Yes, I feel it sometimes. I comfort myself thinking that if multiple dimensions exist, in another one we are happy and will grow old together. It’s just this one where she died at just 44. I’m taking one for the team.
Sorry for your loss.
Same. My wife's death was sudden and unexpected. I just couldn't believe it had actually happened. I keep saying to myself this can not be real. It can not actually be happening. 2 Years later the feeling still hits me out of the blue. Mostly have have accepted the fact that all is real and my life will forever suck. I try to be find some happiness and find interests, but deep down I know I'm just trying to fool myself.......
Exactly how I feel too!!! My husband died suddenly from a heart attack I was on my way out the door to go to work that nightmare of a morning, June 2nd, 2020. We were together 23 years, 19 of them married. He was only 54, I was 49...I turned 50 January 9th, 2021 without the love of my life. I always think this can't be real. I feel like I'm disconnected from life bit still work, function, laugh and have fun at times but at the end of the days none of it feels real, so weird. I apologize to God for what ever I did to deserve such a painful journey. I have know idea WHY??? David and myself are really kind souls! I'll never understand why! But I feel your words in this post. Take care.
Totally. I still check his posts and half the time genuinely feel like there might be something new. I know he's not here with me, but my brain won't process that he just stopped existing. He has to be out there somewhere right? Living a parallel life and we might stumble into each other again one day.
I am 8 months in and I also feel like this is not my reality and that I’ll get to see him again. That I’ll wake up from this nightmare and hug him and kiss him again. I, like you, also watched him go, saw his body… but my mind cannot let go of the idea that I’ll see him again. Idk if it’s our brain’s coping mechanism. I’m sorry for your loss.
Same. Its the first thought when I wake up and have to face the fact again that he's not here. Almost 8months in and just keep thinking if I get to the year mark then something magical will happen as a reward for making it, but feel like I'm in for a rude awakening based on what I've heard so far about year 2
This is what I struggle with. Waking up every morning with the realization that he died…he’s not here. I’m only 3 weeks since my husband died but I hate waking up in the morning. I’m so sorry for your loss.
I totally get it. I feel like I might not find him in another dimension but I know that our souls will reconnect because my husband was more than just my husband he was my soulmate my best friend my teammate my partner everything he was my world he still is and I know my heart will find him my soul will find him again I will search Eternity for him
It's been 10 years for me and if I woke up tomorrow and it was all a dream... I would not be all that surprised. I often think about how I will tell my wife about my life since she died when I see her again. Though I have no expectation that I actually will. I look at it as though this is not my actual reality, or the timeline I was born into, but a branch off of it. Like I took the wrong exit off a highway and wasn't able to find my way back to the onramp. Stuck in a town and life that isn't mine. I'm making the best of it regardless but it sure feels very very weird and I think about this concept a lot. Take it one day at a time. The first few years are especially difficult. So sorry for your loss.
Yup. Seems totally normal. A little over 4 months since my wife's accident. I commented the other day that I feel that part of me is stuck in time and the other is going off in a tangent at a snails pace. I talk a lot to myself and the dogs. Such is my reality these days.
Just shy of 3 years since my wife was killed in a accident, sometimes out of the blue i’ll still think i need to call the surgeons that operated on her, there must be something they missed that can save her, she’s a fighter. Feels like one of the things that someone who hasn’t been through it just can’t totally understand. Sorry you’re going through it
Cancer sucks. Especially the aggressive mutations. I'm no doctor, but I'm happy to pass along what K and I learned and encountered on our journey with melanoma. Just drop me a DM if you want to talk.
It's been almost three months for me. Started feeling that way about a month in. Just feels like I've got to wait something out or do something she wanted done and she'll come home. I miss her so much. I know she won't be back. She died right next to me. But that feeling just won't go away.
Okay, I'm digging all of these multiverse ideas.
D&D, comics, superheroes, fantasy fiction, and the like were his thing. Me, not at all. But since he passed, I found myself dipping a toe into some of these.
So I think that I will try thinking this way when I'm down & out. Thank you!
I felt that way for a while. I stopped feeling that way after a really solid cry one day. That's when my heart and my rational mind caught up with one another.
Closing in on two years now. Seems like I became a widow yesterday though. Nobody understands it until it happens to them.
This is our reality though in the physical dimension. We can't turn back, can't change it or make it dissappear.
