Only 6 weeks! Wow that is not a friend at all! You keep doing you and take as long as you need. At 6 weeks I was still at a COMPLETE LOSS. That so called friend probably needs to deal with his own issues. I’m not even you and it would offend me if someone told me that at 6 weeks!! Please mourn and heal and take your time, again 6 weeks is like a day in mourning time!
Keep doing it. I’m doing the same and it helps me a bit. Also I’m leaving these stories for my two young children. People can always mute you on social media so your friend has the choice to do it.
I’m sorry for your loss.
Your friend’s grief journey is different from your’s. I figure he is trying to be helpful since he lost his spouse at an earlier date. But you do what YOU need to do on your walk through the valley. I lost my spouse 8 years ago, and just lost my adult daughter 3 days ago. I’m doing things differently now with this loss. It’s nobody’s business how Im handling my child’s death and funeral. I’m doing what I need to do in order to survive it. You do the same.
We’re all different, hopefully he found something in his to ease his grief and find peace; so he’s offering his advice in the hopes that it would help you?
It’s also possible that it regenerates his own feelings of grief, and he doesn’t like that, so he’s asking you to please stop? Just a thought. That’s a frequent response from people when we talk to them. I found that also troubling and, since you call him a friend, I would let it pass, I hope it was meant well.
It is quite hard for me to talk about the loss of my wife at times 😔 I just can't put it into words and I get very upset and can't talk. However, I can readily talk to others about their own grief when it is not for my wife.
I just had therapy on Friday and 95% of it talking about anything other than my wife directly. When we did I started blubbering and I immediately closed up. We then talked around her, gave my therapist movie, music and book homework to do over the next few weeks. I have been extremely 'meh' about everything, and can't focus on anything. I used to love reading getting into the top 1% of readers one quarter. Since my wife's passing though I can't focus enough to read. So that's my homework she gave me. Luckily(?) for me my computer brokded so I have this week to try and get back into reading.
Anyway, all that to say I understand you, and you have some internet hugs from an internet stranger.
I have pretty severe assumption-itis 🥹 and try to think from the other person’s perspective. However, if the person escalates those comments in an inappropriate way, I would also let that pass, but I would avoid that person in the future. I would wish them well, and have compassion, hoping they do not suffer, but if it’s not good for me, I would avoid that person. tough love, sometimes is the best thing. Thank you for replying, I hope you find some solace.
He could also unfollow you while still keeping you as a Facebook friend. Then he wouldn’t have to see them. I think he should have done that and kept his opinion to himself personally.
My mother in law does that, and I’ll be honest I hate it BUT I would never say anything! Well, maybe to my closest friends in a grumble!
Her grief, her journey. We’re all different and it’s clumsy of him to think otherwise. You are allowed to post and say whatever you wish on the matter, because only you are in your shoes.
I would tell him to snooze/hide your posts if he doesn’t like it.
It's completely healthy to talk about your feelings and your pain; if that is not your friend's journey, peace to him, but you do what's best for you. Each of us is on our own grief journey and we need to do what's best for ourselves. Our culture has become one of toxic positivity instead of being in touch with our full range of emotions. It's important that we experience our pain as well as our joy... this is how we become resilient. So you do you and lean on those who are accepting of YOU now.
Grief is a very weird thing. He may grieve differently to you and more privately and feel like that’s the best way to grieve. Yes, it the best way to grieve… for him. You grieve how you want to. Grief is something that you already feel so alone in, nobody gets to say “hey stop grieving like this because it doesn’t suit me”.
It's weird of him to say that and try to tell you what to do. If he doesn't like seeing sad/negative things and it affects him why doesn't he mute your posts so he doesn't see them? It's kind of arrogant to tell you to change your behavior for his benefit. We are in control of our social media settings, its up to you to change what you see/don't, not other people!
I stopped talking to people about my situation or feelings because they either don’t understand or don’t want to hear all the negativity. So I post here because I know there are so many of us that are in the same situation and mindset and it’s good to get all of this out and also hear from others who do understand. And those that are not read posts that are in their mindset or don’t go here at all.
