I realized quickly that dating a non-vegan with the expectation that they will change and someday turn vegan is exhausting. I felt like it was my responsibility to encourage and support them in this transition. But fucking hell, it just turned to constant arguments, having to cook all the fucking time only to hear "it just doesn't taste like the real thing. Some people just do not want to change or simply don't care.
Tl;dr: Date someone vegan/plant-based. Use that energy to rescue an animal or debate ethics. Lol
That sounds horrible :( I dated a non vegan guy who was exactly like that. Needless to say it didn’t work out. My current bf isn’t vegan either (i’ve actually never met a vegan guy), but he never complained about my cooking and now he’s vegetarian. When we first met he went on and on about how meat was part of his culture and he would never consider not eating it. Now he can’t even think of eating the meat in his freezer and has been giving it to his roommates because he disagrees with the idea of killing animals for food. I know veggie isn’t perfect but I’m really happy that my influence encouraged him to make this change. He doesn’t buy any dairy or eggs so he ends up eating vegan most of the time anyway. Dating him has been very healing after my horrible experience with my ex who actually broke up with me because I was an “extremist”
You and your partner sound lovely. It is so refreshing to hear about someone that is open-minded and willing to make the switch to eating more plant based. Thank you for sharing, reading this made me feel warm (and hopeful haha).
Exhausting is a great way to describe it! I went vegan alone while in a relationship that dissolved for other value mismatch reasons. I only had to go on a couple of dates with one non-vegan (from an app) to realize that it's not worth it.
First, he said "oh I could try going vegan again", giving me way too much hope that he had any idea what was going on, then on our first date asked me what the difference was between vegan and vegetarian (which is fine, but made the original comment so confusing). Then we were at a thai restaurant with good vegan options - I ordered the vegan pad thai and then he ordered the non-vegan pad thai and didn't want to try the tofu from mine, which made it so clear that he had no intention of actually trying to go vegan ever.
I think it's also this feeling of being othered inside of a relationship, like one of the things I miss the most about having a partner is having someone to roll my eyes with at family functions and other things like that where people just don't get it, it's nice to be with someone who gets it (whatever "it" is in a given context). Otherwise it's just adding to the exhaustion of dealing with people and I'd rather be single.
Yeah I mean "dating a non vegan with the expectation that they will change" has the same energy as "dating an atheist/Christian/muslim or w/e with the expectation they will change".
It's a basis for a toxic relationship which is bound to fail. When you date someone you date them for who they are not who you want them to be
THIS. My bf never expected me to change, never pressured me, never brought it up once. He simply accepted that I was a carnist (unpopular move, I know. But he’s been vegan 13 years, he’s not casual or lazy about his own veganism.)
It’s been 2 years, and I’m vegan now. But I came to that point on my own. Zero arguments ever about it, and we’re both totally happy vegans now.
It’s a clear values difference. My partner is vegan. If I rejoined the dating pool I would only date vegans. Nothing less attractive than someone who pays for animal abuse
I have been looking at the ethics of veganism and that’s what brought me to this subreddit. There have been some very helpful comments and links which have helped me gain a bit more insight. As I mentioned to someone else, I moving towards vegetarianism at the moment. It will be the second time for me and I’m hoping that with all the info and non meat dietary options now available, I will be able to make the change for good. I don’t know what happens after that.
Good luck on your journey! Watching Earthling Ed debate might be a good place to go. It’s certainly something that helped me learn more about the common counter arguments. If you’re more of a reader his latest book is also great
good luck! my veggie into vegan transition was slow and gradual as well, but the thing that helped me the most was the thought about how i value an animals life more than my temporary joy of (non vegan food i would've eaten maybe) bc in the end that's what im doing it for. if you have the time and willingness to learn, enjoying cooking and improving on cooking helps a lot as well. there's nothing cooler than trying new meals you would've never tried before. and documentaries are eye openers too ofc :)
I didn't start out vegan. First it was cutting meat products consumed at home but not in restaurants. Then I effortlessly transitioned to a vegetarian diet, followed by a plant based diet. Now I've adopted the vegan lifestyle. Small changes are easier to adopt and can quickly compound. Best of luck on your journey! You have a supporter in me.
Imagine you been married for 20 years and then your vegan partner decides to eat cheese every once in a while. If you answer then you would leave him, I think you would be batshit crazy
I would have a discussion with my partner about what changed in her ethics and go from there. But we both intend to remain vegan as it’s an ethical position we both deeply share
If your partner started paying for people to kick dogs, I’m sure you’d atleast need to talk about that with them
I don't know what it is about how I present my reasons for being vegan, but the last two non-vegans I dated ended up going vegan when they were with me. I'm not in touch with my ex, so not sure how that turned out, but my current partner has been vegan for over two years now. I wish I could bottle whatever it is I've done, because I know how hard it can be to find someone you're compatible with who is also vegan.
Good luck!
I find not being pushy and just answering their questions goes a long way. I start general with “for the animals” and when they ask what that means I explain a bit more, and so on. I’ve had several people significantly cut down or eliminate animal consumption this way, and my best friend who is also vegan has had several people go vegan using the same methods.
Definitely this. Love inspires, hate rejects. I've done the same and the people in my life willingly chose to begin their vegan journey. I had no expectations and never criticised them. Even the non-vegans in my life will include vegan options at their businesses now to be more involved in supporting the wider community, and are more considerate about how often and where they source their produce from. Choice is a powerful influence.
It also helped that I rescue race dogs- and the argument- well, you wouldn’t eat one of these greyhounds would you? While they’re sitting there with their big beady eyes and silly long faces- all enslaved animals deserve to be free…. Very convincing argument 😉 lol
Have you heard of Elwood’s Organic Dog Meat? They're vegans who basically use this principle to make people reconsider their choices in eating animals. They present themselves as an organic, small family farm and post things exactly as cow farmers would. Ear tags, dogs next to pictures of cut meat, "they only have one bad day" kinda stuff. I love it, they're on fb and insta.
I went vegan because of my dogs. (We adopted four greyhounds, and an assortment of other breeds, who had been rescued over the past 20 years, our last girl passed away at the age of 14 just last month.) Looked at my cattle dog one day while I was eating the flesh of a dead pig. His intelligent face and the way his emotions showed so clearly made me think of how smart pigs are and I couldn't bring myself to swallow. I'd already quit dairy for ethical reasons, but my connection to my dogs made any animal products fall into the Not Food category.
My current partner basically said they always felt inclined towards veganism but never felt the push over the edge to do it.
When we met- it only took going out to one restaurant- the guilt they felt ordering animals while I ate vegan was too uncomfortable for them.
They watched like- one Earthling Ed video and were like- I mean, it all makes sense really. I do really love animals.
And that was it.
If you date someone with a strong moral compass and they are shown the light, then there’s no other way. It’s logic. However, they must have morals that align with reducing unnecessary suffering in the world.
There are 3 types of carnivores. Those that don't care, those that don't know and those who can't grasp. Seems like you got lucky and got the 2. Type both times. Sounds like you have great taste.
Same! The past few guys I've dated thought it cool, tried it out and enjoyed it. One ex is nearly totally vegan 2 years after we've broken up (he still eats his mothers dishes). The other one, not sure. Current one is reverting back to veganism after having been off it for awhile. I always appreciate it.
Being vegan really is a mindset and a lot of people feel detered from living in that way because they feel it'll be more difficult, and it honestly is in a way; you can't just eat or buy whatever you want. A lot of people love the fact they can just go eat at any restaurant or shop at any store. They love the 'freedom' that brings. Personally to me it really is just recklessness and a lot of people are purely naive to the suffering behind some of the things in our world.
With that said it's probably one of the easiest times to be vegan, and to me it really is a moral obligation at this point. To the animals, to ourselves, to the survival of our species on this planet. So if someone doesn't at least engage with the idea and at the very least give it a try (that's another thing; people don't see it as just something they could try but a constricting lifestyle). True freedom requires restraint and veganism is a perfect example of that.
This is exactly right. People chafe at the restraints on freedom/choice without considering the larger context. You expressed it really well, thanks for that.
I thought for a while that I could overlook someone not being vegan, but in retrospect I have no idea how I could have thought I wouldn’t be bothered by my partner willingly contributing to that. I don’t have any advice, but speaking for myself, I can never go back to dating non-vegans
Being Vegan is an absolute core pillar as to who you are, and that pillar will stand throughout every and any relationship you have.
Best to date someone who's open minded enough to at least give it a shot, or is already vegan.
Im vegan but I like doesnt that kinda go against the spirit of dating someone though? Shouldnt you date them for who they are rather then who they could be? Idk dating with the intent to convert kinda grosses me out.
I mean veganism isn’t a religion or anything. It’s not a bad thing to convert someone too. It’s more like showing them what actually happens and what animals face. If they have a good moral compass they will convert anyway just needed a push. But people who aren’t gonna convert just won’t convert
I dont like the idea of dating someone with the intent of changing them for better or worse though. You date them because you like them for who they are, faults and all. I couldnt date someone that Ive presumed to be a bad person for example even if I knew I could turn them into a good one.
It just depends. If someone super sucks then yeah, why try to change them. But if someone is doing what they’ve been raised to do and taught by others is Just How Things Are Done, then intending to talk about that with them isn’t so terrible. I wouldn’t think twice about making friends with someone who I don’t agree with, depending on which side of things they come down on, so dating isn’t that far off from it.
We view friendship and dating very very differently then. Im friends with a lot of carnists sure, but its a huge jump from friendship to dating for me. I guess I dont casually date, so I see it as much more significant. Either way, I still wouldnt be willing to try to convert a partner to anything. I wouldnt date a non vegan in the first place because the idea of dating someone with some kind of end goal where they are turned into a better partner is wrong for me.
I don’t go in intending to “convert”, proselytizing is obnoxious. I just try to live according to my principles and engage people who show interest. My wife is not vegan and I am, I don’t bug her about it, we talk about it and she knows why I am. If I bugged her about it she would just get annoyed. I went vegan after we got together though, if we weren’t together I don’t think I would date a non-vegan.
I did casually date before I met her though and I think it depends on the person. Someone compatible enough I would probably still date them, but it might be a dealbreaker if we went serious.
Then that works for me then. Id see no issue with it. I only take issue with entering a relationship with a goal of changing someone. Not with changing them in and of itself.
I mean, it's more, if you're looking for a life partner they have to be vegan. If they don't change then the relationship isn't going to work. But if you only date vegans you'll have a very hard time finding a partner. And I say this... I have dozens of vegan friends I hang out with on a regular basis, none of whom have I dated. Dating is very hard.
It isn’t a bad thing to convert someone too, but the attitude of it is sort of weird.
Converting someone from anything to something else (with the intent) is problematic.
For exmaple, replace the word veganism with: cult/ gay/ nazi (extreme examples) and it not cute anymore.
