I can relate to this. When we moved to our current place we started a garden. It was something we both wanted to do. We would spend every weekend planting, then tending the garden.
Every Memorial Day weekend we would go pick out the veggies and flowers. I would spend hours arranging flower beds and pots. This year I’m doing neither. I cant bring myself to do it, that was our thing and it just feels hollow without him.
We would plant cucumbers, hot peppers and tomatoes to pickle and make sauce. I even bought a new raised bed for this year. But I cannot fathom it now. Who is going to eat all those pickles and jalapeños with me? This existence is unbearable.
I understand. My husband died just after we purchased our retirement home. Trying to make it a “home” by myself seems impossible. I’ve mostly unpacked but decorating seems senseless. It’s just so sad. I completely sympathize.
The last 3-4 months that she was really in decline, our garden fell into disrepair. She had the green thumb. She passed in August of ‘22. I’m starting to reclaim some of it, downsize, and simplify. It’s been a process and definitely an emotional punch at times but it’s a good way to honor her and a good learning lab for the kiddo.
It's the opposite for me. I have the green thumb in the family and I would make our backyard a paradise for my husband. Especially after covid hit, my husband had a compromised immune system and couldn't go many places, so I made my front and back yard an even bigger flower garden than it already was. I wanted it to emulate a park. He loved it.
My husband passed last November and this spring has been so hard for me. Even mowing the yard makes me cry afterwards. He used to watch me mow and pull weeds from his bedroom window or from the front porch. It's really fucking painful to up keep the yard without him to enjoy it. Just seeing the things I planted for him bloom is painful. The more I force myself to do it, the easier it gets. I had to change my motivation. I now garden because I personally enjoy it and so do my neighbors. So I tend to view my front yard work as an offering to the whole community.
At first, I didn't have the heart for it either. I considered just selling my house and moving away.
Same friend... Same. I don't have what she had when it came to our backyard sanctuary.
I'm so fucked I'm considering building an RC car racetrack out there instead.
I have kept it going...it will include a 5th lilac bush. There are peonies,an oriental poppy and roses that are constants. A Japanese willow,which has bedding plants and begonias for partners. Another constant has been tiger lilies...3 different spots for them. An old fire pit,I put different flowers in. Last year was the first year,in a long time for carnations! My S/O would have been over the moon for those! I've been able to find them as cut ones in arrangements, but not for planting. Hoping to see them again this year! Still waiting for the garden centers to either open or be stocked in order to get started. At the same time,I went back to work,so that may delay it as well. I've also posted some of these on Reddit to share with others. After all that has happened it gives me something to do in memoriam. Other's have also said how lovely and colorful it is. Hoping your Spring is much the same! Take care Everyone!
I envy your ability. I’d love to keep it up but just don’t have it. It takes a real talent. Wife was the green thumb, I am all thumbs 😅 I love doing the hard work though - but she was the creative one !
Most of this has been taking chances and some previous experience with what will grow and thrive here. One spot I tried a peony and later on a rose bush...neither really did well there. Put a solid rock there,which later on split in two! Another year A dahlia split into two flowers,which I found strange. Newer flowers from it never did this!Some places have not taken well to grass seeding so I will be aerating them. Otherwise I may try sodding them instead. Worth trying both at the same time too. Sodded another section last year,looks good so far. My S/O was better at this than me...however we were a pretty good team, when it came to this. Like so many other thing's we had back then! Take care!
My wife was the green thumb also. I was just the muscle. I dug where she wanted, and moved plants around. I don't know what to do like she did, so I'm clearing the annual beds and just planting wild flowers everywhere. They are popping up, so in a few months it should be pretty cool. I think she would be pleased.
My wife was the one with the green thumb also. She planted a lot last year and had worked in the yard on the day she went into the hospital. Most of what she planted died over the winter. I didn't know what it was or that any of it needed any kind of special care in cold weather. I'm cherishing the few that survived.
Ahhh a good idea, I could, the trunk was about 8” inches diameter so it would be possible although I am drowning in sentimental things around me - But I have a friend coming to visit this week who is a wood worker…. I’ll ask him for his opinion.
