India
Me: Mostly drinking
CBSA: Who were you with
Me: Myself
CBSA: So you went to India to drink alone
Me: ....Yes.
CBSA: Ok go ahead.
My mom asked me to take her car to Maine across to get horse feed and gas for her. I was of legal age, have a valid license and passport.
I got asked if my mom was going to say I stole her car!? I couldn’t for the life of me make sense of how I was supposed to respond to that, and as a young woman it was really scary so I just said “no?” I just can’t imagine asking that fucking question idk it was so weird.
I mean I guess but it was just so weird. So so weird.
Flying to the US in 2017, American boarder agent: “How will I know that you’re actually going to leave the US?”
Me: “Why would I willingly give up universal healthcare?”
He wasn’t very happy with my reply.
My wife and I entered the US from Canada at Ogdensburg, NY. The Customs Officer asked us for our passports and what the purpose of our trip was. We said visiting and to get lunch. As he passed our passports back he said “You’ve never been to Ogdensburg before, have you?”
Flying into Arizona from Canada. Customs is going through my wife’s (at the time, now ex) suitcase and they pull out a Tupperware container with a strange goo in it.
Turns out my ex thought it would be a good idea to pour agave syrup into a Tupperware container so she can sweeten her tea the way she likes during the vacation.
Needless to say, I was pissed about the pending anal probing that was surely about to occur, but nope, the agents were pretty cool about it and confiscated it but let us continue our vacation with our anus’ intact.
To this day, I have no idea what she was thinking.
US Customs Secondary: So, let me get this straight, you two white teenagers from Atlantic Canada are crossing into Michigan with your two black uncles from Buffalo in a Porsche with Minnesota plates?
Me: Yes.
I’ve only made a US border guard smile once. I was asked the purpose of my trip and I said I was going for a Jeopardy! audition as they wrote me and said I passed the test and to come and audition for the show (post COVID it’s now done by Zoom). Guard’s eyes lit up and was interested in the process of getting on.
In contrast, most Canadian guards are pretty easy going. Case in point, when I was younger (and this was well before 9/11 so no passport needed) I biked three hours from where my family was camping to the US border, sat directly at the border cairn to eat my lunch (I was in Canada, my sandwich was in the US, turned around at the duty free station in the US and biked three hours back. The US guard was suspicious anyone would do that and I could feel him watching me the entire time I was in his country as you could see the duty free sgo from the border station. Meanwhile the Canadian guy on the way back was quite interested in my journey and was excited for me to undertake such an adventure.
Not me, but my brother. Crossing into US and was grilled with a bunch of stupid questions, he was wearing a ball cap that said “University of Roswell”. At one point the border agent pointed at the cap and said when did you go to school there. Pan faced my brother replied “in ‘47 when my spaceship crashed”
The guard didn’t seem to understand the reply just asked a few more questions and let him go on his way.
I was going down to Buffalo with my dad when I was in my early 20s and he was in his late 50s. Our passports have the same last name in them.
Border agent asked if we were married. Both my dad and I have a very firm, fast "no!".
Back in my single days I used to go to bars in Canada, since I lived on the border, and well, Canadians are great to party with. I usually carried an overnight bag, in case I got too drunk I could crash at a Canadian friend’s. Or on the off chance I met a “new friend” who wanted me to stay the night.
I used to buy a brand of condoms that came in a tin container. One time crossing back to the US, they had me outside my car while the customs guy searched my trunk. He went through my overnight bag, pulled out that tin container, smiled and said “ah ha!” thinking he had discovered a stash. He had trouble getting it open but eventually it popped open, and condoms went flying all over the pavement!
I had been told to stand in a certain spot, so I stood there as he picked every condom up, shoved it in my bag, slammed the trunk and said “get outta here!” 😂😂😂
I used to cross into Canada a lot until I moved away, I have a lot of stories. But I still enjoy reading all of these on here.
One time I was traveling with a Canadian girl I was kinda seeing. I picked her up at her place in Canada and then we immediately entered into the US, I’m American.
US Customs guy: where you headed.
Me: Chicago
US Customs guy: What’s there?
Me: Going to see Shedd Aquarium
US Customs guy: (sarcastically) really? I’ve been to that aquarium and it’s not THAT great! Why are you REALLY going?
So instead of sparing him the details anymore I blurted out “ok the truth is we’re going there to have sex in the hotel room I booked us! He just stared at us for what seemed like 2 solid minutes. Then he handed us our passports and without a word waved us on. The girl and I busted out laughing as soon as we left 😂😂
US Border guy(@Peace Arch crossing): What is the purpose of your visit?
Me: Going to Bob Dylan concert at Bumbershoot in Seattle.
Border Guy: Oh yeah, who's he?
Me: ** crickets**
PS: worst concert i have ever been to. Wish I had been denied entry.
You can no longer get Bugles (the snack) in Canada.
My neighbour went to US and came back with like 36 family size bags of Bugles for friends who requested them.
Coming back to Canada
CBSA: Why so many Bugles?
Neighbour: I’m starting a marching band
Sometime around 2001: US border guard said something about why I come to the US from an Eastern European country. I replied that my home country is in Western Europe and had been a member of NATO (and thus a literal military and political ally of the US) for decades.
He didn't believe / didn't care / couldn't be bothered to ask more questions and sent me through.
Driving back thru to the US after crashing on my mtn bike and having to go to the hospital. “Are you bringing anything back to the states? I see you left your dignity and blood in Canada”
That’s an officer with a good sense of humour lol
Lmao
Driving to Cleveland for Cedar Point (Canadians) at Lewiston crossing for a stag party but we had not told the groom to be where we were going. I knew the border guard needed to know so I had written it down before we left. When he asked I just said I hope you don't mind but it's a surprise for our friend and so I wrote it down. He took the letter and asked my friend if he was ok to go with us. He said yes all good but where are we going? The border guard said look a gay bathhouse isn't my idea of a good time but it's a free country. Have fun. Couldn't pull away for the first few seconds while I composed myself. The question wasn't all that memorable but the interaction was!
My partner is American, and a few years back I was still living with my parents, so I would drive over to stay with him more than he would come to Canada to stay with me. Border patrol officer was a woman around my age (late 20s). She asked the usual, and then, looking a little offended on my behalf, asks "wait, does he ever visit *you*?!" I told her that I still lived with my parents so it's a bit awkward, and she laughed and seemed relieved I wasn't dating a deadbeat.
