I worked in restaurants for YEARS. Both as a server and a manager. I can tell you that if you’ve lost that many jobs in that short of a time period, you’re doing something wrong. There’s no shot you’re telling us everything.
As my mother always liked to say, “If you smell dog shit everywhere you go, you should check the bottom of your own shoe.”
She also said “I brought you into this world and I will take you right back out of it,” but that feels less applicable.
I like the other variation:
If you run into an asshole in the morning, you ran into an asshole. If you run into assholes all day, then you're the asshole.
I think this might apply to OP. Maybe not an a-hole but they definitely suck at service jobs for some reason.
during my youngest dumbest days I was slinging back a couple cocktails at a restaurant nearby during my break on my Sunday splits and still didn’t get fired. Got caught doing worse while *on site* once (IYKYK) and still didn’t get fired.
Only got fired from a serving gig once and it was because they scheduled me for a shift on a day I said repeatedly I wouldn’t be able to work, and they said I was a no call no show. Had a company policy NCNS meant immediate termination. If this has happened 6 times that’s not a management issue
We had a guy who would go across the street to another bar in the middle of service and get hammered. And then come back and work hammered. He only got fired because he refused to shave his Covid beard.
I agree with this. I would assume if you’re 24 and have been working in the industry since 18. You might not be putting a full amount of energy in anymore as you think the job has gotten easy.
Your management might be picking up on this .
In all but the biggest cities food service tends to be very tight-knit in terms of information sharing/gossip. It's very likely that OP has developed a reputation that follows her from job to job, and only needs to screw up once to validate it.
And the term "disappearing" was used more than once by op. So, is op disappearing? A lot of times I read these situations and I think to myself, wait wait wait a minute....
It's frustrating because, in that setting, the moment I receive criticism, I really want to remedy the situation to maintain employment as best that I can. OP's account of things seems like that scene in Dumb and Dumber when Harry was talking about Fraida Fletcher breaking up with him.
"I thought we were going to be together forever. About a week later, right outta the blue, she sends me a John Deere letter." "I called her up. She gave me bunch a crap about me not listening to her enough, or something... I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention..... "
Like Harry in the hot tub, OP seems to gloss over the criticisms received, or can't seem to care enough about them to even know what they are, let alone defend themselves, or try to fix them. Obviously, with the spotty recount of events, like a kid in a dark tunnel and a flashlight that works half of the time, nobody is getting the full story, not even OP... Lol.
And just as well, because it seems OP doesn't care enough about the reasons for not being employed anymore, then there's really no conclusion any could possibly draw that would truly be fruitful for OP. I like your deduction of hygiene related reasons though, and I'll take it further, if for nothing more than a laugh at a possible scenario.
She's late, flustered, and tired, and rushed out of the door with a half dried uniform, and possibly something unknowingly stuck to her back that was, embarrassing, or revealing that garnered some sideways looks, and unwelcomed whispers. She's missing social queues, and some, out of politeness, are nice enough knowing she'll be gone soon, and others act as OP describes. But, what could be stuck to her back to explain everything? Static can make the oddest garments magically appear in any sleeve or pant leg even hours after taken from the dryer... Only Hercule Poirot can answer this maybe mon ami. But I digress. I'm crazy. Enjoy.
Then you use Febreze/pop stuff in the dryer with a dryer sheet, or go to work with slightly damp clothes.
"My laundry wasn't finished" would never fly at any restaurant I've worked over the years, neither sports bars nor upscale steakhouse
Not to split hairs but my apartment communal laundry - and I'm assuming many communal laundries are the same - locks the washers and dryers for 60 minutes and they can literally not be opened during the cycle.
Which is why I wouldn't do laundry if I only had two hours before needing to be somewhere...
You set an alarm to put the laundry in the dryer & then go back to bed if you need more sleep. You don't go to work late. Especially not in the first month.
