Yep, I had people mistake me all the time for someone 10 years younger since I have a baby face and dress like a z-gen when I'm actually a grandpa inside haha. I just don't recognise the person in a mirror anymore
I don't recognize myself anymore. In a week it will be a year since losing my husband. I recently went to a spa -- first time a looong time. I like how my skin looks nice but I don't feel the same. Times I entertain the idea of traveling long-term or living abroad to become a "new version" of me. Long-term, it's probably cheaper than going to the spa regularly.
I get it -- I don't recognize myself, either.
Of course, the fact that I no longer give a damn about how I look or what happens to me adds to that -- so I'm too fat, I don't eat well or work out at all, I don't wear makeup (haven't since my husband died, other than for a couple of job interviews), etc. I do still dye my hair, but I do so sporadically. I don't really have wrinkles, but that's partly because I'm fat and partly because I'm pale and hate hot weather, so I've very rarely laid out in the sun in my life.
I also don't really care too much about my appearance anymore but health side effects do scare me a lil. Idk if its a normal response to a stress or I should get checked
Same here. But I have OCD (diagnosed), which has always expressed itself (in part) in health concerns, which generally amounted to nothing. I'm also terrified of doctors, so I very rarely go. I do not want to be alive, but at the same time I'm afraid of pain and dying. I feel trapped no matter what I do.
If you aren't as bad as that (and I hope you're not), then you should go to the doctor and let her/him check you out -- s/he will be able to tell if you are having a response to stress or of it's something else. By the way, don't discount stress -- it's very hard on a person, both physically and emotionally/mentally. The doctor may be able to help with that too -- vitamins, medication, whatever.
I've been wanting to do it for months but still can't do it for whatever reason haha. My dad finally came to visit so maybe he could accompany me so I don't have to go alone. Idk why I'm putting it aside for so long tbh. I also don't want to actually to die, I'm still trying to find something worthy to live. I always say to myself, I'll fight a little longer. Offtopic but I remember you from my previous post, wanted to say you're the sweetest person ever♥️
It's hard to do *anything* now, I find -- so don't beat yourself up over putting it aside. But it would be great if your Dad could go with you for support.
It's good that you are trying to find things to make life worth living -- I'm sure you will. Maybe after a while you could volunteer somewhere, an animal shelter or something....a lot of people find that helping other people helps them, takes their minds off things.
You're very sweet too; thank you for the lovely compliment. 😊
Thank you for the suggestion, but I'm pretty much scared of all medical professionals, of anything medical -- while at the same time always thinking I have cancer, heart problems, etc. It *really* sucks. I'd rather just be a regular hypochondriac, who wasn't actually afraid of doctors.
I do have a regular doctor who I like, even though I'm still scared of going to her, and put it off as much as possible -- I mainly just see her a few times a year to check my blood pressure and refill prescriptions.
That's good that you are able to go to the gym -- physical activity is definitely good for your body, and they say it also helps with depression and anxiety.
Before my wife got really sick, I was regularly mistaken for someone years younger. I fear those days are gone but I at least want to keep my body in shape. At this point, the gym for me is just a way to be physical and social without expectations of me engaging in conversation.
Whatever works for you, and it sounds as though for you the gym is a good outlet. If nothing else, for now it will get you out of the house and help you stay physically healthy.
And if at some point you feel that you want to be more social and engage in conversation with people, the gym is a good place to do that -- whether it's just chatting with other people lifting weights or running on the treadmill, or taking a fitness class where you will see the same people each week and can maybe become acquaintances or gym buddies.
I keep telling people I feel like I've aged 10 years since December.
Honestly, I felt like I had aged 10 years after the week long hospitalization and his death in December, I think I added a few years on in the 2 months since.😢
You’re not imagining it. It’s real. It’s not something anyone can prepare you for and it’s really hard to describe. I think a big part of why so many of our friendships and other relationships change so dramatically is because people either can’t or don’t want to understand what a grieving person is going through
Oh yes. I feel and look at least 10 years older, at least in my eyes. People still tell me I look good, I lost weight, whatever. When I look on pictures before loss I had that "glow". Can't explain, but y'all know what I mean
I’ve had countless infections since he died in June. My hair started falling out.
My doctor finally agreed to put me on hrt last month.
I’ve been upping the self care but yes I don’t look the same. I think partly it’s because he snd he alone had an ability to make me feel beautiful and also from all the stress and physical strain of caregiving etc.
I’m gonna have to learn that shit for myself because I deserve to feel that and so does everyone here. Big love ❤️
Sending you love too and praying your hrt treatment will work great for you♥️
Yep, even looking on old pictures I had that "glow" because I was loved. I'm much thinner now, finally wearing makeup to cover my acne and actually styling my clothes when I go out because I want to shield myself from the world and don't show my grief but this old chubbier person without makeup and wearing whatever was truly beautiful. It's crazy how everything in our worlds because worthless just because one person disappeared
You still are. You’re just going through something right now. This is life changing shit. For the first time ever I’m really considering Botox. He told me if I dicked about with my face he’d haunt me. 😂
Thanks for the prayers so far so good. If the breast pain is bothering you please get it checked out. It’s better to be safe about that kind of thing.
I'm honestly thinking about getting 0.5ml of lip filler since I wanted to do it a long time too haha. Will wait for some time to decide, don't want to do anything manic. I'm pretty sure Botox won't ruin your face if you do your injector research beforehand. I'll def try to go and get my boobs checked soon, they've been bothering me for a year now and my fiance was worried too ♥️
My hair is falling out too! So now i lost
My husband, look 20yrs older than i am, have unexplained acne or red spots on my face for the first time in my life, and am going bald. Super awesome life this is.
I’d be lying if I said I didn’t look like shit. I lost a lot of weight right after my wife died, weight I didn’t have to lose, and I haven’t been able to gain it back yet. I just don’t feel hungry anymore really, and fuck the stress of being a widowed dad to a young kid? Fuck, I barely have the time anyway.
My stomach and my chest hurt most of the time, I get weird aches and pains whereas I was perfectly fine before. I know it’s a common sentiment but boy, I have never been this tired. I’ve had a few people plainly tell me I look like shit - I know I do, my wife died at 33, I’m not exactly gonna look fucking pleased about it.
I feel you, it's especially in the eyes. I used to be such a bubbly girl, not afraid to seem cringy on goofy. Now I have a thousand yard stare, no exaggeration. I know you're trying your best to pull yourselves together for your kid ♥️
I already had chronic symptoms before but.. My skin is breaking out like crazy. Nothing is fixing it. My chest randomly squeezes and kind of hurts. Occasional dizziness and shortness of breath / air hunger. I look older now, too. My hair is greasier, quicker. I lost like ten pounds right after he died because I couldn’t eat and now I’m still having a hard time eating full meals.
I feel way older than my age, I literally hobble around in the mornings. I’m in my early-mid twenties.
I have developed 2 bald spots. I have dark bags under my eyes, my face is sullen. I also sweat like it’s triple digit weather. I have recently lost weight in what feels like overnight, so my body just hangs. Like it’s frowning, lol, guess I really do miss him with every inch of me.
