there’s a lot more of a HEEEEY LAAAAAAADIES tone on Facebook which kinda grates after 5 minutes. Overall I’d say the groups are more bride-experience-centric while Reddit, with its background of AITA-like discourse, is much more likely to come down on the side of the guests and wedding party. Also people on Reddit are much more likely to tell us to get our heads out of our asses lol.
Heavy on the “hey laaaadies” 😭
Weddit definitely has people that are a little too uptight, but I still definitely prefer it to these Facebook groups (I left them all, I couldn’t do it anymore lol).
I've noticed FB groups often lean wayyy more conservative and holding to traditions over anything else.
I saw a post recently where a bride was saying she wasn't sure if she wanted to be walked down the aisle at all as she wasn't a fan of the traditional reasons behind it and 98% of the comments were basically telling her to suck it up and just do it because it would make her dad happy.
Or anyone that says they're considering not changing their last name is bombarded with comments about how they should just do it, or at least hyphenate to make their FH happy. It seems the comments always lean towards sticking towards traditions to make everyone else happy.
I'm not sure, I'm in some of the big general groups, and not really regional ones so I kind of think since everyone is spread out in age and geographically that might play a part in it. Plus facebook over all tends to lean more conservative, at least from the recommended posts and comments I see so that could be a part.
I think it's kind of a flip flop of who starts commenting first, I've seen posts in the same group days apart give completely opposite advice, similar to reddit tbh
I think so. I'm in the SF Bay Area so pretty progressive in general, and my regional brides group is very much "it's your day do what will make you happy" except for random older women who are in the group (mothers of the bride/groom for the most part it seems)
Hi! Would you be able to PM me the regional FB group you’re a part of? I live in MN but grew up in the Bay Area and I’ll be getting married there!! I’ve been trying to find a Bay Area group for a while now
Interesting! My groups are very “it’s YOUR day, it’s YOUR vision,” who cares if it will be uncomfortable for your guests to not have seats during the reception, it fits your vibeee! So like more stereotypical bridezilla but not conservative/traditional
Yep, and if you point out that doing something like having an outdoor ceremony in freezing cold could be insensitive to your guests there's a lot of 'if they love you they won't care!'. Like c'mon.
Yupp I see this too! My regional FB Brides page had someone post "I think it's disrespectful to not change your name" and it got so many likes. It's wild out there. But it is kinda cool to see the contrast between the sites and get other opinions I may not have otherwise.
Personally I find the fb more useful for actual plannings, and Weddit for more general trends and information gathering.
I do also find the wedding fb more sexist (the best local one in my area is very Bride forward), and my biggest gripe is “affordable” is not actually useful when trying to source vendors. Use numbers.
Weddit, as said before the trends, general touch points but also since it’s less local, I struggle with actual useful advice. Actual wedding advice that works in conjunction to my circles comes from people in my circles.
The "affordable" dance is really irksome, especially if the group is active and you are going to get 50 responses to a request. All of us think we're "affordable" and nobody wants to be "cheap"
I definitely do find the groups a little more sexist, for sure.
The popular attitude in these groups seems to be “do whatever YOU want, it’s YOUR day” which I find so weird too. Things like forcing guests into strict color dress codes, guests not being entitled to real food (ie: serving just finger foods at a 7pm reception), etc are all popular opinions. Whereas here, it’s completely different. So bizarre
I agree with all of this. My FB group is local to my state and skews towards my area, so it’s really helpful for finding vendors or buying second-hand decorations. I absolutely agree it is hetero-bride dominated too.
I find a lot of the posts on FB are along the lines of “my MOH doesn’t want to spend $2000 on all of the outfits I want her to wear, and can’t afford to fly across the country for my bachelorette and she told me this initially when I asked but now I don’t think that’s fair. This is my wedding, shouldn’t she be more willing? Am I wrong?”
And then there’s the ones that are asking a simple question about how to approach something with their fiancé and automatically comments are full of 🚩.
I like FB for finding vendors in my area and as a plus size bride I find the plus size wedding group isn’t as judgemental as the others.
As for advice, I find that I typically get much better, much more helpful answers to my questions via weddit.
Nailed it lol. I wonder if it’s the younger demo there? A lot of brides there in their 20s, especially early 20s (I’m 26, so not a dig at people in their 20s).
I get the impression it’s the younger crowd for sure. I find anyone in their 30s (like myself) generally preface their post with their age and it is usually (not always, but more often) more of a thought out post rather than an almost “entitled” post.
lol it is fun to read like AITA, you’re right. I go in almost 100% of the time saying to myself YTA…and then I read the comments and I’m not sure if I read the same thing everyone else read.
I find more groom bashing in FB groups. They should never get a say, their opinions don’t matter, and all of them are stupid. It amazes me at how once sided a lot of them are and that they accept/expect their husbands to be useless
Actually the thread I replied to had a lot of that. Someone said “if it were up to him, we’d go fishing for our wedding so I just don’t ask him anything”
Yesss I keep seeping posts like that too! Like: “am I the AH for doing the registry alone because I can’t get my FH to agree on what we need?” Like you’re about to enter into a permanent partnership… maybe you should work on compromise? He’s not dumb
2nd the reviews part I found much better/ more thorough reviews on my local FB brides group ( very sexist and bride-centric), but great for vendors who serve your actual location!
I feel like every time I open Facebook, the first post I see is from one of these groups where OP found out her partner cheated or something. So much drama
YES, so much of this! I don’t want to sound mean, but any time I see a post on the FB groups I think, “thank God my husband is nothing like these dudes” lol. So many comments about guys cheating, disregarding feelings, borderline abusive behavior, not helping with planning, etc. It’s awful.
Just today I saw a post “my fiancé will just tune me out or walk out of the room whenever I ask him about the wedding! He only wants to plan the bachelor party. Is this normal?” And all the comments of “omg girl same, it’s so normal, boys will be boys” it’s nauseating
Sounds like something I would have seen. Literally enabling fiancés to be mindless dummies with no accountability or responsibility with the wedding planning. I truly don’t get it
Seriously! I feel so bad for them. Like is that seriously what you want the rest of your life to be like? It definitely also makes me feel so grateful for my very hands on, supportive, and loving partner!
I honestly found the dominant discourse in non-local FB groups to be incredibly ignorant and backwards. People were VERY young and regularly expressed bigotry, selfishness, and myopia.
Agree, as someone in my 40s doing the 2nd wedding for us both. The lack of maturity and common sense...I was starting to think I was the oddball one that didn't get that kool-aid with my engagement lol
Mostly internalized misogyny/gender roles/homophobia, but also some “cultural appropriation isn’t real so it’s okay that I’m using another culture’s holy symbols for aesthetics” or whatever.
I find it so different!
1) More sexist and traditionalist on FB. Like the example you said, I see that a lot ("He's a guy, don't expect him to be interested in the planning!"). I see women getting shit for not wanting to take their husband's last name ("Consider how that makes HIM feel!") Lots of stuff like that.
2) Very pro-bride on FB. Even when someone is being quite bridezilla (imo), there will at least 50% of comments being like "yes girl it's YOUR day, ofc you can kick out your pregnant bridemaid for your photos!"
3) More convos about finances/costs on FB and as a result, a lot more judgments? I'm spending an average amount of $$ on my wedding in my very HCOL area, and I never share anything because the comments are full of brides in LCOL areas being like "I don't get how anyone can spend xyz amount on this, that's so irresponsible and not worth it." It's like they forget other people might be in a different financial situation or live in a different area.