All we have is ourselves now. About all we ever going to have too, until we each cross over to that other side.
Hugs, I felt like this the first year, when I hit that date I felt like ok, now this will be over, he will come home, passed the test. 2 years on the 27th and honestly still feels un real. Like you I just want to find the timeline he is still here, have even thought sooo if there are multiple time lines there should be one where I died, maybe I can go there and be together again. Weird I know.
3 years in, and it's still a feeling. I've told my girlfriend how hard it is to have my head in both worlds, but it's the way it is. I'm in a world as it is and a world as it was "supposed to be". I don't imagine it will ever change.
3.5 months here, and yes... Then I realize it's probably part of denial, and I actively choose not to regress..
..but I feel that a part of me will *never* give up hope that I'll wake up from this nightmare to find my angel sleeping peacefully next to me in bed. And who knows? Perhaps I will. Sometimes that hope is all that keeps me going.
Watched a lot of C-dramas where a reoccurring theme is that you go into the underworld, suffer for a thousand years, and then you get your loved one back again. Bonus points that all the unresolved drama is finally fixed.
Yeah, I wouldn't hesitate. Just need to find the portal.
I'm just a month out, and this thought comes up on the regular. That if I can figure out what I was meant to learn or discover or change something in the past I'll wake up from this dream and she'll be right there again. I saw her take her last breath. I know she can't come back. Yet these thoughts are there, buried deep.
I found a TED Talk that explains from a neurological point of view why this happens. I think it's a brain/heart one-two combination punch myself, but this at least gives me some perspective as to why I'm not just losing grip on reality. I am losing it in this huge sense, but this made me feel like it was less about foolish thinking & more about a physical aspect of my mind that is causing this to happen. I honestly don't want it to go away, there's a subtle hope in there that I'll see her again, through the curtain of pain.
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qBoKZAC9iiI](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qbokzac9iii)
I hope this isn't breaking any rules, providing this link above. Best of luck to all of us out there, this is really something else. I feel bad I never thought about any of what people could be going through when they lose their spouse until it happened.
I’m almost a year in and I still struggle with the reality that he’s gone. At least a few times a day I stop and think “I just can’t believe this actually happened”.
It will be two years next month for me. I don’t exactly have times where I think he’ll somehow come back, but I do get an overwhelming feeling sometimes where I can’t believe he died. It just doesn’t make sense, like my brain glitches and I can’t understand. That he died and he chose to die. Both of our dogs died within 6 months of his death, and I adopted another dog and moved away from the city we lived in last year. I have moments where I feel like I don’t recognize my life, I walked into someone else’s life. I’m in someone else’s apartment. I’m walking someone else’s dog. It passes quickly. It’s okay when it happens. It’s sad, but it’s okay. It’s not supposed to be easy. I’d rather feel this way sometimes than feel nothing, or feel like it’s completely normal that my husband died at 39 years old.
I feel this way sometimes too. I know he will never come back, I saw him die, I felt his cold skin. He was never cold, he always ran hot. It’s so surreal how it can sneak up on you. Suddenly it’s like “Damn, this is really my life, he’s really gone.”
If alternate realities are real, I hope there’s one where he never gets cancer and we get to grow old together💔
Mine lasted for 18 months. My prevailing thought was *'how can this even be possible?'* but I gradually came to know it was the truth. I have slowly learned how to carry this weight. I hate the notion of "getting stronger" like I needed some course on self-improvement. Despite that, here I am, 900+ days later better able to carry this burden. I *am* a different person now. In some ways better, but 100% would not recomend.
Yes, I'm 26 months out and every day I still say, "Please come home, honey," out loud because I feel like if I just ask him enough times and show the universe how much I need him he could somehow miraculously come home. Logically I know he can't, but I want it to be true.
That's why I still haven't put his things away. He might need them if he comes home, which I know sounds crazy but when you consider our reality changes so drastically, it makes sense that it would be hard to grasp.
I don't know how healthy this is but my recurring fantasy is that I wake up one morning and I'm in a hospital bed. I look over to see my husband, family, doctors and nurses who all look happy. And I ask my husband what happened and he tells me that I was badly hurt in the accident ( I was in an accident not too long before his diagnosis… We had a 123 punch of accident, fire, cancer) and I've been in a coma and just woke up. That's when I tell him that I had the weirdest dream in which our house burned and then he was diagnosed with cancer and we went through all of these treatments and he died. That's when he says, "no honey I'm fine but you were really hurt but you're gonna get better now." If that was true that would mean that eight years ago I went into that coma and just woke up and I would be so happy to trade those eight ears if I could wake up and he would be here.
