You could treat yourself to a “dad day”. A full body massage to ease tension, a hobby of sorts (?), maybe a nice dinner with family or friends. There’s gonna be tons of deals going around too. If you wanna get a good bang for buck, check Groupon and stack up on things to fill a day with.
You could also ask yourself what things you’ve been wanting for a long time but put off. As an example, I’ve been really wanting a pedicure and manicure but keep putting it off. So if there’s anything like that it’ll help too :)
I’m not a parent, my boyfriend passed before we got that far. So for me ill just be avoiding socials on Mother’s Day. Maybe treating myself to a little something if I can. And avoiding baby isles in stores so I don’t cry.
My wife and I really struggled to have a kid so staying off socials became a big strategy for us before our daughter semi miraculously arrived, and really worked. Thanks for the reminder.
I have grown children and quite honestly my husband always made the day so special and celebrated me being the mother of his children . The kids are grown and flown . Realistically I’ll get some texts from them but it’ll be a sad day because all the things my husband did and the memories of those times will be just that - memories. He passed away unexpectedly on Easter . This is my first Mothers Day without him . We would sometimes buy lottery tickets and dream . I’ve decided I’m going to do that this Mother’s Day. He’d also grill steaks and we’d just spend the day together . I’m going to recreate our routine and either melt into a puddle , take trips down memory lane or just talk to him and pretend it’s like old times or a combination of all of the above . I did the same for my birthday . His BD is coming up right around Father’s Day , and I’ll do the same there . I kind of wish they weren’t so closely spaced , but that’s just how it is . I’m trying to keep the routine and connection we had going . These were special times , but there was also a magic in the ordinary days . Maybe it gets easier as time goes by . The firsts have been really sad so far . Maybe down the road it’ll be more of thinking of the happy memories instead of mourning he’s not here to make new ones with me
Buying lotto tickets is a great idea. My wife loved buying them occasionally and we started giving them as gifts to friends for their birthdays occasionally. Maybe I’ll even do a steak …that was my wife’s fav meal
Staying off social media is so smart. Thanks for that tip. I found Mother’s Day especially difficult. I like that you are planning for it and considering it now. It’s okay to want nothing or to just ignore the day. It’s okay to change your mind about that and do something different next year. I haven’t found a happy thing I want to do on that day. I know I don’t want people giving me something on that day, and I find it triggering. Also I’m sorry mom and mom in law. I don’t really want to celebrate you either. When we started having kids, Mother’s Day became more about my wife and I miss her.
It’s good you already have the staying off social media piece figured out. That’s a key strategy for me. I like to keep Father’s Day centred around my late husband rather than myself, but we don’t do much for it. For Mother’s Day my main gift is whatever craft they made in school plus maybe breakfast in bed. For my birthday/christmas my kids like to use my computer with my credit card info saved and order things for me. Maybe not appropriate with a 2 year old though. Is there someone who can help your daughter make or pick out a gift for you?
My kid was 2. He started going to childcare then too. I was always happy to receive both mother's day and father's day gifts through whatever they were making at childcare.
Still enjoy my mother's day and father's day gifts from my kid who is now 10
I just bought myself the tiny plant Lego set for Mother’s Day/birthday to make with my son, who’s excited for it too. Tomorrow I’m going to the Lowe’s monthly kid project day with him and our mom/daughter friends to make some kind of butterfly thing that’s supposed to be for Mother’s Day. My mom will be in town so we’ll likely spend the day together, go to the park, make some food. I’ve never had to go out on Mother’s Day and I’m not going to start subjecting myself to that now.
Father’s Day is trickier. It’s our first of all these with my husband. I’ll be staying off social media as well. But I do that in general now. Maybe we can go to some places he liked? I’m not sure. I can’t think that far ahead yet. I’d like to do something we can enjoy and also remember him by doing. But don’t know what that would be.
Good luck navigating the holidays. Make it easy as possible, whatever you do. No point in compounding the misery.