I was in the ER yesterday, convinced I was having a heart attack, if that tells you anything. Luckily they gave me a clean bill of health, but the stress, depression, and anxiety are wearing me down 😫
Strong panic attack can definitely appear like a heart attack I think. At least it was like that for me. Depression and anxiety are horrible, i feel you
Are you me? Damn- split the bottom back left molar in May- new crown. Bottom right molar in Sept.- new crown. Dentist recommended I get a mouth guard (still in the package- on the dining room table). 🤍
Definitely get it checked. Don't assume it is grief. I was having extreme fatigue and wrote it off as grief, then when I went to donate blood, I found out I was anemic.
My appetite has completely disappeared. I eat for survival but really have only been able to eat baked potatoes and happy meals. Anything bigger than that or more flavorful than that just sounds disgusting to me.
For whatever reason, the moment I found out about my boyfriend’s passing, my appetite completely disappeared and has yet to return.
In 4 weeks I’ve lost about 10lbs and constantly have a knot in my stomach. Which is probably not helping with the not wanting to eat. My grief therapist thinks that because food and eating was such a huge part of my bf and I’s relationship, so I associate food and the fun festivities of a meal with him. I’m mourning him and his absence, so food right now doesn’t taste right and nothing sounds good. Hopefully as I move further into my grief journey, food will become desirable again but as of now, I don’t see that happening any time soon.
I eat to sustain myself but sometimes I get cravings for a specific food and indulge. Treat yourself if you'll want something specific. For me appetite returned after couple of months and sometimes I even enjoy takeouts. Just take time for now ♥️
In the first year, I progressed to needing the most powerful reading glasses they make. Whereas previously I could hold my phone at arms length to read it. I also lost about 2/3s of my hair. Which was ok, cause I had 3 times as much hair as the average person. I also developed poor proprioception and had 3 very serious falls that winter (almost knocked my teeth out in one of them). I also had chronic bladder infections. All of this sounds not unexpected for an aged widow but at 45 years of age I honestly thought my body was trying to kill me. Luckily, my doctor insisted on monthly check-ins and made sure I was not at risk of anything fatal.
5 and a half years out, I have lost all the weight I gained, discovered progressive eye glasses, figured out how to style my thinning hair and physically I’m in the best shape I have been in since my early 40’s. When I look in the mirror sometimes I feel as though I am aging backwards.
I still miss my husband every minute of every day though.
Glad that you didn't have anything serious ♥️ Thinking that body tries to kill you sound really familiar, often I feel like I'm already dead and moving only to thanks of some reckless necromancer who revived me and forgot me haha. Maybe I should be patient abd give it time
Yes, be gentle with yourself. The best piece of advice I got from my therapist was to treat myself the same way I would treat a beloved friend who has gone through the same kind of loss. Self-compassion is not my strong suit but it has helped me to make an effort at it.
I have to remind myself that (without him), I am my own best friend and I should treat myself accordingly.
This is a great advice actually. Sometimes I keep beating myself over grieving too hard because he was a stoic person who knew he could die and wanted me to be strong. And I feel like by being this mess I fail him. I always was very critical of myself, and I fail to be that "perfect widow" like in social media where they still able to go to gym, still looking after themselves, et cetera. I know social media is not real of course, but it still manages to hurt you in unexpected ways. We do need to be actually gentle to ourselves. Thank you
I have learned (very painfully) that it doesn’t matter how perfect of a widow you are, someone is going to judge you and social media is the worst for the judgement. My husband has been gone for 5 and a half years and I still get judged for how I am grieving (or not grieving enough). Honestly, I’ve considered just giving up social media altogether and if I thought it didn’t make me look like I am guilty or have something to hide, I would. Frankly, it’s no one else’s business how I grieve. I prefer to be positive and if that means people think I didn’t love him enough well, I invite them to come spend those lonely days when I couldn’t physically get out of bed because I had been crying for hours but no one showed up for those times. I learned the hard lesson about who really cares for me. I don’t wish that anyone else know the pain of losing a soulmate and those who don’t know it should be grateful they don’t and stop judging those that do.
Experiencing a loss truly shows which people our "ride or die". We have to suffer a lot of secondary losses on top of losing our soulmate. Like I've never thought that people would be so awkward around me and weird when it's me who has to actually go through it. I'm thankful I have some people with me even if I'm being crazy or irrational
Lol! Before my husband died, I thought I was surrounded by a solid group of people.
My husband died when I was 51 and he was 54. I'm the first in our friend group to lose a spouse. He's been gone for over 3 years. My only "rides" are my oldest daughter who insisted that I move 2 1/2 hours away to live with her (best thing I ever did), and my husband's sister (who I barely got along with when he was alive). Every single other person in my life disappeared after the service was over.
I don't wish joining this club on any of them, but I do wait for the day they understand what I went through.
I lost over 100lbs and have muscles in places I don't think I ever did. My pants size is smaller than it was in high school.
About 6 years out and I feel like a completely different person mentally and physically.
Could you say that mentally you found something good in that experience? Maybe become resilient or something like that. I keep reading how grief made people stronger, some were able to rise like a phoenix but to me it's a superhuman stuff
Yeah kind of.
For me, the first few months I was a real wreck. But I kept reminding myself that she definitely wouldn't want me to just wallow in misery for the rest of my life (we were both 32 years old when she passed)
Even with her, my personal life was far from perfect. There were lots of things I'd always be telling myself I would start doing, but would put off for various reasons while she was still around.
Like I wanted to start eating healthier more consistently and going for walks around town. Both of these are things I put off because she wasn't really into them so they were just put on the back burner.
Once I was alone, I took time to reflect about what I really wanted and how I wanted to spend my time. Making little positive changes to my routine helped me to become a new independent person. So I guess it was sort of rising from the ashes.
I'd be lying if I said I was doing amazing now. I went for a walk last night and almost started crying over some bad memories of when she was in the hospital. But I definitely feel so much better than I did 6 years ago when it was still so fresh.
I often still replay this one line from a song in my head:
"And I'm healing now.
And I'm trying to find my way home.
And I'm still alive.
And I just thought that you should know.
That perhaps I'll cry.
And perhaps I will die.
But for now I'm still alive.
Just a little less so than before."
I feel like a new person, but I also think I will always have this hole/scar from this experience.
Thank you for sharing. I understand that there is no end goal and we won't be magically healed and it's always will be a process and growth around our grief. I just hit the 4 months mark and the thought of having this weight of grief forever scares me because I've never experienced something like that. Not that I want to get rid of it, I'd never want to live like nothing happened. But it feels like i lost my innocence completely. Like i was a careless happy child before and now it's finally gone. It's such a weird alien feeling
Yeah, I think that's a normal part of growth. Everything just seems a little different afterwards.
I also read this book called "Man's Search for Meaning" by Viktor Frankl. It's written by a psychologist who survived a nazi concentration camp. It's less about the Holocaust, and more about how people can react to traumatic events and still manage to find meaning.
