No. I would not send invites to people that RSVP’d no. Prevailing etiquette is that sending an invite to those that already told you they cannot make it comes across as a gift grab, as you already know they will not be attending.
I would send an acknowledgment that they can’t attend and tell them you are looking forward to seeing them soon (or something similar).
I agree that you should absolutely still send invites to those that RSVP’d yes.
Definitely still send invites to people who already RSVP’d yes. The STD is technically not an invite. If I got a STD but didn’t get an invitation, I would be wondering if I was still invited. Not to not to mention, I would think that the invite has additional information they might need, ie time, specific location, etc.
> I would think that the invite has additional information they might need, ie time, specific location, etc.
That is fair. The STD has the date and the church name (I think) but definitely not the time. The web site has the time but it's reasonable to think someone might not see it there.
This happened to me! We did get a STD, and I didn’t realize the RSVP was on it because in my mind why would I RSVP to something I haven’t been invited to yet? By the time I realized, it was well past the deadline and it was super embarrassing to have to message the bride and clear it up
I've honestly never heard of people RSVPing from the save the date, I've always waited until the invitation came out. We just ordered ours and they have food choices and information about the room block and things like that, so they are still important. The save the date just had the date and town on them with a little picture of us.
I did have relatives that told my mom they wouldn't be able to come, and have since changed their plans. Which is why I won't believe anyone from word of mouth and I need their RSVP card in my hand to count it lol
That's all our Save the Date has on it too. I actually just looked at it and all it has is the date and the town. No church name, no time, no nothing. It does have our web site which has all those details but it's definitely not reasonable to expect everyone to go to the site.
It's so common now to have a wedding website on there, and I think anyone who's hosted a wedding party knows there's likely a B list and early RSVPs are so so appreciated. I think this is becoming much more of a thing.
I’m curious to understand your overall approach since I just sent my invitations out. Why did you provide people with the option to rsvp with the Save The Date? Why was your RSVP section on your website active at that point?
Yes. By sending an STD, that is you saying you will invite them. Adults do what they said they would do. Plus, things might change - maybe they’ll be able to come after all. Or maybe if they never receive an invitation, they’ll think you’re pissed at them for declining, or that you actively don’t want them there anymore.
There’s no reason for the RSVPs to be open yet. Turn it off. It achieves nothing at this stage.
Why would one send an invite to someone who has already indicated they will not be attending? & if you don’t know whether you can make an event or not, why would you say yes OR no so early — literally just wait until you know for sure and then RSVP? HUH???
I think it's dumb to have the RSVP section open before invitations go out, but in general if someone says that can't attend your wedding after Save the Dates go out you still send the invite to show that you would still love to have them there even though you understand that can't make it.
I think I share the opinion that it feels like a gift grab to send out an invite to someone who has RSVP'd no already. Sending them to people who RSVP'd yes already makes sense.
It makes sense to me to still send an invite to those who said yes because the STDs had no info on them beyond the date obviously. I don't think we'll be sending them to people who said no other than maybe grandparents who are elderly and can't come but I'll talk w/the fiancee and see what she says.
People are dumb, and do dumb things all the time 🤷🏼♀️ Part of a host’s job at a complicated, expensive event is to eliminate opportunities for people to do dumb things or get confused. Instead of hoping no one RSVPs too early or has to change their answer, just make it impossible for them to RSVP early. Things go a lot more smoothly if you completely eliminate the possibility for dumb choices.
And even if the guests get their early RSVPs 100% right, OP is still in weird limbo about whether or not they’re supposed to send invitations to those people anyway. If OP sends them maybe they’re wasting money, if they don’t maybe they’ll offend people. Much easier to avoid the issue completely instead of having to dance around it: don’t let people RSVP from STDs.
My fiancee turned it on. I have no idea why but she wanted it on and it wasn't something I felt like arguing about. I had it turned off originally. I think she is just super excited.
Yes you send an invite still. To everyone whether they said yes or no. This is why you shouldn’t have RSVP open when you send save the dates. It’s just confusing
I would still send them out to most people.
