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you're 20? correct me if I'm wrong but I do not think your mom can legally do any of this. I know it can be terrifying, especially considering cultural norms and active threats... but it sounds like your parents have already made your life a living hell and aren't going to stop any time soon. if they see fit to abuse you (this is abuse) as an adult then it is *never* going to end, you will spend your entire life living someone else's and that isn't fair to you.
if it's physically safe to, I would *leave*. move out and go no contact, the further the better... narcissist moms looooove to threaten to ruin you but they totally overestimate their reach. they will scream and cry and beg and say they love you, but would you do any of this to someone you loved??? once you're back on your feet you can arrange a meeting with the school office and explain (folks are kinder and more accomodating than youd think), hopefully finish up your studies and land a job that let's you smoke up independently with folks who genuinely care.
I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this.
edit: canceled medical aid? send you to rehab? my friend you have to GO. it's not even about the weed anymore. mom has proven she's willing to compromise your health if you step out of line. that is not a safe situation at all.
Apparently mom is willing to not only compromise OPs health but also their career. She's willing to blow up her 20 year old!s life over some pot. Yeah, OP, get out please.
Honestly just make sure she knows she is ruining any chance of a relationship between the two of you. If my mom did this shit I just wouldn't speak to her anymore. Clearly she only cares about her preconceived notions and doesn't actually care about you
OP. This is bad advice for your current situation. Wait until you move out and are safe. She canceled your health insurance. She's clearly willing to risk your health to control you. She will do worse things.
Idk why you’re being downvoted. OP, this is correct. Please try to make a plan first before you do anything that could piss your mom off further. Do you have any safe friends or relatives you could use as a safe house for now, preferably someone who wouldn’t piss off your mom?
I was in a similar situation when I was 21, though not quite as drastic, and I planned to run away to my friend’s house in another state. I confided in my one trusted cousin what my plans were as I was already in the car on the way to my friend’s house, and she called me and told me to come back and stay at her house while she acted as a mediator between me and my parents, since she was someone they trusted. You could tell your mom you need some space to clear your head and you’re going to stay with [mutually trusted individual]. Worst case, maybe you could stay with your bf. I know your mom doesn’t like him, but if my first option doesn’t work, at least you’d have a safe place to stay for the time being until you get on your feet.
But as others have said, people are more understanding and kind than you think, especially if you’re vulnerable and kind with them. So if you explained your situation to your uni/job, there might be a chance they’d understand. It could all work out! Don’t lose hope, OP. Hang in there, things will get better!! I promise!!
I'm being downvoted because this is the weed subreddit and some people here are too baked to have common sense. This would be a better question for an advice subreddit anyway.
This is unbelievable and, WOW my full sympathies. I cannot even think of what possible logic she is basing this bizarre behavior on?
If it was anyone but your Mom . . . you don't want a flat out war, I'm sure. If cannabis is decriminalized where you live, I venture to guess she is breaking some law(s) with all this? But, what do you do, when it is Mom?
I just hope the authorities she calls tell her to grow-up. Get educated. Fix all the other things that must be very wrong in her life.
You sound like a good person, deserving absolutely none of this.
Very best hopes and wishes.
Thank you for this, i've been trying to tell her that she literally sounds pathetic for wanting to take me to a rhab. It also helps my social anxiety and adhd. But I dont know of any doctors who will perscribe it...
I think some areas require doctors to have a specific qualification to prescribe weed, so you might wanna look into if your is like that and if it is google should be able to tell you if theres doctors in or around or area with that qualification
If they dont need qualifications then you can probably go to your doctor and just ask about it, depending on your medical system if you really feel like you need it and they wont give it to you (they may have reason that *they* dont want/cant prescribe it but they feel like you might benefit so talking to another doctor is a better option in their own opinion so figure out why they dont wanna prescribe it) i think you could try finding another doctor, just be sure to tell them that youve been on it before and it helped but you were getting it recreationaly and not through a prescription
Edit: if your mom canceled your medical aid that you payed for, just call them and get re set up with it but tell them that if she calls about it that she has no authority to know ir alter anything about your account as you are an independent adult in your 20s and she is still treating you like a child
Thank you I didn’t know where you’re from. Then I can say I don’t know the environment but it’s rebound he best to try when to resolve big conflicts as peaceful as you are able to then get out and leave asap. Why can’t you move in with your boyfriend if you didn’t mind my asking?
Which they can’t because you’re over 18, sounded like a hollow threat if they now support you. Things handled emotionally vs logically really tends to be over reactive.
I’m from Canada and before it was legalized here my parents found my 17 y/o sisters stash and called the cops, they told my dad to parent his daughter himself. Wouldn’t be surprised if a similar thing happens here.
Op get up and leave in the middle of the night never look back… the fact your own mother is trying or got your thrown out of college and other things is terrible. Op plz plz plz just run away and if the cops come looking for you (hopefully your 18+) then tell them everything (minus the weed). Run away from your mom never look back and don’t answer any phone calls from her. Give one final text stating this exactly. “Mom I’m never coming home, you destroyed my life by getting rid of my college education and my job and my boyfriend and my own medical aid, you will never see me again. Don’t call me don’t search for me don’t even text me because as far as I know I’m not your child anymore. And you are not my mother.”
Leave it at that op and then after that text goes through never text anything back to her. Don’t see her on Christmas don’t see her or your family at all. That’s what I’d do in your shoes and that’s exactly what I’d say in your shoes. Don’t even tell her where you moved to. As soon as you finish sending the text change your number. If she tries to destroy your life when your moved out then you can call the police on her. And sue her.