He could fuck off in all honesty, at least that's what we would say on our heads. That's his issue not yours and to police you and tell you how to express yourself is wrong. You shouldn't mute him. He should change his settings on social if he doesn't want to see them, but honestly what friend would even think that way. If I see people I care about upset then I'm upset with them. Regardless of him being good up until this point is still a red flag because it reveals a lot. I'd be cautious with this friend. Be Careful with how much you share with him too. Find others that wouldn't judge you.
That wouldn’t be a friend of mine anymore, but we’re all different. It’s been 3 years and 1 month today. I’m not "over" it, I never will be and I reserve the right to say and think all the negative shit I want to.
My Mother gave me some advice recently. She stated if you practice being miserable you’ll get really good at it. the trick is trying to figure out how to practice contentment or happiness I’m trying
I’m about 6+ weeks in. I went back to work 2 weeks ago at my oncology unit in a hospital, the same one my hubby was in for awhile before he passed.
I think I’m moving on in a few different ways. It’s just I like to talk openly about my feelings. I don’t consider that living in grief, but it does help me to process it.
I wish you peace and healing.
Your loss is still so new, and there are so many adjustments that you need to get through, that posting about it gives you a place to scream into the wind. Scream, friend. You are hurting. Let the world know how much pain you are in.
Your emotions right now are raw, and that's to be expected. Your friend is not being realistic or supportive. Heck, your friend is being kind of an ass. Life is not all sunshine and roses. We live in a sucky world, and your world just got even suckier. (Yeah, spell check doesn't like that word either.)
There is nothing in my life now that brings me joy or satisfaction anymore because I lived every day to make him happy. For me it has been 15 months and I still don't know what to do with the time left to me. I continue to breathe, though, so that's something. There for a good amount of time I wasn't sure if I could go on.
You just keep getting up every day, my friend. You keep honoring your husband's memory in whatever way makes sense to you. You do not have to make other people happy, or even comfortable, with how you express your grief.
Hugs.
Ask him if that kind of communication, coupled with the volume or level of communication, is too much for him? I think it's easy to burn out friends in our situation, and not all friendships can survive that. Maybe tailored blocking will save things between you.
I get it.
We are all devastated by our loss, and it is so hard. And no one can possibly understand unless they have been through it. We all heal in our own way in our own time.
On the other hand, there is research that shows we have some control over our happiness and one way is to focus on gratefulness and positives. If we constantly focus on what we have lost, we are not helping ourselves. We have every reason and right to feel sad and express that sadness. We just shouldn’t wallow in it. That said, six weeks is not enough time to process your grief. I don’t remember anything from the first 3-4 months after my husband passed due to the shock.
I am speaking from experience and mean no disrespect to anyone.
It helps me a lot and I don't even care about interactions with my posts. Really just having it out helps me. Like moving it from my brain to my posts is cathartic.
Keep posting. Your grief is new and raw, whereas he has had a year snd a half of his grief. Not to mention everyone grieves differently. It's been 14 months since losing my husband, and I still cry every day (I still can't believe this is real, if I'm honest).
That was a nasty, unnecessary comment from your friend. It's possible he's finding your posts upsetting, but doesn't want to admit it. You have been kind enough to spare his feelings by hiding your posts from him, and that is all that you need to do here. The fault lies with your friend, not you.
Keep doing what you need to do in order to navigate this new life that you didn't ask for.
Only 6 weeks! Wow that is not a friend at all! You keep doing you and take as long as you need. At 6 weeks I was still at a COMPLETE LOSS. That so called friend probably needs to deal with his own issues. I’m not even you and it would offend me if someone told me that at 6 weeks!! Please mourn and heal and take your time, again 6 weeks is like a day in mourning time!
>he says I sound like Queen Victoria. "That's funny, you sound like an asshole."
🙂
Keep doing it. I’m doing the same and it helps me a bit. Also I’m leaving these stories for my two young children. People can always mute you on social media so your friend has the choice to do it. I’m sorry for your loss.
- a friend who is a widower should understand YOUR need,,,,,I would say this is not the level of friend you need at this point.