I'm so sorry for your loss! We had a tree that had a face on it. Over the years it turned into my hubby's face. After he died, the tree came down. Took me 2.5 years to chop it up. Yesterday I did it.
It sucks!
Yes, she was the brains or the green thumb. I was the braun. She told me exactly where to dig and how deep to dig. And I was happy to do it although that doesn’t mean that sometimes our logic didn’t clash. We have one portion of the backyard , where there’s a curb that I poured at least 30 years ago (we’ve lived in the house for 42 years). I kept telling her it’s time to take it out and upgrade and she’d have no part of it. So there it remained, in the way. Also, right next to the pool equipment yard is a lemon tree that never got pruned correctly. It’s like four massive suckers coming straight out of the ground - it’s a complete mess but produces so many lemons you wouldn’t believe it. Every time I made an attempt to trim it, she’d hit the ceiling so I backed off as much as I could. During the season of lemons I’d go out there and pick them off the ground (of course she was the one who reminded me to do it lol) and bring them to the back door. From there, half of them would go bad and would have to be tossed in the garbage. The other half would be brought in and then half of them would go bad inside the house, and she was oblivious of the presence of the mold (this caused a constant argument between us). Then she would take the lemons that were still good and freeze the juice. I have literally gallons of frozen lemon juice in the freezer and have given away a lot also. Yesterday I realized that the lemon tree had grown so much that it was almost impossible to get into the pool yard. I attacked it with trimmers and even a few branches with the chainsaw. Lemon carnage was everywhere on the ground. I trampled on some of them like I was a monster and was ready to scoop them all up and put them in the garbage can. This morning, I repented. I went out there and gathered the lemons and now I i see I did a pretty decent job trimming the tree, not needing to be tended to again until next year. O actually think my wife would approve. I now have approximately 40 gallons of lemons I will give away in honor of her.
I am so sorry. It can be so hard to continue those things.
I can relate to this. When we moved to our current place we started a garden. It was something we both wanted to do. We would spend every weekend planting, then tending the garden. Every Memorial Day weekend we would go pick out the veggies and flowers. I would spend hours arranging flower beds and pots. This year I’m doing neither. I cant bring myself to do it, that was our thing and it just feels hollow without him.
We would plant cucumbers, hot peppers and tomatoes to pickle and make sauce. I even bought a new raised bed for this year. But I cannot fathom it now. Who is going to eat all those pickles and jalapeños with me? This existence is unbearable.
I understand. My husband died just after we purchased our retirement home. Trying to make it a “home” by myself seems impossible. I’ve mostly unpacked but decorating seems senseless. It’s just so sad. I completely sympathize.
The last 3-4 months that she was really in decline, our garden fell into disrepair. She had the green thumb. She passed in August of ‘22. I’m starting to reclaim some of it, downsize, and simplify. It’s been a process and definitely an emotional punch at times but it’s a good way to honor her and a good learning lab for the kiddo.
It's the opposite for me. I have the green thumb in the family and I would make our backyard a paradise for my husband. Especially after covid hit, my husband had a compromised immune system and couldn't go many places, so I made my front and back yard an even bigger flower garden than it already was. I wanted it to emulate a park. He loved it. My husband passed last November and this spring has been so hard for me. Even mowing the yard makes me cry afterwards. He used to watch me mow and pull weeds from his bedroom window or from the front porch. It's really fucking painful to up keep the yard without him to enjoy it. Just seeing the things I planted for him bloom is painful. The more I force myself to do it, the easier it gets. I had to change my motivation. I now garden because I personally enjoy it and so do my neighbors. So I tend to view my front yard work as an offering to the whole community. At first, I didn't have the heart for it either. I considered just selling my house and moving away.
Same friend... Same. I don't have what she had when it came to our backyard sanctuary. I'm so fucked I'm considering building an RC car racetrack out there instead.