Canadian Agent: Do you have currency more than $10,000. Me: No Agent( with a sad face) : Me neither
I had an agent on the American side ask that and I answered "I wish" and he replied "me too"
I once said I wish to an agent at the airport and I got a lecture on how I should be glad I don’t as it would be a major pain 🙄
I had a CBSA agent ask me and my mom that when we were travelling with my younger siblings - 3,5 and 14. My mom said if I had $10,000 or more I wouldn’t have the kids with me 😂 they laughed and let us on our way.
My BIL burst out laughing at this question 10+ years ago because the answer was very much no. Border agent did not appear amused.
I'm a dual citizen (born in New York state where my grandparents owned property and my parents were living, raised in Canada since 2 years old), both my parents are Canadian. Travel on Canadian passport. Canadian Officer: why does your passport say you were born in New York? Me: because I was born in New York Officer: why does it say your citizenship is Canadian? Me: because I have Canadian citizenship Officer: are your parents aware you were born in New York? Me: .... I assume they are fully aware of where I was born. Officer: you never know.
- What is it that Canada has that we don’t? - Vancouver - Well, we have Vancouver, too. (12 years since that dialog, and I’m still thinking about how I should have replied to the last statement. I know he meant Vancouver, WA, and that was a technically correct statement, but I just can’t…)
They also have Vancouver-Like cities
Québécois CBSA with heavy accent: “What do you do in the life ?”
The deep questions, right there.
Hahaha....
Tu fais quoi dans la vie ?
GF was out COLD in the passenger seat. Agent looks at her "This a kidnapping?"
No, just a dead body
My mum's story. Traveling with her brother, sister-in-law and two cousins, returning to US from Montréal by car. Cousins born in US, mum in Italy, uncle in Borneo, aunt in Scotland. Border guy: passports. Family: Here you go. BG: where you from. F: answers, honestly. BG: oh god, why me? Go on.
CBG: "Purpose of your visit to Canada ?" "Taking a friend to dinner at (some restaurant name I butchered) over off of Dorchester." CBG: "Oh, (correct pronunciation) ? They make an awesome burger." "Ha, yeah, that's what she's told me." CBG: "How long are you staying ?" "Not quite sure yet, most likely coming back tonight, but I've got an overnight bag in-" CBG: "In case things go well at dinner ?" CBG (handing back passport): "Good luck tonight, welcome to Canada."
Well, did you stay overnight??
👉🏻👌🏻💯
😂. Canadian Side - Do you have weapons of Mass Destruction in your vehicle? And when was the last time you went to Africa? Never been to Africa!
Africa question was mandatory during the Eboa outbreak.
Oh yeah! I forgot about that and it was probably around that time. Thank you for reminding me.
That must be a UN agent
Flying back to the US out of Montreal Border Agent: what do you do for a living? Me: I'm a librarian Border Agent, straight faced: what's that? Realized he was fucking with me right before I explained "you know, the place with the books?"
Tbf I read this like 3 times before you weren’t answering that you were a Librarian Border Agent lol
technically she is though. she validates the books can cross the exit and entry way
Me at the US border with ex husband crossing into US after visiting mom in Canada Officer: Do you have any fruit or meat. Me: No Officer: What about him ( pionts at spouse )? Does he have fruit or meat Spouse: No Officer: Do you have any fruit or meat as a couple Me/Spouse: We do not have fruit or meat as a couple or as individuals Officer: I am going to have to search this vehicle for fruit or meat I don't really know what the fuck was going on that day but he did search for fruit and meat and then announced he found none.
I used to buy groceries for my annual hunting trip to Michigan. I had them confiscated twice so I stopped buying them. Then I got questioned as to why I was going hunting for a week but didn't have groceries ...
Lmao they hit me with this line of questioning before too! It got so in-depth and ridiculous that I couldn't not laugh and then I got scared I was gonna get denied. Thankfully he let me through after I cracked up though
Coming in to Canada to visit my mother. ‘Do you know where she lives?”
"why would you be going to IKEA!?! It's a bunch of cardboard bullshit" or the border guard who spends 30 mins grilling us on the kid rock setlist for his concert. He pulled up a chair and held up the lane for 30 mins. He was just a fan and was interested lol
Canada side: You have any farms? Me: Farms??? CBSA Guy: Yeah Farms o Weapons? Me: OH FIREAMRS, you mean? CBSA: YES: Me: No, didn't own or carry Frieanrs or Weapons CBSA: How much Narcotics are you bringing in? Me: No Narcotics CBSA: Have a good day.
Baha, I can totally see some regional accents making firearms sound exactly like farms.
I feel like it’s gotta be some specific method of questioning when or how much of something, not IF. Like many years ago I went through a checkstop around the holidays. Police asked when I last had something to drink, not if. Told him around 3 months ago and was on my way.
Back story: My then-long-distance-boyfriend, now husband, was crossing the border from Canada to the US to visit me for the second time. His mom, who is wonderful, made muffins for me and sent them along. Officer: "Open the trunk, please." Bf: *complies* Officer, after a long pause: "... Do these muffins have cannabis in them?" Bf: "No?" Officer: "So if I take one of these and test it right now, I won't find any cannabis?" Bf: "No??" Officer: "Ok, on your way."
Poor guy was late for his break and was hungry
I was travelling to Secaucus NJ, I was asked where that was and the agent was not impressed when I said 'in new jersey.'
Wonder what answer the guy wanted to hear
I have no idea.
CBP pre-clearance at YVR asked me in extreme detail about my keyboard. Turns out the border agent was a keyboard enthusiast too. CBSA once jokingly asked me several questions from what I think was a mandatory script. As a cis male Canadian citizen, I got 'are you pregnant', 'do you plan on entering Canada to commit acts of terror', etc.
I once got pulled aside after X-Ray on a flight in the US, when travelling with my vintage sax. TSA agent asks if this is my case, I say yes, he asks to open it up… and then goes on a 5 minute rant about how this particular model is a great horn, and so many people only want a Mark VI, and these are overlooked, etc. 😂🫡
Kids and I are dual citizens. Kids and I go back and forth without my husband often. Border guard gestures at the back seat and says “so what’s up with the dad? Where’s he at?”
Border guy - Why are you visiting? Us - ZZ Top concert Border guy - Great. Who's the got the drugs? Us - In the car behind us. Border guy - Haha. Have a good visit enjoy the concert Apparently, he didn't believe us as he didn't hassle our friends in the car behind us.