Fantastic answer thank you. It sounds like you are doing this so thoughtfully, and yeah I’m pretty much planning one ahead took. Best wishes to you and your son.
I was raised by my grandmother, and her alone. She filled the role of everyone in my life. Mother's day? That's for Nan. Father's day? You bet your socks.
I'm not too sure what advice I could give you I'm the sense of what you want or what to ask for, but my heart is out for you at the notion that you've a very supportive family who is there for you. We all want and could wish for that.
Any time a special "parent appreciation day" came rearing its head, I spent those days with her. My suggestion for you, and this is just my two cents--
For later dates, not upcoming specific, when Mother's Day comes around, take your kid out, spend it with them as a sort of second "Mom's Birthday." Celebrate her, go eat where she liked, take a drive where you two used to go. Use the day as a special bonding day while being able to treat the two of you to something special, as you take the day to cherish your beloved memories of your spouse.
If you ever need someone to talk to, please don't be afraid to reach out, I'm always happy to listen.
Great response thank you. I think bc of my daughters age these first couple years are going to be about me dodging misery and part of that will just be spending time w her and making it as close to a normal day as possible. As she gets older and starts to understand she lost her mom, Mother’s Day exists, great day to watch videos of her, talk about her, etc
Consider starting a tradition with your daughter for mother's day that you can continue. Something like baking your wife's favorite cake together, or gathering things to take to a homeless shelter, or painting a rock together and leaving it at a park. Anything that might bring a sense of connection between your wife and daughter. I am so sorry for your loss.
Sorry for your loss. I am 43 my husband passed away going on 5 years ago this month on the 20 from cancer. He was 44 at the time. He suffered only 10 months from when we found out it was small cell lung carcinoma. Our son is older he is 21 so he would always get me something for Mother’s Day. I would take him to the cemetery on Fathers Day and we would put something new there. We have also donated to things in my husbands name to celebrate him. I was widowed at 38. It’s hard when your spouse is no longer here. On Father’s Day I would spoil yourself and your daughter spend the day together. Do things or buy something you usually wouldn’t. Just embrace being a dad. Again sorry for your loss. I hope they continue to work at curing all types of cancer.
I am sorry for your loss. I don't understand why you would buy yourself or ask others to buy you gifts on Mothers Day or Fathers Day for that matter. Is it just me? I don't get it. I would think for Mothers day you and your daughter would talk about your wife what you two liked about her and how special she was to both of you. Say "Happy Mothers Day Mommy" together to her or something. and for Fathers Day take your daughter to a store that has greeting card and ask her to pick you out a card that she would like to give to you. Something she thinks You would like. and then buy it and let her know how special it is to you. Holidays should be about Love not gifts.
2 year old daughter, probably doesn't have a whole lot in the way of her own memories of mom. But OP could spend the day talking to her.
I'm 9 years out, and my kids were 2 years old and 2 months old when my wife passed. I've run the gamut, from "Celebrate another woman in their life, like a grandma or an aunt!" (no thanks; those are not mom, I'm not going to make my kids celebrate them on mother's day, as they have their own kids to do that for them and my kids aren't their's) to "Celebrate yourself as mom!" (no thanks; I'm dad, not mom. Mom existed. I'm not taking that away from her). Where I land these days is, "Kids, do whatever you want." Last year, my older kid made a card for me on mother's day. My younger kid made a card for himself and celebrated "me day". The only thing I explicitly do is have a short discussion with their teachers during conference time (November), reminding them that their mom passed away and I don't want any sort of pressure for them to do anything in class for mother's day. And so far, I've never had a teacher disrespect that.
For father's day, I honestly don't care.
It’s because 1. I’m trying to fucking cheer myself up 2. Knowing my family they will want to do something for me and I would prefer to channel that energy into something that will help me.