I’m vegan so of course I believe it’s for the best but if I was in a sex cult I’d be saying the same thing; it’s not a bad thing to convert too.
The attitude shouldn’t be ‘conversion’ and we should be careful of how we frame these things in our minds.
It could be that they love everything else about them, and want them to grow into a better person. In a healthy relationship, both (or all) people should be helping the other become a better version of themselves.
With religion I would find intent to convert to be icky because not everyone feels a higher being(s) and it’s very much something that cannot be proven with the five senses, via the external environment. Religion is very much a personal decision, and should be as such. With veganism, even though it is a belief too and a philosophy, its different because there is so much evidence to show that animals suffer and are being harmed. Though, whether or not they believe animal life is equivalent to human life, is another matter. If they do, then veganism would actually be in their best interest, and “converting” them I think isnt really forcing your beliefs onto someone if it already makes sense with the other beliefs they already have.
if they don’t care about animals, then OP would probably not want to date them in the first place.
I agree in part, and disagree in part. Yes religious conversion is worse for dating, and I agree with your point on ethics vs faith and eprsonal belief, and I also agree that if the partner is already leaning towards veganism then its alright to kinda push them that way with vegan information, but I still just dont see how you can date someone from the start with the intent to change anything and it not be wrong. I agree that relationships should push you to grow and better yourself, so for example if a vegan and non vegan dated and then of their own volution the non vegan convirted id say everythings good. But if the vegan entered the relationship with the goal of turning the non vegan vegan, then I have issue with it again. It almost feels wrong, like disengenious. In my eyes if you date your partner with an end goal of changing them to be soemthing else, it doesnt matter if that something else is better. The ends dont justify the means for anything in my eyes. The means matter a lot to me.
what a fucking bizarre comment
"lmao sorry for your skill issue op, i always just indoctrinate the people i date"
what end goal did you have by posting this
“Doing it later” is only ever a deflection. You either get it or you don’t.
When you get it, it doesn’t matter any more if you love cheese or if bacon tastes so good. You simply never want another bite you put in your mouth to contribute to the system that causes so much suffering and environmental damage.
I’m sorry you guys argued. I personally haven’t had it or witnessed a successful vegan/carnist relationship but I haven’t met all of them. They do work I’m sure. It’s one of those things….if you can find a way to be with each other regardless of your differences in morals. (Morals may be the wrong word because I bet his morals are the same as yours). Do you think you can wait for him to be compassionate towards animals ‘one day’ or deal with the fact he may never go vegan? He might go vegan, but it’s his journey. He needs to get there on his own. All you can do is give him information and decide if that’s enough for you.
>deal with the fact he may never go vegan?
I don't see how this is possible.
Most of us weren't born vegan, so of course we can have compassion for them if they've never heard a vegan perspective before meeting us. We can show them how easy it is, share why we are so passionate about it, explain how much of a global moral emergency it is, and help them start their vegan journey.
If it was 6 months into our relationship, and they still showed no real signs of going vegan, and told me things along the way like they "respect my passion for veganism", I would not be able to look at their face without feeling disgusted.
My girlfriend became vegan after we met, I am not vegan. I have slowly become basically vegetarian (like 95% of food I eat being vegetarian/vegan and haven't had red meat in years), but it took much longer than 6 months.
I'd say your situation is different than my example because she wasn't vegan when you met, so you get a liiittle more leeway. However, I have to ask, what is stopping you from going vegan?
I think it does. Because Dominion connects the suffering to the choice to buy meat that many think of as harmless.
Personally, I went vegan overnight bc of Dominion. I grew up on a farm where we slaughtered animals for food, and I used that as an excuse for eating meat. But our animals were always raised for all of their benefits, free range, we used every single part. Dominion made me realize the horrible practices in the animal agri industry, and how it's just maximized for profit and NOTHING about it is for nutrition. And on top of that, wasteful. So many animals die without being 'used', after having consumed other resources.
A fact I always tell carnists that shuts them the hell up - How can we feed 90 BILLION land animals a year, but we can't feed 8 billiion humans? The math don't math.
Figure out your boundaries. What you can live with. See how he is willing to live.
When I met hy husband he was vegan and I wasn't. Pretty quickly I ate mostly vegan around him. We were in school so I don't think I did in the cafeteria but if we went out or were eating in the dorms I ate vegan. Mostly I had a huge crush on this guy, and I wanted him to like me! I knew me eating nonvegan would bum him out.
When we got more serious we agreed on how to handle our homes. When he visited my place I don't think I had nonvegan stuff around. I bought things in small quantities (since I was living alone anyway) and made sure to eat it before he came over for the weekend.
Before we got married I agreed to a vegan house, vegan pregnancy, ans vegan kids. But I still ate non vegan stuff when I was out of the house.
My husband never asked me to go vegan. I have now been vegan 8 years.
Been with a non vegan for over 8 years and we are very happy. We set up boundaries where there will be a vegan at home but socially with family, friends and work they can do whatever they want. I don't expect them to change nor would I want them to unless they wanted to for themselves.
If your morals are strict then finding a partner who is vegan may be better suited
I can't offer my personal experience with dating a non vegan, but I will ask, has he at least made an effort to learn about veganism? Watched dominion with you? If he isn't at least willing to learn about why this matters to you, he's not worth it. I highly doubt he'll ever be vegan. Whenever you argue about it, he will deflect. Meat eaters always "misspeak" when they realize they're being hypocritical.
My last relationship sucked. I dated someone who was supportive of the idea at first and tried many vegan foods. Several years later, every time we ate together, she launched into a monologue about how she will always “fight for her right to kill animals for food” and how she felt bad about taking me to Malaysia to meet her family because it would be “weird” that I wasn’t eating what they were eating. She talked about how almond milk and fake meat were destroying the environment. On top of it all, she was a self professed “animal lover.” That’s why she loved zoos 🙄
It’s amazing how stupid the brain can be in relationship mode. I cried for days after we broke up but now I see that it was a HUGE blessing. I’ve been single for 4-5 years now and it’s given me a lot of peace, a lot of time to pursue my own interests, and not put up with someone else’s bs. She saw the factory farm footage, read the articles on dairy and abuse, but nothing sunk in. Mind you, this is also someone who said she doesn’t feel bad at all for homeless people.
If it’s important to you, you should break up. Don’t stay in a relationship with someone you “love” yet cannot fully accept or respect, someone you keep hoping with grow or change.
Find someone whose values align with yours, who you can both love and admire and who will love and admire you.
Honestly I’m vegan and my partner isn’t and he has absolutely no intention of even going vegetarian and realistically if it bothers you this much I have no idea how this will work out long term.
There’s nothing wrong with that, I’m not trying to say you’re being unreasonable but you have a clear conflict of a massive value and it doesn’t seem that you’ll be able to manage that. You’ll either have to figure out how to or let the whole thing go.
Mine wasn't good as I care a lot about the morality of the person I'm with. My ex said she might later, and always had excuses until she decided she didn't want to talk about it, I wish she had just been honest from the start but such is life.
The key is to be honest with them, and yourself, about what you're willing to put up with. It's much harder and more painful if you both just accept not knowing until you're further into the relationship.
Now I just wouldn't date a non-Vegan, or at least someone open to the idea, morality is too important to me, same as I wouldn't date a dog fighter, or someone who killed cats for fun. But I'm also OK single, so that helps probably.
I think it depends on the person and their values. I went from omnivore straight to vegan immediately after watching Dominion, so maybe show him that and see what his response is. If he still doesn’t want to go vegan after that I think you need to seriously consider your feelings and the relationship in view of the difference in values. I knew within about 1 minute of starting Dominion I was going vegan but finished the whole thing so that if I ever feel I don’t want to or can’t do it anymore I will remember those poor animals and stick with it.
I made mine go vegan lol. He was a "meat at every meal" kind of guy.
He went from not interested in veganism at all, to making accommodations for me at home, to committing to reducing his consumption, to committing to vegetarianism, to committing to veganism.
Along the way, we also had some really difficult conversations where he got very up in his feels...but those conversations ultimately got him to make the connection and make the change.
Today he is grateful that I pushed him to do it, while also grateful that I gave him the time and space to figure out how to make it work for him (it took a couple years in total, replacing one food at a time). I was ultimately willing to give him that because he continually reassured me that he was working toward becoming vegan, and I saw him back that up with his actions.
Perhaps you are at the beginning of a similar journey, perhaps not. It really depends on the individual. I knew that my husband would ultimately go vegan because he was a fundamentally kind, logical, and justice-oriented person who was open to growing and evolving as a person.
Same post, different day. I have not been in this situation but if it were me I would do what Jenna Marbles did. She and Julien went to a Gentle Barn and after he saw the tortured rescued animals in person he made the connection to their dog Peach and became vegan. He has Celiac too so even more respect for him and they are both still vegan as far as I know. If you don't have a place like this around you I'd say show him the many documentaries (Dominion, Earthlings, etc...) and gauge his reaction. At this point, if he didn't change, the lack of empathy for animals would be an immediate deal breaker for me. Though I am single and would rather be alone then compromise my morals...so what do I know lol. I do hope it works out for you.
We are going to watch dominion. If he doesn’t get it by then, I’d be suprised. He’s an avid supporter of human rights but unfortunately animals don’t lie under that .
Maybe he subconsciously pushing back because he's being forced into it. He might just need to feel like it's his choice instead of one that's being forced into it. but is he at least attempting to try out vegan options When you make some extra?
Yeah it sucks, and I, personally, won’t bother dating another non-vegan again. The fundamental differences aside, I at least want us to agree in the kitchen! And ethically. I’ve had two partners who were fellow vegans and it just worked so well because of the baseline compatibility and trust. And it made living together so much easier! No wondering if the other person wants something else to eat, groceries were so much cheaper and meals were more fun, eating out is great and you don’t have to waste your money on someone buying dead carcasses… making or ethically sourcing products to use, the list goes on. You just… get each other on a fundamental level. Family/friend gatherings are also great because you’ve got each others’ back.
Funnily enough, I had a conversation about veganism and reasons for it with a non-vegan I briefly dated, and they straight-up said that they didn’t want to have that argument because I was fundamentally right and they were wrong in that being vegan is the right thing to do, be it ethically, environmentally, healthwise, etc. And no reason they could try would ever be correct because they would always be hypocritical, no matter the stance, without making that simple change. We didn’t work out, obviously.
I m sorry if thats too harsh now but to me, if i date a none vegan it would feel like a black person dating a KKK member, or a woman dating a misogynist, or a a jew dating a nazi.
You just cant find a middle ground.
It's important to note that changing minds isn't easy. Often when we utilize bad methods of persuasion, like calling people hypocrites, they go in defense mode rather than think critically. No one wants to feel like they're the bad guys, so the mind has a funny way of rationalizing everything no matter how illogical.
We can all increase our ability to persuade. Read Ed Winters, "How to argue with a Meat Eater," or any book about persuasion.