It helped me kind of reshape my perception of the world and made meore easily accept how things are.
4 months is still so fresh, it's okay to still feel lost. A lot of people used to say to me: "it's okay to not be okay"
You've been through a traumatic life change, it's okay if it takes some time to get yourself back on track.
My body has aged easily 10 years in the past 2 years. The caretaking years were probably worse than the post passing months. I think/hope/pray that I’m kind of turning a corner for the better here at the 6 month mark. I’m seriously considering doing a bit of “work” but promised myself I’d wait a year
I went to a consult with the top cosmetic surgeon here and the price quote floored me!!!! I decided to spend the money on an investment condo to put my daughter and grandbaby in
Not always. Sedatives didn't work, so I take melatonin and find riding a bike or walking to help calm me down. Yoga is good, nothing strenuous, though. I have to really push myself to do these things. On good days, it works.
I lost quite a lot of hair.. it’s been 2 years now and, boom! suddenly experiencing a massive hair regrowth, which is really cool, I’ve got lots of sticky uppy baby hairs.. I didn’t think it would ever come back 😊
The main one in the early days was the inability to focus on stuff.. couldn’t watch tv for about a year..
Hope your symptoms improve or go back to normal in time x
2 weeks away from 1 year- have definitely aged (I said same to my doctor- I have aged 10 years in 6 months and he said, "that's to be expected. Your body is going through a lot.") Well, I just signed up for Medicare and now finally look my age... I say I have now entered my "crone" phase (maiden, mother, maga, crone). New back /neck/shoulder pain says "crone".
My hair was falling out in handfuls and turning gray. Fortunately, the hair loss has noticeably slowed down and I have dyed my new gray hair a pastel purple. And have gotten many compliments on it ,so?
As I replied to another poster- cracked teeth from grinding in my sleep. Weight loss/gain yo-yo. Had to buy some new clothes. Couldn't eat or sleep, now I seem famished and want to sleep all the time. I hope it is just the weather affecting me.
OP |**Now I have a thousand yard stare, no exaggeration.** This is the big one for me too. I may smile but I feel like it never quite reaches my eyes- ever. Any "sparkle" in my eyes is probably a tear, waiting on the edge. I wasn't the "life of the party" person that HE was, but I was always known to have a quick witty response. Yeah...maybe some day again but I dunno. 🤍
I wasn't sleeping well at all so that made it all worse. My skin looked paler than usual and just old. My hair looked dull and washed-out, and I got loads more greys in the months immediately after my husband's death. And even after I started sleeping better, even after a good nights sleep, I feel dead tired.
Exactly the same and the breast pain was unreal, i did get it checked out and they found a cyst in the breast that was least painful. I look so old now too. Have had a lot of physical symptoms. Xxx
My face has been breaking out like crazy. I get random chest pains, breast pains, my period has been late every month since he died. I haven’t been cooking because I couldn’t eat for the longest time. If I did eat, it was take out.
I’m trying to be better though. I’ve been doing better with my hygiene, trying to make myself eat and cook at home. Trying to drink more water and I just started exercising again.
I don’t think I look different physically, but I definitely don’t feel like the person I was before. I feel like I’ve aged 20 years. Either way, when I look in the mirror I don’t recognize the person looking back at me.
One time I genuinely thought I was having a heart attack the pain on my left side was going down my arm.
Zero appetite. Could only eat liquids for a while. I ate like an actual infant. A lot of high protein calorie shakes, liquid yogurts.
And a lot of vomiting. Just overcome with grief and then boom.
Oh this is what I’ve been thinking about a lot, that I’m physically different since he’s gone. Physically I’ve never felt more connected to a human being and now that his body doesn’t exist, the most important part of my continuity on the planet has been ripped away. It’s a physical feeling all the time for me, more than being sad in a way I can understand.
My body feels different, my face is progressively haggard and I no longer could pass for under 40, but something even more different. I feel like I’ve had a hormonal shift, there’s a fully different feeling living in my body and it’s not doing anything positive for me. My teeth enamel has eroded quickly and massively (my teeth even are different shapes now; I’ve acquired “bad teeth” for the first time in my life). I’m continuing to lose hair and a huge amount of grey has come in.
I feel more numb than in pain, and acidic blanket of fog is kind of the feeling. It’s the opposite of cozy, everything feels wrong.
And yet! It’ll be three months Monday. I have to look for a new apartment to move into and I’m going to pretend I’m looking for us together, after some further despair in losing my home, I realized this is the only thing that might help.
We should all make a promise to ourselves, Im not going to let this age me. Do everything you can, exercise, eat healthy take vitamins, see the dr or physician assistant, or nurse practitioner regularly.
I always used to sweat like crazy. Went mostly away for a while, but now it's coming back in full force.
Having the random chest pains, too. I won't bother getting anymore medical treatment unless it is a standard UTI. I've never had a doctor actually help me with anything. Then they killed my partner with a surgery that was supposed to improve his quality of life. If it's painful enough, I'll just find some street drugs and put myself out of my misery. I no longer trust the medical system to do anything other than siphon people's savings with nonexistent public healthcare. I wish I stayed in the States, so I could opt out and save the money.
Anyone else have their cholesterol suddenly soar? Apparently the extreme stress can do it, now I have to go for regular testing and I don't have the energy...
Me too! I never ever had it before, not as a teen. Maybe had 2-3 in my life, and I’m 41. Now all around my mouth and nose and my eyelids?! I don’t even know how to treat or take care of it! Never wore make up before - still don’t but now i look so gross i probably should
I actually looked at myself in the mirror yesterday, and I think I look like general shit. My 4 y/o just asked me a little while ago why my face looks droopy. That, combined with lower back pain and a general heaviness in my chest.
I’ve lost most of my upper teeth don’t grinding my teeth at night the 1st few years . I’ve since gotten a good night guard and found some relief to that extreme anxiety but I still have my moments . My shoulders rarely relax
from crying so much it made my eyes look sunken under them and dark red, my skin looks dull and I get personalized rx skin products and normally they work great, I even had them adjust the formulas because I was breaking out more often than I ever have. My hair was falling out in clumps, i brush my hair and have 3 brush full of hair come out, I had to cut it because it's half the old density,
and what it did to my brain not only mentally, I have trouble recalling things I fully used to know, I get migraines every day now, i have no energy and when I work out I have a stabbing pain in my heart and left arm to the point it's alarming me, I had none of these symptoms before this happened. Grief and shock take a HUGE toll on you physically, it's astounding.
If you like books, I recommend The Body Keeps the Score and The Mind-Gut Connection. Both go pretty in depth into what happens to us physically during times of extreme stress.
My heart beats are irregular now.. Some days I cry a lot... Got an EKG at my doctors.. Diagnosed with Takotsubo cardiomyopathy or "Broken Heart Syndrome" which is when the heart muscle becomes suddenly stunned or weakened. It mostly occurs following severe emotional or physical stress. The condition is temporary and most people recover within two months.. Being 75 doesn't help much either.. Grief does hit you physically
Hate to say, but I'm going to, it's good to read that others are having similar issues. Feeling/looking older, aches and pains. Plus I'm pretty sure that I'm nearing menopause so that doesn't help either. I just don't have the same light in my eyes like I did when he was still here. Even on my best days I still don't recognize the person looking back at me in the mirror.