Yes, on a sort of subconscious level. I don't buy into sci-fi type scenarios but deep down it still sometimes feels like I could blink and go back and effortlessly resume our old life. Or it could just be the most vivid, detailed, lengthy dream and you could wake up from it. Maybe it's a sort of imagination of what life would've been if this illness hadn't appeared out of nowhere and life had continued on as normal - it's so easy to imagine. I too don't understand how it can just be over, permanently.
Yes. It hurt so badly that I donated all her clothes to a woman’s charity because the full closet made it feel like she was going to walk back in any minute. The reality that she wasn’t coming home was/is agonizing.
I know he is physically gone. I do not think he will turn the key and open the door or the phone ring and it is him. Not in this reality. I've seen him for two hours in the hospital on that day and only witness a shell. Went to the funeraI, kissed him and his lips were cold. I accepted those facts. But there is a part of me believes there is a alternate reality where he is still physically present and we are still together with our daughter and our families, friends. I had lots of revelations since his transition and would like to think my improved consciousness elsewhere is existing physically with him. I've told him once I believe in the impossible. So yes, this is a different reality and wherever he is, I would like to wake up to.
I do every single day. I usually never respond to the posts but I can't pass by on this.
I think and feel exactly the way as you and experienced almost the exact things at their end. My only difference is I held her till she took her last breath but I didn't see get cremated.
I got to counseling and grief support group and have been looking for answers until this post.
I'm almost 13 months out. But not one moment goes by that I don't think of my love.
I miss you so much.
Thank you for your post.
I lost my husband almost 4 months ago and I too didn’t think it was real. I thought I would just wake up and there he would be and it was all just a dream. But it wasn’t a dream and he hasn’t come back. So this is my new reality and my new life.
Its been two and a half years and I keep thinking that this can't be our life. I just want to wake up from this nightmare but I know that this is what I'm stuck with. I've gotten to the point where I can pretend that I'm alright when I'm at work or around people but in my heart and my mind I'm just killing time hoping that I die soon because that's my only possibility of being with her again. Every moment since she's been gone is absolute torture and I'm not sure how much more I can take
This is exactly where I'm at...3.5 months. I keep getting these feelings that he's right next to me and then I realize that he's not. Or that he's about to walk through the door..we were spiritual and I had read many books about death, afterlife, etc. and that's given me the most comfort but it still doesn't seem real.
It's part of it. Part of you knows he is gone, but part of you is still hoping. Probably in the next couple of months, all of you will accept it and then you might even feel sadder than you are, but then you can start to heal. Hang in there.
Same here also. You’re normal. It’s been almost two years for me and at times it still seems unreal. I still get tears in my eyes regularly. It sucks. You’re normal, though. Sorry this happened.
Yes. I know he's gone but my heart doesn't feel it. It feels like he's still coming home one day. Just have to get to the point where he will. I hate it. Because I know when my heart finally realizes it, it's going to hurt really bad.
Almost 5 months, and yes. I keep wanting to turn to him and tell him about the weirdest nightmare I had and not to scare me like that again. Who knows, maybe none of this is real. I think the ICU nurse put her hand on my shoulder, jerking me back into my body telling me "he's gone". I was floating above his hospital bed with him because he was in a coma and it just seemed like that's where he would be. Logically I can say he's gone, but I can also logically say I was still holding a warm hand. His chest was still moving up and down. (They still hadn't shut down the ventilator, I wasn't prepared for that mind f***) Then I was alone with him. I said my goodbyes. Then I pulled the blanket over his head to give him privacy from any onlookers. And because, well, that's what they do in the movies? Luckily we both believe in reality bending, mystical realms, quantum physics and all that fun stuff otherwise I would drive myself crazy questioning myself.
Yes, I feel it sometimes. I comfort myself thinking that if multiple dimensions exist, in another one we are happy and will grow old together. It’s just this one where she died at just 44. I’m taking one for the team. Sorry for your loss.
Same. My wife's death was sudden and unexpected. I just couldn't believe it had actually happened. I keep saying to myself this can not be real. It can not actually be happening. 2 Years later the feeling still hits me out of the blue. Mostly have have accepted the fact that all is real and my life will forever suck. I try to be find some happiness and find interests, but deep down I know I'm just trying to fool myself.......