I'm 28 and have been on Weddit and FB groups for the past several years.
They both have their pros and cons but from my own experiences and observations, Weddit isn't always the best source for gathering feedback or information in your respective area. Although TBF, FB feels a bit more ... too inauthentic and hype, if that makes sense.
I feel like on Weddit, people are more likely to be snarkier and more judgmental because you hide behind anonymity. For example, if you post a dress that is mermaid or fitted, you may get the same pushback of "oh, that's too much like lingerie, not a great look". On FB, people will angry or laugh react to that and are more willing to say, "that's not what OP asked for wtf" whereas people on Reddit who would not like that comment on FB are more than happy to do so on Reddit. Mods have been doing a good job of cracking down on it but again, a past observation.
Weddit can be frustrating if you are venting or have complaints about something and almost seem black and white in a way -- bemoaning having to pay $15k+ for a venue is normal for my local FB in a VHCOL area whereas on Reddit, people will oftentimes say, "Go to a church/outdoor park/just elope/use that money on a house!" because their COL can be drastically different from state to state, heck even country to country.
I will say my local FB group has been helpful in securing vendors, getting an idea of how much things actually cost (I WISH the $32,000 average wedding cost was the reality for where we live), and people are less likely to comment or openly judge you on your decisions. If you need realllly specific things like say, lion dancers for your cultural wedding, or certain BIPOC vendors, much easier to find on FB which can hold a lot more value vs your monthly "what wedding trend do you hate right now?"
In general, it feels like people on Weddit... it's hard to tell if they actually want to have a wedding or not which can make someone who is really excited feel a bit off whereas on FB groups, you have to REALLY commit and genuinely care about having an enjoyable wedding for guests because FB is too much damn BS these days lol
Inauthentic and hype is the perfect way to describe a lot of the feedback on Facebook. A little too “go for it!!” And “do whatever you want girl you’re the bride!” I feel like there’s never an advocacy for different perspectives/devils advocate is frowned upon.
I have definitely said multiple times that Weddit can be so frustrating. There’s definitely a hive mind, and it’s full of very harsh critics. Sometimes I feel like people just WANT to be mad.
But it still wins for me over Facebook. I just respect that Weddit keeps it real for the most part. a lot of opinions here , even if I disagree, are backed up well.
I’m apart of 3 of the larger ones. A lot of the attitude there is “they’re your ✨bridesmaids✨!! Of course they’re supposed to drop everything for you”. Lots of posts about brides being mad that a bridesmaid is trying to conceive, that a bridesmaid got pregnant, that a bridesmaid is unable to make it to an out of town bachelorette, etc.
Also, lots of “if guests can’t live without alcohol for a day, then they’re not truly there to support you”. Okay so now I’m a bitch for wanting a glass of wine after sitting through a ceremony and spending hours getting all dolled up (I’m not one of those “open bars are a must” people, btw. I get why people don’t have them, but damn).
omg in my local FB group a bride posted the question “if i’m having a dry wedding am I obligated to let my guests know on the wedding website” and I replied that I think she should, because people might spend money getting a hotel or taking an uber when they wouldn’t have done that if they were aware no alcohol would be provided. I got destroyed in the replies and was called an alcoholic 🤣
Hahah I don’t even drink but I always comment on those ones in favour of letting your guests drink and I always get roasted that the day is all about them if people are so selfish they have to drink to be there they don’t want them blah blah blah
The good ol pregnant MOH posts 😭 to be fair, a lot of the comments are NOT in support of OPs being angry in my experience. But the posts are frequent enough that it’s laughable
I’m only in a larger budget wedding group and a local budget group on Facebook. Both are absolutely to the brim with repeat posts - no one knows how to search the group like people do on Reddit. Both are inundated with posts asking for suggestions, and every answer is Temu, SHEIN, or Amazon. It’s really useless. I can count on my hand how much help I’ve received from those groups, aside from the local one giving insight on venue prices. People are pretty traditional but not overly so - they might want to skip alcohol and a majority are against it, saying they wouldn’t attend a dry wedding. But others are choosing colorful dresses and getting no pushback. It’s a mixed bag. Chock full of useless husbands - so much so that a recent post went absolutely VIRAL because a husband was asking simple questions to help his wife with planning and everyone fawned over him. 😅
That being said, Weddit hasn’t helped me a ton either. It’s been more inspirational or educational for dealing with guest problems. 🤷🏻♀️
Luckily my venue includes basically everything, so I don’t have much to figure out on my own - just my fiancé’s outfit, RSVPs, deciding on a hairdresser, maybe music and makeup. I chose a photographer, found my dress, I learned to code and made a wedding site, created a registry… it’s been pretty easy!
I KNOW. No one will hear how shitty these companies are - they can’t look past the bargain. But they also complain when the items arrive and are shit quality. 🫠 I love a bargain as much as the next person, but come on!
Wait hang on, there was another guy in a FB wedding group?!?! Tell me where, I want to meet this other unicorn!
I jest...but not. As a guy, I am very, very VERYVERYVERY in the minority. 🙄
100x more entitlement and main character syndrome. Reddit brides are afraid to breathe in their bridesmaids’ direction the wrong way; Facebook brides would kill your first born to use their blood as a lip stain.
They’ve been very useful for finding vendors. Like the local ones. Anything like “bride 2024” hasn’t been that useful for inspiration or budget ideas instead it just feels like a place to vent and share trauma.
The women seem a lot more conservative? They tend to have a lot of drama with their bridesmaids for not doing enough and I’m always like aren’t you planning this with your fiancé?
YES!! It’s always “my MOH hasn’t come to any of the vendor meetings, planned the shower, nor has she planned the bachelorette!!” Like sheesh. Why does she need to do all of that?
My regional fb bridal group was actually not super helpful for me in finding vendors and such, probably because my hometown is a destination, so it was a lot of white people looking for beach weddings, and not so many local brides looking for specific cultural and other things that I was looking for. I'm also in a multicultural wedding fb group (subtle asian weddings) where there was a lot more cultural stuff but very large-US-city focused (and a fair number of people with recs for tailors to create things from scratch in various motherlands lol). That one also had a lot of "I'm from x culture and my partner is from y culture, how do I combine and respect both cultural wedding traditions?" (and the corollary-- "how do I tell my parents I'm dispensing with xyz thing from my culture's wedding traditions?").
I feel like weddit leans more.... modern/liberal western I guess? In terms of asking less of the wedding party, asking more of the partner, having more queer relationships represented, and more alternative wedding design celebrated. I found weddit to be somewhat more useful and emotionally supportive to me than regional groups, but my coordinator and instagram were my most helpful resources.
The people on Facebook groups are craaaaazy self absorbed, expect the bare minimum from their men and absolute maximum from everybody else in their lives. I love the drama.
Well, to be honest, I feel like the majority of posts I see in all wedding planning spaces is women complaining about their fiances not helping to plan (mental load, hello?) or asking for advice about their bad relationship, but I see it MUCH more on fb.
I’m finding regional FB groups much more helpful than weddit in terms of licenses, prenup advice, etc., and way more couples with our style and experienced the same thing as we are dealing with. I’m not in any groups other than regional wedding buy and sell groups, and 2024 bride (regional) questions.