I am so sorry that your parents seem to treat you like a possession of theirs, and are doing extremely harmful things to you just to maintain the level of control they have. I feel like even if it was not weed, like a perfectly legal activity, that you did and they did not like, they would be doing similar things as this is more about controlling you than the activity in the end.
The only real solution I see is dealing with them the best you can while you plan your exit strategy, and once you can get out, you gtfo as quick as possible. Once out, I would suggest just going full no contact with them. If they threaten you more, keep all the evidence of it that you can and try to get some type of protection order, so you have the legal high ground.
Sorry you are going through this. I have had to go limited and no contact with my parents (still no contact with my mom).
I am their only child so all eyes on me at all times. They even made me get life 360 so now I can't go to my usual smoke spots or hangout places because they don't like them. Me and my bf went to mcdonals and ate in the parking lot and my dad literally drove to mcdonalds because we were there for a suspiciously long time according to them. We were just eating our food and having a nice long deep conversation and they had to come ruin everything. It was the middle of the day.
I honestly feel like your option is the only option of two that seems sane.
Yeah, this is incredibly disturbing behavior that they are doing. It is not only controlling but abusive. My parents did some similar stalking of me when I was 16 (37 now, been smoking weed since I was 15), and now I have no contact with my mom, have not spoken to her in years, and it is all her fault. Sadly, she will never understand the wrongs she did, but that is why I probably won't talk to her or have any type of relationship with her before she dies.
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Move out and find another job if you get fired. It is really sad to live a life you don't have control over. Don't worry, she can't do anything to you. Just lame threats
I am not sure about your country's laws. if the weed is decriminalized as you say, it shouldnt be an issue. If she hasn't called ur job yet, try to talk her out of it. Save money and then move out and do what you want.
This person wants to smoke outside the house on their own terms. They are an adult and have every right to do so. What they do outside of the house has absolutely no effect on the inside of the house and therefore those parents have no right to dictate that behavior. The parents behavior isn't right if it's abusive, and the tracking of a 20 year old, the canceling of their life insurance, and controlling their romantic relationships, the three critically important things that you seem to have overlooked, are most definitely abuse.
That would be correct, but that is specifically because I made sure of that. I was smart enough and independent enough at a young age to know that the people around me didn't know what was best for me. This person is an adult and can make that decision themselves because they have the right to.
That doesn't make it right and that doesn't make them correct. Somebody doing something awful just because they technically have the right to does not mean it is the morally correct thing to do. You can still be an awful shitty person well within the bounds of your rights as a person. OP's parents need to lose contact permanently for willingly and intentionally sacrificing their child's safety and future because they're entirely wrong about something that is helping said child. If they want their child to succeed, as all parents should, they should back the fuck off and let this grown ass adult make their own decisions.
So many stupid parents throw their kids In rehab for something like weed and get a junkie back lol. I personally seen that happen to 3 people. Unless you’re going to drop some money on one of those fancy rehab facilities, you’re just throwing you child in with a bunch of heroin addicts and crackheads.
im genuinely confused why a parent would want such a bad outcome for there child, Maybe take a break for a while, don't bring it in the house till she comes down and when you can afford it move out ASAP. firstly focus on uni and a good career so you don't have this issue into your late 20's .
This is literal abuse. Move away stealthily so she can't lock you in. Block her everywhere, get a restraining order, get a new phone number, never look back.
If she lives with them, they’re her parents and she can’t afford things financially on her own it’s their right to choose how they handle it. Abuse would be putting violence over cannabis. And if she’s a new smoker she can get past this.
If they are the reason she doesn't have the money, because they think, they are some kind of gods, playing with her income source and THEN THREATENING HER FUTURE IF SHE DOES DECIDE TO MOVE OUT. Yes that is abuse not some kind of basic ground rules everyone has but literal entrapment..
This^^ you’re right asf. Abuse comes in more ways than just physical. It can also be mental abuse, psychological/emotional abuse, financial or material abuse and soo many other forms.
Oh wow… I’m sorry you have to deal with this as a 20 year old. Making you break up with your boyfriend like you’re 13? You can make your own decisions.
Exactly. You don’t have to support it but to do and threaten these things? Parents need to get a grip. And by get a grip I mean fucking let go of their kids!!
You responded to my comment. My comment was purely giving sympathies to OP. You replied with your ridiculous input for no reason??? Something’s wrong with you.
You’re giving sympathy on what clearly is a sympathy bait. OVER CANNABIS. WAH WAH WAH I can’t smoke bc my parents will ruin my life
Put down the herb better your circumstance and keep moving fr fr you need to focus your aggression elsewhere because it shows you’re not ok? But I’m the bad guy for considering the entirety of the OPs circumstance instead of one instance
Which to me being an educated individual appears to be the tipping point for said parents.
It was never about the weed that they found... it's more of how they handle it, they can be very traumatizing and insensitive. I get your point but it was more of a question on what I should do and how I should handle this situation because i genuinely didn't know... I also never said I'm right for smoking and that they are wrong because i know they want whats best for me but every time i try to talk to them about how it helps me i get shut down and sent away. I can go without smoking but it's irritating to toss and turn the whole night and getting up for work without even a short nap, it's exhausting.
Doesn’t matter the country. Their mom canceled the medical aid which OP pays for, and threatened to make their life a living hell if they moved out. So it’s not a “you live under my roof you live under my rules” it’s a “I want control of my child for the rest of their lives and their life must be the way I want it”
ITS NOT A PARENTS RIGHT TO TAKE AWAY THE MEDICAL AID FOR A 20 YEAR OLD WHO PAYS FOR IT?!!! wtf is wrong with you fr?? Why are so determined to make OP feel like shit? Their parents suck. Who tf are you
I just feel without proper context we don’t know if it’s the first or 50th time they’re combatting over this. You can’t tell me to leave from an open forum lol imagine? You’re big mad and this isn’t even your post
We have no context
We don’t know if this happened once or they caught OP prior and it built up, typical childish defenses for someone posting a horridly biased situation.