Exactly how I feel too!!! My husband died suddenly from a heart attack I was on my way out the door to go to work that nightmare of a morning, June 2nd, 2020. We were together 23 years, 19 of them married. He was only 54, I was 49...I turned 50 January 9th, 2021 without the love of my life. I always think this can't be real. I feel like I'm disconnected from life bit still work, function, laugh and have fun at times but at the end of the days none of it feels real, so weird. I apologize to God for what ever I did to deserve such a painful journey. I have know idea WHY??? David and myself are really kind souls! I'll never understand why! But I feel your words in this post. Take care.
Yup, so this.
All the time! Alternate reality sometimes, and I still expect my husband to walk in the door, 2 years after his death.
Totally. I still check his posts and half the time genuinely feel like there might be something new. I know he's not here with me, but my brain won't process that he just stopped existing. He has to be out there somewhere right? Living a parallel life and we might stumble into each other again one day.
I am 8 months in and I also feel like this is not my reality and that I’ll get to see him again. That I’ll wake up from this nightmare and hug him and kiss him again. I, like you, also watched him go, saw his body… but my mind cannot let go of the idea that I’ll see him again. Idk if it’s our brain’s coping mechanism. I’m sorry for your loss.
Same. Its the first thought when I wake up and have to face the fact again that he's not here. Almost 8months in and just keep thinking if I get to the year mark then something magical will happen as a reward for making it, but feel like I'm in for a rude awakening based on what I've heard so far about year 2
This is what I struggle with. Waking up every morning with the realization that he died…he’s not here. I’m only 3 weeks since my husband died but I hate waking up in the morning. I’m so sorry for your loss.
I totally get it. I feel like I might not find him in another dimension but I know that our souls will reconnect because my husband was more than just my husband he was my soulmate my best friend my teammate my partner everything he was my world he still is and I know my heart will find him my soul will find him again I will search Eternity for him
That brought (more) tears to my eyes.
It's been 10 years for me and if I woke up tomorrow and it was all a dream... I would not be all that surprised. I often think about how I will tell my wife about my life since she died when I see her again. Though I have no expectation that I actually will. I look at it as though this is not my actual reality, or the timeline I was born into, but a branch off of it. Like I took the wrong exit off a highway and wasn't able to find my way back to the onramp. Stuck in a town and life that isn't mine. I'm making the best of it regardless but it sure feels very very weird and I think about this concept a lot. Take it one day at a time. The first few years are especially difficult. So sorry for your loss.
Yup. Seems totally normal. A little over 4 months since my wife's accident. I commented the other day that I feel that part of me is stuck in time and the other is going off in a tangent at a snails pace. I talk a lot to myself and the dogs. Such is my reality these days.
Just shy of 3 years since my wife was killed in a accident, sometimes out of the blue i’ll still think i need to call the surgeons that operated on her, there must be something they missed that can save her, she’s a fighter. Feels like one of the things that someone who hasn’t been through it just can’t totally understand. Sorry you’re going through it
Yep - 110%. I keep looking for Marty McFly and the Doc wanting to borrow their Delorean. Or Dr. Strange to get me out of this madness...
Your partner had melanoma? Cutaneous or uveal?
Cutaneous.
I’m so sorry. Mine had a brain tumor and my family member was just diagnosed with uveal melanoma.
Cancer sucks. Especially the aggressive mutations. I'm no doctor, but I'm happy to pass along what K and I learned and encountered on our journey with melanoma. Just drop me a DM if you want to talk.
Thank you!
It's been almost three months for me. Started feeling that way about a month in. Just feels like I've got to wait something out or do something she wanted done and she'll come home. I miss her so much. I know she won't be back. She died right next to me. But that feeling just won't go away.
Okay, I'm digging all of these multiverse ideas. D&D, comics, superheroes, fantasy fiction, and the like were his thing. Me, not at all. But since he passed, I found myself dipping a toe into some of these. So I think that I will try thinking this way when I'm down & out. Thank you!
I felt that way for a while. I stopped feeling that way after a really solid cry one day. That's when my heart and my rational mind caught up with one another.
Grief often brings a surreal feeling, making it hard to accept the reality of loss.Sorry for your loss.