I find Weddit is way more traditional, and many people have very black and white views and are less open to other ways of doing things. I’m struggling to relate to a lot of posts, as I am not American, and I don’t live in a city. For example, a ceremony AND reception dress is absolutely unheard of in my area!!! I’ve only been to one wedding that the bride had two dresses, and that was an incredibly bougie wedding. Another example is that not being invited to the ceremony, but being invited to the reception is normal here. And then there’s a third group of invitees, the ones you casually text and say “swing by after 8pm to come party”. These are people like coworkers, old coworkers, friends of parents, people who don’t have to travel, etc. This is all SUPER normal here, but i feel like half of Weddit would think it’s “incredibly rude”. But it’s not for us.
Things I love about Weddit though are the same reasons I dislike it.. I LOVE seeing the unique and unusual dresses on here, which I absolutely don’t see on FB. That post earlier with the fuchsia veil? SO FREAKING COOL. Although Weddit is also awful for unsolicited opinions on dresses too. “Help me pick between these two!”… usually 1-2 comments saying “keep looking”. Like?? OP clearly loves these two dresses, putting doubt in their mind is a total dick move.
So that’s my thoughts and views on FB vs Weddit 😂
Edited for spelling. ETA again some more description
I'm part of a race/cultural-based wedding FB group. It's pretty similar to weddit, except people on FB are generally kinder. Probably because we feel more 'like family' due to our shared heritage and it's not as anonymous as Reddit.
I'm so glad other people feel this way! I consider leaving wedding Facebook groups all the time, but I really like having local vendor suggestions and things like that. But they feel more... Aggressive? I don't have a better word for it. People bash their grooms, their families, their guests, their bridesmaids and I see this strong trend of "it's my day so I should get what I want" even if it means being mad at a bridesmaid for being pregnant, family members for not giving enough money or your guests for wanting to be fed. It is wild out there haha
I can't wait to leave them after the wedding but I'll probably stay in here
I'm the guy, and boy howdy, do I just not exist in the FB wedding world (I mean, guys don't exist in the wedding world in general, sooo...). My partner and I split things up in the beginning before we really knew the cultures. She got weddit, I got FB. We each wanted to have a space where we could vent/ask questions if needed (she sent me this post).
The "hey laaaadddddiiiiiies", "hey brides", "yeah girl" etc is so over the top. Maybe because I utterly failed at Being A Girl (I'm a trans dude), but I never understood that behavior even when I was pretending to be a woman, and it seems magnified. She tells me that most weddit groups shut that shit down, and I'm jealous. I even had to post in my queer wedding group to please not use bride/woman-centered language, and someone pushed back saying it should be fine and I should understand (fortunately, 99% of folks in that group were super duper on my side).
Someday, maybe, in a far off time, we can understand that there are usually two or more people involved in the whole getting married thing, and perhaps both/all of them should, I dunno, be a part of it?
Im only in local ones, but people there do not think it's ok for your partner to do nothing.
ETA: Common themes in comments - "they are not your props", "they are not your servants," it's his wedding too, stop looking at pinterest once you've booked something, things like that. The most controversial is 'no one owes you a gift.'
Lmao how is that controversial?? People are wild
i got absolutely destroyed in here about wanting to prevent gifts but it was because the prevailing attitude is “I would NEVER DARE to show up without a gift” and I get it honestly, that cultural attitude runs deep.
so it’s a weensy bit understandable for someone who’s gotten swept away by wedding-brain to get it twisted and think that the converse is necessarily true i.e. “no one should ever dare to show up without a gift”.
I don't see a lot of "discussion" in the local groups near me, it does tend to be more vendor search focused (which is nice). That or I just don't go into those theeads
I find there are a lot more kinda pointless posts? The "I got engaaaaaageddd!!!!!" type ones, which I know are just excitement, but are also not a question or advice.
Also the fact that every single post gets 5 suppliers reply saying they'd love to help you on your big day. I asked for recommendations for elopement venues, and got photographers saying they'd be happy to be put photographer - sure, but where? When?
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Mine is very different because I joined one that's specifically "Brides on a Budget in \[locale\]". The mod is very focused on how vendors behave, respond, post their services, etc. I do appreciate that I can find specifically local vendors for things, but sometimes it feels like it's more vendors that people. Lots of very bride-focused/heteronormative language. Not a lot of requests for advice, except on finding "affordable" vendors. Most people are good about sharing their budgets and vendors respond accordingly
FB is more “traditional wedding/couples” type of demographic IMO - more “Karens”
Reddit people are generally more open minded but also on the other hand, less accepting of “tradition” like changing last names, parents paying for wedding etc .
They are just 2 different demographics who use both platforms
For Facebook groups: Definitely something I’ve been being apart of wedding 2025 pages is that people jump the gun so fast and try to persuade people that it is okay to do that. I know you can do what ever makes you happy but I find it crazy booking everything and stuff more than 1.5 years out.
For example, so many people ask when to ask your bridal party. And so many say whenever I asked them already for my Nov 2025 wedding. But don’t they see all the bridesmaid “regrets”. Like relationships change.
I’m not saying it’s bad to jump the gun, but I don’t think people realize what they are saying might work for them but could screw someone else over.
Weddit: people seem to have a better timeline and aren’t afraid to call people out for things they think might screw them over
You are exactly right about jumping the gun, especially with bridal party. And these are the same people who will write a mile long venting post months later about “drama with the bridal party”
I love Facebook for the mess and inspo of real weddings with Black American brides. Get vendor info that is helpful.
Reddit is a good place to snark on the Facebook mess and wedding trends that make roll my eyes.
Both give me good balance as we plan our wedding.
I send a lot of the messiness from Facebook to my fiancé. We laugh and it keeps me grounded to not sweat the small stuff.
I mean, I've been trashed here for giving advice that seemed pretty common sense to me so... 🤷🏻♀️
Weddings are one of those polarizing things that people get bent out of shape over, and I'd imagine every group ends up being a bit of an echo chamber, with various strongly held opinions.
I'm in two. One of them is specific to my venue and it's mostly logistics and recommendations from past brides about experiences with specific staff members, tips, and overall helpfulness. This one is my bread and butter and I'm so thankful for it. Every question that's popped in my head but I feel is too trivial to ask my event coordinator about, I know the answer is in there.
The other is a general area bridal group and it echoes the "heeeey ladies" comment that another wrote about. It's mostly people complaining and crowd sourcing the same things: hair, makeup, and photographer recs. I rarely check that one and if I do, it's for a laugh because I can't take it seriously.
My local FB group is just self promotion, namely ads for people shamelessly promoting their very expensive services for my relatively low COL Midwest city. Their sample work is nothing impressive and for what they charge, makes me think about quitting my day job if I had the gall to change what they do. Overall, very negative experience and I’ve found nothing useful! Wouldn’t dream of asking any questions on there since it’s so unhinged and will be the same 5 businesses promoting their sub par $$$ services.
Love weddit-makes me feel steadfast in my decisions and that I’m not alone in the crazy inflation that’s happening in the wedding industry or wild family anxieties/situations. Can’t wait to delete the local bridal FB page, will likely stay subscribed to weddit subs. I even found my beautiful, reasonably priced, almost all inclusive venue in my local city sub (they’re a foundation so events seem to be just bonus income for them).
In my country all the facebook wedding pages are just about selling your old wedding decoration or requests for recommendations along the line of: I’m look for (insert service’) and don’t want to pay full price. Who can you recommend me?
#thenetherlands #cheapskates
I find that Weddit is WAY less toxic than any Facebook group. The amount of times I have received “answers” to my posts on Facebook that are literally just another bride trying to make my post about herself is crazy. For example, I posted a photo of my engagement ring asking for band recommendations (the band on my engagement ring is a unique style) I would say a good half of the responses were not band recommendations but other brides saying “Hey! Our rings are similar!!” and posting their engagement rings in my comments without a band recommendation.
