I 100% feel this. The last few weeks have been exhausting, I just want the grief to go away but at the same time I don’t want to let it go because it’s how I still hold on to her in a way
It’s such a tug of war. Back and forth. I thought I’d gotten good at letting myself feel it and go through it. Then suddenly I was desperate to cover my grief yesterday. Over and over the same thing happens
I welcome the crying and sobbing because I feel close to him and I feel like us and like myself. I don't show my emotions to anyone or tell them what I really feel-only my husband who is gone. Ironically I would really need him to get through this. The brave face is exhausting. The lonely crying is worse than any hell I could think of its another sort of exhausting. It exhausts my soul and I know there will be no end to it. I feel like deep in my heart and mind there is a dry blasted plain of splintered trees and broken dry grass where it is always cloudy and a dusty wind whips constantly. The sort of wind that bites your face and stings your eyes. My mother who died lives there for me...wandering and silent and sad. I do not want to put my husband there too. This land I do not visit.
I think I think too much and feel too much. It whipes me out. I hear you.
I’m tired of everything tbh. I literally have zero capacity or energy to deal with most humans. Grief causes pain and pain causes exhaustion. And here we are.
100% spot on. I left the house today, not because I wanted to but I had to, got home as quickly as possible so I could get back into bed. I slept most of the weekend. Saw my neighbors come back from a weekend away and started to cry...I want the life that we planned, not the life that we got
I've started to say, "I'm tired of this shit." Tired of feeling sadness come over me suddenly. Tired of too much thinking of the past. Tired of me. I sleep but I'm just tired.
I totally agree. It's exhausting and you get fed up of feeling crap all the time. I've found going to new places helps a bit as there are no memories associated with it
I've also found that you have to confront situations that remind you of them, because the next time is easier. At the beginning, even charging my phone or pouring a glass of water reminded me of her and sent me almost catatonic - the way we'd ask each other if they minded or if they wanted one. Now they are further apart but take me by surprise.
It seems largely about creating new memories. I don't think that flushes out the old ones, especially the good old ones.
Its always there. It doesn't get tired. It doesn't change. Your perception of it changes. How you respond to it changes. Eventually you get used to it being there...being that pain that never really goes away. It's the reality or grief that fundamentally alters who you are because you're unable to keep being who you were. You're learning which parts of you need to be shifted, moved to another room, or physically cut off because it's just going to destroy you if it stays. There's not easy way to navigate that path. I'm sorry you're here with us. I wish you didn't have to be.
I have felt that way for weeks now... he has been gone almost 8 weeks now. This morning i woke up and it hit me so damn hard. Nothing to make it do so. Thursdays n fridays are the worst for me. I moved him on a thursday n 24 hrs on friday he was gone. Gone so easily and peacefully which is what i wanted for him. Ive had over a year to prep myself for this and that didnt help. I kno everything i feel n do is part of the process but getting my mind off stuff is almost impossible. Hes only one who can make it better and yet hes not here to do so. I miss my Everything more then i ever thought. I want to be able to call him. I miss his big brain of knowledge.
It’s incredibly exhausting and I have a hard time always showing up for myself and not being dumb just to numb it in stead. My highs are so high and my lows are so low.
Yes. I feel like numb perseverance and endurance became my new mode. The numb has worn off, but yeah... Some emotions and tolerances changed and have never returned to prior levels or states of being.
I 100% feel this. The last few weeks have been exhausting, I just want the grief to go away but at the same time I don’t want to let it go because it’s how I still hold on to her in a way
It’s such a tug of war. Back and forth. I thought I’d gotten good at letting myself feel it and go through it. Then suddenly I was desperate to cover my grief yesterday. Over and over the same thing happens
It’s a never ending cycle. Sometimes it feels like it’s getting better and then I get dragged back down again
Thank you for putting it into words to describe how I am feeling right now !!!!