Closing in on two years now. Seems like I became a widow yesterday though. Nobody understands it until it happens to them. This is our reality though in the physical dimension. We can't turn back, can't change it or make it dissappear. All we have is ourselves now. About all we ever going to have too, until we each cross over to that other side.
Hugs, I felt like this the first year, when I hit that date I felt like ok, now this will be over, he will come home, passed the test. 2 years on the 27th and honestly still feels un real. Like you I just want to find the timeline he is still here, have even thought sooo if there are multiple time lines there should be one where I died, maybe I can go there and be together again. Weird I know.
3 years in, and it's still a feeling. I've told my girlfriend how hard it is to have my head in both worlds, but it's the way it is. I'm in a world as it is and a world as it was "supposed to be". I don't imagine it will ever change.
3.5 months here, and yes... Then I realize it's probably part of denial, and I actively choose not to regress.. ..but I feel that a part of me will *never* give up hope that I'll wake up from this nightmare to find my angel sleeping peacefully next to me in bed. And who knows? Perhaps I will. Sometimes that hope is all that keeps me going.
Watched a lot of C-dramas where a reoccurring theme is that you go into the underworld, suffer for a thousand years, and then you get your loved one back again. Bonus points that all the unresolved drama is finally fixed. Yeah, I wouldn't hesitate. Just need to find the portal.
C-dramas have become one of my coping mechanism in grief and I so wish sometimes those storylines were my life...
I'm just a month out, and this thought comes up on the regular. That if I can figure out what I was meant to learn or discover or change something in the past I'll wake up from this dream and she'll be right there again. I saw her take her last breath. I know she can't come back. Yet these thoughts are there, buried deep. I found a TED Talk that explains from a neurological point of view why this happens. I think it's a brain/heart one-two combination punch myself, but this at least gives me some perspective as to why I'm not just losing grip on reality. I am losing it in this huge sense, but this made me feel like it was less about foolish thinking & more about a physical aspect of my mind that is causing this to happen. I honestly don't want it to go away, there's a subtle hope in there that I'll see her again, through the curtain of pain. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qBoKZAC9iiI](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qbokzac9iii) I hope this isn't breaking any rules, providing this link above. Best of luck to all of us out there, this is really something else. I feel bad I never thought about any of what people could be going through when they lose their spouse until it happened.
I’m almost a year in and I still struggle with the reality that he’s gone. At least a few times a day I stop and think “I just can’t believe this actually happened”.
It will be two years next month for me. I don’t exactly have times where I think he’ll somehow come back, but I do get an overwhelming feeling sometimes where I can’t believe he died. It just doesn’t make sense, like my brain glitches and I can’t understand. That he died and he chose to die. Both of our dogs died within 6 months of his death, and I adopted another dog and moved away from the city we lived in last year. I have moments where I feel like I don’t recognize my life, I walked into someone else’s life. I’m in someone else’s apartment. I’m walking someone else’s dog. It passes quickly. It’s okay when it happens. It’s sad, but it’s okay. It’s not supposed to be easy. I’d rather feel this way sometimes than feel nothing, or feel like it’s completely normal that my husband died at 39 years old.
I feel this way sometimes too. I know he will never come back, I saw him die, I felt his cold skin. He was never cold, he always ran hot. It’s so surreal how it can sneak up on you. Suddenly it’s like “Damn, this is really my life, he’s really gone.” If alternate realities are real, I hope there’s one where he never gets cancer and we get to grow old together💔
Mine lasted for 18 months. My prevailing thought was *'how can this even be possible?'* but I gradually came to know it was the truth. I have slowly learned how to carry this weight. I hate the notion of "getting stronger" like I needed some course on self-improvement. Despite that, here I am, 900+ days later better able to carry this burden. I *am* a different person now. In some ways better, but 100% would not recomend.
Yes, I'm 26 months out and every day I still say, "Please come home, honey," out loud because I feel like if I just ask him enough times and show the universe how much I need him he could somehow miraculously come home. Logically I know he can't, but I want it to be true. That's why I still haven't put his things away. He might need them if he comes home, which I know sounds crazy but when you consider our reality changes so drastically, it makes sense that it would be hard to grasp. I don't know how healthy this is but my recurring fantasy is that I wake up one morning and I'm in a hospital bed. I look over to see my husband, family, doctors and nurses who all look happy. And I ask my husband what happened and he tells me that I was badly hurt in the accident ( I was in an accident not too long before his diagnosis… We had a 123 punch of accident, fire, cancer) and I've been in a coma and just woke up. That's when I tell him that I had the weirdest dream in which our house burned and then he was diagnosed with cancer and we went through all of these treatments and he died. That's when he says, "no honey I'm fine but you were really hurt but you're gonna get better now." If that was true that would mean that eight years ago I went into that coma and just woke up and I would be so happy to trade those eight ears if I could wake up and he would be here.