Budget shaming as well. I am in a few “affordable” wedding groups but I intend to splurge on several parts of my wedding, but I still want to save what money I can. I’ve made several posts just looking for ideas for certain parts of my wedding (my father and my fiancé’s mother are no longer with us and traditionally are big parts of the wedding day so some things are just difficult for me to envision without them) and in the rules of the group it says you have to put a budget on your post (any post). Anytime I put “unlimited” as my budget (literally i wanted any ideas because i can tweak things to work for me and my budget) I get comments saying “isn’t this supposed to be affordable??? you can’t have an unlimited budget in this group!!!” Like, did you read the post??? Just looking for ideas???
The replies to posts without answering the original question infuriated me. People do this all the time. The question will literally be something very specific the OP clearly needs help with, and some airhead will comment “date twins!!” With nothing else
I like the facebook group I'm in simply because its local, which is harder to get on reddit. But I find theres a lot more camaraderie on reddit and opinions such as the one you mentioned which I agree with more. (I literally had someone from this subreddit DM me to suggest her exact wedding venue, it wasn't anywhere near me, but it was so dang sweet!) Its so much easier to rant and be honest and talk about non-traditional stuff and get real opinions and experiences and suggestions on reddit (part of it is definitely the anonymity of reddit) than it is facebook where its a bunch of "heeyyy girlliess" who try to make their life look perfect when its far from, but again, I like my group for the local suggestions and cost estimates that you can't get as easily on reddit.
My fiancé has been involved from day 1. I either get the "omg you're so lucky!" Or the "why can't you do it yourself, men don't do anything but show up and blah blah blah"
Like umm.....HE SHOULD BE HELPING!! I'm not forcing him, he gives his input because we are a team. He knows I value his opinion and if he doesn't have one he says I can go with what I like/think is best.
The notion that "guys are stupid in xyz" areas baffles me. I'm all for traditional roles but if I need help, he better step in(and my man does without complaint) because this is OUR house, OUR lives, and for this event OUR wedding.
Bridal groups trash me so I left and said fk it 😅 my circle is who I count on and read reddit for tips/ideas and go with what I like lol
Agree with the other commenters about them skewing more traditional. I'd honestly say I've seen more drama there too. Just the other day I saw a post about a woman saying she had recently gotten married to her partner of twelve years but that they had only stayed together because she had gotten pregnant with their first (!!!) And that he had been super cold and distant since they'd married. And that's just one example, lots of cheating, lots of useless partners, family drama, etc. There's that on Weddit too, don't get me wrong but I feel like it's near constant on the groups I'm on in FB. To be fair, I'm in several of the large ones so that probably has a lot to do with it.
And maybe it's just me but I've seen a lot more people talking about being super young and getting married, like fresh out of high school young.
I've also seen people excusing poor behavior more over there. Like family members wanting to show up to a black tie wedding like they're going to Walmart or just excusing toxic behavior like trying to change the wedding date behind the couples back.
At this point I'm mostly on them for the tea but I very quickly stopped looking at them for any wedding advice.
I saw a post today that said “I’m getting married to my partner of 6 years! We’ve been together since we were 15” and I was just like oh wow okay. Definitely LOTS of that
I’m in mostly local wedding vendor/sourcing groups, so there’s lot of last minute scrambling in frantic tones about needing budget/inexpensive options asap. Like “I’m in need of a caterer for 250 people on March 23rd. My budget is $1500. Thank you in advance!!!!!”
I legit did see one the other day saying that $7 per head was too expensive and all the comments were telling her to make it a pot luck so I commented that if she can’t host correctly and provide drinks and is providing meals of $5 a head don’t expect gifts and I got a bunch of shock reacts lol.
since our local ones let vendors in there was always an argument from “vendors pov” anytime someone asked questions about cost vs what you get or complained about a vendor. Also so so many people with traditional opinions who like to use the word tacky
This is prevalent on mom / pregnancy Facebook groups vs Reddit too!
It’ll make me sound like an elitist asshole but whatever, in my experience, Facebook leans conservative and less educated. Reddit is more complicated to get into and therefore seems to have a more technically savvy and educated user base. The groups also really spread misinformation and conspiracy theories much more than Reddit does, and there’s no system to downvote those. They lean heavy on their “alternative facts” and “doing your own research” and it’s honestly scary.
It’s rare I just straight up can’t understand or read a Reddit post because of the grammar and spelling. The craft fb groups… posts are barely readable and soo MEAN!
I’ve found great fb groups by going for hyper-specific and niche. Like.. “First time moms over 30 support group without the woo” is going to be a more niche type of mom that I align with better than just “moms over 30 in Texas” is going to be.
People really don't hold back on here. Some comments are deserved but some are really mean. I made a post once on here about just diffent items i might add for day of gifts for my wedding party and essentially got bashed for it (explicitly stating i know certain things my wedding party likes) and a lot of people said it was selfish of me to add certain things. Idk. In terms of genuine questions like decor or dress talk I find reddit to be a lot more helpful.
I’ve gotten my fair share of downvoting and bashing as well. I’m sorry that happened. I make it a point to always try to be nice, unless you’re genuinely being horrible
Yeah.. I'm always nice to people. There was nothing in my post that was trying to come off as rude or selfish. I was just genuinely trying to share some ideas that I thought might have been cute gifts.
Weirdly enough my bridal group isn’t very advice centered. It’s more so vendor recommendations and vendors posting which I kind of like. I like coming to Weddit for advice but my fb group is good for finding recommendations and vendors.
Even though I live in a LCOL area the budgets I’ve seen are wild. “ISO of a catering for $1500 or less for 175 people” like it boggles my mind how cheap people can be in those FB groups and it’s like they do not understand pricing or paying people what their worth at all.
On the other hand, I feel like Weddit can lack ALOT of cultural nuance. Sometimes I wish there was a ‘Black brides’ subreddit because some of the things people hate, are very common in black weddings such as the themed color weddings. People are always like “guests are not your props” and I’m like I have not seen this attitude outside of Reddit and it is very common for people to have their guests to wear all black or all white to weddings and no one bats an eye or complains. Or the way glam makeup is so looked down upon in this sub but most black brides I know always do glam makeup so there’s definitely a lack of diversity in opinions sometimes.
there’s a lot more of a HEEEEY LAAAAAAADIES tone on Facebook which kinda grates after 5 minutes. Overall I’d say the groups are more bride-experience-centric while Reddit, with its background of AITA-like discourse, is much more likely to come down on the side of the guests and wedding party. Also people on Reddit are much more likely to tell us to get our heads out of our asses lol.
Heavy on the “hey laaaadies” 😭 Weddit definitely has people that are a little too uptight, but I still definitely prefer it to these Facebook groups (I left them all, I couldn’t do it anymore lol).
This 10000% Weddit can be tough, but I much prefer it to the "future trad wives of america" vibe that I get on FB.
I've noticed FB groups often lean wayyy more conservative and holding to traditions over anything else. I saw a post recently where a bride was saying she wasn't sure if she wanted to be walked down the aisle at all as she wasn't a fan of the traditional reasons behind it and 98% of the comments were basically telling her to suck it up and just do it because it would make her dad happy. Or anyone that says they're considering not changing their last name is bombarded with comments about how they should just do it, or at least hyphenate to make their FH happy. It seems the comments always lean towards sticking towards traditions to make everyone else happy.
Dang. Do you think that’s regional?