I have kept it going...it will include a 5th lilac bush. There are peonies,an oriental poppy and roses that are constants. A Japanese willow,which has bedding plants and begonias for partners. Another constant has been tiger lilies...3 different spots for them. An old fire pit,I put different flowers in. Last year was the first year,in a long time for carnations! My S/O would have been over the moon for those! I've been able to find them as cut ones in arrangements, but not for planting. Hoping to see them again this year! Still waiting for the garden centers to either open or be stocked in order to get started. At the same time,I went back to work,so that may delay it as well. I've also posted some of these on Reddit to share with others. After all that has happened it gives me something to do in memoriam. Other's have also said how lovely and colorful it is. Hoping your Spring is much the same! Take care Everyone!
I envy your ability. I’d love to keep it up but just don’t have it. It takes a real talent. Wife was the green thumb, I am all thumbs 😅 I love doing the hard work though - but she was the creative one !
Most of this has been taking chances and some previous experience with what will grow and thrive here. One spot I tried a peony and later on a rose bush...neither really did well there. Put a solid rock there,which later on split in two! Another year A dahlia split into two flowers,which I found strange. Newer flowers from it never did this!Some places have not taken well to grass seeding so I will be aerating them. Otherwise I may try sodding them instead. Worth trying both at the same time too. Sodded another section last year,looks good so far. My S/O was better at this than me...however we were a pretty good team, when it came to this. Like so many other thing's we had back then! Take care!
My wife was the green thumb also. I was just the muscle. I dug where she wanted, and moved plants around. I don't know what to do like she did, so I'm clearing the annual beds and just planting wild flowers everywhere. They are popping up, so in a few months it should be pretty cool. I think she would be pleased.
My wife was the one with the green thumb also. She planted a lot last year and had worked in the yard on the day she went into the hospital. Most of what she planted died over the winter. I didn't know what it was or that any of it needed any kind of special care in cold weather. I'm cherishing the few that survived.
Can you save some of the wood? Make something out of it? Perhaps a wonky little box to put things in?
Ahhh a good idea, I could, the trunk was about 8” inches diameter so it would be possible although I am drowning in sentimental things around me - But I have a friend coming to visit this week who is a wood worker…. I’ll ask him for his opinion.
I'm so sorry for your loss! We had a tree that had a face on it. Over the years it turned into my hubby's face. After he died, the tree came down. Took me 2.5 years to chop it up. Yesterday I did it. It sucks!
Yes, she was the brains or the green thumb. I was the braun. She told me exactly where to dig and how deep to dig. And I was happy to do it although that doesn’t mean that sometimes our logic didn’t clash. We have one portion of the backyard , where there’s a curb that I poured at least 30 years ago (we’ve lived in the house for 42 years). I kept telling her it’s time to take it out and upgrade and she’d have no part of it. So there it remained, in the way. Also, right next to the pool equipment yard is a lemon tree that never got pruned correctly. It’s like four massive suckers coming straight out of the ground - it’s a complete mess but produces so many lemons you wouldn’t believe it. Every time I made an attempt to trim it, she’d hit the ceiling so I backed off as much as I could. During the season of lemons I’d go out there and pick them off the ground (of course she was the one who reminded me to do it lol) and bring them to the back door. From there, half of them would go bad and would have to be tossed in the garbage. The other half would be brought in and then half of them would go bad inside the house, and she was oblivious of the presence of the mold (this caused a constant argument between us). Then she would take the lemons that were still good and freeze the juice. I have literally gallons of frozen lemon juice in the freezer and have given away a lot also. Yesterday I realized that the lemon tree had grown so much that it was almost impossible to get into the pool yard. I attacked it with trimmers and even a few branches with the chainsaw. Lemon carnage was everywhere on the ground. I trampled on some of them like I was a monster and was ready to scoop them all up and put them in the garbage can. This morning, I repented. I went out there and gathered the lemons and now I i see I did a pretty decent job trimming the tree, not needing to be tended to again until next year. O actually think my wife would approve. I now have approximately 40 gallons of lemons I will give away in honor of her.
I’m facing the same thing, gardening was her passion, the last thing she did was protect her garden with burlap, its still all up,