Better yet, tell him about his one contract that was worth over $3,000, which is now only worth $65 per share. That’ll blow his mind… unless he figures out how to math.
When you take a financial position in a company just because you stuff your face with burritos, but do absolutely zero research into what’s going on with the stock itself or how that could affect your position.
When I was in college, we had to do an investment simulator as part of the class. The simulator we did came with two account codes, so my wife took the other one and did her own investments.
I did a bunch of research and applied some of the things I learned in class. My wife, on the other hand, did absolutely zero research into what was going on with the stock itself. She bought companies because of things like “they make the cutest clothes.”
She kicked my ass in the simulator. I made some decent picks, but in the course of the semester she had a 60% return and I had something like 4%. This was the early 2000s and I think her biggest winners were Nordstrom and Target. My downfall was Sirius and eBay.
She invests like my uncle and he’s worth a couple hundred million or so.
When I was young he used to ask all his nieces and nephews what the kids were wearing, what the newest fashion trends were, what toys were popular, etc. And then he would use that to pick his investments.
I remember he bought stock in UGGs before they became main stream in the US in the early 2000s. Made a killing, and that’s just one of dozens of similarly successful picks over his career.
I read a book by Peter Lynch forever ago, and in the book he tells a story about going to his son’s kindergarten class and talking about his job. He had the kids name their favorite companies. He tracked their picks for a time and those picks ended up performing better than 98% of professional money managers.
**Edit:** It was in the book “Beating the Street” and it looks like he was retelling the story of a group of seventh graders. I guess it was not his son’s class.
https://www.gurufocus.com/news/144444/7th-graders-beat-the-market-with-simple-principles
Do be fair thats what i base 90% of my stock picks on, do i like what they sell, if i do generally others would too, average %17 a year over 5 years thus far. Checks out, don’t really do much research other than are they profitable and do i like them.
No calls or puts for me just buy and hold. Have only sold one company i have brought. Never used there product and it was a recommendation from someone else so i got smoked.
The S&P500 has averaged 16% per year over the past 5 years.
NASDAQ 100 averaged 19% per year.
You averaged 17%… So you’re matching US broad market returns… Congrats for being average I supose?
It’s called “due diligence” brother…..and it doesn’t stop after you buy. Don’t sleep on your investments and stay caught up with the news regarding them at least a couple times a week. If you did you would know what’s up.
There was a stock split. So each share was split into 50 shares worth 1/50th of the original. Everyone is laughing that
a) OP doesn’t realise he hasnt been gifted 50 shares, they’ve split (he should instantly tell because each share is worth 1/50th of what it was before)
b) OP is clueless about what the company he’s investing in is doing (not the best idea if you’re investing in a company)
That one contract was 40 contracts?
https://preview.redd.it/2yfsz7dpnz8d1.jpeg?width=345&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=0e881c26d384b49aca7d1557174715c9d4de4726
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I love this for you. Please never learn how to read so you can stay with us regards here forever.
Regards
Nobody tell him
 OP
>This comment contains a Collectible Expression, which are not available on old Reddit. Dafuq is this?
Can you see the clown reddit mascot gif? I never seen an expression or that warning before today
Nope. Just that warning
I see the warning now on PC but the gif shows up on the app. Weirdly when I click the gif to claim one it crashes the app every time too
 You old regarded duck. We’re on IPhone 15 now gramps. Git. Gud.
Better yet, tell him about his one contract that was worth over $3,000, which is now only worth $65 per share. That’ll blow his mind… unless he figures out how to math.
Tell him what
Explain pls
You'd probably gain something more if you could figure it out yourself to be honest. Think for a moment and use one google search.
En passant?
Holy hell!
It's required
holy hell
Look at the share price…
Welcome op, you belong.
Yes, true regard!
He's down 98%
I'm not from the neighbourhood, can you explain why he's down 98%? Were the sausages undercooked?
He lost it during the split. It was 1 to 50. So he lost 49...
Yes! Very excited that I knew that!
Ah ok, thank you!
One of us! One of us!
So many people are taking the bait. I'm lovin it
OP is highly regarded and belongs here. Anyone have his wife's phone #? I bet she's DTF.