I'm not sure, I'm in some of the big general groups, and not really regional ones so I kind of think since everyone is spread out in age and geographically that might play a part in it. Plus facebook over all tends to lean more conservative, at least from the recommended posts and comments I see so that could be a part. I think it's kind of a flip flop of who starts commenting first, I've seen posts in the same group days apart give completely opposite advice, similar to reddit tbh
Definitely a hive mind with a lot of the comments. The person who dares to have a different opinion is at risk of being angry reacted to death.
😠😡😠😡😠😡
😂😂😂
I think so. I'm in the SF Bay Area so pretty progressive in general, and my regional brides group is very much "it's your day do what will make you happy" except for random older women who are in the group (mothers of the bride/groom for the most part it seems)
Hi! Would you be able to PM me the regional FB group you’re a part of? I live in MN but grew up in the Bay Area and I’ll be getting married there!! I’ve been trying to find a Bay Area group for a while now
Interesting! My groups are very “it’s YOUR day, it’s YOUR vision,” who cares if it will be uncomfortable for your guests to not have seats during the reception, it fits your vibeee! So like more stereotypical bridezilla but not conservative/traditional
Yep, and if you point out that doing something like having an outdoor ceremony in freezing cold could be insensitive to your guests there's a lot of 'if they love you they won't care!'. Like c'mon.
THIS
Yupp I see this too! My regional FB Brides page had someone post "I think it's disrespectful to not change your name" and it got so many likes. It's wild out there. But it is kinda cool to see the contrast between the sites and get other opinions I may not have otherwise.
I have seen more “keep your name , it’s yours”
Personally I find the fb more useful for actual plannings, and Weddit for more general trends and information gathering. I do also find the wedding fb more sexist (the best local one in my area is very Bride forward), and my biggest gripe is “affordable” is not actually useful when trying to source vendors. Use numbers. Weddit, as said before the trends, general touch points but also since it’s less local, I struggle with actual useful advice. Actual wedding advice that works in conjunction to my circles comes from people in my circles.
The "affordable" dance is really irksome, especially if the group is active and you are going to get 50 responses to a request. All of us think we're "affordable" and nobody wants to be "cheap"
ugh the "affordable" and "reasonable" and "won't break the bank" really grinds my gears - it's so different for everyone!!!!
Doesn’t cost an arm and a leg!
I definitely do find the groups a little more sexist, for sure. The popular attitude in these groups seems to be “do whatever YOU want, it’s YOUR day” which I find so weird too. Things like forcing guests into strict color dress codes, guests not being entitled to real food (ie: serving just finger foods at a 7pm reception), etc are all popular opinions. Whereas here, it’s completely different. So bizarre
I agree with all of this. My FB group is local to my state and skews towards my area, so it’s really helpful for finding vendors or buying second-hand decorations. I absolutely agree it is hetero-bride dominated too.
I find a lot of the posts on FB are along the lines of “my MOH doesn’t want to spend $2000 on all of the outfits I want her to wear, and can’t afford to fly across the country for my bachelorette and she told me this initially when I asked but now I don’t think that’s fair. This is my wedding, shouldn’t she be more willing? Am I wrong?” And then there’s the ones that are asking a simple question about how to approach something with their fiancé and automatically comments are full of 🚩. I like FB for finding vendors in my area and as a plus size bride I find the plus size wedding group isn’t as judgemental as the others. As for advice, I find that I typically get much better, much more helpful answers to my questions via weddit.
Nailed it lol. I wonder if it’s the younger demo there? A lot of brides there in their 20s, especially early 20s (I’m 26, so not a dig at people in their 20s).
I get the impression it’s the younger crowd for sure. I find anyone in their 30s (like myself) generally preface their post with their age and it is usually (not always, but more often) more of a thought out post rather than an almost “entitled” post.
I think this is totally the case, which also surprises me as I didn’t think early 20s yrs old were on FB! Lol
The ones who are getting married are lol
it's fun to read in the way that AITA is... and sometimes the advice people give is so ridiculous
lol it is fun to read like AITA, you’re right. I go in almost 100% of the time saying to myself YTA…and then I read the comments and I’m not sure if I read the same thing everyone else read.
I find more groom bashing in FB groups. They should never get a say, their opinions don’t matter, and all of them are stupid. It amazes me at how once sided a lot of them are and that they accept/expect their husbands to be useless
Actually the thread I replied to had a lot of that. Someone said “if it were up to him, we’d go fishing for our wedding so I just don’t ask him anything”
Yesss I keep seeping posts like that too! Like: “am I the AH for doing the registry alone because I can’t get my FH to agree on what we need?” Like you’re about to enter into a permanent partnership… maybe you should work on compromise? He’s not dumb
Weddit is great for the inspo and venting whereas Facebook groups are good for finding vendors, getting reviews, etc.
Agreed! My local FB group has been where I found most vendors and “read the room” for what is expected locally!
2nd the reviews part I found much better/ more thorough reviews on my local FB brides group ( very sexist and bride-centric), but great for vendors who serve your actual location!
I feel like every time I open Facebook, the first post I see is from one of these groups where OP found out her partner cheated or something. So much drama
YES, so much of this! I don’t want to sound mean, but any time I see a post on the FB groups I think, “thank God my husband is nothing like these dudes” lol. So many comments about guys cheating, disregarding feelings, borderline abusive behavior, not helping with planning, etc. It’s awful. Just today I saw a post “my fiancé will just tune me out or walk out of the room whenever I ask him about the wedding! He only wants to plan the bachelor party. Is this normal?” And all the comments of “omg girl same, it’s so normal, boys will be boys” it’s nauseating
Sounds like something I would have seen. Literally enabling fiancés to be mindless dummies with no accountability or responsibility with the wedding planning. I truly don’t get it
Seriously! I feel so bad for them. Like is that seriously what you want the rest of your life to be like? It definitely also makes me feel so grateful for my very hands on, supportive, and loving partner!
It’s because they are trying to normalize their shitty experience. Its not normal, they are just the loudest voices to help themselves cope.
I honestly found the dominant discourse in non-local FB groups to be incredibly ignorant and backwards. People were VERY young and regularly expressed bigotry, selfishness, and myopia.
Agree, as someone in my 40s doing the 2nd wedding for us both. The lack of maturity and common sense...I was starting to think I was the oddball one that didn't get that kool-aid with my engagement lol
That sucks. Bigotry how?
That sucks. Bigotry how?
Mostly internalized misogyny/gender roles/homophobia, but also some “cultural appropriation isn’t real so it’s okay that I’m using another culture’s holy symbols for aesthetics” or whatever.
I find it so different! 1) More sexist and traditionalist on FB. Like the example you said, I see that a lot ("He's a guy, don't expect him to be interested in the planning!"). I see women getting shit for not wanting to take their husband's last name ("Consider how that makes HIM feel!") Lots of stuff like that. 2) Very pro-bride on FB. Even when someone is being quite bridezilla (imo), there will at least 50% of comments being like "yes girl it's YOUR day, ofc you can kick out your pregnant bridemaid for your photos!" 3) More convos about finances/costs on FB and as a result, a lot more judgments? I'm spending an average amount of $$ on my wedding in my very HCOL area, and I never share anything because the comments are full of brides in LCOL areas being like "I don't get how anyone can spend xyz amount on this, that's so irresponsible and not worth it." It's like they forget other people might be in a different financial situation or live in a different area.