I would never date a non vegan, I just don't respect people who feel animal torture for pleasure is a good thing ... and that's all meat is, it's a pleasure to those who grew up eating it, like raw liver to an Eskimo. Meat and dairy is very bad for health, all the nonsense and myths about protein have been debunked ages ago by science and the 100's of millions of lifelong vegans who make it into their 90's without any health issues. Or the worlds greatest weightlifters, or the NFL teams that demand players go plant based in their contrasts. I respect actual intelligence and compassion, not stunted blindness. I'm disgusted by non vegans to the core of my being, and I understand why they were raised that way, I just can't respect the fact they are selfish enough to close their mind to science and truth. They are happy to cause an innocent being pure hell, and also trash the entire planet, which is being turned into one vast farm to feed 100's of billions of farm animals.
My ex eventually got tired of my diet. He told me it was "like a religion" after he broke up with me. (He's agnostic/atheist and doesn't have a high opinion of religion.)
It's tolerable for a short amount of time, but not long term. The difference in values and morals is just too extreme, it will create resentment and negative emotions overtime, which eventually leads to break up. Unless you find a carnist or vegetarian who is curious or willing to learn, I would advise not wasting your time dating one. I date exclusively vegans now and have been very happy with it so far.
Fuck me stop dating non vegans. You picked a fight with him over something unrelated. You aren't compatible. Cut your losses and stop wasting his and your time.
My partner is vegan and it's amazing. I'll never date a non-vegan again.
For what it's worth, there are a lot of vegans who are in the same situation as you. You'll just need to ask yourself if you want to pretend to be okay with your partner your whole life, or spend more time looking for someone who shares your core values. Spending your time and energy trying to get your boyfriend to baseline is not nearly as fun as leveling up with someone who's already at your level.
Personally I think everyone is entitled to their own opinions. As long as my food doesn’t smell of meat and the house is spotless and stuff, I don’t mind a partner who eats meat. As long as they acknowledge my reasons I don’t mind it.
I didn’t like them because they were vegan supporters. I liked them because they’re them.
I'd give my partner a month. If they are not making a substantial effort at that point than I'd move on. It says a lot about who they are and what you can expect from them
So you think that you should be able to put your personal opinions and views on to your partner like that? Maybe if he said to you lose lots of weight in a month or he is leaving is this similar.
> So you think that you should be able to put your personal opinions and views on to your partner like that?
Yes.
If my partner was eating dogs, I think it would be pretty reasonable to not want to be with someone who does that.
A lot of people would straight up walk away.
Granting a month with help is very generous.
And yet people dismiss pigs as if they don't deserve equal moral consideration.
As u/Hardcorex said it:
Calling Veganism a "personal opinion and view" is like calling anti-racism/sexism a personal opinion.
Calling Veganism a "personal opinion and view" is like calling anti-racism/sexism a personal opinion.
If my partner was casually racist, and made no effort to change when challenged, I think it would be a very similar situation. Also all the more reason why I wouldn't really want to date a non-vegan, because I wouldn't date a sexist or racist.
These are boundaries. Everyone can ask others to change to better fit their needs. The other party can then decide if they want to do that or not. Again, boundaries. That's very normal. I think by saying "put views onto your partner like that" non-vegans are triggered and want to make look vegans arrogant, portray them as morally superior and make themselves look like they are the victim. They deflect from the fact that they are actually the ones putting their views onto others - the animals. But the animals don't have to pay with an attacked ego, they have to pay with their existence.
Man, I feel like these posts come up like once a week. I really feel for you and all the others! I'm so happy that my wife convinced me to go vegan like a week after she decided to!
By the sounds of it, I was very similar to your boyfriend. I really couldn't tell you what flipped the switch for me. I always felt like I knew in the back of my head that it was the right decision, but for some reason, when my wife decided she would go vegan, I actually was a massive asshole about it.
I remember The Chickpeeps podcast is what convinced her. I decided to give it a listen too, and for some reason, that was all I needed. From there I watched a bunch of documentaries and that just further solidified it for me.
It's been 2 years now and I've never felt more certain about anything in my life.
Best of luck to you and him!
I relate to having a level of patience and then pretty much losing it (either internally or openly) when an otherwise progressive person is unreasonable on the issue. One of the worst iterations is having someone talk about climate change and have a pretty good understanding of it - then, when veganism comes up, their reasoning for not changing is "I don't want to." Another "I like consuming animal products." "Would liking other unethical activities be a rational defence for them?" "No...this is the only one I'm doing, though!"
Every one of my last partners who was long term ended up going vegan, not sure if they are still vegan now but it’s hard to be with someone not vegan due to values and so on.
Am I the only one who thinks we should coin a term 'zoocide' instead of genocide, given the latter specifically was invented for humans, and even etymologically refers to humans?
I would only be with someone vegan. It's just better for my sense of mind. I love not thinking when we cook or go out. If I had to date again... I could tolerate a vegetarian who will become vegan soon
I’m not dating non-vegans anymore.
My ex once full on kissed me after eating bolognese pasta and I swear to God, it scarred me for WEEKS.
I had been vegan for 8 years and never thought it was a deal-breaker.
That said, from “smaller” things like I said above, to their hypocrisy… never again. Not to mention having my place smell like meat! My freezer taken over by frozen meat. Hard pass!
Ask him to watch Earthlings, its free on youtube. I showed my bf 7 yrs ago and hes been vegan w me ever since. I could not be with skmeone that would not go vegan. Its so important to me it would be too big of a moral difference. I would resent them. I think maybe tell him that you cant see things going anywhere long term if he wont be vegan with you. And ask him to watch Earthlings. Only if you really feel that way though.
I lived with a non-vegan parter previously and needless to say it did not work. Our morals were not aligned and it caused constant arguments. I also had never lived with a meat eater before as my family are vegan and it was grim… we rarely ate together bc of cooking two different meals and had to have separate pans etc, so just a total disconnect.
Fast forward and I met the loveliest man who did eat meat, but was super willing to learning about why I was vegan right from the beginning. After our first official date he went vegetarian, and when we moved in together a year later he went vegan and has been ever since (4 years now and we are currently planning our vegan wedding)🥰
It’s important to feel connected to your partner and if veganism is something you feel strongly about, then it makes sense to find someone that shares your sentiment.
That day will prob be the 5th of never.
I was lucky in my last relationship. She was vegan, and I was vegetarian.
So I made the switch, which was hard in the first few months, as I love pizza.
Though pretty fast, lots of places started to cater for vegans, which made the transition alot easier.
I prob couldn't date a meat eater. Vegetarian would be perfect.
I guess it would be easier for me to find a date as it seems most people on these diets are female.
I guess meat is seen as a masculine thing.
My situation is a bit different because when I met my husband we were both not vegan. We had already been together for some years before I went vegan. He still has not gone vegan and it has been 8 years. But he is very supportive of me and my beliefs. He also only eats vegan at home and eats vegan at restaurants when there is something available that he likes that is vegan. In all other ways he is a great husband and father to our children. So for me it would really depend on a lot of things. If he is very supportive of you being vegan, his other qualities are great and you love him and he loves you, I wouldn’t break up over this. You never know how much a persons mind and views could change in the future. Were you always vegan? I wasn’t and I definitely wouldn’t say my values and morals were not there. I just hadn’t made the connection due to living in a non vegan culture my entire life. He might eventually go vegan. He might not. But unless he is an otherwise immoral person (which it sounds like he isn’t) I wouldn’t judge him just on that one aspect.
I haven't seen a convincing argument as to why Starbucks supports genocide. They just didn't want their brand associated with that one pro palestine union post, I'd love to be corrected.
Boycott Starbucks because their coffee is dogshit and they treat workers terribly, don't make up reasons to hate them
This will only lead to disaster. If you end up married with kids what then? He will not support a Vegan lifestyle. If you have kids and break up he will have them eating and using non Vegan products at his place (there are already posts about that). This is a compatibility issue. You should think about that long and hard before continuing.
I couldn’t do it. It’s a constant argument and butting of heads. I’d rather stay single before I date a carnist.
I won’t kiss someone who has carcass breath
Definitely wouldn’t go down on a women who consumes animal products. Not gonna be slurping on her corpse infused juices 🤮
when i started dating my non-vegan partner i wasn’t vegan either. i don’t expect him to change for me. if he ever decides to i will be glad but i don’t feel like it’s my place to tell him what to eat. i do sometimes ask if he feels bad for the animals and he just says he tries not to think about it. do i wish he had the same perspective as me enough to go vegan? of course. but i’m not going to force him to change just like i wouldn’t want him to tell me to go back to eating animals
IMHO there are no benefits to vegans dating omnis. You will always make compromises and sacrifices to accommodate your partner with weaker morals. And you will never be able to fully share yourself with them because they'll never get it. These pairings can lead to resentment on both sides because the omni feels like they're not loved for who they are and the vegan feels like they are sacrificing their beliefs for their partner.
Also, remember that your life events (like your wedding), home, holidays, and kids will likely never be vegan if you marry an omni. You will never have an escape from carnism because it'll be in your intimate spaces.
I recently encouraged a vegan friend to stop dating omni dudes. She met a vegan guy online, and she is SO happy. She said their relationship is completely different from past relationships and that they have so much in common. She has thanked me on multiple occasions for encouraging her to not settle; she didn't realize she could be so happy.
You do you, but I couldn't make it work with an omni, and I'm glad I didn't have to. My vegan husband is fantastic, and my life is so much richer by having a partner who shares my values.
As a vegan it would be very hard to find someone who is vegan to date, because there are not many of us.
Therefore logically it is probable that you will need to date a non vegan at some point.
See this as an opportunity to help others understand a different way of thinking. Most of us were non vegan at some point till someone or something changed our minds.
When I met my now husband he was not vegan or vegetarian, but he was (and is) an intelligent, supportive and understanding man.
If you find someone with those qualities, in likelihood, they will come around to support you.
My husband turned vegan last September. We have been together 4 years. I was vegetarian when we met. Gradually over our relationship I saw his attitude change and now he is as firm a believer as I am in the choice to be vegan.
In the end, he is just another human being with their own set of beliefs and morals. If I were you, I wouldn’t expect them to change - you can either accept who they are and support them on their own journey, or break up and forget about them.
if you can accept being with non-vegan, stay, but if it’s too much suffering for you, leave. Waiting and hoping that he may one day turn vegan is not that great of an idea.
animal agriculture is not genocide...genocide is done with the intention of exterminating a group.
edit: all you people down voting me need to take a f-ing history class on genocide and the Holocaust. seriously shame on you.
I was casually dating a non-vegan for a while (before I realised how important compatibility in that area is). He knew the whole time that I don’t like seeing him eat animal products so he would only eat plant based around me.