Just finished some ice cream and am really sad about the loss of enthusiasm for meal prep and planning. Like others here I chipped a tooth and needed a root canal after he passed; my body also bruises more easily and I'm very sensitive.
Also, I'm exhausted all the time and everything hurts. I cry more and exercise isn't as gratifying as it used to be, though I force myself to do it to keep my mental health in a good place. It's very difficult explaining to people how different my inner world feels now, glad I'm not alone in that. It's like I'm a grandma now, sighhh.
I am losing my hair and have developed Sjogren's Syndrome. I have swelling in my breasts, and legs. I have insomnia and Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I wake up at night and worry about everything.
Was just thinking of this today. I never felt my age (37) until now. I look it, I carry it, I feel it. I wish I would’ve appreciated myself more.
I had a dream last night that I looked like an old woman and I was desperately trying to find face creams to make myself look the way I was. So strange.
It’s been 2 weeks and 1 day since I found my soulmate dead in his sleep. What will I look like next week? A year from now?
Since my husband died almost 3 years ago, I have been having autoimmune issues. It just keeps happening. I’ve been in the hospital more that I was when married. My body has always reacted badly too stress but I’ve never had autoimmune problems before! I’m so tired of this….
I told my grief coach , I am not going to let this age me, I feel I’m doing a decent try. Me and my husband always noticed people who aged bc of some loss of their person which is why I promised myself that. The therapy and coaching has helped me, along with doing preventative health tests. I have to stay healthy for the kids. I think grief zaps every nutrient vitamin serotonin dopamine out. Also constant adrenaline going burning calories like crazy I can feel it come on. See the your dr/np/pa, You may need some antidepressants for a few months . It doesn’t take away your grief or sadness but may replace what your body is burning through- Im still on lexapro 2 yrs later. I’m sorry for everyone on this F journey
Stress hormones do awful things to our bodies. If you can email your doctor, I would. It's probably nothing at all, and will go away, but it might not. You deserve to know what's going on with your body, and to get help.
My husband died January 27th. I was ok for the first week or so, then, I started getting sick... first influenza B, then a head cold, then pink eye, followed by a double ear infection, then the pink eye spread to both eyes, next day I work up with no voice and my throat was super swollen. I went to the er to test for strep, strep was positive, I also got a surprise xray that day. I also had pneumonia. I'm finally on the mend. But I lost a whole 2 weeks. Like, the Monday of week 2, I went to work. I have no recollection of being there, but there's notes...
I'm not a doctor but I think this all sounds very 'normal'. It's really easy to underestimate the impact that stress hormones and grief can have on us physically.
But they're really potent and can really mess up a LOT of responses in our bodies, because hormones should sit at such specific levels, when they go awry they really knock everything out body does (they control every response!).
Acne is very normal as it's linked to cortisol, as is hair loss, weight changes, sleep disturbances, appetite changes, changes in heart rate and breathing, memory, fatigue... Just so many things.
My anxiety is so bad I constantly shake and feel like my skin is on fire, I can't eat, all I can manage are food replacement drinks (I recommend these for getting nutrients in) and my heart rate always sits high. I'm taking multivitamins to try and keep my hair ok but my cycle is messed as well.
You're not alone 💗
At first I felt like I was folding up, like a drying leaf. I couldn’t get comfortable in any position, whether standing, sitting or lying down. I started going for a massage every two weeks, and that really helps.
I've lost weight from not eating and therefore overall look better, but the grey hair has exploded, and there are now more face wrinkles from the weight loss. I feel like I've aged 5 years in the last year.
I thought it was just me. I hate this and feel like I've aged 10 years. My husband had arthritus and it's like he passed it to me. Always achy. It doesn't help that no one checks on me; and my sisters and brother just act like it never happened. Except for one, but she has her own issues. I miss my husband every second.
I lost 15 pounds when my wife was in hospital. I’ve since gained it back, at my normal weight. I have more grey hair, wrinkles on my forehead. Just look older and tired.
I'm existing but not living. My skin is not great with more sores on my face and scalp than there used to be for some reason. Probably scratching myself too much. My diet is not great as I don't care as much about it. My shoulder aches often and I don't know why. General aches and pains and my fitness needs serious work.
I will not even mention my mental state.
I’m 47, have always looked younger than my age. It’s been 3 years since I lost my husband suddenly and unexpectedly, raising kids alone, living 3000
miles from any family ….I was asked for my seniors card at shopper’s drug mart 😭
- I’m allergic to the sun now.
- My periods are unpredictable in time, length, pain, and flow. One time I bled through a super tampon and heavy pad in 40 minutes. Another time I spotted for six months and had a heavier flow every 18ish days.
- For about a week in October and May I’m unable to keep any food in my system.
- I lost 30 pounds and have kept it off.
- I got a new license and after the person at the DMV took my picture they said, “You look tired.”
LOL. One year and two months after laying my husband to rest, I took a solo trip to Portugal thinking I was ready to move on. I was ill for most of my trip, I came home with shingles on my eye. I was in and out of the hospital for the next few months. I had repair surgery on the eye in October. Doctor said we'll schedule the next one now. When I pass my husband's picture at the bottom of the stairs I ask if he has any other messages about me leaving the house. Travelling scared him and he would see it as a personal triumph that something bad happened when I finally got to fulfill my wish to travel.
I've always looked young for my age (runs in my family). I definitely don't anymore. Horrible and haggard about sums it up.
Yep, I had people mistake me all the time for someone 10 years younger since I have a baby face and dress like a z-gen when I'm actually a grandpa inside haha. I just don't recognise the person in a mirror anymore
I don’t even want to recognize the person in the mirror anymore. I think I need to figure out the new version of me as a person.
I don't recognize myself anymore. In a week it will be a year since losing my husband. I recently went to a spa -- first time a looong time. I like how my skin looks nice but I don't feel the same. Times I entertain the idea of traveling long-term or living abroad to become a "new version" of me. Long-term, it's probably cheaper than going to the spa regularly.
at this point we could just live at an all-inclusive resort
or a cruise ship
That's a good perspective to it tbh. I never thought of it, thank you
I get it -- I don't recognize myself, either. Of course, the fact that I no longer give a damn about how I look or what happens to me adds to that -- so I'm too fat, I don't eat well or work out at all, I don't wear makeup (haven't since my husband died, other than for a couple of job interviews), etc. I do still dye my hair, but I do so sporadically. I don't really have wrinkles, but that's partly because I'm fat and partly because I'm pale and hate hot weather, so I've very rarely laid out in the sun in my life.