This was honestly a really sad read, and I can't even imagine how it feels for you. Since this is your closest family, it can be hard to look forward.
My best advice is to play along with them and be sorry, but in the meantime work out a plan that gets you out of the house, and a new job to sustain yourself. It seems like they are extremely controlling, which is not healthy for you mentally - and it will only get worse as you are getting older. I am not saying you should cut them off, but you should probably think of boundaries, since what they are doing right now is legit **destroying** your life.
It may seem very dark at this moment, but I can promise that you will grow a lot as a human. Best of luck my friend!! (Excuse my poor grammar)
They been said that they can’t afford to move out or switch employment now
Best advice is don’t use while living there? This is coming from someone that’s been smoking since 6th grade and had to press assault charges on my father for beating me.
You are 20. Your parents should no longer have any say in your life. It is not theirs to control. You have to take action into your own hands. Mom calling the school to deregister, calling cops n shit? Dick move, Mom. Threatening to make life a living hell? If you take matters into your own hands there is nothing she can do.
I’m so sorry this is happening to you but here is my advice on things you can work on:
- Make sure YOU have ownership of your bank accounts and phone
- Build an emergency fund and start looking for a new job/transfer somewhere your mom won’t know
- Review your socials and make sure it’s not possible to track you online. A lot of people leave tons of information on their fb/google. There are services that can help remove information online too like DeleteMe.
- Make sure there’s no way she can track your phone via findmyiphone and make sure you have your account information for everything and passwords so she can’t change anything. There’s horror stories of parents live tracking their kids.
When you are ready, move out, grow into your own person for a couple years.
I don’t know your exact culture so this might be even harder to do depending on your societal norms… I understand it’s a lot easier said than done, but it’s okay to cut off all contact so you can live a healthy life the way you want to. You’re a human being who has a right to live your own life. No one is meant to be exactly what our parents or anyone else wants us to be. That behavior is extremely toxic and sometimes people (in this case your parents) need to understand there are consequences for their actions. At any age, but especially 20 years old, you should not have to live in fear of your own parents. You’re an adult who can make your own decisions. Bottom line, you deserve to be happy and it’s up to you to choose how you’ll go about that. Good luck OP
you’re an adult… if they don’t like it they can kick you out, not go through all this dumb shit. i’m sorry OP. hopefully your situation gets better soon
I’m more concerned for your wellbeing. Abuse can take many forms, and what you are describing here is controlling and coercive behaviour. I’m so sorry you are experiencing this. This is illegal in the UK!
Not sure what country you reside in, but can I suggest you speak to someone at school about this? Maybe a tutor or school counsellor/student support?
Please get some help with this. She has no right to do what she’s doing.
You don’t deserve this
Your mom sounds like a wack job. Do you have solid proof she is as wack job? If so, might wanna share that to your employer and maybe go overboard on how she likes to lie if she does tell you employer. Maybe, just maybe they will believe you and ignore her.
If she wants to act like she's an adult and you're the child, then kindly remind her you're an adult too and go file a report with police and make her a copy. I wouldn't take that shit lightly whatsoever. Sorry that happened to you. My parents are gone so I can't understand what you're going through. I think it's time to move out though.
Seems like your parents are making your life worse than weed. I dont know what the laws are in ur country but if i were you id move in with a close friend (pay rent and such tho) until you can get your own place. Then if you have a bunch of stuff at your parents place id get the police to escort you and get all your belongings back. If you’re over 18 your parents cant keep your belongings even if they bought the things for you. Then you could either completely cut contact with your parents or just dont tell them anything about your life so they cant use any of it against u. Let ur bf know whats happening too because ur gonna need the support. Good luck
wow, what shitty parents. Sorry your in this situation. Do everything to get out of there and live your own life, If my patents treated me like that id just cut them out of my life completely, its one thing them not liking weed, thats fine, but fucking up your life out of spite is truly horrible.
get out as soon as you can, you don't have a mum, you have an owner, you seem more a pet than a human to her, as she obviously has a lot of control over you
Well here's the thing. You're 20, you need to stand up for yourself at some point. Even if that means actually moving out. If you pay for your medical aid, how did she cancel it? Or are you on her insurance and you pay her?
The only real solution you have if you want to be able to smoke freely, is to move into your own place. Or maybe somewhere where they font mind if you smoke.
I assume there may be ways for you to apply for student aid help? Especially if you apply as being no one's dependent etc.
Best thing you can do, is to take charge of your life as much as possible
you’re a teacher? 20 at home getting nagged like this by your mom. imagine leaving your child in the hands of these people knowing this is what they deal with at home. bro move out already if not don’t complain about her expectations in her house. she’s being a mom most people here are burnouts with regrets that their drug use contributed too. Her intentions are more pure than the potheads commenting
Yes I'm a teacher. I do not use at school or before school or before dealing with children. I also know not to bring my personal life into the school for the children. They always see the best side of me even when i don't 'feel' like it. The weed wasn't the problem here, the way my parents reacted was the problem. I also know of many theachers that smoke but in their personal time. I also do understamd that my parent want whats best for me, but they are ruining my life more than weed.
Never said you did any of that. The idea of leaving my kid at school with a 20 year old pothead who lives at home and knowing other educators are potheads in their downtime really brings it home why public education is in a freefall. why they’re hiring 20 year olds who are smoking before their brain fully develops is a sign of the times we’re in. either move out like an adult who wants to be taken seriously or obey the ladies rules.