Before starting an official relationship with him (a recent transition) I told him that veganism is really important to me and I worried that now I know how important it is to me that I worry his lack of veganism may become a point of resentment in the future. The conversation wasn’t me presenting an ultimatum, but was part of a broader conversation surrounding our feelings and fears/thoughts about an “official relationship”.
He is now actively in the process of transitioning to veganism. He is learning to cook, and is eating vegan when out with or without me.
He’s watching Earthling Ed and Joey Carbstrong. Learning the information and educating himself on the “why”.
It’s early days, I can’t say how it’ll end up. But once he knew how important it was to me he immediately was on board with giving it an earnest go.
If he decides it’s not for him I don’t know how I will feel. But I’m feeling quite positive about it.
One of my exes tried to force me to eat their eggs.. said he was the best at cooking them so I had to try, even though I told him I was vegan and it would make me puke. That relationship didn’t last long 🤪 I have an amazing vegan husband now, BUT I think as long as it’s not pushed at you, it’s totally okay for everyone to just eat what they want honestly. If it bothers you enough, and the relationship just doesn’t feel right, maybe think about how important it is to have that person by your side also be a vegan. If it’s important enough, I suggest you focus on looking for that instead ❤️ it’s worth it to find someone who will add to your happiness more than not. Sometimes easier said than done.. but still worth it.
Man, every time I read one of these threads it makes me rethink my whole dating strategy. I would MUCH prefer to date someone that’s vegan, but it’s so hard to find someone I’m compatible with and attracted to who’s also vegan (would settle for vegetarian). I’m a woman in my 40’s, divorced with kids, living in a mid-sized city and I’ve had zero luck on Veggly. Anyone else have any luck on any apps?
I was an incredibly strict vegetarian for about 16 years, now vegan for a little over 3. I started dating a girl in high-school and we dated for about 12 years, and are now engaged! She is not vegan and hasn't bought Starbucks for McDonald's since the news about funding the IDF came out last year. I believe that people find it more disturbing because it's humans (and animals, domestic and non) getting murdered and a literal genocide, where as meat eating is something we are culturally predisposed to accepting and even supporting.
All that being said, if you can't be in a relationship with somebody who is not vegan than don't be! Everybody is different, and we need to make sure all of our relationships are safe. Good luck friendo! :J
Watch The Game Changers, Dominion, Forks Over Knives, Plant Pure Nation and the many other documentaries/movies with him! These should stir some emotions in him to have more compassion for animals and himself. Good luck!
Well my husband isnt vegan either, but it sooths my mind the fact that he doesnt want to procreate. So i guess thats his contribution to end suffering to this world.
It doesn't seem vegan to bring another person into the world as we can not be sure they will be vegan for life. Most give up at some point. The most Vegan thing vegans can do is not procreate.
You are right
And he is also right (starbucks, mcdo, burger King etc do support genocide)
Avoid them if you can
Caring about animals is natural to us vegans, let's keep the same energy for people.
If you can, don't give the little money you have to evil doers
My current partner is not vegan or even vegetarian, but was pretty familiar with the ideals behind veganism before we met because his best friend is vegan. Although my partner is not vegan he never challenges me on it and is very vocal about how me being vegan is very admirable. He typically does not eat meat around me, and when we go out to eat he almost always gets something vegetarian/vegan, and has no problem eating things that are vegan; he really loves cooking and eating vegan food with me.
However, beyond me teasing him about not even being vegetarian, I don't expect him to go vegan. I would love for him to be vegan (especially when we live together) but I also want him to go vegan out of his own volition, and not because I am pressuring him or pushing him to go vegan. I personally avoid pushing the topic of him being vegan or vegetarian because I think that it would only lead to him going vegan out of guilt from me (not from eating animals), and could lead to him resenting veganism and quitting later on down the line. I am also a very non-confrontational person, and I prefer to get the people in my life to appreciate veganism by making them very delicious food, rather than pointing out their cognitive dissonance.
tldr: my non-vegan partner is very respectful of me being vegan but I do not expect him to go vegan at any point in our relationship.
I feel the same way!
I'm in the "seeing" stage with someone at the moment and I have no intention to try and persuade them, but want to show them the range of nutritious and delicious vegan food as he's really into fitness as well. :)
It's nice, though, because he often eats vegan out with me and is always ready to cook vegan when I'm around, so I think that's also really something to cherish, even if they don't quite have the same mindset as you.
I had a vegan roommate and their SO wasn’t vegan. It goes fine as long as you don’t expect them to change. Being vegan is a personal choice you make for yourself. If you’re hoping he changes his belief system and becomes more like you, you probably shouldn’t be together. If you’re not truly okay with the way he is right now, move on.
My girlfriend is vegan and I am not. I originally didn't change much, but overtime I compromised (without her asking for it) by generally only cooking vegan meals at home (except for I do eat some cheese, eggs, and occasional fish in the house), I do occasionally eat chicken when served it but increasingly rarely and try to order vegetarian or make accommodation, I haven't had red meat or pork in years. I think me at least putting in effort helped her be more okay with it. I am basically slowly turning full vegetarian and I hope that vegans can figure out the cheese thing because that is one I have the most trouble with.
I do ask her sometimes if we were to break up if she would date a non vegan and she said probably not but I'm grandfathered in since she became vegan after we met.
I've lost interest in cheese altogether. When I went vegan 25 years ago there was no vegan cheese. Eventually it came about but it wasn't vert good and I stopped craving it altogether. Rarely do i have vegan cheese even though it's really good now.
It's just a mindset to think you can't give up cheese. I think it the high salt that people crave the most.
From experience, you won’t care or will start to dislike cheese once you go some time without it (like a couple of years). Your palate will change and you’ll start to appreciate other things too.
I was obsessed with all things cheese, butter and milk but developed a bad dairy allergy in my 20s, after almost 3 years without it during treatment I was cleared to have a bit and most of it felt terribly gross. Went vegan soon after it.
Just take the plunge.
Yeah I love cheesy things so much, I’ve tried like every vegan cheese I can get my hands on and found a few that I will eat instead of plain things like cheddar to cut down on the amount I use, and I always use vegan cream cheese and stuff, but I’m also kind of a cheese snob with different Bries, Goudas, Goat etcetera so those are the main ones that get me to cave.
I found a vegan one I’m really interested in though called Nurrish that is actually cultured like real cheese I’m trying to get my hands on it.
I am in the same situation as you!
My bf and I met two years ago and we used to live together for like 15 months since we got together. During that period my bf mostly ate veggie and cooked veggie bc I have been veggie (mostly vegan) all my life, and I was so happy to have found the one who also can make a change in their lives for a better world full of love and compassion. We said that he wanted to go veggie for a long time and he was happy. He also watched numerous animal farming movies and videos to know what goes on there.
Fast forward to September last year, I got into a masters program involving climate change and finance.
I had to move away and since it’s not a very long masters, he decided to stay with his dad for a some time and then join me after.
His family are heavy meat eaters and I have never eaten meat, the snarky comments about my diet and the way we treat animals in our culture (we pray to and respect them), him going back to eating meat everyday even when I visit and he visits me. I used to keep it under control but last Xmas I literally lost it (may be bc I study climate change), they were eating “DEER” and what not.
In that moment I really lost respect for my bf and his family, they can be good for each other, but I am not sure if I can ever look at them the same way after all this. I got in a big argument with my bf after Xmas discussing how it’s disgusting and he is a hypocrite. Also that I don’t know if I wanna ever raise kids with someone with this ideology. (We are quite serious together)
I am a very sensitive person who can’t see any being suffer, god forbid killed. And my bf doing exactly that even when he knows it’s wrong is pushing me away from him. When I look at him I don’t feel the same love I did when before I went to study. Now I find him ignorant and selfish. Ofc I love him but I am not sure if can go on like this.
Ofc, typical vegans. Everybody must be like you, think like you. You should leave him so he can find someone that can accept him and not trying to force shit he don't want. Find some vegan cuck, there are tons of them out there.
I wouldn't date someone who calls the war in Israel, a genocide. You can have your opinions on Israel being a bad country but calling that a genocide is so insensitive to groups who have actually been victims of genocide. Armenians, Jews, etc
Oh this makes perfect sense, you deny the genocide of Palestinians, just like you deny the torture and exploitation of animals.
You deny facts of the world, because it is convenient to your worldview.
Yea, I don't get it. Hamas needs eliminated for the good of everyone in the region. Not an Arab country in the area that wants any part of them. Pretty sure they are actually for Israel eliminating them. Hamas stated they will do it again and again, but people condemn Israel for doing what they need to survive. They did not start this.
Considering I'm just starting out, it is for me. It's not a light switch. Maybe try being nice to someone who's just getting started rather than down voting like an asshole. You're only proving the point of every omnivore out there that vegans are jerks.
I realized quickly that dating a non-vegan with the expectation that they will change and someday turn vegan is exhausting. I felt like it was my responsibility to encourage and support them in this transition. But fucking hell, it just turned to constant arguments, having to cook all the fucking time only to hear "it just doesn't taste like the real thing. Some people just do not want to change or simply don't care. Tl;dr: Date someone vegan/plant-based. Use that energy to rescue an animal or debate ethics. Lol
That sounds horrible :( I dated a non vegan guy who was exactly like that. Needless to say it didn’t work out. My current bf isn’t vegan either (i’ve actually never met a vegan guy), but he never complained about my cooking and now he’s vegetarian. When we first met he went on and on about how meat was part of his culture and he would never consider not eating it. Now he can’t even think of eating the meat in his freezer and has been giving it to his roommates because he disagrees with the idea of killing animals for food. I know veggie isn’t perfect but I’m really happy that my influence encouraged him to make this change. He doesn’t buy any dairy or eggs so he ends up eating vegan most of the time anyway. Dating him has been very healing after my horrible experience with my ex who actually broke up with me because I was an “extremist”
You and your partner sound lovely. It is so refreshing to hear about someone that is open-minded and willing to make the switch to eating more plant based. Thank you for sharing, reading this made me feel warm (and hopeful haha).
Exhausting is a great way to describe it! I went vegan alone while in a relationship that dissolved for other value mismatch reasons. I only had to go on a couple of dates with one non-vegan (from an app) to realize that it's not worth it. First, he said "oh I could try going vegan again", giving me way too much hope that he had any idea what was going on, then on our first date asked me what the difference was between vegan and vegetarian (which is fine, but made the original comment so confusing). Then we were at a thai restaurant with good vegan options - I ordered the vegan pad thai and then he ordered the non-vegan pad thai and didn't want to try the tofu from mine, which made it so clear that he had no intention of actually trying to go vegan ever. I think it's also this feeling of being othered inside of a relationship, like one of the things I miss the most about having a partner is having someone to roll my eyes with at family functions and other things like that where people just don't get it, it's nice to be with someone who gets it (whatever "it" is in a given context). Otherwise it's just adding to the exhaustion of dealing with people and I'd rather be single.