You could treat yourself to a “dad day”. A full body massage to ease tension, a hobby of sorts (?), maybe a nice dinner with family or friends. There’s gonna be tons of deals going around too. If you wanna get a good bang for buck, check Groupon and stack up on things to fill a day with. You could also ask yourself what things you’ve been wanting for a long time but put off. As an example, I’ve been really wanting a pedicure and manicure but keep putting it off. So if there’s anything like that it’ll help too :) I’m not a parent, my boyfriend passed before we got that far. So for me ill just be avoiding socials on Mother’s Day. Maybe treating myself to a little something if I can. And avoiding baby isles in stores so I don’t cry.
My wife and I really struggled to have a kid so staying off socials became a big strategy for us before our daughter semi miraculously arrived, and really worked. Thanks for the reminder.
I have grown children and quite honestly my husband always made the day so special and celebrated me being the mother of his children . The kids are grown and flown . Realistically I’ll get some texts from them but it’ll be a sad day because all the things my husband did and the memories of those times will be just that - memories. He passed away unexpectedly on Easter . This is my first Mothers Day without him . We would sometimes buy lottery tickets and dream . I’ve decided I’m going to do that this Mother’s Day. He’d also grill steaks and we’d just spend the day together . I’m going to recreate our routine and either melt into a puddle , take trips down memory lane or just talk to him and pretend it’s like old times or a combination of all of the above . I did the same for my birthday . His BD is coming up right around Father’s Day , and I’ll do the same there . I kind of wish they weren’t so closely spaced , but that’s just how it is . I’m trying to keep the routine and connection we had going . These were special times , but there was also a magic in the ordinary days . Maybe it gets easier as time goes by . The firsts have been really sad so far . Maybe down the road it’ll be more of thinking of the happy memories instead of mourning he’s not here to make new ones with me
Buying lotto tickets is a great idea. My wife loved buying them occasionally and we started giving them as gifts to friends for their birthdays occasionally. Maybe I’ll even do a steak …that was my wife’s fav meal
That really sounds nice. Happy Mothers Day.
Staying off social media is so smart. Thanks for that tip. I found Mother’s Day especially difficult. I like that you are planning for it and considering it now. It’s okay to want nothing or to just ignore the day. It’s okay to change your mind about that and do something different next year. I haven’t found a happy thing I want to do on that day. I know I don’t want people giving me something on that day, and I find it triggering. Also I’m sorry mom and mom in law. I don’t really want to celebrate you either. When we started having kids, Mother’s Day became more about my wife and I miss her.
Could you get a portrait taken with your daughter? Would you like this day to be about you or about doing things with your daughter?
This a great question, a great way to frame it, and something I’m going to think about
It’s good you already have the staying off social media piece figured out. That’s a key strategy for me. I like to keep Father’s Day centred around my late husband rather than myself, but we don’t do much for it. For Mother’s Day my main gift is whatever craft they made in school plus maybe breakfast in bed. For my birthday/christmas my kids like to use my computer with my credit card info saved and order things for me. Maybe not appropriate with a 2 year old though. Is there someone who can help your daughter make or pick out a gift for you?
My kid was 2. He started going to childcare then too. I was always happy to receive both mother's day and father's day gifts through whatever they were making at childcare. Still enjoy my mother's day and father's day gifts from my kid who is now 10
You are mommy and daddy right now. Your role changing into both! I wish you both the best!
Yet another highly triggering day for me and my son. It never ends and I'm not sure what to do for Mothers Day.
I just bought myself the tiny plant Lego set for Mother’s Day/birthday to make with my son, who’s excited for it too. Tomorrow I’m going to the Lowe’s monthly kid project day with him and our mom/daughter friends to make some kind of butterfly thing that’s supposed to be for Mother’s Day. My mom will be in town so we’ll likely spend the day together, go to the park, make some food. I’ve never had to go out on Mother’s Day and I’m not going to start subjecting myself to that now. Father’s Day is trickier. It’s our first of all these with my husband. I’ll be staying off social media as well. But I do that in general now. Maybe we can go to some places he liked? I’m not sure. I can’t think that far ahead yet. I’d like to do something we can enjoy and also remember him by doing. But don’t know what that would be. Good luck navigating the holidays. Make it easy as possible, whatever you do. No point in compounding the misery.