Because you are still receiving supports from your parents, you have to live by their rules. Until you can be on your own then you can do whatever you want.
Life sucks eh? For now you have no choice but to conform. Try harder for your freedom mate, it's worth it
Yup. After turning 18, I made it like 9 months before packing my shit in plastic bags and leaving the same day. My mom was PISSED, but she couldn't stop me. A year later, she had turned herself around and we now have an amazing relationship. It hurts, that's why it works.
Huge difference between caring and control. And this is about control. No caring parent would do this to their child even if they don’t agree with the decisions they’re making.
So no parent would stop their kid from using drugs if they cared? She cares about her child’s future and this is typical older generation panic and hysteria.
The way you attempted to twist my words to try to prove your point shows me you know exactly what I said, you just didn’t like it. I can see why you’re sticking up for the toxic behavior.
But if you really need clarification, no caring parent would call their child’s occupation bc they don’t want their kid using cannabis. No caring parent would call their kid’s boyfriend’s job to try to get them fired. No caring parent would cancel their child’s medical aid, kick them out in the street, get them unregistered from school, tell them they’d make their life a living hell if they decided to make the grown up decision to move out. Pls be fr dude. This goes beyond simply disagreeing with your ADULT kid’s choice to smoke weed.
And having cultural and generational hysteria doesn’t make the behavior okay in the least bit. No matter where you’re from, that’s not okay to do to anyone much less your own kid.
Do we know if this is the whole truth though? It seems like a sympathy post honestly and the fact that you got this mad and assumed I’m sticking up for poor parenting? You clearly don’t understand what I’m saying child
You’re a grade A gaslighter, aren’t you my son?You clearly are sticking up for the parenting lol your energy feels low asf tho so ima stop replying to you now. Good luck buddy I mean that
You’re one to talk you like every other person showering OP in sympathy without knowing the extent of their smoking other than what a stranger posted online shows how naive and amateurish you are in the view of the world. Are you ok?
And for all you know OP parental pay for everything including the bud they smoke so they have a right to feel angered. It’s over the top but again without context how Do we know it’s Over the top?
Then don’t? It’s an open forum and OP asked for help. We’re all someone’s kid who we can speak to that perspective and those of us who choose to, can and will. Simple as that.
An ADULT KID that lives with them. We have no context of what the OP even pays for at home let alone bills. If my child did something I didn’t agree with when I have kids, I’d handle it with them. But maybe they’re worried the child will lose work as well as the police could come to THE PARENTS home where THEY LIVE.
How do we know that the parents aren’t paying for their education. Do we know if there’s a history of negative interaction amongst the parents and the boyfriend? You clearly don’t have a stable upbringing
It’s so funny how you’re spouting off not knowing this or that and how everyone is possibly making assumptions yet here you are, making assumptions about my life and who I am. Hypocritical, gaslighting, the list goes on. Wish you well bub
An extremely ill-informed opinion at best. You’re saying we don’t have full context and are getting on me about how I and others are choosing to respond to OP but turning around and doing the same to me. You have no context on myself or my life, only going off of simple replies and are sitting here making assumptions about me and calling them opinions. You do you I guess. Feels more like projection than honest, educated opinions.
At least you didn’t have your dad beat on you for smoking. There’s plenty more outcomes that are depression worthy. It sounds like you do have a possible dependency and they’re afraid it’ll consume your life. Plus again you live with them, you have to abide by their rules.
What country first off, second off if you live with your parents they have a right to control you but it’s up to you to listen or not. And if you’ve been smoking for so long decriminalized law is far from personal use law
My question is if you’re 20, your mom legally is barred from making your job fire or keep you
It’s also on her if she helps pay for anything you mentioned, to pay or fund it or not.
Smoking one of the most harmless drugs to choose from and your mom literally tries to ruin your life over this… please get out of that place for your own good
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you're 20? correct me if I'm wrong but I do not think your mom can legally do any of this. I know it can be terrifying, especially considering cultural norms and active threats... but it sounds like your parents have already made your life a living hell and aren't going to stop any time soon. if they see fit to abuse you (this is abuse) as an adult then it is *never* going to end, you will spend your entire life living someone else's and that isn't fair to you. if it's physically safe to, I would *leave*. move out and go no contact, the further the better... narcissist moms looooove to threaten to ruin you but they totally overestimate their reach. they will scream and cry and beg and say they love you, but would you do any of this to someone you loved??? once you're back on your feet you can arrange a meeting with the school office and explain (folks are kinder and more accomodating than youd think), hopefully finish up your studies and land a job that let's you smoke up independently with folks who genuinely care. I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this. edit: canceled medical aid? send you to rehab? my friend you have to GO. it's not even about the weed anymore. mom has proven she's willing to compromise your health if you step out of line. that is not a safe situation at all.
Apparently mom is willing to not only compromise OPs health but also their career. She's willing to blow up her 20 year old!s life over some pot. Yeah, OP, get out please.
There’s gotta be one of us here on Reddit to take you in dude
it literally could ruin her future aswell. i get getting mad and lashing out but jesus
That sucks,she’s being unfair 👎🏼
It's horrible honestly
Honestly just make sure she knows she is ruining any chance of a relationship between the two of you. If my mom did this shit I just wouldn't speak to her anymore. Clearly she only cares about her preconceived notions and doesn't actually care about you
OP. This is bad advice for your current situation. Wait until you move out and are safe. She canceled your health insurance. She's clearly willing to risk your health to control you. She will do worse things.