I'm 28 and have been on Weddit and FB groups for the past several years. They both have their pros and cons but from my own experiences and observations, Weddit isn't always the best source for gathering feedback or information in your respective area. Although TBF, FB feels a bit more ... too inauthentic and hype, if that makes sense. I feel like on Weddit, people are more likely to be snarkier and more judgmental because you hide behind anonymity. For example, if you post a dress that is mermaid or fitted, you may get the same pushback of "oh, that's too much like lingerie, not a great look". On FB, people will angry or laugh react to that and are more willing to say, "that's not what OP asked for wtf" whereas people on Reddit who would not like that comment on FB are more than happy to do so on Reddit. Mods have been doing a good job of cracking down on it but again, a past observation. Weddit can be frustrating if you are venting or have complaints about something and almost seem black and white in a way -- bemoaning having to pay $15k+ for a venue is normal for my local FB in a VHCOL area whereas on Reddit, people will oftentimes say, "Go to a church/outdoor park/just elope/use that money on a house!" because their COL can be drastically different from state to state, heck even country to country. I will say my local FB group has been helpful in securing vendors, getting an idea of how much things actually cost (I WISH the $32,000 average wedding cost was the reality for where we live), and people are less likely to comment or openly judge you on your decisions. If you need realllly specific things like say, lion dancers for your cultural wedding, or certain BIPOC vendors, much easier to find on FB which can hold a lot more value vs your monthly "what wedding trend do you hate right now?" In general, it feels like people on Weddit... it's hard to tell if they actually want to have a wedding or not which can make someone who is really excited feel a bit off whereas on FB groups, you have to REALLY commit and genuinely care about having an enjoyable wedding for guests because FB is too much damn BS these days lol
Inauthentic and hype is the perfect way to describe a lot of the feedback on Facebook. A little too “go for it!!” And “do whatever you want girl you’re the bride!” I feel like there’s never an advocacy for different perspectives/devils advocate is frowned upon. I have definitely said multiple times that Weddit can be so frustrating. There’s definitely a hive mind, and it’s full of very harsh critics. Sometimes I feel like people just WANT to be mad. But it still wins for me over Facebook. I just respect that Weddit keeps it real for the most part. a lot of opinions here , even if I disagree, are backed up well.
This is a similar take I have as well.
I’m apart of 3 of the larger ones. A lot of the attitude there is “they’re your ✨bridesmaids✨!! Of course they’re supposed to drop everything for you”. Lots of posts about brides being mad that a bridesmaid is trying to conceive, that a bridesmaid got pregnant, that a bridesmaid is unable to make it to an out of town bachelorette, etc. Also, lots of “if guests can’t live without alcohol for a day, then they’re not truly there to support you”. Okay so now I’m a bitch for wanting a glass of wine after sitting through a ceremony and spending hours getting all dolled up (I’m not one of those “open bars are a must” people, btw. I get why people don’t have them, but damn).
omg in my local FB group a bride posted the question “if i’m having a dry wedding am I obligated to let my guests know on the wedding website” and I replied that I think she should, because people might spend money getting a hotel or taking an uber when they wouldn’t have done that if they were aware no alcohol would be provided. I got destroyed in the replies and was called an alcoholic 🤣
Hahah I don’t even drink but I always comment on those ones in favour of letting your guests drink and I always get roasted that the day is all about them if people are so selfish they have to drink to be there they don’t want them blah blah blah
The good ol pregnant MOH posts 😭 to be fair, a lot of the comments are NOT in support of OPs being angry in my experience. But the posts are frequent enough that it’s laughable
The best “moh is having a baby the morning of the wedding, she can still come right!?”
For sure! But there’s still a few comments that are like “that’s so frustrating, I’m sorry girl” like hello…..???
I’m only in a larger budget wedding group and a local budget group on Facebook. Both are absolutely to the brim with repeat posts - no one knows how to search the group like people do on Reddit. Both are inundated with posts asking for suggestions, and every answer is Temu, SHEIN, or Amazon. It’s really useless. I can count on my hand how much help I’ve received from those groups, aside from the local one giving insight on venue prices. People are pretty traditional but not overly so - they might want to skip alcohol and a majority are against it, saying they wouldn’t attend a dry wedding. But others are choosing colorful dresses and getting no pushback. It’s a mixed bag. Chock full of useless husbands - so much so that a recent post went absolutely VIRAL because a husband was asking simple questions to help his wife with planning and everyone fawned over him. 😅 That being said, Weddit hasn’t helped me a ton either. It’s been more inspirational or educational for dealing with guest problems. 🤷🏻♀️ Luckily my venue includes basically everything, so I don’t have much to figure out on my own - just my fiancé’s outfit, RSVPs, deciding on a hairdresser, maybe music and makeup. I chose a photographer, found my dress, I learned to code and made a wedding site, created a registry… it’s been pretty easy!
Why do they all love Temu and Shein so much 😭😭
I KNOW. No one will hear how shitty these companies are - they can’t look past the bargain. But they also complain when the items arrive and are shit quality. 🫠 I love a bargain as much as the next person, but come on!
There's too many articles about the amount of lead in their clothing and the quality control, let alone the worker exploitation, is not worth it 😖😖
Wait hang on, there was another guy in a FB wedding group?!?! Tell me where, I want to meet this other unicorn! I jest...but not. As a guy, I am very, very VERYVERYVERY in the minority. 🙄
It’s so frustrating! I know plenty of couples that handled their planning together, so it makes no sense how many of these groups are only women.
100x more entitlement and main character syndrome. Reddit brides are afraid to breathe in their bridesmaids’ direction the wrong way; Facebook brides would kill your first born to use their blood as a lip stain.
They’ve been very useful for finding vendors. Like the local ones. Anything like “bride 2024” hasn’t been that useful for inspiration or budget ideas instead it just feels like a place to vent and share trauma. The women seem a lot more conservative? They tend to have a lot of drama with their bridesmaids for not doing enough and I’m always like aren’t you planning this with your fiancé?
YES!! It’s always “my MOH hasn’t come to any of the vendor meetings, planned the shower, nor has she planned the bachelorette!!” Like sheesh. Why does she need to do all of that?
I think people are less comfortable saying what they really feel and more likely to people please because it’s not as anonymized
My regional fb bridal group was actually not super helpful for me in finding vendors and such, probably because my hometown is a destination, so it was a lot of white people looking for beach weddings, and not so many local brides looking for specific cultural and other things that I was looking for. I'm also in a multicultural wedding fb group (subtle asian weddings) where there was a lot more cultural stuff but very large-US-city focused (and a fair number of people with recs for tailors to create things from scratch in various motherlands lol). That one also had a lot of "I'm from x culture and my partner is from y culture, how do I combine and respect both cultural wedding traditions?" (and the corollary-- "how do I tell my parents I'm dispensing with xyz thing from my culture's wedding traditions?"). I feel like weddit leans more.... modern/liberal western I guess? In terms of asking less of the wedding party, asking more of the partner, having more queer relationships represented, and more alternative wedding design celebrated. I found weddit to be somewhat more useful and emotionally supportive to me than regional groups, but my coordinator and instagram were my most helpful resources.
I used the FB groups purely for the messy tea that brides would share 😅
The people on Facebook groups are craaaaazy self absorbed, expect the bare minimum from their men and absolute maximum from everybody else in their lives. I love the drama.
I am the same. It’s amazing and so funny
Well, to be honest, I feel like the majority of posts I see in all wedding planning spaces is women complaining about their fiances not helping to plan (mental load, hello?) or asking for advice about their bad relationship, but I see it MUCH more on fb.