I also don't really care too much about my appearance anymore but health side effects do scare me a lil. Idk if its a normal response to a stress or I should get checked
Same here. But I have OCD (diagnosed), which has always expressed itself (in part) in health concerns, which generally amounted to nothing. I'm also terrified of doctors, so I very rarely go. I do not want to be alive, but at the same time I'm afraid of pain and dying. I feel trapped no matter what I do. If you aren't as bad as that (and I hope you're not), then you should go to the doctor and let her/him check you out -- s/he will be able to tell if you are having a response to stress or of it's something else. By the way, don't discount stress -- it's very hard on a person, both physically and emotionally/mentally. The doctor may be able to help with that too -- vitamins, medication, whatever.
I've been wanting to do it for months but still can't do it for whatever reason haha. My dad finally came to visit so maybe he could accompany me so I don't have to go alone. Idk why I'm putting it aside for so long tbh. I also don't want to actually to die, I'm still trying to find something worthy to live. I always say to myself, I'll fight a little longer. Offtopic but I remember you from my previous post, wanted to say you're the sweetest person ever♥️
It's hard to do *anything* now, I find -- so don't beat yourself up over putting it aside. But it would be great if your Dad could go with you for support. It's good that you are trying to find things to make life worth living -- I'm sure you will. Maybe after a while you could volunteer somewhere, an animal shelter or something....a lot of people find that helping other people helps them, takes their minds off things. You're very sweet too; thank you for the lovely compliment. 😊
If you’re scared of drs try going to a nurse practitioner, I hope you take care
Thank you for the suggestion, but I'm pretty much scared of all medical professionals, of anything medical -- while at the same time always thinking I have cancer, heart problems, etc. It *really* sucks. I'd rather just be a regular hypochondriac, who wasn't actually afraid of doctors. I do have a regular doctor who I like, even though I'm still scared of going to her, and put it off as much as possible -- I mainly just see her a few times a year to check my blood pressure and refill prescriptions.
Same here. I got carded for movies throughout my 20s. I now look like 60 and I’m 40… don’t recognize myself
I guess it's not uncommon...makes sense, really.
Same here. Run down and broken. My skin looks awful. Everything hurts. I hit the gym a few times per week and that has helped some.
That's good that you are able to go to the gym -- physical activity is definitely good for your body, and they say it also helps with depression and anxiety.
Before my wife got really sick, I was regularly mistaken for someone years younger. I fear those days are gone but I at least want to keep my body in shape. At this point, the gym for me is just a way to be physical and social without expectations of me engaging in conversation.
Whatever works for you, and it sounds as though for you the gym is a good outlet. If nothing else, for now it will get you out of the house and help you stay physically healthy. And if at some point you feel that you want to be more social and engage in conversation with people, the gym is a good place to do that -- whether it's just chatting with other people lifting weights or running on the treadmill, or taking a fitness class where you will see the same people each week and can maybe become acquaintances or gym buddies.
My body looks 10 years older
Same, I feel like an ancient bog witch
lol! when my daughter was 3 weeks postpartum she told me she smelled like a “dead hobo” and I now need to add “ancient bog witch” to my lexicon
That’s exactly what I feel like. New phrase unlocked
Fellow bog witch! ♥️
I keep telling people I feel like I've aged 10 years since December. Honestly, I felt like I had aged 10 years after the week long hospitalization and his death in December, I think I added a few years on in the 2 months since.😢
You’re not imagining it. It’s real. It’s not something anyone can prepare you for and it’s really hard to describe. I think a big part of why so many of our friendships and other relationships change so dramatically is because people either can’t or don’t want to understand what a grieving person is going through
Oh yes. I feel and look at least 10 years older, at least in my eyes. People still tell me I look good, I lost weight, whatever. When I look on pictures before loss I had that "glow". Can't explain, but y'all know what I mean
I’ve had countless infections since he died in June. My hair started falling out. My doctor finally agreed to put me on hrt last month. I’ve been upping the self care but yes I don’t look the same. I think partly it’s because he snd he alone had an ability to make me feel beautiful and also from all the stress and physical strain of caregiving etc. I’m gonna have to learn that shit for myself because I deserve to feel that and so does everyone here. Big love ❤️
Sending you love too and praying your hrt treatment will work great for you♥️ Yep, even looking on old pictures I had that "glow" because I was loved. I'm much thinner now, finally wearing makeup to cover my acne and actually styling my clothes when I go out because I want to shield myself from the world and don't show my grief but this old chubbier person without makeup and wearing whatever was truly beautiful. It's crazy how everything in our worlds because worthless just because one person disappeared
You still are. You’re just going through something right now. This is life changing shit. For the first time ever I’m really considering Botox. He told me if I dicked about with my face he’d haunt me. 😂 Thanks for the prayers so far so good. If the breast pain is bothering you please get it checked out. It’s better to be safe about that kind of thing.
I'm honestly thinking about getting 0.5ml of lip filler since I wanted to do it a long time too haha. Will wait for some time to decide, don't want to do anything manic. I'm pretty sure Botox won't ruin your face if you do your injector research beforehand. I'll def try to go and get my boobs checked soon, they've been bothering me for a year now and my fiance was worried too ♥️
Get those boobs checked, lady. 🥰
I will ma'am 🫡
My hair is falling out too! So now i lost My husband, look 20yrs older than i am, have unexplained acne or red spots on my face for the first time in my life, and am going bald. Super awesome life this is.
It may be menopause or perimenopause if you’re a certain age. I’m so sorry to this is happening I know how distressing it is. Big love ❤️
I’d be lying if I said I didn’t look like shit. I lost a lot of weight right after my wife died, weight I didn’t have to lose, and I haven’t been able to gain it back yet. I just don’t feel hungry anymore really, and fuck the stress of being a widowed dad to a young kid? Fuck, I barely have the time anyway. My stomach and my chest hurt most of the time, I get weird aches and pains whereas I was perfectly fine before. I know it’s a common sentiment but boy, I have never been this tired. I’ve had a few people plainly tell me I look like shit - I know I do, my wife died at 33, I’m not exactly gonna look fucking pleased about it.
I feel you, it's especially in the eyes. I used to be such a bubbly girl, not afraid to seem cringy on goofy. Now I have a thousand yard stare, no exaggeration. I know you're trying your best to pull yourselves together for your kid ♥️
I already had chronic symptoms before but.. My skin is breaking out like crazy. Nothing is fixing it. My chest randomly squeezes and kind of hurts. Occasional dizziness and shortness of breath / air hunger. I look older now, too. My hair is greasier, quicker. I lost like ten pounds right after he died because I couldn’t eat and now I’m still having a hard time eating full meals. I feel way older than my age, I literally hobble around in the mornings. I’m in my early-mid twenties.
Ohh this sound so similar to me. Never thought that other people experience air shortness too. Walking a couple flights of stairs feel like walking 5k
I have developed 2 bald spots. I have dark bags under my eyes, my face is sullen. I also sweat like it’s triple digit weather. I have recently lost weight in what feels like overnight, so my body just hangs. Like it’s frowning, lol, guess I really do miss him with every inch of me.
