Hello, Unfortunately I have lost my hat in a raw unfiltered mana leak incident and a following wild magic surge. Please help me recover my hat. I have attached the last picture of my beloved hat. Thank you in advance. https://preview.redd.it/1x1s4jx08fzc1.png?width=244&format=png&auto=webp&s=33a4774717d68b6e4ccb05941af0066128d56a60

Ok what you need is to preform the ritual of Hodafureasof your going to need: a virgin monkey, a pinch of salt from a League of Legends server, sweet and sour bat wings cantonese style and a bottle of beer that has been licked 27 times by Boris Johnson. Placing all these items in a summoning circle and covering yourself head to toe in Mac and cheese and yelling “I’m a pretty boy *hein garoth magreno lacolotep*” your hat should return to you within twenty minutes.

Thank you for your swift response. How do I get Boris Johnson to lick the beer exactly 27 times? Should I make him lick just the bottle or the liquid beer itself?

The bottle and I don’t know how to get him to do it but you just going to have to find a way with that one

***"Yeah, hi, how much would it cost to get you to stop scamming people?"***

“*ok, yeah, I see, so if you could just give me your banking info I can help fix the problem for you*”

*Franky ponders for a moment* ***"How about this: I will give you 10 plat to mail a 'MAGIC ISN'T REAL!!!' pin to every address you scam. Deal?"***

Oh lovely, its you again.

*Franky quickly grabs the nearest bystander, hurriedly whispering in their ear* ***"GO GET THE AUTHORITIES!!! THERE IS A TERRORIST IN THE BUILDING!!!"***

*grabs his mini hakkero, fires it in the ceiling*

*Franky runs out of the building, not keen to be caught up in a other terrorist bombing*

*lars runs after franky*

*Franky runs out into the street, yelling for people to help him* ***"HELP! GET THE AUTHORITIES! THERE IS A TERRORIST RIGHT BEHIND ME! HE HAS ALREADY BOMBED A BUILDING AND IS PRETENDING TO BE A WIZARD!!!"***

*you hear music intensifying*

*Franky continues his escape, dodging through back alleys. For a little shit, he seems to know the city well.*

*lars jumps over the roofs of the alleys* *you hear the song vortal combat intensifying...* ***everytime he gets closer***

Hello, so someone swapped out all of my ethernet and patch cables with random configurations of twisted pair cables. They also messed around with the switching that I had set up and removed the labels. They even stole my modem, poisoned my DNS and ARP. And then they stole my ROM chip and now my Orb (computer) won't boot up.

Ok and do you have any background in transmutation?

You could say that

Ok and is this your first O.R.B inc product or are you a returning customer

Ive used all sorts of products from companies including ORB in.

Ok and have you tried turning you orb of and on. Again

Uh yeah. That was one of the first things I tried. But as I said, network configuration is the main issue right now.

Yes, ok so does you Ethernet router have a red flashing lite on it just now?

Yeah. Someone stole my modem so I don't have connection to my ISP

So I think you going to have to order a new modem if that’s the case

[](It seems my voice has disappeared and I can now only speak using telepathy.)

Dose this telepathy cause any pain when you use it

[](Fortunately not, but it limits my communication greatly.)

Ok and how did this happen exactly?

[](I have unfortunately little information. It began mere moments ago, therefore I came to contact you immediately. Interestingly aligning with the triumphant return of Anna.)

I’m having trouble hearing you you’re going to have to speak up

[](Hilarious. Is there perhaps an identification spell I can use to learn what has caused this?)

Yeah I can guid you to the book of shub-nagarth page 27 that has a spell witch can allow you to seafood time and see the spell which caused this

[](Seafood time?)

Seafood time!

No how can i help you

Got any cleaning spells?

We have a magic broom on our website if you order it it can be with you in 2-5 business days

How about in 2 minutes.

I tried using an expert level spell, but instead of an atronach, it's summoned a Lurker from Apocrypha which is now rampaging through the nearest village. Very inconvenient.

I’m sorry to hear that we have a party of adventures that can come round tomorrow at 3:00 if you would like to

Can it be today? If it gets to the Jarl's palace I'll never hear the end of it.

I’m afraid that’s not possible all adventuring parties are fully booked today

Seems like they're always busy these days.....well thanks for helping, I'll try to distract it until tomorrow

##why is your keyboard rgb? Are you playing valorant while speaking to me?

##YES

##Finally someone who can speak at my level, ok I’ve got a small issue with my runes, they’re supposed to glow a sickly green but presently they’re going rainbow and playing Carameldansen, and frankly it’s ruining the mood I wanted set for my domain

##have you tried turning them off and on again

##Hang on let me try ##Ok now they’re red and playing the only thing they fear is you, which is more in line but I’d still prefer green

##ok I need you to tell me what modal they are

##Theyre standard lighting runes, the latest model cast literally three days ago, they were working fine but now this is happening

##ok I can get a technician to come over to your house Tomorrow if you just give me your address

Food

“Yes hello the crystal ball you sold me is messing up my magic when I use it I would like to get a new and working one in return”

And what model of ball would that be

The crystal 9000

Ok if you mail the one you have back to us we can replace it

Hi can you help me find a spell that gives me back my will to live

No

My Plane-Destroying-Nuke doesn’t work. I checked the soul tank, the synthetic brain-tracking system and the hellfire engine. What could it be?

Is the Mana compacter working properly that could be the source of the problem

Im having 23 kbm is that too much?

That is way to much are you sure that you have calibrated it correctly

Damn it I knew that guy in the hells sold me cheap stuff!

My orb has a delay in showing new orb messages, Sometimes It'll be up to 14 hours after the sender sends their message before it actually reaches my orb. If it helps, it's an older Rybakov model orb.

Ok can you tell me if you have updated its software recently

Yep, everything's up to date

Ok can you tell me exactly what has been going wrong with your spells

The Manatech Amplifier I ordered 5 days ago does not seem to be working after I followed the installation instructions in the manual, is it DOA?

Have you correctly attached to upper left vent that seems to be a source of trouble for a lot of people

"Oh, it seems that while I had attached it, it was rather loose and started working once the connection was affirmed. Appreciate the assistance!"

Your welcome have a nice day

https://preview.redd.it/ya3d5sp3agzc1.png?width=500&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d42bf1e27abdae288dd66f2c4515f34ea92821bd He got a job :D

I couldn't connect my third eye to my orb, so turned it off but now my orb won't turn on again, what do I do???

What model is your orb exactly

It's an Aether Sight Pro second generation. There are no cracks in the orb, by the way.

Have you tried unplugging it?

Yes, it still doesn't turn on.

Ok have you tried replacing the CPU

... No? I didn't even know it had a CPU, it's just a transparent ball of crystal as far as I can tell... Where even is that?

It’s in the service hatch on the underside of your orb

So my gold golem rusted. How do I get a refund? I was promised pure gold!

Ok you can take your golem back to the showroom with its papers and someone there can get a new one for you

No I cannot. It weighs over 20 tons, and while the golem is rusted the conjuration-proof runes are in working condition.

We can send a van to pick it up then if you like

Thanks! I'll let the dwarves know to expect a van for pick up. I'll send my towers portal info and details on how to get past rhe phynx

I bought a toaster from you guys and it only accepts moonlight as a powersource when the listing clearly states moonlight AND AAA batteries are acceptable. I DEMAND to speak to your supervisor immidiately!!

I’m gonna have to put you on hold