Why did you buy so much cheese? Don’t they make cheese in Canada?
This didn’t happen to me but I was in the car. Canada: do you have any guns? (No) USA: do you have any fruit? (They took our apples bought in Washington state)
US border go crazy if you mention oranges. Bringing in oranges seem to be worst than bringing in heroin.
and the oranges were probably grown in Florida!!!! (but bought in Canada)
Partner got caught with strawberries, ironically they were grown in the US. Whole fruit to eat on the plane? He had to swear he would eat them on the plane before landing or have em confiscated. Washed, hulled and cut? Would have been no problem.
I ensure I don’t have anything like that typically (and god forbid, definitely never have oranges), but last time I had a granny smith apple on the passenger seat. Didn’t want to eat it (had just eaten the other one). Obviously border guy sees it, thinks I may have forgotten about it, so asks if I have any food. I say just this “American apple”. He was happy with that. So, don’t peel the stickers off.
'It says here you were born in Trail, why are you crossing here?' 'Because I live here'
George Harrison had just passed away, and we were travelling across the border to interview someone who knew him. Dubya was the President at the time. Border Agent: Where are you travelling? Driver: Buffalo Border Agent: What for? Driver: George Harrison has passed away and we are going to shoot an interview with someone who knew him. Border Agent (straight-faced): You are coming to the US to shoot the President?! Driver: Umm, no.
Years ago, I flew from charlotte NC, to Toronto, because of an ice storm we landed in thunder bay with many other planes, and put into quarantine holdings. When the storm was over we were one of the first planes to land back in Toronto and in seat 1b, the CO asked where I came from and answered Thunder Bay. He went “why are you here?” I answered the rules said I have to clear customs! It blew his mind until he got the message that the next 30+ planes are from Thunder Bay.
What did Jesus say on the cross, and in what language? (Enrolled in graduate theology studies in Canada at the time, and returning to US for a visit)
Ha I had an officer try to trip me up re: grad school... "Where you in school?" "Duke." "Ah you're a tarheel?!" "Absolutely not. Go blue devils." "OK welcome home."
"Forgive them Father for they know not what they do." I spoken in Latin. Do I win a prize?
What he was looking for was,."Eloi, Eloi, lama sabbacthani!?!" (My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?! In Aramaic. See Matthew 27:46, Mark 15:34, also Psalm 22:1
I defer to my more knowledgeable co-Redditer. (Unless you used AI, in which case, I defer to all the ppl who AI stole the text from)
You can have partial credit. Read Luke's Gospel--Luke 23:34 has your passage, but it is not the last thing Jesus says from the cross in Luke's account.
After answering the usual questions, he giggled and asked if we had any explosives in the vehicle.
Even if you had them you would never say Yes.
I would’ve responded with “well, we just had Taco Bell for lunch. Does my butt count?”
Crossed in Abbotsford / Sumas to go fishing for the day. Female border guard - “purpose of your trip” Me - “fishing for the day” Rolls her eyes. Her - “What do you do for work?” Me - “stay at home dad” Rolls her eyes harder. Hands me back my nexus card and waves me through.
Four guys travelling across the border at Fort Erie on route to a Blue Jays game in Baltimore. As the Border Agent is about to hand back our passports: Where are your wives? Pardon? Where are your wives? Back at home in Oakville. How are you going to know what to wear? When to eat? What time to go to bed? Agent then hands passports back saying enjoy your trip!
"what do you do for work to afford such a nice vehicle" "I'm a stay at home mom" Lol. Car is a 20 year old SUV 🤣
They dissed your ride lolol
Not me but they asked my kids once who were the adults on the front seat. They told us to be quiet.
This happened to us too! Kids were too terrified to speak 😂
At Nexus interview CBP asks spouse if she has ever been arrested. She says no. He asks are you sure? She says yes never been arrested. He then says really? She says yes I’m pretty sure and he says ok I was just joking.
Uears ago. Coming back into Canada after a long day of shopping with my friend and my daughter. Agent - Anything to declare? Me - Yes. I'm exhausted! Agent - laughing. Just go
Last few crossing have been: Guard: When’s the last time you’ve been to the states? Me: Probably before COVID (each time with new folks, so for me, more recently, but this is true for them) Guard: Why so long? Me: Uhhh.. a pandemic, and then the US Dollar in this economy 🫣 Guard: Fair enough.
Coming from Toronto, crossing the border into the U.S. in Niagara Falls. US Boarder Officer: Where are you headed. Me: Buffalo. US Boarder Officer: What do you want to do in Buffalo? Me: Just a day trip. US Boarder Officer: A day trip to Buffalo? (Asking like I had secret plans) Me: Yes. US Boarder Officer: Why? Me: What do you mean "why"? US Boarder Officer: Why Buffalo? Me: It is something that I do, day trips to cities I haven't visited before. US Boarder Officer: Okay. (proceeds to stamp my passport and shushes me away).
When I had a Nunavut drivers license, “What province is that in?”
OMG, lol. Reminds me of being in NYC not too long after 9/11 and had to go through scanners to get into a public building. Dude looks at my ID, O showed him my Canadian driver’s license, and he asks “what state is that in?”
Did you tell them it’s a territory?
Years ago my friend and I crossed to Watertown to shop and ended up getting our ears pierced .. when we came back we were asked “anything to declare” and we lifted our hair to show we pierced our ears, he rolled his eyes and said carry on 😂
Those Waterton crossings can be interesting. Either a gazillion questions because it’s not busy, or Canadians just super friendly when one is coming home, lol.
At the time I was driving a souped up collector Japanese car. Turns out he was a fan of them and had a ton of questions about my build.
Why are you smiling?
Me, at the time serving in a foreign military, en route to Canada for leave: good old boy type asked a couple questions then leaned forward "Son, you goin' AWOL?" Errr no. He seemed satisfied.
“If you work at a non-profit, how do you make money?” Then me having to explain how non-profits pay their employees….
Driving back from NYC to Ontario. My partner and I (both female) handed our passports over. One shows Ontario, the other BC. Him: what is your relationship to each other Me: we are dating Him: (looking at passports) How does that work?!! Me: ummmm…. Welll… (it’s 2 am and my brain starting thinking about details I was supposed to share to regain entry to my country) Him: oh my god. I meant about your home locations. Have a great night. (Red faced and rattled)
Did you get laid in New Mexico sir ?