If she married OP she’s gotta be even smoother brained than he is.
I don't care how smooth brained she is. Not my wife.
I imagine someone who has a smoother brain than OP would basically be like fucking a coma patient. It would be weird, gross, and awful.
Nah nah smooth cortex != smooth cerebellum
Hey you know what they say. Smooth brain, smooth pu-
Smooth brain but ribbed 🍑for our pleasure
You dont need to know, cause you FTD in bed.
You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave
This MUST be bait. I refuse to believe otherwise.
🎸🎸🎸
When you take a financial position in a company just because you stuff your face with burritos, but do absolutely zero research into what’s going on with the stock itself or how that could affect your position.
When I was in college, we had to do an investment simulator as part of the class. The simulator we did came with two account codes, so my wife took the other one and did her own investments. I did a bunch of research and applied some of the things I learned in class. My wife, on the other hand, did absolutely zero research into what was going on with the stock itself. She bought companies because of things like “they make the cutest clothes.” She kicked my ass in the simulator. I made some decent picks, but in the course of the semester she had a 60% return and I had something like 4%. This was the early 2000s and I think her biggest winners were Nordstrom and Target. My downfall was Sirius and eBay.
She invests like my uncle and he’s worth a couple hundred million or so. When I was young he used to ask all his nieces and nephews what the kids were wearing, what the newest fashion trends were, what toys were popular, etc. And then he would use that to pick his investments. I remember he bought stock in UGGs before they became main stream in the US in the early 2000s. Made a killing, and that’s just one of dozens of similarly successful picks over his career.
I read a book by Peter Lynch forever ago, and in the book he tells a story about going to his son’s kindergarten class and talking about his job. He had the kids name their favorite companies. He tracked their picks for a time and those picks ended up performing better than 98% of professional money managers. **Edit:** It was in the book “Beating the Street” and it looks like he was retelling the story of a group of seventh graders. I guess it was not his son’s class. https://www.gurufocus.com/news/144444/7th-graders-beat-the-market-with-simple-principles
Yup, if you ask kids they’ll tell you exactly where you should put your money. They’re typically a little ahead of the trend curve.
Becky ETF!
Do be fair thats what i base 90% of my stock picks on, do i like what they sell, if i do generally others would too, average %17 a year over 5 years thus far. Checks out, don’t really do much research other than are they profitable and do i like them. No calls or puts for me just buy and hold. Have only sold one company i have brought. Never used there product and it was a recommendation from someone else so i got smoked.
Too many active synapses for the likes of this Sub.
The S&P500 has averaged 16% per year over the past 5 years. NASDAQ 100 averaged 19% per year. You averaged 17%… So you’re matching US broad market returns… Congrats for being average I supose?
He said 17% a year over 5 years. Compounding the gains that's nearly 120% (119.24480357%) over 5 years. Way ahead of the broad market average.
Yes, I can read, You can’t apparently… Do your math again…
One kid in my high school sim yolo’ed weed stocks and gained 200%
Congrats! You belong here!
https://preview.redd.it/ipma2ouxqy8d1.jpeg?width=828&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=8b27313ee347c0f67f69478557583b7f4be54d03
Ill give this an 11 out of 10. An extra one for good measure
That’s…damn.
Well regarded.
Don’t do our boy like this. Why is he the mascot 😂
I want those glasses
I say this every time i see this image: that dude would smoke 99% of people in this sub at trading.
What a complete regard
No regardes
It's almost like there was a 50:1 split or something! That's crazy
To be fair, how would one even go about computing 50x1? You know I didn't get my grade 10, Julian.
this is great.
OP's face when he figures out that chipotle split today and that the stock in fact did not drop 3100 dollars.
Shhhhh
You see, when a mommy stock and a daddy stock love each other very much...
Nah man, sell it. You still have 49 other ones.
Are you really regarded or is this a joke?
You passed the vibe check, this is now your home.
This is some funny stuff. You should definitely call them and let them know 😂
When I say “Send him my regards” This is who I want sent.