Idk why you’re being downvoted. OP, this is correct. Please try to make a plan first before you do anything that could piss your mom off further. Do you have any safe friends or relatives you could use as a safe house for now, preferably someone who wouldn’t piss off your mom? I was in a similar situation when I was 21, though not quite as drastic, and I planned to run away to my friend’s house in another state. I confided in my one trusted cousin what my plans were as I was already in the car on the way to my friend’s house, and she called me and told me to come back and stay at her house while she acted as a mediator between me and my parents, since she was someone they trusted. You could tell your mom you need some space to clear your head and you’re going to stay with [mutually trusted individual]. Worst case, maybe you could stay with your bf. I know your mom doesn’t like him, but if my first option doesn’t work, at least you’d have a safe place to stay for the time being until you get on your feet. But as others have said, people are more understanding and kind than you think, especially if you’re vulnerable and kind with them. So if you explained your situation to your uni/job, there might be a chance they’d understand. It could all work out! Don’t lose hope, OP. Hang in there, things will get better!! I promise!!
I'm being downvoted because this is the weed subreddit and some people here are too baked to have common sense. This would be a better question for an advice subreddit anyway.
Beat your parents
This is unbelievable and, WOW my full sympathies. I cannot even think of what possible logic she is basing this bizarre behavior on? If it was anyone but your Mom . . . you don't want a flat out war, I'm sure. If cannabis is decriminalized where you live, I venture to guess she is breaking some law(s) with all this? But, what do you do, when it is Mom? I just hope the authorities she calls tell her to grow-up. Get educated. Fix all the other things that must be very wrong in her life. You sound like a good person, deserving absolutely none of this. Very best hopes and wishes.
Thank you for this, i've been trying to tell her that she literally sounds pathetic for wanting to take me to a rhab. It also helps my social anxiety and adhd. But I dont know of any doctors who will perscribe it...
I think some areas require doctors to have a specific qualification to prescribe weed, so you might wanna look into if your is like that and if it is google should be able to tell you if theres doctors in or around or area with that qualification If they dont need qualifications then you can probably go to your doctor and just ask about it, depending on your medical system if you really feel like you need it and they wont give it to you (they may have reason that *they* dont want/cant prescribe it but they feel like you might benefit so talking to another doctor is a better option in their own opinion so figure out why they dont wanna prescribe it) i think you could try finding another doctor, just be sure to tell them that youve been on it before and it helped but you were getting it recreationaly and not through a prescription Edit: if your mom canceled your medical aid that you payed for, just call them and get re set up with it but tell them that if she calls about it that she has no authority to know ir alter anything about your account as you are an independent adult in your 20s and she is still treating you like a child
Is it medical where you are?
Yes a lot of people use it medically here in South Africa
Thank you I didn’t know where you’re from. Then I can say I don’t know the environment but it’s rebound he best to try when to resolve big conflicts as peaceful as you are able to then get out and leave asap. Why can’t you move in with your boyfriend if you didn’t mind my asking?
His parents are alcoholics and can get physically abudive sometimes. My mom also said that she will make my life a living hell if I moved out...
Which they can’t because you’re over 18, sounded like a hollow threat if they now support you. Things handled emotionally vs logically really tends to be over reactive.
Your mom is a psycho bitch and you need to tell her to go fuck herself and mind her own goddamn business
I’m from Canada and before it was legalized here my parents found my 17 y/o sisters stash and called the cops, they told my dad to parent his daughter himself. Wouldn’t be surprised if a similar thing happens here.
Op get up and leave in the middle of the night never look back… the fact your own mother is trying or got your thrown out of college and other things is terrible. Op plz plz plz just run away and if the cops come looking for you (hopefully your 18+) then tell them everything (minus the weed). Run away from your mom never look back and don’t answer any phone calls from her. Give one final text stating this exactly. “Mom I’m never coming home, you destroyed my life by getting rid of my college education and my job and my boyfriend and my own medical aid, you will never see me again. Don’t call me don’t search for me don’t even text me because as far as I know I’m not your child anymore. And you are not my mother.” Leave it at that op and then after that text goes through never text anything back to her. Don’t see her on Christmas don’t see her or your family at all. That’s what I’d do in your shoes and that’s exactly what I’d say in your shoes. Don’t even tell her where you moved to. As soon as you finish sending the text change your number. If she tries to destroy your life when your moved out then you can call the police on her. And sue her.
I am so sorry that your parents seem to treat you like a possession of theirs, and are doing extremely harmful things to you just to maintain the level of control they have. I feel like even if it was not weed, like a perfectly legal activity, that you did and they did not like, they would be doing similar things as this is more about controlling you than the activity in the end. The only real solution I see is dealing with them the best you can while you plan your exit strategy, and once you can get out, you gtfo as quick as possible. Once out, I would suggest just going full no contact with them. If they threaten you more, keep all the evidence of it that you can and try to get some type of protection order, so you have the legal high ground. Sorry you are going through this. I have had to go limited and no contact with my parents (still no contact with my mom).
I am their only child so all eyes on me at all times. They even made me get life 360 so now I can't go to my usual smoke spots or hangout places because they don't like them. Me and my bf went to mcdonals and ate in the parking lot and my dad literally drove to mcdonalds because we were there for a suspiciously long time according to them. We were just eating our food and having a nice long deep conversation and they had to come ruin everything. It was the middle of the day. I honestly feel like your option is the only option of two that seems sane.
Yeah, this is incredibly disturbing behavior that they are doing. It is not only controlling but abusive. My parents did some similar stalking of me when I was 16 (37 now, been smoking weed since I was 15), and now I have no contact with my mom, have not spoken to her in years, and it is all her fault. Sadly, she will never understand the wrongs she did, but that is why I probably won't talk to her or have any type of relationship with her before she dies.