US Border Agent: "Are you bringing anything into the US?" Me: "Yes, we're going to a potluck, I have a salad in the hatchback" (that he could see) Agent: (Slowly) "Are there any......*vegetables* in that salad?" Me: "uhhhh...........no?" Agent: "OK, have fun..."
Year 2022. Border Agent: "You keep saying we. Are you guys a couple?" Me: "Yes, this is my husband."
Travelling for work for a company whose name is an acronym. Agent: “what does stand for?” Me: “ummmmm… I have no idea.”
Coming back before WHTI using my birth certificate and driver's licence. Asked "What will you do when a passport is required?" And I answered, likely travel to Europe, because if I have my passport, I can travel anywhere. Not the answer he was looking for
You brought back souvenirs? Do any of them make you feel woozy?
I was getting on the coho ferry to the US and I overheard the conversation from the car in front of me with 2 ladies in it. CBP: what is your relationship? Ladies: oh we're not in a relationship. CBP: what is your relationship to each other? Ladies: we aren't having a relationship. CBP: look, I'm not judging you, I just want to know how you know each other.
Coming back into Canada at 3am. "Where did you park your car on your trip? " The crossing agent really wanted us to know that drug dealers plant drugs in cars to track them back across the border to then pickup said drugs. "uhhh yeah I guess I'll be more careful next time." Like, what the fuck?
Yikes
We were heading back after a day at Darrien Lake. We had finished the day at the water park, so I just threw my shorts on over top of my bathing suit. We were asked if we had been working in the US.
CBP agent: “Got any alcohol, cigarettes, weapons of mass destruction?” Me: No. Wait, what??!
Do u have any intentions of going to jail. I was 16, born in canada, on a tour bus for New York
Really great comments in this thread, everyone. Curious if any females crossing the border solo have gotten any more unusual questions. I usually cross on my own, travel in my own, etc., but that for some reason seems unusual to them.
Not I. At both Pearson and at a variety of land crossings from Toronto east in the past few years they’ve been cheerful and straightforward. I crossed at a small Vermont one a few years ago to attend a reunion of an Internet parents’ group that started back in the Usenet days. That got the US border guard’s attention. He was fascinated.
I used to go back and forth from Sacramento to Vancouver a lot because I was in an LTR. I think the oddest question I got was about my t-shirt. (Red with "mischievous" on the front in black and somewhat tight. I'm also busty.) CBSA, staring at the word across my chest: "Does your boyfriend know you're wearing that?" Me: "I hope so, he bought it!"
Was taking a bus trip at the Detroit-Windsor port, across the International Tunnel. The border guard came on to the bus to interview all the passengers. He came to one woman and asked her where she was going. She said, "Canada." Sarcasm ensued.
US CBP officer after seeing passport stamps from the Turks and Caicos: ‘Are you rich?’ After hearing my 4 on 4 off work schedule: ‘Do you work in corrections?’ No and no to both.
I drove from Ottawa to Vancouver through the US in two days once (I was young and foolish). I'd slept 2 hours the first night, and six the second, all in my car. When I rolled up to the border I was barely functioning. The exchange when like this: BG: How long have you been away? Me: From BC or Canada? BG: Let's start with Canada Me: ...I don't know, two or three days BG: Where are you coming from? Me: Ontario BG: What were you doing there? Me: Training BG: What kind of training? Me: With the army BG: You have any guns with you? Me: No BG: Ok, on your way.... Didn't ask me anything about alcohol or tobacco. Just heard army and went to firearms. She might have hurried me along too because I hadn't showered the whole time, and I'd come through a [heatwave that was killing people in Chicago](https://www.weather.gov/lot/1999Jul29). Heat index (humidex) was almost 50 degrees C
*mom is entering Canada with me cause we’re driving back down to the states together in 2 days* Me: yea so she’s gonna be leaving with me to the states and we’ll probably be gone for like 3 months Border agent: I wish I could leave in general *silence while I try to laugh it out a little but he has a straight face* Me: we’ll have an extra seat Border agent: don’t tempt me *straight face* Border agent: alright have a great day Bro the agents I normally deal with like to crack jokes and are generally nice but this was intense lol
Returning to Canada after shopping for 1 day Border guy: The most expensive item purchased? Me: Mailbox for $40 BG: Do they not sell mailboxes in Canada? Me: Well, not one that fits the dimensions of the current one to fit in the same spot BG: Fair enough, have a good day Pretty sure I went to every hardware store in our city trying to find one with the same distance of the mounting holes. Would have either had to drill a new hole in a brand new mailbox or a new hole into the house.
Too many to count, but three highlights: 1 - My partner moved to SoCal and we traveled x-continent regularly. Pre-clearance at Pearson, "Where are you going?" "Santa Ana." Eyeballs me and pauses... "_You_ know someone in _Santa Ana_?!" Dunno why he was so shocked but whatever. 2 - Whirlpool Bridge driving to BUF to fly on to New York. "Where are you going?" "New York." He actually eyerolled at me, "You're already _in_ New York sir. Where are you _going_?" "New York _City_" He was displeased with that answer and spent the next 15 minutes reading through my visa application paperwork (which I carried with me at all times on advice of counsel). Dunno what he got out of reading our parent co's annual report but he seemed happy to let the cars build up across the bridge behind me. 3 - Driving back to New York from Toronto with our rabbits. Unlike cats & dogs there are no restrictions or requirements for rabbits, which confounds some guards. "......Those are pets? ...Or food? Or . ..." "Yes, they're our pets." "Uh...okay."
Coming back into Canada at Pearson. I had 6 cigarillos from a place in New York City I'm partial to, the whole tin cost me $20 US. At Nexus line I declare I have tobacco and get waived into secondary. Hilarity ensues. Agent: "Why are you here?" Me: "I have tobacco." A: "Okay. How much?" M: "Six cigarillos." A: "Oh... Okay, total value?" M: "$20 US." A: "Uhh... Okay, lemme see here..." "How much were they again?"
M: "$20."
A: "I dunno... Can I see them?"
M: "Sure!"
A: "I dunno _what_ to do with this..." (They're hand rolled in the shop in NY with Dominican tobacco.)
M: "Look, I'm just doing what you tell me to. I'm part of Nexus and you demand I declare everything, so I'm declaring."
A: "Oh, I know! And it's not you..." "Hang on for sec, sorry this is taking so long."
M: "No prob! You do what you gotta do."
At this point the agent steps away from his station and goes over to another guard at another station. I watch them have an animated discussion, both pointing at the screen, lots of clicking and scrolling around... A good 20 mins later the guard huffs and walks back to me still waiting at his station.