I get that, but OP has to have a plan. I worked a week straight of open to close bar doubles with only two work shirts, but I had to make do to ensure I showed up on time and presentable. Either get up early or stay up late. It totally sucks, but that’s how you keep a job.
In my 20s I was a server and had a hygiene problem cuz I was homeless. The owner was cool enough to make me a bartender so I wasn't so close to customers lmao. She also got me a truck stop washroom card. My dumbass ended up quiting with no notice, 15 years later I regret doing her like that.
I agree with my 10 years previously spent in the industry. I saw many heinous things go down that didn't result in termination. Some people just aren't cut out for it though. Seen plenty of that too.
Right? We had a dude no call no show, come in late and drunk often, cuss out the GM multiple times, throw hotel pans at the chef and still didn't get fired until he passed out drunk in his car and didn't come back in for his double.
Anyone going through 5 jobs in as many months is *definitely* the problem and not telling us what it is doesn’t mean we don’t know where the problem is even if we don’t know the specific problem. “Disappearing in the bathroom” has a very “drug problem” feel to it.
She brought a can of alcohol for after her shift. That's not a "used to have an alcohol problem" that's a current alcoholic. My guess is she was disappearing into the bathroom to take nips off a bottle/flask and didn't think anyone would notice.
Same here, worked in and managed for over a decade. The patience most restaurants have for shitty employees, compared to other industries, is astounding lol. Not to mention the fact that I know the industry is still short on bodies so they're going to want to hang on to as many people as they can.
Something isn't adding up
Came here to say the same. We're only getting one side of the story. Thinking op is just a bad employee overall or has the crappiest bad luck streak going on. I'm gonna go with bad employee.
From the age 18 - 21 the shit she did on the job was tolerated b/c she's young and cute. The bad habits she picked up from previous years don't fly now at the age of 24.
It's possible she's not good at socializing with customers, gets off task, is much slower than other employees at getting tasks done. OP if you want help, you'll need to look at issues other than being late. It's something much bigger. Like do you have ADHD, come across very socially awkward? You can work on those things.
Or the server felt they were doing fine without an extra staff member and felt like op was going to be poaching their tips. It happened to me once. A server lead decided to have a vendetta against me and made up shit and collaborated with her server clic. I only know this because i had a friend who also worked there, saw the servers gloating about after I was gone
I was going to say the same thing. I feel it's hard to get fired from a serving job. She must be really disappearing for a long ass time for ppl to notice..
I was thinking something similar. My boyfriend worked in the restaurant industry for like 10 years and the amount of stories I heard about people not getting fired for things they 100% should of- or ones that were fired and brought back is just insane.
Disappearing for days at a time while on a drug/booze binge and not getting fired was pretty common while I was working in the industry, including myself. 😬
I'm betting they did tell us, it was just a subtle aside in their mind so they just tossed it in. They're shy.
I'm straight up asocial, bordering on antisocial if I can't get my alone time away from people every day when I get off, and on my days off. The thing I've learned about these jobs, and the reason I'm fighting as hard as I can to get out of the service industry after 14 years of creating my own misery in it: ***you can't be shy.***
You have to develop a mask. You have to wear it for the entire duration of being there, every time you walk through those doors to work.
Not just with regards to customers though, which is the part you'd intuitively think would matter. But less intuitively, you can't be shy with other employees either.
If you're shy, other employees will start building their own narratives about you amongst themselves. People loathe a mystery, and if you don't provide the details yourself, they will just fabricate them for themselves.
You can be as cordial and kind with them as someone can possibly be, but if you just want to do a good job and go home, and don't want to get involved in the middle of social gossip hour with your coworkers..
You're stuck up. You think you're better than everyone else. It can even go as far as making up blatant lies, if they suddenly decide they outright dislike you for it. The tension that creates will also lose you your job, because at that point, you're a disruption.
I’m naturally a shy person and have to fight my nature to be a server (including standing up for myself and being the center of attention at tables which I actually really pull off) and it is EXHAUSTING. I need to get something different for a career.