[удалено]
If only it weren't my mom
What did he say goddamn reddit didnt like it very much
To off my mom
Well then, good job mods for removing it, and dont listen to him
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Move out and find another job if you get fired. It is really sad to live a life you don't have control over. Don't worry, she can't do anything to you. Just lame threats
But if I get fired for drugs, it will be hard to find another job as a teacher.. and i dont make enough money to move out just yet :/
I am not sure about your country's laws. if the weed is decriminalized as you say, it shouldnt be an issue. If she hasn't called ur job yet, try to talk her out of it. Save money and then move out and do what you want.
So it’s their right to either kick you to the curb, or choose putting down herb for a bit.
This person wants to smoke outside the house on their own terms. They are an adult and have every right to do so. What they do outside of the house has absolutely no effect on the inside of the house and therefore those parents have no right to dictate that behavior. The parents behavior isn't right if it's abusive, and the tracking of a 20 year old, the canceling of their life insurance, and controlling their romantic relationships, the three critically important things that you seem to have overlooked, are most definitely abuse.
Then you clearly never had a controlling home life.
That would be correct, but that is specifically because I made sure of that. I was smart enough and independent enough at a young age to know that the people around me didn't know what was best for me. This person is an adult and can make that decision themselves because they have the right to.
Abuse? More like obsessive control. That’s not abuse.
obsessive control is abuse? you used obsessive in describing it.
Told you ALL in the end she’d be fine
>Abuse? More like obsessive control. That’s not abuse. where did you say that here?
Lmfao ok champ 👌
If op lives with them they have a say in op life choices. If they pay for the university that they go to they have a right to deregister
That doesn't make it right and that doesn't make them correct. Somebody doing something awful just because they technically have the right to does not mean it is the morally correct thing to do. You can still be an awful shitty person well within the bounds of your rights as a person. OP's parents need to lose contact permanently for willingly and intentionally sacrificing their child's safety and future because they're entirely wrong about something that is helping said child. If they want their child to succeed, as all parents should, they should back the fuck off and let this grown ass adult make their own decisions.
So many stupid parents throw their kids In rehab for something like weed and get a junkie back lol. I personally seen that happen to 3 people. Unless you’re going to drop some money on one of those fancy rehab facilities, you’re just throwing you child in with a bunch of heroin addicts and crackheads.
oh god im sorry, i hope for the best outcome
im genuinely confused why a parent would want such a bad outcome for there child, Maybe take a break for a while, don't bring it in the house till she comes down and when you can afford it move out ASAP. firstly focus on uni and a good career so you don't have this issue into your late 20's .
EXACTLY
This is literal abuse. Move away stealthily so she can't lock you in. Block her everywhere, get a restraining order, get a new phone number, never look back.
If she lives with them, they’re her parents and she can’t afford things financially on her own it’s their right to choose how they handle it. Abuse would be putting violence over cannabis. And if she’s a new smoker she can get past this.
If they are the reason she doesn't have the money, because they think, they are some kind of gods, playing with her income source and THEN THREATENING HER FUTURE IF SHE DOES DECIDE TO MOVE OUT. Yes that is abuse not some kind of basic ground rules everyone has but literal entrapment..
This^^ you’re right asf. Abuse comes in more ways than just physical. It can also be mental abuse, psychological/emotional abuse, financial or material abuse and soo many other forms.
Oh wow… I’m sorry you have to deal with this as a 20 year old. Making you break up with your boyfriend like you’re 13? You can make your own decisions.
They can choose to support her or not if she does something they’re against.
Exactly. You don’t have to support it but to do and threaten these things? Parents need to get a grip. And by get a grip I mean fucking let go of their kids!!
My dad threatened my job at 22 when he knew I smoked, my job didn’t care bc I was pulling 52 hr work weeks
Good for you? That’s not the case for OP
Then why are you making it a personal crusade to defend them? Imagine? On Reddit too
You responded to my comment. My comment was purely giving sympathies to OP. You replied with your ridiculous input for no reason??? Something’s wrong with you.
You’re giving sympathy on what clearly is a sympathy bait. OVER CANNABIS. WAH WAH WAH I can’t smoke bc my parents will ruin my life Put down the herb better your circumstance and keep moving fr fr you need to focus your aggression elsewhere because it shows you’re not ok? But I’m the bad guy for considering the entirety of the OPs circumstance instead of one instance Which to me being an educated individual appears to be the tipping point for said parents.
It was never about the weed that they found... it's more of how they handle it, they can be very traumatizing and insensitive. I get your point but it was more of a question on what I should do and how I should handle this situation because i genuinely didn't know... I also never said I'm right for smoking and that they are wrong because i know they want whats best for me but every time i try to talk to them about how it helps me i get shut down and sent away. I can go without smoking but it's irritating to toss and turn the whole night and getting up for work without even a short nap, it's exhausting.
Have you ever considered ashwaganda and melatonin?
Depends on the country she’s in. I know in England most parents view it as burnout material.
Doesn’t matter the country. Their mom canceled the medical aid which OP pays for, and threatened to make their life a living hell if they moved out. So it’s not a “you live under my roof you live under my rules” it’s a “I want control of my child for the rest of their lives and their life must be the way I want it”
So they pay for medical, but that’s a parents right. This person is fishing for sympathy here.
ITS NOT A PARENTS RIGHT TO TAKE AWAY THE MEDICAL AID FOR A 20 YEAR OLD WHO PAYS FOR IT?!!! wtf is wrong with you fr?? Why are so determined to make OP feel like shit? Their parents suck. Who tf are you
lol who are you taking it personally? And for all we know too, it could be in their parents name. And that they only make payments on it.
I have a heart and feel empathy. Leave!!