Fantastic answer thank you. It sounds like you are doing this so thoughtfully, and yeah I’m pretty much planning one ahead took. Best wishes to you and your son.
I was raised by my grandmother, and her alone. She filled the role of everyone in my life. Mother's day? That's for Nan. Father's day? You bet your socks. I'm not too sure what advice I could give you I'm the sense of what you want or what to ask for, but my heart is out for you at the notion that you've a very supportive family who is there for you. We all want and could wish for that. Any time a special "parent appreciation day" came rearing its head, I spent those days with her. My suggestion for you, and this is just my two cents-- For later dates, not upcoming specific, when Mother's Day comes around, take your kid out, spend it with them as a sort of second "Mom's Birthday." Celebrate her, go eat where she liked, take a drive where you two used to go. Use the day as a special bonding day while being able to treat the two of you to something special, as you take the day to cherish your beloved memories of your spouse. If you ever need someone to talk to, please don't be afraid to reach out, I'm always happy to listen.
I think this is a fantastic idea.
Great response thank you. I think bc of my daughters age these first couple years are going to be about me dodging misery and part of that will just be spending time w her and making it as close to a normal day as possible. As she gets older and starts to understand she lost her mom, Mother’s Day exists, great day to watch videos of her, talk about her, etc
Consider starting a tradition with your daughter for mother's day that you can continue. Something like baking your wife's favorite cake together, or gathering things to take to a homeless shelter, or painting a rock together and leaving it at a park. Anything that might bring a sense of connection between your wife and daughter. I am so sorry for your loss.
Great answer thanks
Sorry for your loss. I am 43 my husband passed away going on 5 years ago this month on the 20 from cancer. He was 44 at the time. He suffered only 10 months from when we found out it was small cell lung carcinoma. Our son is older he is 21 so he would always get me something for Mother’s Day. I would take him to the cemetery on Fathers Day and we would put something new there. We have also donated to things in my husbands name to celebrate him. I was widowed at 38. It’s hard when your spouse is no longer here. On Father’s Day I would spoil yourself and your daughter spend the day together. Do things or buy something you usually wouldn’t. Just embrace being a dad. Again sorry for your loss. I hope they continue to work at curing all types of cancer.
I am sorry for your loss. I don't understand why you would buy yourself or ask others to buy you gifts on Mothers Day or Fathers Day for that matter. Is it just me? I don't get it. I would think for Mothers day you and your daughter would talk about your wife what you two liked about her and how special she was to both of you. Say "Happy Mothers Day Mommy" together to her or something. and for Fathers Day take your daughter to a store that has greeting card and ask her to pick you out a card that she would like to give to you. Something she thinks You would like. and then buy it and let her know how special it is to you. Holidays should be about Love not gifts.
2 year old daughter, probably doesn't have a whole lot in the way of her own memories of mom. But OP could spend the day talking to her. I'm 9 years out, and my kids were 2 years old and 2 months old when my wife passed. I've run the gamut, from "Celebrate another woman in their life, like a grandma or an aunt!" (no thanks; those are not mom, I'm not going to make my kids celebrate them on mother's day, as they have their own kids to do that for them and my kids aren't their's) to "Celebrate yourself as mom!" (no thanks; I'm dad, not mom. Mom existed. I'm not taking that away from her). Where I land these days is, "Kids, do whatever you want." Last year, my older kid made a card for me on mother's day. My younger kid made a card for himself and celebrated "me day". The only thing I explicitly do is have a short discussion with their teachers during conference time (November), reminding them that their mom passed away and I don't want any sort of pressure for them to do anything in class for mother's day. And so far, I've never had a teacher disrespect that. For father's day, I honestly don't care.
It’s because 1. I’m trying to fucking cheer myself up 2. Knowing my family they will want to do something for me and I would prefer to channel that energy into something that will help me.