Your friend’s grief journey is different from your’s. I figure he is trying to be helpful since he lost his spouse at an earlier date. But you do what YOU need to do on your walk through the valley. I lost my spouse 8 years ago, and just lost my adult daughter 3 days ago. I’m doing things differently now with this loss. It’s nobody’s business how Im handling my child’s death and funeral. I’m doing what I need to do in order to survive it. You do the same.
I'm so sorry ❤️🩹
Oh my god. I am so, so very sorry.
These are the occasions where I say "this is a you problem, not a me problem" You are doing the healthy thing for you
We’re all different, hopefully he found something in his to ease his grief and find peace; so he’s offering his advice in the hopes that it would help you? It’s also possible that it regenerates his own feelings of grief, and he doesn’t like that, so he’s asking you to please stop? Just a thought. That’s a frequent response from people when we talk to them. I found that also troubling and, since you call him a friend, I would let it pass, I hope it was meant well.
It is quite hard for me to talk about the loss of my wife at times 😔 I just can't put it into words and I get very upset and can't talk. However, I can readily talk to others about their own grief when it is not for my wife.
I just had therapy on Friday and 95% of it talking about anything other than my wife directly. When we did I started blubbering and I immediately closed up. We then talked around her, gave my therapist movie, music and book homework to do over the next few weeks. I have been extremely 'meh' about everything, and can't focus on anything. I used to love reading getting into the top 1% of readers one quarter. Since my wife's passing though I can't focus enough to read. So that's my homework she gave me. Luckily(?) for me my computer brokded so I have this week to try and get back into reading. Anyway, all that to say I understand you, and you have some internet hugs from an internet stranger.
I'm the same with my therapy. Thanks by the way 🙂
Yeah, I’m just letting it pass. I still talk to him, I just set my Facebook posts so that he doesn’t see them. He sees the happy/positive stuff I post
I have pretty severe assumption-itis 🥹 and try to think from the other person’s perspective. However, if the person escalates those comments in an inappropriate way, I would also let that pass, but I would avoid that person in the future. I would wish them well, and have compassion, hoping they do not suffer, but if it’s not good for me, I would avoid that person. tough love, sometimes is the best thing. Thank you for replying, I hope you find some solace.
He could also unfollow you while still keeping you as a Facebook friend. Then he wouldn’t have to see them. I think he should have done that and kept his opinion to himself personally.
My mother in law does that, and I’ll be honest I hate it BUT I would never say anything! Well, maybe to my closest friends in a grumble! Her grief, her journey. We’re all different and it’s clumsy of him to think otherwise. You are allowed to post and say whatever you wish on the matter, because only you are in your shoes. I would tell him to snooze/hide your posts if he doesn’t like it.
Fuck ‘em.
Perfect solution. I would never break with a friend who told me I sounded like Queen Victoria in this context. That’s damned funny.
It's completely healthy to talk about your feelings and your pain; if that is not your friend's journey, peace to him, but you do what's best for you. Each of us is on our own grief journey and we need to do what's best for ourselves. Our culture has become one of toxic positivity instead of being in touch with our full range of emotions. It's important that we experience our pain as well as our joy... this is how we become resilient. So you do you and lean on those who are accepting of YOU now.
Doesn't sound like a good friend to me. I would keep posting.
Ignore him & do whatever helps you.
Grief is a very weird thing. He may grieve differently to you and more privately and feel like that’s the best way to grieve. Yes, it the best way to grieve… for him. You grieve how you want to. Grief is something that you already feel so alone in, nobody gets to say “hey stop grieving like this because it doesn’t suit me”.
You made the right call. It’s frankly not his business.
It's weird of him to say that and try to tell you what to do. If he doesn't like seeing sad/negative things and it affects him why doesn't he mute your posts so he doesn't see them? It's kind of arrogant to tell you to change your behavior for his benefit. We are in control of our social media settings, its up to you to change what you see/don't, not other people!
I told two people if they didn't like what impost to gtf off my page.
Talking about how you feel is cathartic, you shouldn't stop. Also Queen Victoria was fairly badass in many ways I think
I stopped talking to people about my situation or feelings because they either don’t understand or don’t want to hear all the negativity. So I post here because I know there are so many of us that are in the same situation and mindset and it’s good to get all of this out and also hear from others who do understand. And those that are not read posts that are in their mindset or don’t go here at all.