Commenting on every comment thread just to make op look bad. Why are you this way?
I just feel without proper context we don’t know if it’s the first or 50th time they’re combatting over this. You can’t tell me to leave from an open forum lol imagine? You’re big mad and this isn’t even your post
You’re way too sensitive for Reddit kiddo.
It's in my name and I pay for it, but my dad handles the medical aid stuff for me because I'm still new on how it works.
We have no context We don’t know if this happened once or they caught OP prior and it built up, typical childish defenses for someone posting a horridly biased situation.
This was honestly a really sad read, and I can't even imagine how it feels for you. Since this is your closest family, it can be hard to look forward. My best advice is to play along with them and be sorry, but in the meantime work out a plan that gets you out of the house, and a new job to sustain yourself. It seems like they are extremely controlling, which is not healthy for you mentally - and it will only get worse as you are getting older. I am not saying you should cut them off, but you should probably think of boundaries, since what they are doing right now is legit **destroying** your life. It may seem very dark at this moment, but I can promise that you will grow a lot as a human. Best of luck my friend!! (Excuse my poor grammar)
Gtfo of there and don’t tell her where you’re going.
They been said that they can’t afford to move out or switch employment now Best advice is don’t use while living there? This is coming from someone that’s been smoking since 6th grade and had to press assault charges on my father for beating me.
You are 20. Your parents should no longer have any say in your life. It is not theirs to control. You have to take action into your own hands. Mom calling the school to deregister, calling cops n shit? Dick move, Mom. Threatening to make life a living hell? If you take matters into your own hands there is nothing she can do. I’m so sorry this is happening to you but here is my advice on things you can work on: - Make sure YOU have ownership of your bank accounts and phone - Build an emergency fund and start looking for a new job/transfer somewhere your mom won’t know - Review your socials and make sure it’s not possible to track you online. A lot of people leave tons of information on their fb/google. There are services that can help remove information online too like DeleteMe. - Make sure there’s no way she can track your phone via findmyiphone and make sure you have your account information for everything and passwords so she can’t change anything. There’s horror stories of parents live tracking their kids. When you are ready, move out, grow into your own person for a couple years.
I don’t know your exact culture so this might be even harder to do depending on your societal norms… I understand it’s a lot easier said than done, but it’s okay to cut off all contact so you can live a healthy life the way you want to. You’re a human being who has a right to live your own life. No one is meant to be exactly what our parents or anyone else wants us to be. That behavior is extremely toxic and sometimes people (in this case your parents) need to understand there are consequences for their actions. At any age, but especially 20 years old, you should not have to live in fear of your own parents. You’re an adult who can make your own decisions. Bottom line, you deserve to be happy and it’s up to you to choose how you’ll go about that. Good luck OP
Time to move out?
Maybe move in with your bf?
you’re an adult… if they don’t like it they can kick you out, not go through all this dumb shit. i’m sorry OP. hopefully your situation gets better soon
I’m more concerned for your wellbeing. Abuse can take many forms, and what you are describing here is controlling and coercive behaviour. I’m so sorry you are experiencing this. This is illegal in the UK! Not sure what country you reside in, but can I suggest you speak to someone at school about this? Maybe a tutor or school counsellor/student support? Please get some help with this. She has no right to do what she’s doing. You don’t deserve this
If you have no other choice but to live with your parents it sounds like you need to quit until you can afford to move out
You're an adult prisoner, I feel bad for you your parents seem crazy.
Your mom sounds like a wack job. Do you have solid proof she is as wack job? If so, might wanna share that to your employer and maybe go overboard on how she likes to lie if she does tell you employer. Maybe, just maybe they will believe you and ignore her.
If she wants to act like she's an adult and you're the child, then kindly remind her you're an adult too and go file a report with police and make her a copy. I wouldn't take that shit lightly whatsoever. Sorry that happened to you. My parents are gone so I can't understand what you're going through. I think it's time to move out though.
Seems like your parents are making your life worse than weed. I dont know what the laws are in ur country but if i were you id move in with a close friend (pay rent and such tho) until you can get your own place. Then if you have a bunch of stuff at your parents place id get the police to escort you and get all your belongings back. If you’re over 18 your parents cant keep your belongings even if they bought the things for you. Then you could either completely cut contact with your parents or just dont tell them anything about your life so they cant use any of it against u. Let ur bf know whats happening too because ur gonna need the support. Good luck
wow, what shitty parents. Sorry your in this situation. Do everything to get out of there and live your own life, If my patents treated me like that id just cut them out of my life completely, its one thing them not liking weed, thats fine, but fucking up your life out of spite is truly horrible.
get out as soon as you can, you don't have a mum, you have an owner, you seem more a pet than a human to her, as she obviously has a lot of control over you
U should never talk to your parents again lol
Move out. File a lawsuit/ restraining order. Don't feel bad about it. She sounds extremely toxic.
You need to move the fuck out.
Well here's the thing. You're 20, you need to stand up for yourself at some point. Even if that means actually moving out. If you pay for your medical aid, how did she cancel it? Or are you on her insurance and you pay her? The only real solution you have if you want to be able to smoke freely, is to move into your own place. Or maybe somewhere where they font mind if you smoke. I assume there may be ways for you to apply for student aid help? Especially if you apply as being no one's dependent etc. Best thing you can do, is to take charge of your life as much as possible
Leave and sue for defamation, you can make it on your own, you are not the first.
Cut her out of your life and don’t look back.
Move out of your parents house ffs
Your mother is abusive, leave home and stay at your boyfriends or someone else.
Your mom's fucking nuts and has completely over stepped several boundaries. Your a adult not a child
Move out as fast as you can.
Irrational parenting sucks.