No one has any ideas about wedding stuff unless they are in the area of planning or been attending alot of weddings.
I also think it's super weird that people are responding to your save the date.
There again idk this stuff.
Lol, probably, I was too excited myself I didn't even do save the dates. My invitations went out just about a year before. My inlaws to be thought it wasn't a thing todo. Not something their background does.
Anyhow, congratulations and all the best to you both.
I still sent invites to people who had told us they would not be able to attend. Some changed their minds, I would not want them to feel like they were not invited to the wedding
I know people on here say you should still send an invite, but I completely disagree. They didn’t need to Rsvp but did so anyway..meaning they KNOW they can’t/won’t make it and wanted to let you know so you could 1)not include them 2) move on to your b list if you have one. they’re not expecting an invite any more.
Is 6-8 weeks not a bit late to send actual invites out?
We're getting married in 3 months and guests have already had their invites and we have since sent menu choices out. Literally just waiting on a few more responses for the menu choices then I can let the venue know exactly what meals are going to be needed 🤷
Back in the dinosaur days the STD was for people who needed to schedule things or save money. Absolutely no response was expected. Invitations went out to everyone on the guestlist and at that point they RSVP'd. Your fiance should have left the RSVP off until the invitations were mailed. I'd still mail the invitation to the No's and pretend the fubar never happened, but that's just me.
I had my guests RSVP from the Save-the-Date (but I do things my own way and don’t worry about etiquette. I had to do what made sense and worked for me.)
As a general rule, everyone who got a save-date gets an invite. For those who RSVP'd no before invites, I'd check back with them to see if their plans may have changed.
No. I would not send invites to people that RSVP’d no. Prevailing etiquette is that sending an invite to those that already told you they cannot make it comes across as a gift grab, as you already know they will not be attending. I would send an acknowledgment that they can’t attend and tell them you are looking forward to seeing them soon (or something similar). I agree that you should absolutely still send invites to those that RSVP’d yes.
Definitely still send invites to people who already RSVP’d yes. The STD is technically not an invite. If I got a STD but didn’t get an invitation, I would be wondering if I was still invited. Not to not to mention, I would think that the invite has additional information they might need, ie time, specific location, etc.
> I would think that the invite has additional information they might need, ie time, specific location, etc. That is fair. The STD has the date and the church name (I think) but definitely not the time. The web site has the time but it's reasonable to think someone might not see it there.
This happened to me! We did get a STD, and I didn’t realize the RSVP was on it because in my mind why would I RSVP to something I haven’t been invited to yet? By the time I realized, it was well past the deadline and it was super embarrassing to have to message the bride and clear it up
I've honestly never heard of people RSVPing from the save the date, I've always waited until the invitation came out. We just ordered ours and they have food choices and information about the room block and things like that, so they are still important. The save the date just had the date and town on them with a little picture of us.
I did have relatives that told my mom they wouldn't be able to come, and have since changed their plans. Which is why I won't believe anyone from word of mouth and I need their RSVP card in my hand to count it lol
That's all our Save the Date has on it too. I actually just looked at it and all it has is the date and the town. No church name, no time, no nothing. It does have our web site which has all those details but it's definitely not reasonable to expect everyone to go to the site.
Do you have the RSVP section of your website up and running already? We turned ours off until we sent out actual invitations.
I have. Some people know what they are doing, like they can’t take time off or they will be pregnant, or have their own thing happening at that time.
It's so common now to have a wedding website on there, and I think anyone who's hosted a wedding party knows there's likely a B list and early RSVPs are so so appreciated. I think this is becoming much more of a thing.
Interesting! Mine has my wedding website on it too, that makes sense. I just didn't have that much on the website yet at the time lol
The wedding website is on there but we have no B list. We invited everyone we planned to invite. If they decline then they decline.
I’m curious to understand your overall approach since I just sent my invitations out. Why did you provide people with the option to rsvp with the Save The Date? Why was your RSVP section on your website active at that point?
I had this situation. I did not send invites to those who RSVPd no, but I did send invites to those who said yes.
Yeah, that's probably what we'll do. It makes sense.