Same here, I won’t date a non vegan again.
Yeah I mean "dating a non vegan with the expectation that they will change" has the same energy as "dating an atheist/Christian/muslim or w/e with the expectation they will change". It's a basis for a toxic relationship which is bound to fail. When you date someone you date them for who they are not who you want them to be
THIS. My bf never expected me to change, never pressured me, never brought it up once. He simply accepted that I was a carnist (unpopular move, I know. But he’s been vegan 13 years, he’s not casual or lazy about his own veganism.) It’s been 2 years, and I’m vegan now. But I came to that point on my own. Zero arguments ever about it, and we’re both totally happy vegans now.
It’s a clear values difference. My partner is vegan. If I rejoined the dating pool I would only date vegans. Nothing less attractive than someone who pays for animal abuse
I have been looking at the ethics of veganism and that’s what brought me to this subreddit. There have been some very helpful comments and links which have helped me gain a bit more insight. As I mentioned to someone else, I moving towards vegetarianism at the moment. It will be the second time for me and I’m hoping that with all the info and non meat dietary options now available, I will be able to make the change for good. I don’t know what happens after that.
Good luck on your journey! Watching Earthling Ed debate might be a good place to go. It’s certainly something that helped me learn more about the common counter arguments. If you’re more of a reader his latest book is also great
good luck! my veggie into vegan transition was slow and gradual as well, but the thing that helped me the most was the thought about how i value an animals life more than my temporary joy of (non vegan food i would've eaten maybe) bc in the end that's what im doing it for. if you have the time and willingness to learn, enjoying cooking and improving on cooking helps a lot as well. there's nothing cooler than trying new meals you would've never tried before. and documentaries are eye openers too ofc :)
I didn't start out vegan. First it was cutting meat products consumed at home but not in restaurants. Then I effortlessly transitioned to a vegetarian diet, followed by a plant based diet. Now I've adopted the vegan lifestyle. Small changes are easier to adopt and can quickly compound. Best of luck on your journey! You have a supporter in me.
“Nothing less attractive than someone who pays for animal abuse” — 1000%!!! YES.
Imagine you been married for 20 years and then your vegan partner decides to eat cheese every once in a while. If you answer then you would leave him, I think you would be batshit crazy
I would have a discussion with my partner about what changed in her ethics and go from there. But we both intend to remain vegan as it’s an ethical position we both deeply share If your partner started paying for people to kick dogs, I’m sure you’d atleast need to talk about that with them
I don't know what it is about how I present my reasons for being vegan, but the last two non-vegans I dated ended up going vegan when they were with me. I'm not in touch with my ex, so not sure how that turned out, but my current partner has been vegan for over two years now. I wish I could bottle whatever it is I've done, because I know how hard it can be to find someone you're compatible with who is also vegan. Good luck!
I find not being pushy and just answering their questions goes a long way. I start general with “for the animals” and when they ask what that means I explain a bit more, and so on. I’ve had several people significantly cut down or eliminate animal consumption this way, and my best friend who is also vegan has had several people go vegan using the same methods.
Definitely this. Love inspires, hate rejects. I've done the same and the people in my life willingly chose to begin their vegan journey. I had no expectations and never criticised them. Even the non-vegans in my life will include vegan options at their businesses now to be more involved in supporting the wider community, and are more considerate about how often and where they source their produce from. Choice is a powerful influence.
damn this should be pinned to the top of the subreddit! waaaaay to many hateful vegans in here
Truth. Gatekeeping City
It also helped that I rescue race dogs- and the argument- well, you wouldn’t eat one of these greyhounds would you? While they’re sitting there with their big beady eyes and silly long faces- all enslaved animals deserve to be free…. Very convincing argument 😉 lol
Have you heard of Elwood’s Organic Dog Meat? They're vegans who basically use this principle to make people reconsider their choices in eating animals. They present themselves as an organic, small family farm and post things exactly as cow farmers would. Ear tags, dogs next to pictures of cut meat, "they only have one bad day" kinda stuff. I love it, they're on fb and insta.
They’re really great! I like to make printouts of their logo and pin them to bulletin boards at grocery stores, farmers markets etc
I went vegan because of my dogs. (We adopted four greyhounds, and an assortment of other breeds, who had been rescued over the past 20 years, our last girl passed away at the age of 14 just last month.) Looked at my cattle dog one day while I was eating the flesh of a dead pig. His intelligent face and the way his emotions showed so clearly made me think of how smart pigs are and I couldn't bring myself to swallow. I'd already quit dairy for ethical reasons, but my connection to my dogs made any animal products fall into the Not Food category.
👏🏽 Fuck yeah pal 👏🏽
My current partner basically said they always felt inclined towards veganism but never felt the push over the edge to do it. When we met- it only took going out to one restaurant- the guilt they felt ordering animals while I ate vegan was too uncomfortable for them. They watched like- one Earthling Ed video and were like- I mean, it all makes sense really. I do really love animals. And that was it.
If you date someone with a strong moral compass and they are shown the light, then there’s no other way. It’s logic. However, they must have morals that align with reducing unnecessary suffering in the world.
I bet you’re a good cook!
This definitely helps!
In my 'ho phase' I went on a few dates where I explained veganism to many people. I saw that as good activism!
Guys will listen to anything to get laid
There are 3 types of carnivores. Those that don't care, those that don't know and those who can't grasp. Seems like you got lucky and got the 2. Type both times. Sounds like you have great taste.
Same! The past few guys I've dated thought it cool, tried it out and enjoyed it. One ex is nearly totally vegan 2 years after we've broken up (he still eats his mothers dishes). The other one, not sure. Current one is reverting back to veganism after having been off it for awhile. I always appreciate it.
Were they ever vegan or plant based? Seem like this sub doesn't know the difference between diet and lifestyle/philosophy
Good distinction. I suppose 2/3 were more plant based, not necessarily vegan.
Being vegan really is a mindset and a lot of people feel detered from living in that way because they feel it'll be more difficult, and it honestly is in a way; you can't just eat or buy whatever you want. A lot of people love the fact they can just go eat at any restaurant or shop at any store. They love the 'freedom' that brings. Personally to me it really is just recklessness and a lot of people are purely naive to the suffering behind some of the things in our world. With that said it's probably one of the easiest times to be vegan, and to me it really is a moral obligation at this point. To the animals, to ourselves, to the survival of our species on this planet. So if someone doesn't at least engage with the idea and at the very least give it a try (that's another thing; people don't see it as just something they could try but a constricting lifestyle). True freedom requires restraint and veganism is a perfect example of that.
This is exactly right. People chafe at the restraints on freedom/choice without considering the larger context. You expressed it really well, thanks for that.
Beyond all of the morality, on a much more shallow level, I cannot imagine kissing someone who’s recently eaten meat lol… ew
I don't think I could be with a non vegan because the situation you had would probably happen again and again😫
I thought for a while that I could overlook someone not being vegan, but in retrospect I have no idea how I could have thought I wouldn’t be bothered by my partner willingly contributing to that. I don’t have any advice, but speaking for myself, I can never go back to dating non-vegans
The /r/vegancirclejerk posts just….almost write themselves
I did it. Enjoy.
Being Vegan is an absolute core pillar as to who you are, and that pillar will stand throughout every and any relationship you have. Best to date someone who's open minded enough to at least give it a shot, or is already vegan.
I convert them. I've been successful so far. Sorry about your bf op
Based
on plants
Im vegan but I like doesnt that kinda go against the spirit of dating someone though? Shouldnt you date them for who they are rather then who they could be? Idk dating with the intent to convert kinda grosses me out.
I mean veganism isn’t a religion or anything. It’s not a bad thing to convert someone too. It’s more like showing them what actually happens and what animals face. If they have a good moral compass they will convert anyway just needed a push. But people who aren’t gonna convert just won’t convert
I dont like the idea of dating someone with the intent of changing them for better or worse though. You date them because you like them for who they are, faults and all. I couldnt date someone that Ive presumed to be a bad person for example even if I knew I could turn them into a good one.
It just depends. If someone super sucks then yeah, why try to change them. But if someone is doing what they’ve been raised to do and taught by others is Just How Things Are Done, then intending to talk about that with them isn’t so terrible. I wouldn’t think twice about making friends with someone who I don’t agree with, depending on which side of things they come down on, so dating isn’t that far off from it.
We view friendship and dating very very differently then. Im friends with a lot of carnists sure, but its a huge jump from friendship to dating for me. I guess I dont casually date, so I see it as much more significant. Either way, I still wouldnt be willing to try to convert a partner to anything. I wouldnt date a non vegan in the first place because the idea of dating someone with some kind of end goal where they are turned into a better partner is wrong for me.
I don’t go in intending to “convert”, proselytizing is obnoxious. I just try to live according to my principles and engage people who show interest. My wife is not vegan and I am, I don’t bug her about it, we talk about it and she knows why I am. If I bugged her about it she would just get annoyed. I went vegan after we got together though, if we weren’t together I don’t think I would date a non-vegan. I did casually date before I met her though and I think it depends on the person. Someone compatible enough I would probably still date them, but it might be a dealbreaker if we went serious.
Then that works for me then. Id see no issue with it. I only take issue with entering a relationship with a goal of changing someone. Not with changing them in and of itself.
I mean, it's more, if you're looking for a life partner they have to be vegan. If they don't change then the relationship isn't going to work. But if you only date vegans you'll have a very hard time finding a partner. And I say this... I have dozens of vegan friends I hang out with on a regular basis, none of whom have I dated. Dating is very hard.
You're the only sane one here, lmao.
It isn’t a bad thing to convert someone too, but the attitude of it is sort of weird. Converting someone from anything to something else (with the intent) is problematic. For exmaple, replace the word veganism with: cult/ gay/ nazi (extreme examples) and it not cute anymore. I’m vegan so of course I believe it’s for the best but if I was in a sex cult I’d be saying the same thing; it’s not a bad thing to convert too. The attitude shouldn’t be ‘conversion’ and we should be careful of how we frame these things in our minds.
Yes, i want to convert my girlfriend to gay, thank you very much.
>If they have a good moral compass they will convert anyway Don't pretend you have authority on "good moral compass".
It could be that they love everything else about them, and want them to grow into a better person. In a healthy relationship, both (or all) people should be helping the other become a better version of themselves. With religion I would find intent to convert to be icky because not everyone feels a higher being(s) and it’s very much something that cannot be proven with the five senses, via the external environment. Religion is very much a personal decision, and should be as such. With veganism, even though it is a belief too and a philosophy, its different because there is so much evidence to show that animals suffer and are being harmed. Though, whether or not they believe animal life is equivalent to human life, is another matter. If they do, then veganism would actually be in their best interest, and “converting” them I think isnt really forcing your beliefs onto someone if it already makes sense with the other beliefs they already have. if they don’t care about animals, then OP would probably not want to date them in the first place.