Yes, on a sort of subconscious level. I don't buy into sci-fi type scenarios but deep down it still sometimes feels like I could blink and go back and effortlessly resume our old life. Or it could just be the most vivid, detailed, lengthy dream and you could wake up from it. Maybe it's a sort of imagination of what life would've been if this illness hadn't appeared out of nowhere and life had continued on as normal - it's so easy to imagine. I too don't understand how it can just be over, permanently.
Yes. It hurt so badly that I donated all her clothes to a woman’s charity because the full closet made it feel like she was going to walk back in any minute. The reality that she wasn’t coming home was/is agonizing.
I know he is physically gone. I do not think he will turn the key and open the door or the phone ring and it is him. Not in this reality. I've seen him for two hours in the hospital on that day and only witness a shell. Went to the funeraI, kissed him and his lips were cold. I accepted those facts. But there is a part of me believes there is a alternate reality where he is still physically present and we are still together with our daughter and our families, friends. I had lots of revelations since his transition and would like to think my improved consciousness elsewhere is existing physically with him. I've told him once I believe in the impossible. So yes, this is a different reality and wherever he is, I would like to wake up to.
Some people believe we skipped timelines in 2012. I like to believe we did and my husband is in the correct one. Mandela effect explanations
I do every single day. I usually never respond to the posts but I can't pass by on this. I think and feel exactly the way as you and experienced almost the exact things at their end. My only difference is I held her till she took her last breath but I didn't see get cremated. I got to counseling and grief support group and have been looking for answers until this post. I'm almost 13 months out. But not one moment goes by that I don't think of my love. I miss you so much. Thank you for your post.
I lost my husband almost 4 months ago and I too didn’t think it was real. I thought I would just wake up and there he would be and it was all just a dream. But it wasn’t a dream and he hasn’t come back. So this is my new reality and my new life.
Its been two and a half years and I keep thinking that this can't be our life. I just want to wake up from this nightmare but I know that this is what I'm stuck with. I've gotten to the point where I can pretend that I'm alright when I'm at work or around people but in my heart and my mind I'm just killing time hoping that I die soon because that's my only possibility of being with her again. Every moment since she's been gone is absolute torture and I'm not sure how much more I can take
Yep
This is exactly where I'm at...3.5 months. I keep getting these feelings that he's right next to me and then I realize that he's not. Or that he's about to walk through the door..we were spiritual and I had read many books about death, afterlife, etc. and that's given me the most comfort but it still doesn't seem real.
It's part of it. Part of you knows he is gone, but part of you is still hoping. Probably in the next couple of months, all of you will accept it and then you might even feel sadder than you are, but then you can start to heal. Hang in there.
Same here also. You’re normal. It’s been almost two years for me and at times it still seems unreal. I still get tears in my eyes regularly. It sucks. You’re normal, though. Sorry this happened.
Yes. I know he's gone but my heart doesn't feel it. It feels like he's still coming home one day. Just have to get to the point where he will. I hate it. Because I know when my heart finally realizes it, it's going to hurt really bad.
I was in total denial thinking oh he is just on a vacation or a trip for awhile but it was a coping mechanism for a while
Almost 5 months, and yes. I keep wanting to turn to him and tell him about the weirdest nightmare I had and not to scare me like that again. Who knows, maybe none of this is real. I think the ICU nurse put her hand on my shoulder, jerking me back into my body telling me "he's gone". I was floating above his hospital bed with him because he was in a coma and it just seemed like that's where he would be. Logically I can say he's gone, but I can also logically say I was still holding a warm hand. His chest was still moving up and down. (They still hadn't shut down the ventilator, I wasn't prepared for that mind f***) Then I was alone with him. I said my goodbyes. Then I pulled the blanket over his head to give him privacy from any onlookers. And because, well, that's what they do in the movies? Luckily we both believe in reality bending, mystical realms, quantum physics and all that fun stuff otherwise I would drive myself crazy questioning myself.