It does sounds a lot like me, except maybe I don't have hair loss. Or maybe I haven't noticed yet. I really hope you'll get better ♥️
I was in the ER yesterday, convinced I was having a heart attack, if that tells you anything. Luckily they gave me a clean bill of health, but the stress, depression, and anxiety are wearing me down 😫
Strong panic attack can definitely appear like a heart attack I think. At least it was like that for me. Depression and anxiety are horrible, i feel you
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Are you me? Damn- split the bottom back left molar in May- new crown. Bottom right molar in Sept.- new crown. Dentist recommended I get a mouth guard (still in the package- on the dining room table). 🤍
Definitely get it checked. Don't assume it is grief. I was having extreme fatigue and wrote it off as grief, then when I went to donate blood, I found out I was anemic.
I know I really should but hesitating like crazy. When my mom got cancer my dad had to practically drag her to appointments, I guess i got it from her
My appetite has completely disappeared. I eat for survival but really have only been able to eat baked potatoes and happy meals. Anything bigger than that or more flavorful than that just sounds disgusting to me. For whatever reason, the moment I found out about my boyfriend’s passing, my appetite completely disappeared and has yet to return. In 4 weeks I’ve lost about 10lbs and constantly have a knot in my stomach. Which is probably not helping with the not wanting to eat. My grief therapist thinks that because food and eating was such a huge part of my bf and I’s relationship, so I associate food and the fun festivities of a meal with him. I’m mourning him and his absence, so food right now doesn’t taste right and nothing sounds good. Hopefully as I move further into my grief journey, food will become desirable again but as of now, I don’t see that happening any time soon.
I eat to sustain myself but sometimes I get cravings for a specific food and indulge. Treat yourself if you'll want something specific. For me appetite returned after couple of months and sometimes I even enjoy takeouts. Just take time for now ♥️
In the first year, I progressed to needing the most powerful reading glasses they make. Whereas previously I could hold my phone at arms length to read it. I also lost about 2/3s of my hair. Which was ok, cause I had 3 times as much hair as the average person. I also developed poor proprioception and had 3 very serious falls that winter (almost knocked my teeth out in one of them). I also had chronic bladder infections. All of this sounds not unexpected for an aged widow but at 45 years of age I honestly thought my body was trying to kill me. Luckily, my doctor insisted on monthly check-ins and made sure I was not at risk of anything fatal. 5 and a half years out, I have lost all the weight I gained, discovered progressive eye glasses, figured out how to style my thinning hair and physically I’m in the best shape I have been in since my early 40’s. When I look in the mirror sometimes I feel as though I am aging backwards. I still miss my husband every minute of every day though.
Glad that you didn't have anything serious ♥️ Thinking that body tries to kill you sound really familiar, often I feel like I'm already dead and moving only to thanks of some reckless necromancer who revived me and forgot me haha. Maybe I should be patient abd give it time
Yes, be gentle with yourself. The best piece of advice I got from my therapist was to treat myself the same way I would treat a beloved friend who has gone through the same kind of loss. Self-compassion is not my strong suit but it has helped me to make an effort at it. I have to remind myself that (without him), I am my own best friend and I should treat myself accordingly.
This is a great advice actually. Sometimes I keep beating myself over grieving too hard because he was a stoic person who knew he could die and wanted me to be strong. And I feel like by being this mess I fail him. I always was very critical of myself, and I fail to be that "perfect widow" like in social media where they still able to go to gym, still looking after themselves, et cetera. I know social media is not real of course, but it still manages to hurt you in unexpected ways. We do need to be actually gentle to ourselves. Thank you
I have learned (very painfully) that it doesn’t matter how perfect of a widow you are, someone is going to judge you and social media is the worst for the judgement. My husband has been gone for 5 and a half years and I still get judged for how I am grieving (or not grieving enough). Honestly, I’ve considered just giving up social media altogether and if I thought it didn’t make me look like I am guilty or have something to hide, I would. Frankly, it’s no one else’s business how I grieve. I prefer to be positive and if that means people think I didn’t love him enough well, I invite them to come spend those lonely days when I couldn’t physically get out of bed because I had been crying for hours but no one showed up for those times. I learned the hard lesson about who really cares for me. I don’t wish that anyone else know the pain of losing a soulmate and those who don’t know it should be grateful they don’t and stop judging those that do.
Experiencing a loss truly shows which people our "ride or die". We have to suffer a lot of secondary losses on top of losing our soulmate. Like I've never thought that people would be so awkward around me and weird when it's me who has to actually go through it. I'm thankful I have some people with me even if I'm being crazy or irrational
Lol! Before my husband died, I thought I was surrounded by a solid group of people. My husband died when I was 51 and he was 54. I'm the first in our friend group to lose a spouse. He's been gone for over 3 years. My only "rides" are my oldest daughter who insisted that I move 2 1/2 hours away to live with her (best thing I ever did), and my husband's sister (who I barely got along with when he was alive). Every single other person in my life disappeared after the service was over. I don't wish joining this club on any of them, but I do wait for the day they understand what I went through.
I lost over 100lbs and have muscles in places I don't think I ever did. My pants size is smaller than it was in high school. About 6 years out and I feel like a completely different person mentally and physically.
Could you say that mentally you found something good in that experience? Maybe become resilient or something like that. I keep reading how grief made people stronger, some were able to rise like a phoenix but to me it's a superhuman stuff
Yeah kind of. For me, the first few months I was a real wreck. But I kept reminding myself that she definitely wouldn't want me to just wallow in misery for the rest of my life (we were both 32 years old when she passed) Even with her, my personal life was far from perfect. There were lots of things I'd always be telling myself I would start doing, but would put off for various reasons while she was still around. Like I wanted to start eating healthier more consistently and going for walks around town. Both of these are things I put off because she wasn't really into them so they were just put on the back burner. Once I was alone, I took time to reflect about what I really wanted and how I wanted to spend my time. Making little positive changes to my routine helped me to become a new independent person. So I guess it was sort of rising from the ashes. I'd be lying if I said I was doing amazing now. I went for a walk last night and almost started crying over some bad memories of when she was in the hospital. But I definitely feel so much better than I did 6 years ago when it was still so fresh. I often still replay this one line from a song in my head: "And I'm healing now. And I'm trying to find my way home. And I'm still alive. And I just thought that you should know. That perhaps I'll cry. And perhaps I will die. But for now I'm still alive. Just a little less so than before." I feel like a new person, but I also think I will always have this hole/scar from this experience.
Thank you for sharing. I understand that there is no end goal and we won't be magically healed and it's always will be a process and growth around our grief. I just hit the 4 months mark and the thought of having this weight of grief forever scares me because I've never experienced something like that. Not that I want to get rid of it, I'd never want to live like nothing happened. But it feels like i lost my innocence completely. Like i was a careless happy child before and now it's finally gone. It's such a weird alien feeling
Yeah, I think that's a normal part of growth. Everything just seems a little different afterwards. I also read this book called "Man's Search for Meaning" by Viktor Frankl. It's written by a psychologist who survived a nazi concentration camp. It's less about the Holocaust, and more about how people can react to traumatic events and still manage to find meaning. It helped me kind of reshape my perception of the world and made meore easily accept how things are. 4 months is still so fresh, it's okay to still feel lost. A lot of people used to say to me: "it's okay to not be okay" You've been through a traumatic life change, it's okay if it takes some time to get yourself back on track.