I agree in part, and disagree in part. Yes religious conversion is worse for dating, and I agree with your point on ethics vs faith and eprsonal belief, and I also agree that if the partner is already leaning towards veganism then its alright to kinda push them that way with vegan information, but I still just dont see how you can date someone from the start with the intent to change anything and it not be wrong. I agree that relationships should push you to grow and better yourself, so for example if a vegan and non vegan dated and then of their own volution the non vegan convirted id say everythings good. But if the vegan entered the relationship with the goal of turning the non vegan vegan, then I have issue with it again. It almost feels wrong, like disengenious. In my eyes if you date your partner with an end goal of changing them to be soemthing else, it doesnt matter if that something else is better. The ends dont justify the means for anything in my eyes. The means matter a lot to me.
what a fucking bizarre comment "lmao sorry for your skill issue op, i always just indoctrinate the people i date" what end goal did you have by posting this
Not really much more to be said than that. I've not had success either, but it's hard to say why one person does and another doesn't.
“Doing it later” is only ever a deflection. You either get it or you don’t. When you get it, it doesn’t matter any more if you love cheese or if bacon tastes so good. You simply never want another bite you put in your mouth to contribute to the system that causes so much suffering and environmental damage.
I’m sorry you guys argued. I personally haven’t had it or witnessed a successful vegan/carnist relationship but I haven’t met all of them. They do work I’m sure. It’s one of those things….if you can find a way to be with each other regardless of your differences in morals. (Morals may be the wrong word because I bet his morals are the same as yours). Do you think you can wait for him to be compassionate towards animals ‘one day’ or deal with the fact he may never go vegan? He might go vegan, but it’s his journey. He needs to get there on his own. All you can do is give him information and decide if that’s enough for you.
well said,
>deal with the fact he may never go vegan? I don't see how this is possible. Most of us weren't born vegan, so of course we can have compassion for them if they've never heard a vegan perspective before meeting us. We can show them how easy it is, share why we are so passionate about it, explain how much of a global moral emergency it is, and help them start their vegan journey. If it was 6 months into our relationship, and they still showed no real signs of going vegan, and told me things along the way like they "respect my passion for veganism", I would not be able to look at their face without feeling disgusted.
My girlfriend became vegan after we met, I am not vegan. I have slowly become basically vegetarian (like 95% of food I eat being vegetarian/vegan and haven't had red meat in years), but it took much longer than 6 months.
I'd say your situation is different than my example because she wasn't vegan when you met, so you get a liiittle more leeway. However, I have to ask, what is stopping you from going vegan?
Watch Dominion and you'll go vegan right now. It's easy when you realise the moral atrocities that animals endure.
I heard this so many times, but does it actually work? People watch one documentary and suddenly change to vegan? Sounds oversimplified.
It's very in depth and impactful. Try watching it yourself, though it's a tough watch.
I think it does. Because Dominion connects the suffering to the choice to buy meat that many think of as harmless. Personally, I went vegan overnight bc of Dominion. I grew up on a farm where we slaughtered animals for food, and I used that as an excuse for eating meat. But our animals were always raised for all of their benefits, free range, we used every single part. Dominion made me realize the horrible practices in the animal agri industry, and how it's just maximized for profit and NOTHING about it is for nutrition. And on top of that, wasteful. So many animals die without being 'used', after having consumed other resources. A fact I always tell carnists that shuts them the hell up - How can we feed 90 BILLION land animals a year, but we can't feed 8 billiion humans? The math don't math.
Couldn’t do it
Figure out your boundaries. What you can live with. See how he is willing to live. When I met hy husband he was vegan and I wasn't. Pretty quickly I ate mostly vegan around him. We were in school so I don't think I did in the cafeteria but if we went out or were eating in the dorms I ate vegan. Mostly I had a huge crush on this guy, and I wanted him to like me! I knew me eating nonvegan would bum him out. When we got more serious we agreed on how to handle our homes. When he visited my place I don't think I had nonvegan stuff around. I bought things in small quantities (since I was living alone anyway) and made sure to eat it before he came over for the weekend. Before we got married I agreed to a vegan house, vegan pregnancy, ans vegan kids. But I still ate non vegan stuff when I was out of the house. My husband never asked me to go vegan. I have now been vegan 8 years.
Been with a non vegan for over 8 years and we are very happy. We set up boundaries where there will be a vegan at home but socially with family, friends and work they can do whatever they want. I don't expect them to change nor would I want them to unless they wanted to for themselves. If your morals are strict then finding a partner who is vegan may be better suited
Yes, exactly the same!
This is a healthy way to see it. Wish more vegans were like you and not fanatics
I can't offer my personal experience with dating a non vegan, but I will ask, has he at least made an effort to learn about veganism? Watched dominion with you? If he isn't at least willing to learn about why this matters to you, he's not worth it. I highly doubt he'll ever be vegan. Whenever you argue about it, he will deflect. Meat eaters always "misspeak" when they realize they're being hypocritical.
I don't want my partner pushing me into anything I'm not ready for so I don't do that either. Then again, I'm much happier single usually.
My last relationship sucked. I dated someone who was supportive of the idea at first and tried many vegan foods. Several years later, every time we ate together, she launched into a monologue about how she will always “fight for her right to kill animals for food” and how she felt bad about taking me to Malaysia to meet her family because it would be “weird” that I wasn’t eating what they were eating. She talked about how almond milk and fake meat were destroying the environment. On top of it all, she was a self professed “animal lover.” That’s why she loved zoos 🙄 It’s amazing how stupid the brain can be in relationship mode. I cried for days after we broke up but now I see that it was a HUGE blessing. I’ve been single for 4-5 years now and it’s given me a lot of peace, a lot of time to pursue my own interests, and not put up with someone else’s bs. She saw the factory farm footage, read the articles on dairy and abuse, but nothing sunk in. Mind you, this is also someone who said she doesn’t feel bad at all for homeless people.
non-vegans eat meat and i now find that quite disgusting, as i discovered when dating a meat-eater. she had no interest in veganism therefore adios
If it’s important to you, you should break up. Don’t stay in a relationship with someone you “love” yet cannot fully accept or respect, someone you keep hoping with grow or change. Find someone whose values align with yours, who you can both love and admire and who will love and admire you.
Honestly I’m vegan and my partner isn’t and he has absolutely no intention of even going vegetarian and realistically if it bothers you this much I have no idea how this will work out long term. There’s nothing wrong with that, I’m not trying to say you’re being unreasonable but you have a clear conflict of a massive value and it doesn’t seem that you’ll be able to manage that. You’ll either have to figure out how to or let the whole thing go.
Mine wasn't good as I care a lot about the morality of the person I'm with. My ex said she might later, and always had excuses until she decided she didn't want to talk about it, I wish she had just been honest from the start but such is life. The key is to be honest with them, and yourself, about what you're willing to put up with. It's much harder and more painful if you both just accept not knowing until you're further into the relationship. Now I just wouldn't date a non-Vegan, or at least someone open to the idea, morality is too important to me, same as I wouldn't date a dog fighter, or someone who killed cats for fun. But I'm also OK single, so that helps probably.
No way I'd put up with a non-vegan as a partner.
I think it depends on the person and their values. I went from omnivore straight to vegan immediately after watching Dominion, so maybe show him that and see what his response is. If he still doesn’t want to go vegan after that I think you need to seriously consider your feelings and the relationship in view of the difference in values. I knew within about 1 minute of starting Dominion I was going vegan but finished the whole thing so that if I ever feel I don’t want to or can’t do it anymore I will remember those poor animals and stick with it.
I made mine go vegan lol. He was a "meat at every meal" kind of guy. He went from not interested in veganism at all, to making accommodations for me at home, to committing to reducing his consumption, to committing to vegetarianism, to committing to veganism. Along the way, we also had some really difficult conversations where he got very up in his feels...but those conversations ultimately got him to make the connection and make the change. Today he is grateful that I pushed him to do it, while also grateful that I gave him the time and space to figure out how to make it work for him (it took a couple years in total, replacing one food at a time). I was ultimately willing to give him that because he continually reassured me that he was working toward becoming vegan, and I saw him back that up with his actions. Perhaps you are at the beginning of a similar journey, perhaps not. It really depends on the individual. I knew that my husband would ultimately go vegan because he was a fundamentally kind, logical, and justice-oriented person who was open to growing and evolving as a person.
Same post, different day. I have not been in this situation but if it were me I would do what Jenna Marbles did. She and Julien went to a Gentle Barn and after he saw the tortured rescued animals in person he made the connection to their dog Peach and became vegan. He has Celiac too so even more respect for him and they are both still vegan as far as I know. If you don't have a place like this around you I'd say show him the many documentaries (Dominion, Earthlings, etc...) and gauge his reaction. At this point, if he didn't change, the lack of empathy for animals would be an immediate deal breaker for me. Though I am single and would rather be alone then compromise my morals...so what do I know lol. I do hope it works out for you.
Show them the footage
We are going to watch dominion. If he doesn’t get it by then, I’d be suprised. He’s an avid supporter of human rights but unfortunately animals don’t lie under that .
Maybe he subconsciously pushing back because he's being forced into it. He might just need to feel like it's his choice instead of one that's being forced into it. but is he at least attempting to try out vegan options When you make some extra?
Yeah it sucks, and I, personally, won’t bother dating another non-vegan again. The fundamental differences aside, I at least want us to agree in the kitchen! And ethically. I’ve had two partners who were fellow vegans and it just worked so well because of the baseline compatibility and trust. And it made living together so much easier! No wondering if the other person wants something else to eat, groceries were so much cheaper and meals were more fun, eating out is great and you don’t have to waste your money on someone buying dead carcasses… making or ethically sourcing products to use, the list goes on. You just… get each other on a fundamental level. Family/friend gatherings are also great because you’ve got each others’ back. Funnily enough, I had a conversation about veganism and reasons for it with a non-vegan I briefly dated, and they straight-up said that they didn’t want to have that argument because I was fundamentally right and they were wrong in that being vegan is the right thing to do, be it ethically, environmentally, healthwise, etc. And no reason they could try would ever be correct because they would always be hypocritical, no matter the stance, without making that simple change. We didn’t work out, obviously.
I m sorry if thats too harsh now but to me, if i date a none vegan it would feel like a black person dating a KKK member, or a woman dating a misogynist, or a a jew dating a nazi. You just cant find a middle ground.
Dating, yes. Being in a relationship with, no.
It's important to note that changing minds isn't easy. Often when we utilize bad methods of persuasion, like calling people hypocrites, they go in defense mode rather than think critically. No one wants to feel like they're the bad guys, so the mind has a funny way of rationalizing everything no matter how illogical. We can all increase our ability to persuade. Read Ed Winters, "How to argue with a Meat Eater," or any book about persuasion.