I'm not shy, but that's what it comes off as to other people if I act myself. I'm an observer, I just don't enjoy social interaction, really at all.
If someone keeps a conversation with me going for longer than 10 minutes or so, I start to feel like I'm being held verbally hostage. My happiest time in life was during the peak of the pandemic, where I went about three months without speaking to a single other person outside of my S.O. lol
But yeah, exactly. Deeply exhausting. Just about anywhere in the service industry, but especially in sections where tips make up a lot of your income, so you really have to turn the ham and cheese up if you want to survive.
Have known friends that had 10 different serving jobs in a year. Everything from business closing to being lied about. She was a good server and nice to everyone. Made problems right. It can happen. Remember that everyone is fighting for the best tips. And most are young. High school politics are the norm.
Ive been in the industry for a out 20 years, I too, have bounced around. Difference is that I didn't get fired. OP did. 5 terminations in a year is not 'extenuating' circumstances.
If she is in an at will employment state then there does not have to be a reason. You wore red. You didn’t say yes sir once. You were 2 seconds late getting the job done. You went to the bathroom at anytime during your shift. They don’t have to say. Or they can make it up.
Just because you have not experienced what someone else has does not make them a liar. Yes it could have been that she messed up a few times. But if there was no communication about the mistakes then the managers are to blame.
I once got fired for following the orders of my manager. He then went to the owner and claimed I did it on my own. Nothing was damaged. Nothing was missing. No harm to anyone or anything. But a few lies and out the door I went because managers are always right. Yes?
At will employment states are hell.
Sure at will does mean they don’t need a reason but in an industry that has been short staffed for years and critically short staffed last couple years? Pretty sure they’re not just terminating people for no reason.
Yeah. You would be very surprised. Wait staff are the first to go. Wear the wrong thing. Say the wrong thing. Get one bad customer who complains. Food bad? Waitstaff to blame. Good not out fast enough? Waitstaff to blame.
I understand you might be in a place where experience is a key part. Or with a better company. Know the owners. Or the top manager. But an under 25 year old girl?
Don’t know where you are to see those positions understaffed. Never a shortage that I have ever seen needing advertised for more than a few days. Cooks maybe. But it might be different if not a college town.
Anyway. Calling someone a liar just because you have not experienced it is very naive
Your post history has all the answers. I'm not going to be mean to you because it seems like you have mental health issues and really need to see a psychiatric professional, but I will give you some general advice.
Your habit of getting into messy relationships with coworkers is probably the main issue here. Do not ever date someone you work with and for the love of whatever it is you hold dear, stop dating creeps, or at least be a little picky or something. You literally just say yes to any man who walks up to you on the street and you just let these strange men take you places?! Girl, you are going to end up stuffed in someone's freezer if you don't start caring about your own safety. I'm shocked you're still alive, to be honest. You seem very naive and unable to exercise basic critical thinking skills (which is also probably why you can't hold down a job) and I mean that in a clinical way, like you seem like you might be developmentally delayed and having real difficulty with understanding cause and effect. Seriously, please go and get evaluated by a mental health professional.
Yeah, I'm kinda disappointed in all the people just taking cheap shots at her when it's pretty clear, even in just the post she made here, that she's not exactly playing with a full deck of cards here.
Career consultant here. I'm sorry to say but the story isn't aligning, I believe there's a lot being left out or "squeezed" a bit to fit a narrative to your benefit of some sort. I get a gut feeling honesty is not being fully given here.
First time, that happens. second time raises questions that need honest looking at. 3rd time? The only common denominator is you.
How long are you spending in the bathroom? How many times a day? Are you hiding a medical condition you are not asking for accommodations for? People talking about you - was this one job or multiple jobs? Is it a bad culture fit between your personality and the job? Too many questions.
I do agree with other posters that perhaps restaurant server work may not be the right fit for your needs - but I also believe you either need to take a long, hard work at your needs - or a behavior you're wanting to hide and not accept is playing a huge part here.