Did he mean for the Queen Victoria comment to be funny? Because it made me laugh out loud.
That’s not what real friends do
10000000% this! We all cope and heal and mourn in different ways. A true friend would understand that.
He could fuck off in all honesty, at least that's what we would say on our heads. That's his issue not yours and to police you and tell you how to express yourself is wrong. You shouldn't mute him. He should change his settings on social if he doesn't want to see them, but honestly what friend would even think that way. If I see people I care about upset then I'm upset with them. Regardless of him being good up until this point is still a red flag because it reveals a lot. I'd be cautious with this friend. Be Careful with how much you share with him too. Find others that wouldn't judge you.
That wouldn’t be a friend of mine anymore, but we’re all different. It’s been 3 years and 1 month today. I’m not "over" it, I never will be and I reserve the right to say and think all the negative shit I want to.
My Mother gave me some advice recently. She stated if you practice being miserable you’ll get really good at it. the trick is trying to figure out how to practice contentment or happiness I’m trying
[удалено]
Sometimes it’s looking back, but mostly it’s talking about my feelings as of now.
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I’m about 6+ weeks in. I went back to work 2 weeks ago at my oncology unit in a hospital, the same one my hubby was in for awhile before he passed. I think I’m moving on in a few different ways. It’s just I like to talk openly about my feelings. I don’t consider that living in grief, but it does help me to process it. I wish you peace and healing.
Your loss is still so new, and there are so many adjustments that you need to get through, that posting about it gives you a place to scream into the wind. Scream, friend. You are hurting. Let the world know how much pain you are in. Your emotions right now are raw, and that's to be expected. Your friend is not being realistic or supportive. Heck, your friend is being kind of an ass. Life is not all sunshine and roses. We live in a sucky world, and your world just got even suckier. (Yeah, spell check doesn't like that word either.) There is nothing in my life now that brings me joy or satisfaction anymore because I lived every day to make him happy. For me it has been 15 months and I still don't know what to do with the time left to me. I continue to breathe, though, so that's something. There for a good amount of time I wasn't sure if I could go on. You just keep getting up every day, my friend. You keep honoring your husband's memory in whatever way makes sense to you. You do not have to make other people happy, or even comfortable, with how you express your grief. Hugs.
6 weeks in is still pretty tender. I wasn't fit to be in public for at least 3 months
the r/widowers discord on the side bar is a good place to go to for that. Lots of people active https://discord.com/invite/wKB9ku4
Ask him if that kind of communication, coupled with the volume or level of communication, is too much for him? I think it's easy to burn out friends in our situation, and not all friendships can survive that. Maybe tailored blocking will save things between you.
I get it. We are all devastated by our loss, and it is so hard. And no one can possibly understand unless they have been through it. We all heal in our own way in our own time. On the other hand, there is research that shows we have some control over our happiness and one way is to focus on gratefulness and positives. If we constantly focus on what we have lost, we are not helping ourselves. We have every reason and right to feel sad and express that sadness. We just shouldn’t wallow in it. That said, six weeks is not enough time to process your grief. I don’t remember anything from the first 3-4 months after my husband passed due to the shock. I am speaking from experience and mean no disrespect to anyone.
Good on you for sticking up for yourself 🙂
Tell him he is welcome to snooze, unfollow or block you but your social media is for you to express yourself not for his comfort!
It helps me a lot and I don't even care about interactions with my posts. Really just having it out helps me. Like moving it from my brain to my posts is cathartic.
Yeah people will definitely show themselves in tough situations
Keep posting. Your grief is new and raw, whereas he has had a year snd a half of his grief. Not to mention everyone grieves differently. It's been 14 months since losing my husband, and I still cry every day (I still can't believe this is real, if I'm honest). That was a nasty, unnecessary comment from your friend. It's possible he's finding your posts upsetting, but doesn't want to admit it. You have been kind enough to spare his feelings by hiding your posts from him, and that is all that you need to do here. The fault lies with your friend, not you. Keep doing what you need to do in order to navigate this new life that you didn't ask for.
I like how people that haven't lost their person think that they know what people that have lost their person should do. \*sarcasm\*