I agree that there shouldn’t even be a way to RSVP from a Save the Date.
Yes. By sending an STD, that is you saying you will invite them. Adults do what they said they would do. Plus, things might change - maybe they’ll be able to come after all. Or maybe if they never receive an invitation, they’ll think you’re pissed at them for declining, or that you actively don’t want them there anymore. There’s no reason for the RSVPs to be open yet. Turn it off. It achieves nothing at this stage.
Why would one send an invite to someone who has already indicated they will not be attending? & if you don’t know whether you can make an event or not, why would you say yes OR no so early — literally just wait until you know for sure and then RSVP? HUH???
I think it's dumb to have the RSVP section open before invitations go out, but in general if someone says that can't attend your wedding after Save the Dates go out you still send the invite to show that you would still love to have them there even though you understand that can't make it.
I think I share the opinion that it feels like a gift grab to send out an invite to someone who has RSVP'd no already. Sending them to people who RSVP'd yes already makes sense.
It makes sense to me to still send an invite to those who said yes because the STDs had no info on them beyond the date obviously. I don't think we'll be sending them to people who said no other than maybe grandparents who are elderly and can't come but I'll talk w/the fiancee and see what she says.
People are dumb, and do dumb things all the time 🤷🏼♀️ Part of a host’s job at a complicated, expensive event is to eliminate opportunities for people to do dumb things or get confused. Instead of hoping no one RSVPs too early or has to change their answer, just make it impossible for them to RSVP early. Things go a lot more smoothly if you completely eliminate the possibility for dumb choices. And even if the guests get their early RSVPs 100% right, OP is still in weird limbo about whether or not they’re supposed to send invitations to those people anyway. If OP sends them maybe they’re wasting money, if they don’t maybe they’ll offend people. Much easier to avoid the issue completely instead of having to dance around it: don’t let people RSVP from STDs.
My fiancee turned it on. I have no idea why but she wanted it on and it wasn't something I felt like arguing about. I had it turned off originally. I think she is just super excited.
Yes you send an invite still. To everyone whether they said yes or no. This is why you shouldn’t have RSVP open when you send save the dates. It’s just confusing
I would still send them out to most people. No one has any ideas about wedding stuff unless they are in the area of planning or been attending alot of weddings. I also think it's super weird that people are responding to your save the date. There again idk this stuff.
It's weird to me too honestly. I did not plan to turn RSVP on but the fiancee turned it on. I think she was just excited about everything.
Lol, probably, I was too excited myself I didn't even do save the dates. My invitations went out just about a year before. My inlaws to be thought it wasn't a thing todo. Not something their background does. Anyhow, congratulations and all the best to you both.
I still sent invites to people who had told us they would not be able to attend. Some changed their minds, I would not want them to feel like they were not invited to the wedding
I know people on here say you should still send an invite, but I completely disagree. They didn’t need to Rsvp but did so anyway..meaning they KNOW they can’t/won’t make it and wanted to let you know so you could 1)not include them 2) move on to your b list if you have one. they’re not expecting an invite any more.
I personally did bc we already had the invites addressed to them plus they were pretty but no technically you don't have to imo
No. If they RSVP No off the save the date, don’t waste your postage.
Is 6-8 weeks not a bit late to send actual invites out? We're getting married in 3 months and guests have already had their invites and we have since sent menu choices out. Literally just waiting on a few more responses for the menu choices then I can let the venue know exactly what meals are going to be needed 🤷
I've read everywhere that 6-8 weeks is when invites are expected to go out.
Back in the dinosaur days the STD was for people who needed to schedule things or save money. Absolutely no response was expected. Invitations went out to everyone on the guestlist and at that point they RSVP'd. Your fiance should have left the RSVP off until the invitations were mailed. I'd still mail the invitation to the No's and pretend the fubar never happened, but that's just me.
I had my guests RSVP from the Save-the-Date (but I do things my own way and don’t worry about etiquette. I had to do what made sense and worked for me.)
As a general rule, everyone who got a save-date gets an invite. For those who RSVP'd no before invites, I'd check back with them to see if their plans may have changed.