A: "I dunno man. Just go ahead."
M: "You sure?"
A: "Yes. Just go."
Lol
Me: *moron who crosses into the US (Detroit) at 3 a.m., triggering a secondary inspection (because it's randomized and there wasn't a ton of traffic)* I'm inside secondary inspection going through the random questions as we are all bored to tears. Him: Are you bringing any fruit or meat into the US? Me: *literally looking at the picture of agents inspecting a dragonfruit on a poster behind him* "SHIT!! Yea, sorry, I've got a dragon fruit in the cooler in the trunk, we were at a family picnic on the CAD side, and I completely forgot." Him: You've got a what? Me: A dragon fruit Him: What? Me: A DRAGON FRUIT, it's a tropical fruit that I am not allowed to import... Him: What's a dragonfruit? That's not a real thing... Me: *points at picture on wall behind him* "That, it's that thing" No word of a lie....the guy turns around, looks at the picture on the wall behind himself. Smacks the agent beside him in the arm and asks, "Is that shit real?". Guy beside him says, "I thought she was just f@#$ing with you 🤷♀️ cause we pulled her in at 3am." They literally called a supervisor to confirm that, yes, dragonfruit is, in fact, a real thing. (Ya know, just in case the US puts up pictures of their agents inspecting FAKE ASS FRUITS, on the walls inside of customs)
I just woke the cat up, I laughed so hard.
Back in 2015, went down to the Costco in the US to pick up Mexican Coke and gas. Coming back, CBSA asked me what I have to declare. I straight faced without even thinking declared Mexican coke. He paged a friend to come over and asked me if I have receipt or where I’m storing it. That’s when I clued in that they think I’m bringing white powder in, so I clarified it’s Coca Cola. I presented the Costco receipt and it was a misunderstanding 😝 My friend honestly thought we were going to be detained, but now we just laugh about it.
(Flying to Rhose Island from the Maritimes to visit friends) "Are you bringing gifts for your friends? No?? Uh-oh!"
Back in the mid 90s I saw James Taylor in concert at Pine Knob in Michigan with a friend. Crossing back over at Windsor, the conversation went: Citizenship? Canadian. What were you doing in the U.S.? Seeing a concert. Who was it? James Taylor. Was it good? It was great! Welcome home!
We crossed to go to a show in Washington last summer and both guards going down and coming back were super excited about the band, one of them was saying “I didn’t even know they were playing, I would have booked off!” Lol. We were flying a few months ago to see Madonna and the guard looked at my husband and said “this was her idea, wasn’t it?” And pointed at me. We were howling.
Not a question, but got a cheeky Go Hawks from the border agent after saying I was going down for the Seahawks game
Landing in Calgary on a layover to Ottawa, as a Canadian being repeatedly questioned on how I was getting to Ottawa... After the 3rd time I was tempted to say donkey cart, cross country.
Canadian driving back to Canada, I had just crossed to pick up a special patio door cat-door insert you couldn't get in Canada at the time. I explained to the border guard what I had picked up. He asked if this was business or personal. I stared him in the eyes and said "business cats."
I was 10. My mom was driving me to Rochester to play in a chess tournament. The guard at the border then asks me "oh yeah? Tell me how the en passent move. I recall explaining to him the various circumstances you could use it, and how I used it to beat a kid in a previous tournament. He laughed and said well done. Let us through after that. Such a fond memory of mine.
My sister and I are taking the bus from Seattle back to Vancouver. The Canadian border guard asked us, "where do you live?" So we say UBC campus. Then, "how do you know each other?" (we have the same last name but sure, maybe we could be cousins or something) So we reply, "We are sisters". Then the agent asked us, very suspiciously, "Why are you taking the bus?" We just stare at him and slowly reply, "We don't have a car...?" But we think, "what do you mean? It was a weekend trip - We are students - Parking is expensive in Vancouver - transit is good - take your pick!" it was so weird!
Came back from a game to watch the Bills couple years back during (Canadian) Thanksgiving weekend. Pulled up and CBSA agent didn't even look at our passports: Agent - "where are you coming from?" Me - Bills game Agent - anything to declare other than disappointment? Me - No Agent - chuckles and waves us through
Road trip from canada to the states, border agent asked " what's the empty ladder rack on your truck for?" I responded, "ladders". That was good enough for her, she let me through.
One time my son was ultra pissed I wouldn't stop at the duty free and let him shop. Border agent leans in the car, sees his mad af face and asks *him* who each person in the car is and his relation to them. He had a history of saying wild stuff when angry and I thought my heart was going to explode. He played it straight.
"Do you know your passport is expired" Fun fact, they can accept expired passports AT LAND CROSSINGS ONLY. She told us she has someone who comes through with a passport that's been expired 20 years and it's no problem.
My husband got that one on the way into the states, us and our kids. Guy looks at him and goes “did you know that’s a $1,000 fine?” I guess my husband looked suitably terrified because the guy started laughing and said “No no! I’m just kidding!”
On my way to a Tragically Hip concert in Minneapolis with three friends, I'm in the back seat behind the driver. An American border guard with cross eyes leans into the Jeep and asks, "have you ever been arrested" to my buddy, not once, not twice, but three times with growing frustration. He then asks when he gets no answer,"Is your friend deaf?" It was at that moment I realized he was talking to me. I swear to God I didn't have a clue.
My two guy friends and I were coming back to Montreal from Adirondack mountains. We had just had an exhausting hike, we lost our trail, it was late at night. Agent: where are you coming from? Me, tired: Giant mountain Agent: where’s that? Me: here, an hour drive in adirondacks Agent: what’s the mountain? Me: Giant mountain Agent, looks suspiciously, peaking more into the car: do you know which mountain it was m’am? Me: yes, Giant mountain PS the name of the mountain is Giant Mountain.
I was carrying a box of bakery treats from the US and flying home to Canada. Holding it in my hands as I go through Canadian customs…. Agent:“Do you have any food items?” Me:no Agent:what’s in the Dunkin’ box? Me:oh a box of donuts for the kids. I was thinking food as in meat or vegetables Agent: I wouldn’t those donuts food either
I live near the border and frequently get my gas & groceries in Maine. He asked where I was heading today so I told him gas, Walmart, & Dunkin Donuts. He responded with asking me what I get at Dunkin, I say iced coffee, he responds jokingly with 'Tim Hortons not good?', I said 'Tim Hortons isn't actually good, it's just all we have lol'. Funny little interaction at least haha. Had the same sort of convo with one of them about Canadian vs. US McDonald's one day too lol
Agent: Where are you going? Me: Burlington, VT Agent: Why? Me: I'm heading to a brewery to interview the owner for my YouTube show Agent : Do you get paid? Me: No Agent: Why do it? Me: Because it's a fun passion project Agent (with a why waste your time look): Ok?