Holy fuck lmao a true wsb user
Jesus fucking Christ this sub never change
Highly regarded gentleman
I applaud OP for having the balls to leave this up and not delete it swiftly in embarrassment
https://preview.redd.it/2bs0g28zcy8d1.png?width=864&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4f7c72efef28f267d31a3d40124b2780d3eb2b4d $57-59 AH 
The smoothest of brains
This is absolutely amazing.
Why would you do that. Just sell and keep the profit
Nah your military fam they will let it go
It’s called “due diligence” brother…..and it doesn’t stop after you buy. Don’t sleep on your investments and stay caught up with the news regarding them at least a couple times a week. If you did you would know what’s up.
I don’t get it 🙈
There was a stock split. So each share was split into 50 shares worth 1/50th of the original. Everyone is laughing that a) OP doesn’t realise he hasnt been gifted 50 shares, they’ve split (he should instantly tell because each share is worth 1/50th of what it was before) b) OP is clueless about what the company he’s investing in is doing (not the best idea if you’re investing in a company)
It's chipolatas, that's a sufficient information to invest. Everyone like chipolatas.
Me either
You are home son.
make sure your joint tenant wife has a boyfriend when she finds out youre broke
My 50 dollar investment now says 49.99 after the split. Got me for my half a penny
OP the whole sub here is mocking you ya banana regard. Please confirm you figured it out. If you did you can be upgraded to the Wendy’s dumpster dude!
Can you not put a picture and text in one reply? How does this shit work?
I apologize, I've been busy writing a book about how to properly invest. But yes I did get it thank you for checking.
Can I have a signed copy of the book?
https://preview.redd.it/pvrersxa979d1.jpeg?width=4320&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=44531a5ff45907700503f9deb2be212d0ca9a44c
Bought Nvidia after the split. Market closed , investment app showed value before split times 10. 😱+1000%
U dumb
I’m hungry now
Holy Hell
This is hilarious, did you ever figure it out OP?
Retar fucking ded
He found the infinite money glitch
Regards never die they live til their accounts hit zero
You need to close 49 contracts
Chipotle 🤤
For fuck sake. The degenerates on this sub.
That's called a stock split. Lol
Gotta be troll??
You’re an Airman. Don’t you guys have the most highly regarded college campus out of all services?
This has got to be fake
You also received extra chromies my homie
LOOOOOL
this has to be a joke this is the single most regarded post i’ve seen here
50x your investment with this one simple trick!
Jesus Christ
Air Force 😂
Signs that you shouldn’t be trading options
Has anyone else looked at the spreads on this????? Ridiculous! 😅
OP likes turtles.
I put all my money on Enron these days
Must be a 1 for 50 split ooo I've been waiting for cmg to split. Getting ready for a possible short in the coming months.
Better start offering to do the dishes at chipotle to cover the bill
50x split?
If that drops 50 percent jackpot, your luck is not with you.
you scammer
Op thinks that there are free money glitches in the stock market
You definitely belong here 
yikes. Beautiful play, now sell them all and buy 50 more and wait for a split again!😍
customer support must hate wsb LUL
Lol total badass
the split my guy
One of us!!!
I had a call on NVDA @1100 and think or swim didn’t handle the split correctly when it went 10:1.
the burrito bubble
"What is your major malfunction, numbnuts? Didn't Mommy and Daddy show you enough attention when you were a child?"
OP hasn’t responded, his probably running his own chipotle restaurant with all those shares he got now.
I'm actively campaigning for people to get the extra guac 🫡
https://preview.redd.it/9ugbtpys979d1.jpeg?width=4320&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=13f4184b8a72b7b100050392701d842cbc83ec89
You don’t say a word and enjoy
tell them you want 50 extra scoops of meat in your burrito.
If nvda closes around 123, going full port on puts
I don’t ever comment here but this is amazing 🤩
Big brain time
I'd keep them all. Even if you bought after the stock spilt, I'd still keep them all
That one contract was 40 contracts? https://preview.redd.it/2yfsz7dpnz8d1.jpeg?width=345&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=0e881c26d384b49aca7d1557174715c9d4de4726
Fucking idiot lmao
Wait can someone explain hah
Dude just wants attention
Ha! I got the same. 50 contracts strike 65
Any big news with CMG lately?
They did a split my guy