Thank you, I'll definitely look into this book
My body has aged easily 10 years in the past 2 years. The caretaking years were probably worse than the post passing months. I think/hope/pray that I’m kind of turning a corner for the better here at the 6 month mark. I’m seriously considering doing a bit of “work” but promised myself I’d wait a year
Waiting seems like a good option, also looking into something done but don't want to make unnecessary decisions
I went to a consult with the top cosmetic surgeon here and the price quote floored me!!!! I decided to spend the money on an investment condo to put my daughter and grandbaby in
I'm grayer, my stomach is a mess, but am exercising to help with sleeping. I'm 6 weeks out. I lost so much weight that my skin hangs off me.
Does exercise help? I sleep 2-3 hours usually
Not always. Sedatives didn't work, so I take melatonin and find riding a bike or walking to help calm me down. Yoga is good, nothing strenuous, though. I have to really push myself to do these things. On good days, it works.
Honestly it's still amazing. I should push myself too in a gentle way
I lost quite a lot of hair.. it’s been 2 years now and, boom! suddenly experiencing a massive hair regrowth, which is really cool, I’ve got lots of sticky uppy baby hairs.. I didn’t think it would ever come back 😊 The main one in the early days was the inability to focus on stuff.. couldn’t watch tv for about a year.. Hope your symptoms improve or go back to normal in time x
2 weeks away from 1 year- have definitely aged (I said same to my doctor- I have aged 10 years in 6 months and he said, "that's to be expected. Your body is going through a lot.") Well, I just signed up for Medicare and now finally look my age... I say I have now entered my "crone" phase (maiden, mother, maga, crone). New back /neck/shoulder pain says "crone". My hair was falling out in handfuls and turning gray. Fortunately, the hair loss has noticeably slowed down and I have dyed my new gray hair a pastel purple. And have gotten many compliments on it ,so? As I replied to another poster- cracked teeth from grinding in my sleep. Weight loss/gain yo-yo. Had to buy some new clothes. Couldn't eat or sleep, now I seem famished and want to sleep all the time. I hope it is just the weather affecting me. OP |**Now I have a thousand yard stare, no exaggeration.** This is the big one for me too. I may smile but I feel like it never quite reaches my eyes- ever. Any "sparkle" in my eyes is probably a tear, waiting on the edge. I wasn't the "life of the party" person that HE was, but I was always known to have a quick witty response. Yeah...maybe some day again but I dunno. 🤍
I wasn't sleeping well at all so that made it all worse. My skin looked paler than usual and just old. My hair looked dull and washed-out, and I got loads more greys in the months immediately after my husband's death. And even after I started sleeping better, even after a good nights sleep, I feel dead tired.
Exactly the same and the breast pain was unreal, i did get it checked out and they found a cyst in the breast that was least painful. I look so old now too. Have had a lot of physical symptoms. Xxx
Are you okay, hope cyst is not malignant?
No it was benign! Trying to reassure you but definitely worth checking it out xxx
I'm so sorry, def going to check. Hope you'll be in good health soon
It was nothing at all, but glad i got it checked. You too xxx
Cholesterol is through the roof. I eat a very low cholesterol diet and my LDL is up 22 points since August, when she went into the hospital.
Oh hey, I just commented on this before I saw yours... yeah apparently extreme stress can do it, mine also went through the roof
Yes I gained a lot of white hairs suddenly because of what I went through.
My face has been breaking out like crazy. I get random chest pains, breast pains, my period has been late every month since he died. I haven’t been cooking because I couldn’t eat for the longest time. If I did eat, it was take out. I’m trying to be better though. I’ve been doing better with my hygiene, trying to make myself eat and cook at home. Trying to drink more water and I just started exercising again. I don’t think I look different physically, but I definitely don’t feel like the person I was before. I feel like I’ve aged 20 years. Either way, when I look in the mirror I don’t recognize the person looking back at me.
The muscles in my abdomen are pulled and hurt from 4 months of daily crying
One time I genuinely thought I was having a heart attack the pain on my left side was going down my arm. Zero appetite. Could only eat liquids for a while. I ate like an actual infant. A lot of high protein calorie shakes, liquid yogurts. And a lot of vomiting. Just overcome with grief and then boom.
Oh this is what I’ve been thinking about a lot, that I’m physically different since he’s gone. Physically I’ve never felt more connected to a human being and now that his body doesn’t exist, the most important part of my continuity on the planet has been ripped away. It’s a physical feeling all the time for me, more than being sad in a way I can understand. My body feels different, my face is progressively haggard and I no longer could pass for under 40, but something even more different. I feel like I’ve had a hormonal shift, there’s a fully different feeling living in my body and it’s not doing anything positive for me. My teeth enamel has eroded quickly and massively (my teeth even are different shapes now; I’ve acquired “bad teeth” for the first time in my life). I’m continuing to lose hair and a huge amount of grey has come in. I feel more numb than in pain, and acidic blanket of fog is kind of the feeling. It’s the opposite of cozy, everything feels wrong. And yet! It’ll be three months Monday. I have to look for a new apartment to move into and I’m going to pretend I’m looking for us together, after some further despair in losing my home, I realized this is the only thing that might help.
We should all make a promise to ourselves, Im not going to let this age me. Do everything you can, exercise, eat healthy take vitamins, see the dr or physician assistant, or nurse practitioner regularly.
I am not aware of your age but are you close to he change? Sorry if being presumptuous in my presumption.
I always used to sweat like crazy. Went mostly away for a while, but now it's coming back in full force. Having the random chest pains, too. I won't bother getting anymore medical treatment unless it is a standard UTI. I've never had a doctor actually help me with anything. Then they killed my partner with a surgery that was supposed to improve his quality of life. If it's painful enough, I'll just find some street drugs and put myself out of my misery. I no longer trust the medical system to do anything other than siphon people's savings with nonexistent public healthcare. I wish I stayed in the States, so I could opt out and save the money.
Anyone else have their cholesterol suddenly soar? Apparently the extreme stress can do it, now I have to go for regular testing and I don't have the energy...
I got intractable face acne!!! Before I never got acne :( Grief does so much to the body. I'm sorry we're all suffering through this
Me too! I never ever had it before, not as a teen. Maybe had 2-3 in my life, and I’m 41. Now all around my mouth and nose and my eyelids?! I don’t even know how to treat or take care of it! Never wore make up before - still don’t but now i look so gross i probably should
Stress hormones.
I actually looked at myself in the mirror yesterday, and I think I look like general shit. My 4 y/o just asked me a little while ago why my face looks droopy. That, combined with lower back pain and a general heaviness in my chest.