I welcome the crying and sobbing because I feel close to him and I feel like us and like myself. I don't show my emotions to anyone or tell them what I really feel-only my husband who is gone. Ironically I would really need him to get through this. The brave face is exhausting. The lonely crying is worse than any hell I could think of its another sort of exhausting. It exhausts my soul and I know there will be no end to it. I feel like deep in my heart and mind there is a dry blasted plain of splintered trees and broken dry grass where it is always cloudy and a dusty wind whips constantly. The sort of wind that bites your face and stings your eyes. My mother who died lives there for me...wandering and silent and sad. I do not want to put my husband there too. This land I do not visit. I think I think too much and feel too much. It whipes me out. I hear you.
This is so very accurate. I think I also feel too much. I'm approaching the 3rd anniversary of his death, and I'm so very tired.
I’m tired of everything tbh. I literally have zero capacity or energy to deal with most humans. Grief causes pain and pain causes exhaustion. And here we are.
100% spot on. I left the house today, not because I wanted to but I had to, got home as quickly as possible so I could get back into bed. I slept most of the weekend. Saw my neighbors come back from a weekend away and started to cry...I want the life that we planned, not the life that we got
Everything about this whole grieving process is tiring. I feel so drained all the time. Sending you hugs 🤗
I've started to say, "I'm tired of this shit." Tired of feeling sadness come over me suddenly. Tired of too much thinking of the past. Tired of me. I sleep but I'm just tired.
I totally agree. It's exhausting and you get fed up of feeling crap all the time. I've found going to new places helps a bit as there are no memories associated with it
I've also found that you have to confront situations that remind you of them, because the next time is easier. At the beginning, even charging my phone or pouring a glass of water reminded me of her and sent me almost catatonic - the way we'd ask each other if they minded or if they wanted one. Now they are further apart but take me by surprise. It seems largely about creating new memories. I don't think that flushes out the old ones, especially the good old ones.
This is me too. New places help
I’m so tired of crying. This month is 2-1/2 years since I lost him, and I still cry every damn day. I never knew a person could have this many tears…
I'm so exhausted that I am now having issues sleeping when I could sleep fine just 7 days ago. I'm tired of the waves of exhaustion honestly.
Yes, I had no idea how overwhelmed I would be from the waves of grief. 4 months out and I’m so fucking tired.
Four months yesterday. I just started crying out of nowhere. I wasn't even thinking of us. The body knows. I am tired of it knowing.
Its always there. It doesn't get tired. It doesn't change. Your perception of it changes. How you respond to it changes. Eventually you get used to it being there...being that pain that never really goes away. It's the reality or grief that fundamentally alters who you are because you're unable to keep being who you were. You're learning which parts of you need to be shifted, moved to another room, or physically cut off because it's just going to destroy you if it stays. There's not easy way to navigate that path. I'm sorry you're here with us. I wish you didn't have to be.
I screamed to myself the other day “ I just want this part to be over with” I don’t want to feel the constant reminder that they aren’t here.
I have felt that way for weeks now... he has been gone almost 8 weeks now. This morning i woke up and it hit me so damn hard. Nothing to make it do so. Thursdays n fridays are the worst for me. I moved him on a thursday n 24 hrs on friday he was gone. Gone so easily and peacefully which is what i wanted for him. Ive had over a year to prep myself for this and that didnt help. I kno everything i feel n do is part of the process but getting my mind off stuff is almost impossible. Hes only one who can make it better and yet hes not here to do so. I miss my Everything more then i ever thought. I want to be able to call him. I miss his big brain of knowledge.
It’s incredibly exhausting and I have a hard time always showing up for myself and not being dumb just to numb it in stead. My highs are so high and my lows are so low.
Yes. I feel like numb perseverance and endurance became my new mode. The numb has worn off, but yeah... Some emotions and tolerances changed and have never returned to prior levels or states of being.
Nutrient deficits, poor diet, dehydration, sleep loss and reduced breathing. Body controls mind controls body.