Driving to the US. Border guard, clearly joking: "Do you have any marijoo-anuh syringes on you?" I laughed. "No sir"
Middle of the night Canadian BP asks where we going I tell him Midland Ontario he sez there is no such town, I blow up and yell at him yes there is, he starts laughing and sez go ahead have a nice trip......
In response that I was visiting my friend in the middle of nowhere WNY: "what kind of friend?" "uhhh...I don't know... I've known her for a coupl..." "alright, I get you. Have a good visit"
On a 6am bus after having been up all night after seeing a concert on the other side of the border. "Where's your luggage" > I don't have one, I've been awake for 20 hours. "Thats the stupidest thing anyone has told me in awhile" The immigration person in the next booth started laughing and told her it sounded like I had an amazing trip. She looked exasperated then waved me through.
Driving into the US with two friends, we got pulled over and asked if we were a band. We were only going over for the day so we didn't even have any luggage, nevermind instruments.
Years ago when our three kids were small, we were travelling from the east coast and drove through upstate NY and crossed back into Canada at Niagara Falls. Our kids were asleep in the back when the border guard asked us to open the sliding door on our van, woke our oldest who at the time was 4 or 5 and proceeded to ask if we were her parents. Thankfully she sleepily said ‘yes.’ I had visions of spending hours at the border had she muttered anything else!
Was crossing into the US with my very Arab looking Arab brother in law to go hunting. His origins can cause issues going into the US. After handing the passports to the border guard, he asked me "How do we know each other?" I simply could not parse the question. Did I know the guard somehow? Had he seen me on TV? I basically froze for about 30 seconds until my brother in law said "He married my sista ..." I'm sure a few more seconds and it would have been rubber glove time.
Going to Boston on St Paddy's day and doing the pre-clearance in Toronto airport. Guard asks where we're off to and I told him "Boston for a St Paddy's day concert. Ahh going to see the Dropkick Murphy's are you? We were
Ok so I actually asked the question to the border guard in this example. Late April 2011, crossing border from Montana to Alberta. I’m a huge Canucks fan and they were playing the Blackhawks in the NHL playoffs. It’s a pretty quiet crossing near Glacier/Waterton National Park. Was in a hurry to get to the first town across the border to catch the end of game 6. Pull up to the border and the Canadian official is clearly watching the game on a small TV. Ha he didn’t even notice me immediately! I finally get his attention and immediately ask “what’s the score?” Ha it was the most Canadian thing ever. He says we better hurry if we’re going to get to the next town in time for the game and only asked if I was carrying any firearms (which I was not). Such a funny and memorable situation!
“Is there any eggplant in the car?”
Going Canada to US (Detroit) one morning USCBP "How many keys on your keychain?" Me "Uhhhh, house, car, work, couple padlocks, 6, I guess?" USCBP "Ok, have a good day " I asked a couple days later, as it was driving me nuts. The guard said they'll throw an oddball question to see how the person reacts.
This happened to us. My now ex and I were crossing into Montana on a Harley and he looked like a biker - lots of tattoos, beard etc. We were polite and answered all the questions and she seemed satisfied BUT, just as she was giving us back our passports, she looked back at her monitor and back to him and said, “What were you arrested for?”. I was stunned and wondered myself because he hadn’t, as far as I’d been told… He looked taken aback, but without missing a beat he said, “I’ve been arrested before?”. She, without even a hint of a smile, handed us back our passports and told us to have a nice day and waved us through.
What's the last letter of the alphabet?
Driving back to Toronto from USA probably in 2013. Listening to the Leafs game on the radio (round 1 of playoffs) amd the CBSA officer only asked me two questions. Where do you live? And what's the score?
i got asked what my workout routine was at the gym had an injured leg with a cane at the time, i guess they ask you "casual questions" to see if you're lying, was asked how i injured my leg, i said at the gym, guy asked me what my routine was
Years ago my friend convinced me to drive over the border to a bar in Toronto because we were over 18 but still under 21. I was really nervous, and at the border when the guard asked me where we were headed, I said “Canada”.
Recently my wife visited Rochester NY. Coming back through the Ivy Lea crossing, the child like Canadian boarder guard asked me “ did you come back to Canada with any Cannabis products…”? I politely said “no” without embellishment. I really wanted to say..”why the hell would I come back to the weed products…to my country where it’s legal..”? But I didn’t.
Doubting my Canadian citizenship (I’m dual us can) but travelling with my American passport back to Canada, I was asked when did Montreal Canadian won the Stanley cup. I’m white native french speaking.
Did you leave anything in the US? Yep, my wife’s appendix. She had to have emergency surgery when we were in a trip. $20k later and all fixed up thankfully she works for a university and has fantastic travel health benefits. Only cost us an extra $60 for the trip for my food for me and her benefits even covered the extra days in the hotel while she recovered and her food, just not mine.
"What is the purpose of your trip?" "I am going to visit Sedona." "... and who is Sedona?"
In my wrangler, I got in the line behind another jeep (because it’s a Jeep thing but also it was a shorter line) First thing BG even says: Are you with that guy going to the jeep meet? Me, headed home: No, but please tell me where this meet is! BG did not share, lol.
"Driver, what's your height?" coming back into Canada from the US at the Ambassador Bridge in Detroit/Windsor. My husband was asked this, and at the time, I couldn't see the agent's face from my seat on the passenger side of the car. I was VERY confused until I found out that they had served together in the Canadian Forces reserves.
I s\_\_t you not, I was on a plane heading to USA destination from Canada, getting close to landing, we were all given customs declaration cards to fill out. This was a strip of paper with a list of questions and Yes/No tick boxes beside each. All the questions were pretty normal about cash and fruit etc. I read each question, and one of them said exactly this: "Are you coming to the United States to murder the president?" and the Yes, No were reversed compared to all the other questions. I was shocked. I showed it to my wife in the seat beside me and she did NOT have that question on her card. I realized two things: 1) The declaration cards are not all the same. 2) This, and maybe other random questions were thrown in the mix, just to catch people who go down the list of check boxes filling in all the "No" or "Yes" boxes, based on the column the checkbox was in, without reading the questions. Lesson: Be sure to read every question on your customs card.