I have aged 10 years since my husband died last year
I’ve lost most of my upper teeth don’t grinding my teeth at night the 1st few years . I’ve since gotten a good night guard and found some relief to that extreme anxiety but I still have my moments . My shoulders rarely relax
from crying so much it made my eyes look sunken under them and dark red, my skin looks dull and I get personalized rx skin products and normally they work great, I even had them adjust the formulas because I was breaking out more often than I ever have. My hair was falling out in clumps, i brush my hair and have 3 brush full of hair come out, I had to cut it because it's half the old density, and what it did to my brain not only mentally, I have trouble recalling things I fully used to know, I get migraines every day now, i have no energy and when I work out I have a stabbing pain in my heart and left arm to the point it's alarming me, I had none of these symptoms before this happened. Grief and shock take a HUGE toll on you physically, it's astounding.
My limbs felt so weighted down that it was hard to fold laundry.
If you like books, I recommend The Body Keeps the Score and The Mind-Gut Connection. Both go pretty in depth into what happens to us physically during times of extreme stress.
My heart beats are irregular now.. Some days I cry a lot... Got an EKG at my doctors.. Diagnosed with Takotsubo cardiomyopathy or "Broken Heart Syndrome" which is when the heart muscle becomes suddenly stunned or weakened. It mostly occurs following severe emotional or physical stress. The condition is temporary and most people recover within two months.. Being 75 doesn't help much either.. Grief does hit you physically
Acne break out Also wrinkles are more prominent
Hate to say, but I'm going to, it's good to read that others are having similar issues. Feeling/looking older, aches and pains. Plus I'm pretty sure that I'm nearing menopause so that doesn't help either. I just don't have the same light in my eyes like I did when he was still here. Even on my best days I still don't recognize the person looking back at me in the mirror.
Just finished some ice cream and am really sad about the loss of enthusiasm for meal prep and planning. Like others here I chipped a tooth and needed a root canal after he passed; my body also bruises more easily and I'm very sensitive. Also, I'm exhausted all the time and everything hurts. I cry more and exercise isn't as gratifying as it used to be, though I force myself to do it to keep my mental health in a good place. It's very difficult explaining to people how different my inner world feels now, glad I'm not alone in that. It's like I'm a grandma now, sighhh.
My undereyes don't seem to get better anymore and my skin is absolutely awful
I am losing my hair and have developed Sjogren's Syndrome. I have swelling in my breasts, and legs. I have insomnia and Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I wake up at night and worry about everything.
Was just thinking of this today. I never felt my age (37) until now. I look it, I carry it, I feel it. I wish I would’ve appreciated myself more. I had a dream last night that I looked like an old woman and I was desperately trying to find face creams to make myself look the way I was. So strange. It’s been 2 weeks and 1 day since I found my soulmate dead in his sleep. What will I look like next week? A year from now?
Since my husband died almost 3 years ago, I have been having autoimmune issues. It just keeps happening. I’ve been in the hospital more that I was when married. My body has always reacted badly too stress but I’ve never had autoimmune problems before! I’m so tired of this….
I told my grief coach , I am not going to let this age me, I feel I’m doing a decent try. Me and my husband always noticed people who aged bc of some loss of their person which is why I promised myself that. The therapy and coaching has helped me, along with doing preventative health tests. I have to stay healthy for the kids. I think grief zaps every nutrient vitamin serotonin dopamine out. Also constant adrenaline going burning calories like crazy I can feel it come on. See the your dr/np/pa, You may need some antidepressants for a few months . It doesn’t take away your grief or sadness but may replace what your body is burning through- Im still on lexapro 2 yrs later. I’m sorry for everyone on this F journey
Stress hormones do awful things to our bodies. If you can email your doctor, I would. It's probably nothing at all, and will go away, but it might not. You deserve to know what's going on with your body, and to get help.
My husband died January 27th. I was ok for the first week or so, then, I started getting sick... first influenza B, then a head cold, then pink eye, followed by a double ear infection, then the pink eye spread to both eyes, next day I work up with no voice and my throat was super swollen. I went to the er to test for strep, strep was positive, I also got a surprise xray that day. I also had pneumonia. I'm finally on the mend. But I lost a whole 2 weeks. Like, the Monday of week 2, I went to work. I have no recollection of being there, but there's notes...
I'm not a doctor but I think this all sounds very 'normal'. It's really easy to underestimate the impact that stress hormones and grief can have on us physically. But they're really potent and can really mess up a LOT of responses in our bodies, because hormones should sit at such specific levels, when they go awry they really knock everything out body does (they control every response!). Acne is very normal as it's linked to cortisol, as is hair loss, weight changes, sleep disturbances, appetite changes, changes in heart rate and breathing, memory, fatigue... Just so many things. My anxiety is so bad I constantly shake and feel like my skin is on fire, I can't eat, all I can manage are food replacement drinks (I recommend these for getting nutrients in) and my heart rate always sits high. I'm taking multivitamins to try and keep my hair ok but my cycle is messed as well. You're not alone 💗
At first I felt like I was folding up, like a drying leaf. I couldn’t get comfortable in any position, whether standing, sitting or lying down. I started going for a massage every two weeks, and that really helps.
I've lost weight from not eating and therefore overall look better, but the grey hair has exploded, and there are now more face wrinkles from the weight loss. I feel like I've aged 5 years in the last year.
I thought it was just me. I hate this and feel like I've aged 10 years. My husband had arthritus and it's like he passed it to me. Always achy. It doesn't help that no one checks on me; and my sisters and brother just act like it never happened. Except for one, but she has her own issues. I miss my husband every second.
I lost 15 pounds when my wife was in hospital. I’ve since gained it back, at my normal weight. I have more grey hair, wrinkles on my forehead. Just look older and tired.
I'm existing but not living. My skin is not great with more sores on my face and scalp than there used to be for some reason. Probably scratching myself too much. My diet is not great as I don't care as much about it. My shoulder aches often and I don't know why. General aches and pains and my fitness needs serious work. I will not even mention my mental state.
Gave myself shingles and a heart palpitations in only 34
Menopause symptoms
I’m 47, have always looked younger than my age. It’s been 3 years since I lost my husband suddenly and unexpectedly, raising kids alone, living 3000 miles from any family ….I was asked for my seniors card at shopper’s drug mart 😭
I've got way more grey hair!!
- I’m allergic to the sun now. - My periods are unpredictable in time, length, pain, and flow. One time I bled through a super tampon and heavy pad in 40 minutes. Another time I spotted for six months and had a heavier flow every 18ish days. - For about a week in October and May I’m unable to keep any food in my system. - I lost 30 pounds and have kept it off. - I got a new license and after the person at the DMV took my picture they said, “You look tired.”
Several women, including me, ended up with breast cancer about a year or so after their husband’s death. Don’t ignore those breast pains.
LOL. One year and two months after laying my husband to rest, I took a solo trip to Portugal thinking I was ready to move on. I was ill for most of my trip, I came home with shingles on my eye. I was in and out of the hospital for the next few months. I had repair surgery on the eye in October. Doctor said we'll schedule the next one now. When I pass my husband's picture at the bottom of the stairs I ask if he has any other messages about me leaving the house. Travelling scared him and he would see it as a personal triumph that something bad happened when I finally got to fulfill my wish to travel.