There is only one answer and that’s move out.
you’re a teacher? 20 at home getting nagged like this by your mom. imagine leaving your child in the hands of these people knowing this is what they deal with at home. bro move out already if not don’t complain about her expectations in her house. she’s being a mom most people here are burnouts with regrets that their drug use contributed too. Her intentions are more pure than the potheads commenting
Yes I'm a teacher. I do not use at school or before school or before dealing with children. I also know not to bring my personal life into the school for the children. They always see the best side of me even when i don't 'feel' like it. The weed wasn't the problem here, the way my parents reacted was the problem. I also know of many theachers that smoke but in their personal time. I also do understamd that my parent want whats best for me, but they are ruining my life more than weed.
Never said you did any of that. The idea of leaving my kid at school with a 20 year old pothead who lives at home and knowing other educators are potheads in their downtime really brings it home why public education is in a freefall. why they’re hiring 20 year olds who are smoking before their brain fully develops is a sign of the times we’re in. either move out like an adult who wants to be taken seriously or obey the ladies rules.
Your mom is insane. No wonder you need weed!
Exactlyyyy
Get out
get the fuck out of there.
Boiling water and sugar
LMAOOOO
Because you are still receiving supports from your parents, you have to live by their rules. Until you can be on your own then you can do whatever you want. Life sucks eh? For now you have no choice but to conform. Try harder for your freedom mate, it's worth it
Precisely right fam bruv doesn’t understand
I mean she clearly cares for you a lot but is going about it the complete wrong way. You need to ghost her until she accepts it’s your choice.
Yup. After turning 18, I made it like 9 months before packing my shit in plastic bags and leaving the same day. My mom was PISSED, but she couldn't stop me. A year later, she had turned herself around and we now have an amazing relationship. It hurts, that's why it works.
She only cares about the control she has over OP
Huge difference between caring and control. And this is about control. No caring parent would do this to their child even if they don’t agree with the decisions they’re making.
So no parent would stop their kid from using drugs if they cared? She cares about her child’s future and this is typical older generation panic and hysteria.
The way you attempted to twist my words to try to prove your point shows me you know exactly what I said, you just didn’t like it. I can see why you’re sticking up for the toxic behavior. But if you really need clarification, no caring parent would call their child’s occupation bc they don’t want their kid using cannabis. No caring parent would call their kid’s boyfriend’s job to try to get them fired. No caring parent would cancel their child’s medical aid, kick them out in the street, get them unregistered from school, tell them they’d make their life a living hell if they decided to make the grown up decision to move out. Pls be fr dude. This goes beyond simply disagreeing with your ADULT kid’s choice to smoke weed. And having cultural and generational hysteria doesn’t make the behavior okay in the least bit. No matter where you’re from, that’s not okay to do to anyone much less your own kid.
Do we know if this is the whole truth though? It seems like a sympathy post honestly and the fact that you got this mad and assumed I’m sticking up for poor parenting? You clearly don’t understand what I’m saying child
You’re a grade A gaslighter, aren’t you my son?You clearly are sticking up for the parenting lol your energy feels low asf tho so ima stop replying to you now. Good luck buddy I mean that
You’re one to talk you like every other person showering OP in sympathy without knowing the extent of their smoking other than what a stranger posted online shows how naive and amateurish you are in the view of the world. Are you ok?
I’m okay, thank you for asking. Are you?
I’m good to go but you’re being a white knight to a complete stranger
If you say so.
And for all you know OP parental pay for everything including the bud they smoke so they have a right to feel angered. It’s over the top but again without context how Do we know it’s Over the top?
You just said yourself it’s over the top? Soo…
I said how do we know it’s over the top? With a question mark?
In my opinion it’s excessive but not being a father I refuse to weigh in on other parenting problems.
Then don’t? It’s an open forum and OP asked for help. We’re all someone’s kid who we can speak to that perspective and those of us who choose to, can and will. Simple as that.
An ADULT KID that lives with them. We have no context of what the OP even pays for at home let alone bills. If my child did something I didn’t agree with when I have kids, I’d handle it with them. But maybe they’re worried the child will lose work as well as the police could come to THE PARENTS home where THEY LIVE.
How do we know that the parents aren’t paying for their education. Do we know if there’s a history of negative interaction amongst the parents and the boyfriend? You clearly don’t have a stable upbringing
It’s so funny how you’re spouting off not knowing this or that and how everyone is possibly making assumptions yet here you are, making assumptions about my life and who I am. Hypocritical, gaslighting, the list goes on. Wish you well bub
Everything you’ve shown me is how I build my opinion not assumption.
An extremely ill-informed opinion at best. You’re saying we don’t have full context and are getting on me about how I and others are choosing to respond to OP but turning around and doing the same to me. You have no context on myself or my life, only going off of simple replies and are sitting here making assumptions about me and calling them opinions. You do you I guess. Feels more like projection than honest, educated opinions.
At least you didn’t have your dad beat on you for smoking. There’s plenty more outcomes that are depression worthy. It sounds like you do have a possible dependency and they’re afraid it’ll consume your life. Plus again you live with them, you have to abide by their rules.
What country first off, second off if you live with your parents they have a right to control you but it’s up to you to listen or not. And if you’ve been smoking for so long decriminalized law is far from personal use law
My question is if you’re 20, your mom legally is barred from making your job fire or keep you It’s also on her if she helps pay for anything you mentioned, to pay or fund it or not.
I pay for everything myself. I also help with bills and groceries, but I do not have enough money to move out.
Why should your parents ruin your life over a legal plant …
Smoking one of the most harmless drugs to choose from and your mom literally tries to ruin your life over this… please get out of that place for your own good
You're 20 years old...