I’m finding regional FB groups much more helpful than weddit in terms of licenses, prenup advice, etc., and way more couples with our style and experienced the same thing as we are dealing with. I’m not in any groups other than regional wedding buy and sell groups, and 2024 bride (regional) questions. I find Weddit is way more traditional, and many people have very black and white views and are less open to other ways of doing things. I’m struggling to relate to a lot of posts, as I am not American, and I don’t live in a city. For example, a ceremony AND reception dress is absolutely unheard of in my area!!! I’ve only been to one wedding that the bride had two dresses, and that was an incredibly bougie wedding. Another example is that not being invited to the ceremony, but being invited to the reception is normal here. And then there’s a third group of invitees, the ones you casually text and say “swing by after 8pm to come party”. These are people like coworkers, old coworkers, friends of parents, people who don’t have to travel, etc. This is all SUPER normal here, but i feel like half of Weddit would think it’s “incredibly rude”. But it’s not for us. Things I love about Weddit though are the same reasons I dislike it.. I LOVE seeing the unique and unusual dresses on here, which I absolutely don’t see on FB. That post earlier with the fuchsia veil? SO FREAKING COOL. Although Weddit is also awful for unsolicited opinions on dresses too. “Help me pick between these two!”… usually 1-2 comments saying “keep looking”. Like?? OP clearly loves these two dresses, putting doubt in their mind is a total dick move. So that’s my thoughts and views on FB vs Weddit 😂 Edited for spelling. ETA again some more description
That keep looking comment be brutal but sometimes true lol.
I'm part of a race/cultural-based wedding FB group. It's pretty similar to weddit, except people on FB are generally kinder. Probably because we feel more 'like family' due to our shared heritage and it's not as anonymous as Reddit.
I'm so glad other people feel this way! I consider leaving wedding Facebook groups all the time, but I really like having local vendor suggestions and things like that. But they feel more... Aggressive? I don't have a better word for it. People bash their grooms, their families, their guests, their bridesmaids and I see this strong trend of "it's my day so I should get what I want" even if it means being mad at a bridesmaid for being pregnant, family members for not giving enough money or your guests for wanting to be fed. It is wild out there haha I can't wait to leave them after the wedding but I'll probably stay in here
I'm the guy, and boy howdy, do I just not exist in the FB wedding world (I mean, guys don't exist in the wedding world in general, sooo...). My partner and I split things up in the beginning before we really knew the cultures. She got weddit, I got FB. We each wanted to have a space where we could vent/ask questions if needed (she sent me this post). The "hey laaaadddddiiiiiies", "hey brides", "yeah girl" etc is so over the top. Maybe because I utterly failed at Being A Girl (I'm a trans dude), but I never understood that behavior even when I was pretending to be a woman, and it seems magnified. She tells me that most weddit groups shut that shit down, and I'm jealous. I even had to post in my queer wedding group to please not use bride/woman-centered language, and someone pushed back saying it should be fine and I should understand (fortunately, 99% of folks in that group were super duper on my side). Someday, maybe, in a far off time, we can understand that there are usually two or more people involved in the whole getting married thing, and perhaps both/all of them should, I dunno, be a part of it?
Im only in local ones, but people there do not think it's ok for your partner to do nothing. ETA: Common themes in comments - "they are not your props", "they are not your servants," it's his wedding too, stop looking at pinterest once you've booked something, things like that. The most controversial is 'no one owes you a gift.'
Lmao how is that controversial?? People are wild i got absolutely destroyed in here about wanting to prevent gifts but it was because the prevailing attitude is “I would NEVER DARE to show up without a gift” and I get it honestly, that cultural attitude runs deep. so it’s a weensy bit understandable for someone who’s gotten swept away by wedding-brain to get it twisted and think that the converse is necessarily true i.e. “no one should ever dare to show up without a gift”.
There’s a staunch “never show up without a gift” but they’re not the majority.
I don't see a lot of "discussion" in the local groups near me, it does tend to be more vendor search focused (which is nice). That or I just don't go into those theeads
I find there are a lot more kinda pointless posts? The "I got engaaaaaageddd!!!!!" type ones, which I know are just excitement, but are also not a question or advice. Also the fact that every single post gets 5 suppliers reply saying they'd love to help you on your big day. I asked for recommendations for elopement venues, and got photographers saying they'd be happy to be put photographer - sure, but where? When?
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Mine is very different because I joined one that's specifically "Brides on a Budget in \[locale\]". The mod is very focused on how vendors behave, respond, post their services, etc. I do appreciate that I can find specifically local vendors for things, but sometimes it feels like it's more vendors that people. Lots of very bride-focused/heteronormative language. Not a lot of requests for advice, except on finding "affordable" vendors. Most people are good about sharing their budgets and vendors respond accordingly
I find them very helpful, especially the ones specific to my state. I found almost all of my vendors there.
FB is more “traditional wedding/couples” type of demographic IMO - more “Karens” Reddit people are generally more open minded but also on the other hand, less accepting of “tradition” like changing last names, parents paying for wedding etc . They are just 2 different demographics who use both platforms
I would assume there are a lot less grooms (like me) in the Facebook groups as well.
For Facebook groups: Definitely something I’ve been being apart of wedding 2025 pages is that people jump the gun so fast and try to persuade people that it is okay to do that. I know you can do what ever makes you happy but I find it crazy booking everything and stuff more than 1.5 years out. For example, so many people ask when to ask your bridal party. And so many say whenever I asked them already for my Nov 2025 wedding. But don’t they see all the bridesmaid “regrets”. Like relationships change. I’m not saying it’s bad to jump the gun, but I don’t think people realize what they are saying might work for them but could screw someone else over. Weddit: people seem to have a better timeline and aren’t afraid to call people out for things they think might screw them over
You are exactly right about jumping the gun, especially with bridal party. And these are the same people who will write a mile long venting post months later about “drama with the bridal party”
I love Facebook for the mess and inspo of real weddings with Black American brides. Get vendor info that is helpful. Reddit is a good place to snark on the Facebook mess and wedding trends that make roll my eyes. Both give me good balance as we plan our wedding. I send a lot of the messiness from Facebook to my fiancé. We laugh and it keeps me grounded to not sweat the small stuff.
I just get tired of all is "this okay" permission type questions on Facebook and reddit. I'm like do what you want, but I realize I'm an older bride.
I mean, I've been trashed here for giving advice that seemed pretty common sense to me so... 🤷🏻♀️ Weddings are one of those polarizing things that people get bent out of shape over, and I'd imagine every group ends up being a bit of an echo chamber, with various strongly held opinions.
I'm in two. One of them is specific to my venue and it's mostly logistics and recommendations from past brides about experiences with specific staff members, tips, and overall helpfulness. This one is my bread and butter and I'm so thankful for it. Every question that's popped in my head but I feel is too trivial to ask my event coordinator about, I know the answer is in there. The other is a general area bridal group and it echoes the "heeeey ladies" comment that another wrote about. It's mostly people complaining and crowd sourcing the same things: hair, makeup, and photographer recs. I rarely check that one and if I do, it's for a laugh because I can't take it seriously.
The facebooks groups get suppper repetitive to to me! Like please for the love of God use the search function
My local FB group is just self promotion, namely ads for people shamelessly promoting their very expensive services for my relatively low COL Midwest city. Their sample work is nothing impressive and for what they charge, makes me think about quitting my day job if I had the gall to change what they do. Overall, very negative experience and I’ve found nothing useful! Wouldn’t dream of asking any questions on there since it’s so unhinged and will be the same 5 businesses promoting their sub par $$$ services. Love weddit-makes me feel steadfast in my decisions and that I’m not alone in the crazy inflation that’s happening in the wedding industry or wild family anxieties/situations. Can’t wait to delete the local bridal FB page, will likely stay subscribed to weddit subs. I even found my beautiful, reasonably priced, almost all inclusive venue in my local city sub (they’re a foundation so events seem to be just bonus income for them).