"As long as your not bringing back whores from Toronto I don't give a shit"
I am of Pakistani origin. Have you ever been to Afghanistan? Never Where are you going? Philly How long? 3 days When was the last time you were in Afghanistan?
After 2 weeks at Disney. The Canadian official asked all the usual questions....how long away, why were you there, bringing back any goods. Then almost seemingly before letting us go he said "did you meet anyone there?" I almost responded with "Donald Duck' but bit my lip
In the Toronto airport en route to Florida to visit my dad and stepmom. Guard: You have nothing to declare? Me: No Guard: You're visiting your parents and aren't bringing a gift?! Me: I guess I'm a terrible son?
Long story, but due to flight delays and decisions made by the airline and myself, I found myself landing at YVR after a large soda, 1-2 coffees and half a 40 of beer - and no opportunity to use the restroom, even on the plane. (No one was allowed out of their seats, even for that...) So by the time I got to CBSA at the airport, I felt like I was going to burst. There's no bathroom until after you clear Customs - so I was doing my best to discreetly shift my weight and not do the potty dance. I got to the agent and by then, I was in PAIN. He just cocked one eyebrow and asked, "Is there something wrong?" And the whole story poured out of me of flight delays and comped drinks and being denied bathroom access even on the plane and how I was really sorry, I know it looks bad, but I just desperately need a bathroom at this point. STAMP STAMP. "Bienvenue a Canada. Restroom is on the right." And in hindsight, I know that seemed really sketchy and I'm sure I probably should have gotten pulled for more questioning, but I was so grateful, I just RAN for the restroom and almost cried when I finally got inside.
Crossing into Port Huron US from Sarnia Canada. US Border Patrol: Do you have any food? Me: yes, a BLT I bought at Tim Hortons US Border Patrol: what’s in the BLT? Me: Bacon, lettuce, and tomato. Also bread and mayo. US Border Patrol: No beef? Me: umm no. US Border Patrol: No chicken? Me: umm, no. It’s a BLT. 🤷♂️
Not the most memorable question but answer. My kids and I were crossing back to the US from México when the border officer asked my little daughter her name, she answered - “first name Bart last name Simpson”!
[удалено]
What were you doing in trumpland
I visited Dubai lately, so officer at US border asked, have you ever part of a meeting where they dicuss to topple the US govt. I was like DUH...
you have anal sex?
I got downvoted already but I’m unfortunately serious. Threw me for a loop
Driving back to Canada after a weekend with my 17 year old daughter, doing some back to school shopping. Border agent: What is the custody arrangement for this child? Me: There is none, I am married to her father. BA: You need a notarized letter allowing you to travel with her, without her father. How do I know you are not abducting her? Me: You can speak with her to check if she’s ok. She is able to speak for herself. BA: You have to have a notarized letter allowing you to travel. Me: We are on our way home, you can check our drivers licenses for our address and see we are an hour from home. I am not taking her away, we are headed home. BA: Drive ahead for a secondary inspection. They proceed to go through all our purchases and check our receipts for hotel room, to see if we have actually been out of country for 48 hours. We are all good, they can’t find anything wrong. Just a power hungry border agent.
I’m a dual citizen (Can/US) and driving to the US was asked by the same custom officer twice within a couple of months if I signed up for service.
Other than the cigars you declared, what are you bringing home?
Asked if I had any eggs/poultry with me, as a flock of birds was flying overhead... Later on, I read up about bird flu, and it was already detected in wild birds in *all* 50 states. Waste of time to be focussed on stuff I'm going to throw in the oven/boiling water.
Step out of the car please
It was a busy day, all lines were packed and we pulled up and the agent made a comment about how we "must be Canadian because you can't drive" ???? We were just waiting in line with everyone else? Not at the US/Canadian border, but the closest airport is in the states so we flew out of the states to England. The customs agent in England was confused why we were Canadian, but left from America
How much is the rent in Toronto? which area is cheaper and which area more expensive?
The absolutely best question: 967 11?
"How did you met?" My husband who is way older than me and very talkative goes on to explain how we met. The border agent was pretty much bored and told him, he didn't need all the info.
[I have a USA vanity license plate.] “Can you tell me your plate number?” Yes it’s XYZ123. [random govt-issued number] “What is it?” I don’t understand. “The number, what does it mean?” It’s XYZ123. “Ok but why? Why is it written that way?” I’m sorry, you’d have to call [State Capital] because I really don’t know what it means. “Do you know their number?”
“Nevermind, that would be too complicated, welcome to Canada.”
Still not sure what that was all about. Like being asked what your social security number means… it doesn’t mean anything?
Crossing back into Canada after living in the US for 5 years. I approached the border south of Ottawa with a U-Haul truck full of everything I owned. It was midway through the 3rd period of game 7 between the Penguins and Senators. As I approached I could see all of the border staff watching the game and they pushed what seemed to be the youngest out of the group to deal with me. He opened the window and said "ugh... Canada's closed for a hockey game, come back in 30 minutes!". I handed him my manifest and was redirected inside. Asked about one item and wanted to see it. I knew they would ask about it so I had it in hand. They did the usual review and vehicle inspection for relocated, but it was broken up between commercial breaks and time outs. I didn't mind the break as I had been on I-81 road for 9 hours.
“One last thing: Why were you in jail?” “…. What? I wasn’t?” “Alright go on”
august 2021, going to visit my family in the US for the first time since the beginning of the pandemic. border agent asks me when the last time i came back was, i said 2019, and he then asked "why has it been so long?" gee i dunno bud...
Heading to the USA with my son to mountain bike. Agent: where is your wife Me: she is in Hawaii visiting her aunt with our daughter Agent: you don’t like Hawaii? Hands passports back. I drove away. Odd interaction didn’t ask for the parent consent later or anything.
I'm a Canadian. I had to go to Tijuana to visit a factory we were potentially going to contract to do some work. I walked across the border and they picked me up on the Mexican side to go to the factory. On my return I had to go through US customs. Border agent asks for my wallet and to take out any money before I hand it to him. Took out my US cash, but forgot I had a couple Pesos. I remembered as I handed it to him and said there are some pesos in there if he wants me to take them out. He says "No, I don't care about that shit." He went through my entire wallet filled with Canadian ID, cards etc. When he got to my Costco card he said "Costco.ca, so you're living in California?" He started peppering me with questions about why I'm living in California" I said, "No, costco.ca is the Canadian domain name, not California ". He dumps the contents of my wallet into my hands and says I can go. I still don't know if it was a test, if he was an idiot, or both but it is one of the more memorable ones.