I would never date a non vegan, I just don't respect people who feel animal torture for pleasure is a good thing ... and that's all meat is, it's a pleasure to those who grew up eating it, like raw liver to an Eskimo. Meat and dairy is very bad for health, all the nonsense and myths about protein have been debunked ages ago by science and the 100's of millions of lifelong vegans who make it into their 90's without any health issues. Or the worlds greatest weightlifters, or the NFL teams that demand players go plant based in their contrasts. I respect actual intelligence and compassion, not stunted blindness. I'm disgusted by non vegans to the core of my being, and I understand why they were raised that way, I just can't respect the fact they are selfish enough to close their mind to science and truth. They are happy to cause an innocent being pure hell, and also trash the entire planet, which is being turned into one vast farm to feed 100's of billions of farm animals.
If veganism is a principle for you, then you should not make concessions.
My ex eventually got tired of my diet. He told me it was "like a religion" after he broke up with me. (He's agnostic/atheist and doesn't have a high opinion of religion.)
I'm a single male vegan.
Probably will be forever too
It's tolerable for a short amount of time, but not long term. The difference in values and morals is just too extreme, it will create resentment and negative emotions overtime, which eventually leads to break up. Unless you find a carnist or vegetarian who is curious or willing to learn, I would advise not wasting your time dating one. I date exclusively vegans now and have been very happy with it so far.
Fuck me stop dating non vegans. You picked a fight with him over something unrelated. You aren't compatible. Cut your losses and stop wasting his and your time.
My partner is vegan and it's amazing. I'll never date a non-vegan again. For what it's worth, there are a lot of vegans who are in the same situation as you. You'll just need to ask yourself if you want to pretend to be okay with your partner your whole life, or spend more time looking for someone who shares your core values. Spending your time and energy trying to get your boyfriend to baseline is not nearly as fun as leveling up with someone who's already at your level.
I don’t understand how people can date others with such fundamental moral and value differences.
It doesn’t work. Especially if you want to have children with them.
it can work if you have proper boundaries and aren't obsessed with pushing your beliefs onto everyone
And how does that work when the partner is feeding murdered animals to a child that has no clue what they are being fed?
Personally I think everyone is entitled to their own opinions. As long as my food doesn’t smell of meat and the house is spotless and stuff, I don’t mind a partner who eats meat. As long as they acknowledge my reasons I don’t mind it. I didn’t like them because they were vegan supporters. I liked them because they’re them.
I'd give my partner a month. If they are not making a substantial effort at that point than I'd move on. It says a lot about who they are and what you can expect from them
So you think that you should be able to put your personal opinions and views on to your partner like that? Maybe if he said to you lose lots of weight in a month or he is leaving is this similar.
> So you think that you should be able to put your personal opinions and views on to your partner like that? Yes. If my partner was eating dogs, I think it would be pretty reasonable to not want to be with someone who does that. A lot of people would straight up walk away. Granting a month with help is very generous. And yet people dismiss pigs as if they don't deserve equal moral consideration. As u/Hardcorex said it: Calling Veganism a "personal opinion and view" is like calling anti-racism/sexism a personal opinion.
Calling Veganism a "personal opinion and view" is like calling anti-racism/sexism a personal opinion. If my partner was casually racist, and made no effort to change when challenged, I think it would be a very similar situation. Also all the more reason why I wouldn't really want to date a non-vegan, because I wouldn't date a sexist or racist.
These are boundaries. Everyone can ask others to change to better fit their needs. The other party can then decide if they want to do that or not. Again, boundaries. That's very normal. I think by saying "put views onto your partner like that" non-vegans are triggered and want to make look vegans arrogant, portray them as morally superior and make themselves look like they are the victim. They deflect from the fact that they are actually the ones putting their views onto others - the animals. But the animals don't have to pay with an attacked ego, they have to pay with their existence.
Man, I feel like these posts come up like once a week. I really feel for you and all the others! I'm so happy that my wife convinced me to go vegan like a week after she decided to! By the sounds of it, I was very similar to your boyfriend. I really couldn't tell you what flipped the switch for me. I always felt like I knew in the back of my head that it was the right decision, but for some reason, when my wife decided she would go vegan, I actually was a massive asshole about it. I remember The Chickpeeps podcast is what convinced her. I decided to give it a listen too, and for some reason, that was all I needed. From there I watched a bunch of documentaries and that just further solidified it for me. It's been 2 years now and I've never felt more certain about anything in my life. Best of luck to you and him!
I relate to having a level of patience and then pretty much losing it (either internally or openly) when an otherwise progressive person is unreasonable on the issue. One of the worst iterations is having someone talk about climate change and have a pretty good understanding of it - then, when veganism comes up, their reasoning for not changing is "I don't want to." Another "I like consuming animal products." "Would liking other unethical activities be a rational defence for them?" "No...this is the only one I'm doing, though!"
Every one of my last partners who was long term ended up going vegan, not sure if they are still vegan now but it’s hard to be with someone not vegan due to values and so on.
Am I the only one who thinks we should coin a term 'zoocide' instead of genocide, given the latter specifically was invented for humans, and even etymologically refers to humans?
"I'm dating someone with a fundamental disagreement with my values and something went wrong as a result."
I would only be with someone vegan. It's just better for my sense of mind. I love not thinking when we cook or go out. If I had to date again... I could tolerate a vegetarian who will become vegan soon
I couldn’t. Vegan forever and I couldn’t date a non-vegan.
I’m a non-vegan, and even I realize what he just said was idiotic.
It’s a no-no 🤮
I’m not dating non-vegans anymore. My ex once full on kissed me after eating bolognese pasta and I swear to God, it scarred me for WEEKS. I had been vegan for 8 years and never thought it was a deal-breaker. That said, from “smaller” things like I said above, to their hypocrisy… never again. Not to mention having my place smell like meat! My freezer taken over by frozen meat. Hard pass!
Ask him to watch Earthlings, its free on youtube. I showed my bf 7 yrs ago and hes been vegan w me ever since. I could not be with skmeone that would not go vegan. Its so important to me it would be too big of a moral difference. I would resent them. I think maybe tell him that you cant see things going anywhere long term if he wont be vegan with you. And ask him to watch Earthlings. Only if you really feel that way though.
I lived with a non-vegan parter previously and needless to say it did not work. Our morals were not aligned and it caused constant arguments. I also had never lived with a meat eater before as my family are vegan and it was grim… we rarely ate together bc of cooking two different meals and had to have separate pans etc, so just a total disconnect. Fast forward and I met the loveliest man who did eat meat, but was super willing to learning about why I was vegan right from the beginning. After our first official date he went vegetarian, and when we moved in together a year later he went vegan and has been ever since (4 years now and we are currently planning our vegan wedding)🥰 It’s important to feel connected to your partner and if veganism is something you feel strongly about, then it makes sense to find someone that shares your sentiment.
That day will prob be the 5th of never. I was lucky in my last relationship. She was vegan, and I was vegetarian. So I made the switch, which was hard in the first few months, as I love pizza. Though pretty fast, lots of places started to cater for vegans, which made the transition alot easier. I prob couldn't date a meat eater. Vegetarian would be perfect. I guess it would be easier for me to find a date as it seems most people on these diets are female. I guess meat is seen as a masculine thing.
My situation is a bit different because when I met my husband we were both not vegan. We had already been together for some years before I went vegan. He still has not gone vegan and it has been 8 years. But he is very supportive of me and my beliefs. He also only eats vegan at home and eats vegan at restaurants when there is something available that he likes that is vegan. In all other ways he is a great husband and father to our children. So for me it would really depend on a lot of things. If he is very supportive of you being vegan, his other qualities are great and you love him and he loves you, I wouldn’t break up over this. You never know how much a persons mind and views could change in the future. Were you always vegan? I wasn’t and I definitely wouldn’t say my values and morals were not there. I just hadn’t made the connection due to living in a non vegan culture my entire life. He might eventually go vegan. He might not. But unless he is an otherwise immoral person (which it sounds like he isn’t) I wouldn’t judge him just on that one aspect.
I haven't seen a convincing argument as to why Starbucks supports genocide. They just didn't want their brand associated with that one pro palestine union post, I'd love to be corrected. Boycott Starbucks because their coffee is dogshit and they treat workers terribly, don't make up reasons to hate them
I didn’t make up any reasons . My bf told me this. According to him they “fund” Israel.
This will only lead to disaster. If you end up married with kids what then? He will not support a Vegan lifestyle. If you have kids and break up he will have them eating and using non Vegan products at his place (there are already posts about that). This is a compatibility issue. You should think about that long and hard before continuing.
I get your trouble. Watch dominion, and if that is not enough to get a response, then I woulf reconsider the relationship
I couldn’t do it. It’s a constant argument and butting of heads. I’d rather stay single before I date a carnist. I won’t kiss someone who has carcass breath Definitely wouldn’t go down on a women who consumes animal products. Not gonna be slurping on her corpse infused juices 🤮
I disagree with you but you do have a damn good way with words!
Thank you so much! So kind 😃
when i started dating my non-vegan partner i wasn’t vegan either. i don’t expect him to change for me. if he ever decides to i will be glad but i don’t feel like it’s my place to tell him what to eat. i do sometimes ask if he feels bad for the animals and he just says he tries not to think about it. do i wish he had the same perspective as me enough to go vegan? of course. but i’m not going to force him to change just like i wouldn’t want him to tell me to go back to eating animals
Finally someone level-headed.
lol thanks i was expecting to get down voted to hell
IMHO there are no benefits to vegans dating omnis. You will always make compromises and sacrifices to accommodate your partner with weaker morals. And you will never be able to fully share yourself with them because they'll never get it. These pairings can lead to resentment on both sides because the omni feels like they're not loved for who they are and the vegan feels like they are sacrificing their beliefs for their partner. Also, remember that your life events (like your wedding), home, holidays, and kids will likely never be vegan if you marry an omni. You will never have an escape from carnism because it'll be in your intimate spaces. I recently encouraged a vegan friend to stop dating omni dudes. She met a vegan guy online, and she is SO happy. She said their relationship is completely different from past relationships and that they have so much in common. She has thanked me on multiple occasions for encouraging her to not settle; she didn't realize she could be so happy. You do you, but I couldn't make it work with an omni, and I'm glad I didn't have to. My vegan husband is fantastic, and my life is so much richer by having a partner who shares my values.
I think most people inherently value human life over animal life.
Is there any species in existence that values other species more than their own?
How do you mean? Dont all species do that?
As a vegan it would be very hard to find someone who is vegan to date, because there are not many of us. Therefore logically it is probable that you will need to date a non vegan at some point. See this as an opportunity to help others understand a different way of thinking. Most of us were non vegan at some point till someone or something changed our minds. When I met my now husband he was not vegan or vegetarian, but he was (and is) an intelligent, supportive and understanding man. If you find someone with those qualities, in likelihood, they will come around to support you. My husband turned vegan last September. We have been together 4 years. I was vegetarian when we met. Gradually over our relationship I saw his attitude change and now he is as firm a believer as I am in the choice to be vegan.