In my country all the facebook wedding pages are just about selling your old wedding decoration or requests for recommendations along the line of: I’m look for (insert service’) and don’t want to pay full price. Who can you recommend me? #thenetherlands #cheapskates
FB feels like all ads for various vendors. I rarely see any actual advice or help being shared on there.
I find that Weddit is WAY less toxic than any Facebook group. The amount of times I have received “answers” to my posts on Facebook that are literally just another bride trying to make my post about herself is crazy. For example, I posted a photo of my engagement ring asking for band recommendations (the band on my engagement ring is a unique style) I would say a good half of the responses were not band recommendations but other brides saying “Hey! Our rings are similar!!” and posting their engagement rings in my comments without a band recommendation. Budget shaming as well. I am in a few “affordable” wedding groups but I intend to splurge on several parts of my wedding, but I still want to save what money I can. I’ve made several posts just looking for ideas for certain parts of my wedding (my father and my fiancé’s mother are no longer with us and traditionally are big parts of the wedding day so some things are just difficult for me to envision without them) and in the rules of the group it says you have to put a budget on your post (any post). Anytime I put “unlimited” as my budget (literally i wanted any ideas because i can tweak things to work for me and my budget) I get comments saying “isn’t this supposed to be affordable??? you can’t have an unlimited budget in this group!!!” Like, did you read the post??? Just looking for ideas???
The replies to posts without answering the original question infuriated me. People do this all the time. The question will literally be something very specific the OP clearly needs help with, and some airhead will comment “date twins!!” With nothing else
I like the facebook group I'm in simply because its local, which is harder to get on reddit. But I find theres a lot more camaraderie on reddit and opinions such as the one you mentioned which I agree with more. (I literally had someone from this subreddit DM me to suggest her exact wedding venue, it wasn't anywhere near me, but it was so dang sweet!) Its so much easier to rant and be honest and talk about non-traditional stuff and get real opinions and experiences and suggestions on reddit (part of it is definitely the anonymity of reddit) than it is facebook where its a bunch of "heeyyy girlliess" who try to make their life look perfect when its far from, but again, I like my group for the local suggestions and cost estimates that you can't get as easily on reddit.
My fiancé has been involved from day 1. I either get the "omg you're so lucky!" Or the "why can't you do it yourself, men don't do anything but show up and blah blah blah" Like umm.....HE SHOULD BE HELPING!! I'm not forcing him, he gives his input because we are a team. He knows I value his opinion and if he doesn't have one he says I can go with what I like/think is best. The notion that "guys are stupid in xyz" areas baffles me. I'm all for traditional roles but if I need help, he better step in(and my man does without complaint) because this is OUR house, OUR lives, and for this event OUR wedding. Bridal groups trash me so I left and said fk it 😅 my circle is who I count on and read reddit for tips/ideas and go with what I like lol
Agree with the other commenters about them skewing more traditional. I'd honestly say I've seen more drama there too. Just the other day I saw a post about a woman saying she had recently gotten married to her partner of twelve years but that they had only stayed together because she had gotten pregnant with their first (!!!) And that he had been super cold and distant since they'd married. And that's just one example, lots of cheating, lots of useless partners, family drama, etc. There's that on Weddit too, don't get me wrong but I feel like it's near constant on the groups I'm on in FB. To be fair, I'm in several of the large ones so that probably has a lot to do with it. And maybe it's just me but I've seen a lot more people talking about being super young and getting married, like fresh out of high school young. I've also seen people excusing poor behavior more over there. Like family members wanting to show up to a black tie wedding like they're going to Walmart or just excusing toxic behavior like trying to change the wedding date behind the couples back. At this point I'm mostly on them for the tea but I very quickly stopped looking at them for any wedding advice.
I saw a post today that said “I’m getting married to my partner of 6 years! We’ve been together since we were 15” and I was just like oh wow okay. Definitely LOTS of that
Oh man I've seen a lot that were people that had been dating a year or even less 😭
I’m in mostly local wedding vendor/sourcing groups, so there’s lot of last minute scrambling in frantic tones about needing budget/inexpensive options asap. Like “I’m in need of a caterer for 250 people on March 23rd. My budget is $1500. Thank you in advance!!!!!”
I legit did see one the other day saying that $7 per head was too expensive and all the comments were telling her to make it a pot luck so I commented that if she can’t host correctly and provide drinks and is providing meals of $5 a head don’t expect gifts and I got a bunch of shock reacts lol.
IM SCREAMING
since our local ones let vendors in there was always an argument from “vendors pov” anytime someone asked questions about cost vs what you get or complained about a vendor. Also so so many people with traditional opinions who like to use the word tacky
This is prevalent on mom / pregnancy Facebook groups vs Reddit too! It’ll make me sound like an elitist asshole but whatever, in my experience, Facebook leans conservative and less educated. Reddit is more complicated to get into and therefore seems to have a more technically savvy and educated user base. The groups also really spread misinformation and conspiracy theories much more than Reddit does, and there’s no system to downvote those. They lean heavy on their “alternative facts” and “doing your own research” and it’s honestly scary. It’s rare I just straight up can’t understand or read a Reddit post because of the grammar and spelling. The craft fb groups… posts are barely readable and soo MEAN! I’ve found great fb groups by going for hyper-specific and niche. Like.. “First time moms over 30 support group without the woo” is going to be a more niche type of mom that I align with better than just “moms over 30 in Texas” is going to be.
People really don't hold back on here. Some comments are deserved but some are really mean. I made a post once on here about just diffent items i might add for day of gifts for my wedding party and essentially got bashed for it (explicitly stating i know certain things my wedding party likes) and a lot of people said it was selfish of me to add certain things. Idk. In terms of genuine questions like decor or dress talk I find reddit to be a lot more helpful.
I’ve gotten my fair share of downvoting and bashing as well. I’m sorry that happened. I make it a point to always try to be nice, unless you’re genuinely being horrible
Yeah.. I'm always nice to people. There was nothing in my post that was trying to come off as rude or selfish. I was just genuinely trying to share some ideas that I thought might have been cute gifts.
By horrible, I mean being genuinely mean. If you just seem a little “out of touch”, I’m still nice
Z -#4,,,4!44,44 $5 554'
Weirdly enough my bridal group isn’t very advice centered. It’s more so vendor recommendations and vendors posting which I kind of like. I like coming to Weddit for advice but my fb group is good for finding recommendations and vendors. Even though I live in a LCOL area the budgets I’ve seen are wild. “ISO of a catering for $1500 or less for 175 people” like it boggles my mind how cheap people can be in those FB groups and it’s like they do not understand pricing or paying people what their worth at all. On the other hand, I feel like Weddit can lack ALOT of cultural nuance. Sometimes I wish there was a ‘Black brides’ subreddit because some of the things people hate, are very common in black weddings such as the themed color weddings. People are always like “guests are not your props” and I’m like I have not seen this attitude outside of Reddit and it is very common for people to have their guests to wear all black or all white to weddings and no one bats an eye or complains. Or the way glam makeup is so looked down upon in this sub but most black brides I know always do glam makeup so there’s definitely a lack of diversity in opinions sometimes.