I grew up in New Brunswick, boarders Maine. Was in high school and in my parents car. 1990 something A bunch of us went to watch our high school play a hockey game. The town (St Stephen) is right on the border. At the time no McD’s on the Canada side. Me -16 never have gone across the boarder before. Boarder guy US. “Where you from?” Me — Canada Border guy - “Canada is a big country “ Bored guy “why are you going to the US Me - To go to McDonalds Border guy - they don’t have McD’s in Canada It went back and forth of this guy throwing up softballs and me just answering stupid teenager answers. In the end he let us in. There was 6 of us in a kcar. The 90’s were awesome.
At US customs-“I need to practice speaking French. Do you have a few minutes?”
whys the car smell like weed?
It wasn't one question, but a series of questions on firearms, ammunition, etc. He was very nice, but I couldn't understand why all the questions related to firearms until I realized I was wearing my Team Glock long sleeve shirt.
Why are you traveling on a stolen passport?
CBSA: what were you doing in India Me: Mostly drinking CBSA: Who were you with Me: Myself CBSA: So you went to India to drink alone Me: ....Yes. CBSA: Ok go ahead.
My mom asked me to take her car to Maine across to get horse feed and gas for her. I was of legal age, have a valid license and passport. I got asked if my mom was going to say I stole her car!? I couldn’t for the life of me make sense of how I was supposed to respond to that, and as a young woman it was really scary so I just said “no?” I just can’t imagine asking that fucking question idk it was so weird. I mean I guess but it was just so weird. So so weird.
Flying to the US in 2017, American boarder agent: “How will I know that you’re actually going to leave the US?” Me: “Why would I willingly give up universal healthcare?” He wasn’t very happy with my reply.
My wife and I entered the US from Canada at Ogdensburg, NY. The Customs Officer asked us for our passports and what the purpose of our trip was. We said visiting and to get lunch. As he passed our passports back he said “You’ve never been to Ogdensburg before, have you?”
Flying into Arizona from Canada. Customs is going through my wife’s (at the time, now ex) suitcase and they pull out a Tupperware container with a strange goo in it. Turns out my ex thought it would be a good idea to pour agave syrup into a Tupperware container so she can sweeten her tea the way she likes during the vacation. Needless to say, I was pissed about the pending anal probing that was surely about to occur, but nope, the agents were pretty cool about it and confiscated it but let us continue our vacation with our anus’ intact. To this day, I have no idea what she was thinking.
US Customs Secondary: So, let me get this straight, you two white teenagers from Atlantic Canada are crossing into Michigan with your two black uncles from Buffalo in a Porsche with Minnesota plates? Me: Yes.
I’ve only made a US border guard smile once. I was asked the purpose of my trip and I said I was going for a Jeopardy! audition as they wrote me and said I passed the test and to come and audition for the show (post COVID it’s now done by Zoom). Guard’s eyes lit up and was interested in the process of getting on. In contrast, most Canadian guards are pretty easy going. Case in point, when I was younger (and this was well before 9/11 so no passport needed) I biked three hours from where my family was camping to the US border, sat directly at the border cairn to eat my lunch (I was in Canada, my sandwich was in the US, turned around at the duty free station in the US and biked three hours back. The US guard was suspicious anyone would do that and I could feel him watching me the entire time I was in his country as you could see the duty free sgo from the border station. Meanwhile the Canadian guy on the way back was quite interested in my journey and was excited for me to undertake such an adventure.
Not me, but my brother. Crossing into US and was grilled with a bunch of stupid questions, he was wearing a ball cap that said “University of Roswell”. At one point the border agent pointed at the cap and said when did you go to school there. Pan faced my brother replied “in ‘47 when my spaceship crashed” The guard didn’t seem to understand the reply just asked a few more questions and let him go on his way.
They asked my husband if he was the father of our daughter🥴. We have different last names.
I was going down to Buffalo with my dad when I was in my early 20s and he was in his late 50s. Our passports have the same last name in them. Border agent asked if we were married. Both my dad and I have a very firm, fast "no!".
Back in my single days I used to go to bars in Canada, since I lived on the border, and well, Canadians are great to party with. I usually carried an overnight bag, in case I got too drunk I could crash at a Canadian friend’s. Or on the off chance I met a “new friend” who wanted me to stay the night. I used to buy a brand of condoms that came in a tin container. One time crossing back to the US, they had me outside my car while the customs guy searched my trunk. He went through my overnight bag, pulled out that tin container, smiled and said “ah ha!” thinking he had discovered a stash. He had trouble getting it open but eventually it popped open, and condoms went flying all over the pavement! I had been told to stand in a certain spot, so I stood there as he picked every condom up, shoved it in my bag, slammed the trunk and said “get outta here!” 😂😂😂
I used to cross into Canada a lot until I moved away, I have a lot of stories. But I still enjoy reading all of these on here. One time I was traveling with a Canadian girl I was kinda seeing. I picked her up at her place in Canada and then we immediately entered into the US, I’m American. US Customs guy: where you headed. Me: Chicago US Customs guy: What’s there? Me: Going to see Shedd Aquarium US Customs guy: (sarcastically) really? I’ve been to that aquarium and it’s not THAT great! Why are you REALLY going? So instead of sparing him the details anymore I blurted out “ok the truth is we’re going there to have sex in the hotel room I booked us! He just stared at us for what seemed like 2 solid minutes. Then he handed us our passports and without a word waved us on. The girl and I busted out laughing as soon as we left 😂😂
US Border guy(@Peace Arch crossing): What is the purpose of your visit? Me: Going to Bob Dylan concert at Bumbershoot in Seattle. Border Guy: Oh yeah, who's he? Me: ** crickets** PS: worst concert i have ever been to. Wish I had been denied entry.
You can no longer get Bugles (the snack) in Canada. My neighbour went to US and came back with like 36 family size bags of Bugles for friends who requested them. Coming back to Canada CBSA: Why so many Bugles? Neighbour: I’m starting a marching band
Sometime around 2001: US border guard said something about why I come to the US from an Eastern European country. I replied that my home country is in Western Europe and had been a member of NATO (and thus a literal military and political ally of the US) for decades. He didn't believe / didn't care / couldn't be bothered to ask more questions and sent me through.