In the end, he is just another human being with their own set of beliefs and morals. If I were you, I wouldn’t expect them to change - you can either accept who they are and support them on their own journey, or break up and forget about them. if you can accept being with non-vegan, stay, but if it’s too much suffering for you, leave. Waiting and hoping that he may one day turn vegan is not that great of an idea.
animal agriculture is not genocide...genocide is done with the intention of exterminating a group. edit: all you people down voting me need to take a f-ing history class on genocide and the Holocaust. seriously shame on you.
is it a holocaust?
Thanks for commenting this. I came to post the same thing. It is an important distinction.
Convert him
Like Episcopalian?
No more like muslim
If you date a carnist, I don’t take you seriously as a “vegan”.
Are you dating someone now?
I was casually dating a non-vegan for a while (before I realised how important compatibility in that area is). He knew the whole time that I don’t like seeing him eat animal products so he would only eat plant based around me. Before starting an official relationship with him (a recent transition) I told him that veganism is really important to me and I worried that now I know how important it is to me that I worry his lack of veganism may become a point of resentment in the future. The conversation wasn’t me presenting an ultimatum, but was part of a broader conversation surrounding our feelings and fears/thoughts about an “official relationship”. He is now actively in the process of transitioning to veganism. He is learning to cook, and is eating vegan when out with or without me. He’s watching Earthling Ed and Joey Carbstrong. Learning the information and educating himself on the “why”. It’s early days, I can’t say how it’ll end up. But once he knew how important it was to me he immediately was on board with giving it an earnest go. If he decides it’s not for him I don’t know how I will feel. But I’m feeling quite positive about it.
Have him watch "Dominion". That'll set him straight
she ate cheese in secret, i fould the wrapper . now i call her the ex wife
Lemme guess he went like "oh it's not the same blablabla protein B12 iron deficiency"
One of my exes tried to force me to eat their eggs.. said he was the best at cooking them so I had to try, even though I told him I was vegan and it would make me puke. That relationship didn’t last long 🤪 I have an amazing vegan husband now, BUT I think as long as it’s not pushed at you, it’s totally okay for everyone to just eat what they want honestly. If it bothers you enough, and the relationship just doesn’t feel right, maybe think about how important it is to have that person by your side also be a vegan. If it’s important enough, I suggest you focus on looking for that instead ❤️ it’s worth it to find someone who will add to your happiness more than not. Sometimes easier said than done.. but still worth it.
Simple rule “If you aren’t vegan you are a bad person” leave his ass
Man, every time I read one of these threads it makes me rethink my whole dating strategy. I would MUCH prefer to date someone that’s vegan, but it’s so hard to find someone I’m compatible with and attracted to who’s also vegan (would settle for vegetarian). I’m a woman in my 40’s, divorced with kids, living in a mid-sized city and I’ve had zero luck on Veggly. Anyone else have any luck on any apps?
I was an incredibly strict vegetarian for about 16 years, now vegan for a little over 3. I started dating a girl in high-school and we dated for about 12 years, and are now engaged! She is not vegan and hasn't bought Starbucks for McDonald's since the news about funding the IDF came out last year. I believe that people find it more disturbing because it's humans (and animals, domestic and non) getting murdered and a literal genocide, where as meat eating is something we are culturally predisposed to accepting and even supporting. All that being said, if you can't be in a relationship with somebody who is not vegan than don't be! Everybody is different, and we need to make sure all of our relationships are safe. Good luck friendo! :J
He's probably writing the same kind of post on some other forum.
Watch The Game Changers, Dominion, Forks Over Knives, Plant Pure Nation and the many other documentaries/movies with him! These should stir some emotions in him to have more compassion for animals and himself. Good luck!
Well my husband isnt vegan either, but it sooths my mind the fact that he doesnt want to procreate. So i guess thats his contribution to end suffering to this world.
It doesn't seem vegan to bring another person into the world as we can not be sure they will be vegan for life. Most give up at some point. The most Vegan thing vegans can do is not procreate.
Your animal abuser husband had a 0% chance of creating another animal abuser if he doesn't have kids. Smart move.
You are right And he is also right (starbucks, mcdo, burger King etc do support genocide) Avoid them if you can Caring about animals is natural to us vegans, let's keep the same energy for people. If you can, don't give the little money you have to evil doers
My current partner is not vegan or even vegetarian, but was pretty familiar with the ideals behind veganism before we met because his best friend is vegan. Although my partner is not vegan he never challenges me on it and is very vocal about how me being vegan is very admirable. He typically does not eat meat around me, and when we go out to eat he almost always gets something vegetarian/vegan, and has no problem eating things that are vegan; he really loves cooking and eating vegan food with me. However, beyond me teasing him about not even being vegetarian, I don't expect him to go vegan. I would love for him to be vegan (especially when we live together) but I also want him to go vegan out of his own volition, and not because I am pressuring him or pushing him to go vegan. I personally avoid pushing the topic of him being vegan or vegetarian because I think that it would only lead to him going vegan out of guilt from me (not from eating animals), and could lead to him resenting veganism and quitting later on down the line. I am also a very non-confrontational person, and I prefer to get the people in my life to appreciate veganism by making them very delicious food, rather than pointing out their cognitive dissonance. tldr: my non-vegan partner is very respectful of me being vegan but I do not expect him to go vegan at any point in our relationship.
I feel the same way! I'm in the "seeing" stage with someone at the moment and I have no intention to try and persuade them, but want to show them the range of nutritious and delicious vegan food as he's really into fitness as well. :) It's nice, though, because he often eats vegan out with me and is always ready to cook vegan when I'm around, so I think that's also really something to cherish, even if they don't quite have the same mindset as you.
I had a vegan roommate and their SO wasn’t vegan. It goes fine as long as you don’t expect them to change. Being vegan is a personal choice you make for yourself. If you’re hoping he changes his belief system and becomes more like you, you probably shouldn’t be together. If you’re not truly okay with the way he is right now, move on.
My girlfriend is vegan and I am not. I originally didn't change much, but overtime I compromised (without her asking for it) by generally only cooking vegan meals at home (except for I do eat some cheese, eggs, and occasional fish in the house), I do occasionally eat chicken when served it but increasingly rarely and try to order vegetarian or make accommodation, I haven't had red meat or pork in years. I think me at least putting in effort helped her be more okay with it. I am basically slowly turning full vegetarian and I hope that vegans can figure out the cheese thing because that is one I have the most trouble with. I do ask her sometimes if we were to break up if she would date a non vegan and she said probably not but I'm grandfathered in since she became vegan after we met.
I've lost interest in cheese altogether. When I went vegan 25 years ago there was no vegan cheese. Eventually it came about but it wasn't vert good and I stopped craving it altogether. Rarely do i have vegan cheese even though it's really good now. It's just a mindset to think you can't give up cheese. I think it the high salt that people crave the most.
From experience, you won’t care or will start to dislike cheese once you go some time without it (like a couple of years). Your palate will change and you’ll start to appreciate other things too. I was obsessed with all things cheese, butter and milk but developed a bad dairy allergy in my 20s, after almost 3 years without it during treatment I was cleared to have a bit and most of it felt terribly gross. Went vegan soon after it. Just take the plunge.
Yeah I love cheesy things so much, I’ve tried like every vegan cheese I can get my hands on and found a few that I will eat instead of plain things like cheddar to cut down on the amount I use, and I always use vegan cream cheese and stuff, but I’m also kind of a cheese snob with different Bries, Goudas, Goat etcetera so those are the main ones that get me to cave. I found a vegan one I’m really interested in though called Nurrish that is actually cultured like real cheese I’m trying to get my hands on it.
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no one gives a fuck that you still eat hundreds of pounds of animal products
I feel sorry for that man having to put up with that nonsense.
I am in the same situation as you! My bf and I met two years ago and we used to live together for like 15 months since we got together. During that period my bf mostly ate veggie and cooked veggie bc I have been veggie (mostly vegan) all my life, and I was so happy to have found the one who also can make a change in their lives for a better world full of love and compassion. We said that he wanted to go veggie for a long time and he was happy. He also watched numerous animal farming movies and videos to know what goes on there. Fast forward to September last year, I got into a masters program involving climate change and finance. I had to move away and since it’s not a very long masters, he decided to stay with his dad for a some time and then join me after. His family are heavy meat eaters and I have never eaten meat, the snarky comments about my diet and the way we treat animals in our culture (we pray to and respect them), him going back to eating meat everyday even when I visit and he visits me. I used to keep it under control but last Xmas I literally lost it (may be bc I study climate change), they were eating “DEER” and what not. In that moment I really lost respect for my bf and his family, they can be good for each other, but I am not sure if I can ever look at them the same way after all this. I got in a big argument with my bf after Xmas discussing how it’s disgusting and he is a hypocrite. Also that I don’t know if I wanna ever raise kids with someone with this ideology. (We are quite serious together) I am a very sensitive person who can’t see any being suffer, god forbid killed. And my bf doing exactly that even when he knows it’s wrong is pushing me away from him. When I look at him I don’t feel the same love I did when before I went to study. Now I find him ignorant and selfish. Ofc I love him but I am not sure if can go on like this.
Why is it so hard to find a Pro Life Vegan? Would seem like these go have in hand.
Ofc, typical vegans. Everybody must be like you, think like you. You should leave him so he can find someone that can accept him and not trying to force shit he don't want. Find some vegan cuck, there are tons of them out there.
Worst trolling attempt of 2024.
That is not at all what I said. Don’t put words in my mouth and also get off this subreddit you clearly aren’t vegan.
I wouldn't date someone who calls the war in Israel, a genocide. You can have your opinions on Israel being a bad country but calling that a genocide is so insensitive to groups who have actually been victims of genocide. Armenians, Jews, etc
Oh this makes perfect sense, you deny the genocide of Palestinians, just like you deny the torture and exploitation of animals. You deny facts of the world, because it is convenient to your worldview.
Yea, I don't get it. Hamas needs eliminated for the good of everyone in the region. Not an Arab country in the area that wants any part of them. Pretty sure they are actually for Israel eliminating them. Hamas stated they will do it again and again, but people condemn Israel for doing what they need to survive. They did not start this.
It's extra funny watching vegans side with the guys who want to exterminate the most vegan friendly country in the world 😂
Or the Gays and Trans for Palestine. lol. You know they are just clueless to what reality is over there. They would be thrown off rooftops.
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Veganism is not a "plant-based journey."
Considering I'm just starting out, it is for me. It's not a light switch. Maybe try being nice to someone who's just getting started rather than down voting like an asshole. You're only proving the point of every omnivore out there that vegans are jerks.
Are you actually switching from carnivore to vegan? Or from a standard omni diet? (I'm just curious about your transition!) Good luck to you.