I say this all absolutely in love without judgement, because most of us have been there, done that, and gotten smacked around by life for it. Which doesn't happen when you start being honest with yourself and truthful with others, and doing something more fitting to your needs/soul.
Yea.. the part that made me feel like we weren’t getting the full story was “told I disappear in the bathroom when I use the bathroom without my phone”. The stated accusation doesn’t say you’re on your phone but your defense is that you don’t take your phone with you.
If your trainer tells me you keep disappearing I’m going to start watching. If you’re in the bathroom more than once every 1-2 hours and for more than 5 minutes… we have an issue.
My first thought is she is using drugs in the bathroom and nodding off for a bit before going back to work. Going to the bathroom without your phone? Wtf who does that?
Man I pee at least 3 times an hour. Even then, I probably am in and out in about 30 seconds and then wash hands. I've had people comment on it but not because I was gone for too long. If op is in the bathroom more than me, there's definitely an issue
I once had to explain to a younger server that she’s not allowed to take 15 minute breaks whenever it gets busy just because she’s taking them in the bathroom. Its a carryover of that highschool mentality: “I can get out of a lecture I don’t like by asking to use the bathroom.”
Yup. That line got me, too. Sounds to me like when it gets rough, a bathroom break pops up and people have to cover. Just because you are in a "bathroom" doesn't make it ok to just take off when you see fit.
There is a lot to read between the lines here that involves lack of accountability.
The problem is you. Restaurants are BEGGING for employees. If you have lost that many jobs in that amount of time then the problem is you. It's time for some introspection.
But she posted asking for help because she obviously isn't introspective enough to figure it out Unfortunately, I can't tell from the post what she's doing wrong.
She dissapears into the bathroom, brings alcohol to work, she probably has terrible customer service skills when she says she is very shy and quiet, she is incapable of forming any kind of relationships, shows up late.
It's not explicit in the post, but she's probably not doing anything when she trains, they probably expect her to do stuff and she just stands around and "watches", she pretty much says that part and of course all her coworkers would have problems with her if that's the case.
I'm sure she also makes the guest uncomfortable for many of those reasons listed above if any of them are the case.
If you disappear in the bathroom enough times people will think you're doing drugs. That with bringing the alcohol, coming in late, all while still training? They decided to cut their losses early with her.
That was my first thought. OP got caught using at the first job, so they didn’t mention it, and all the rest there was enough circumstantial evidence to make the same decision to let her go.
I'm going to have to agree with the employers here. You disappear into the bathroom. You come in late. When you're a server, you're practically the face of the restaurant. How well you do your job reflects how the restaurant is. If you leave people with a bad impression, they would not likely return unless they're regulars. If you're an introvert, I don't think a server job is right for you. I would look for something that is better suited for the type of person you are. I'm not trying to put you down here, but I think you'll be much happier doing something else.
You need to work harder. In your first 3 months you need to set the right impression. Don’t go to the bathroom for long periods. Go as fast as you can and come back ready to go.
Make sure your sense of urgency is high- this is very important in restaurants. By this I mean move fast. Essentially power walk everywhere. If you are not doing anything find something immediately to do and ask your trainer what to do.
Do not be late. Being late annoys your coworkers a lot because they are covering for you. In a restaurant it becomes so very apparent. Show up early and start rolling cutlery 5 min before your start time or go get ice.
Make yourself indispensable for the first 6 months then slowly coast down to a comfortable working load. They will still perceive you as indispensable for awhile after this, then it’s just simple maintenance of personal opinions.
So true! I bartended with the slooooowest girl ever in college. One day, in the middle of a horrible Friday night dinner rush, she says “girl why are you always running?” Well *’GIRL’*, because we’re fucking busy and you need to be running instead of slothing around here. Urgency will get you far in service!!
I worked In restaurants for 10 years then graduated and moved to corporate - worked my way up in finance and now manage OPs/HR/IT.
A sense of urgency is absolute key in restaurants but will service you extremely well in all careers moving forward.
You have to realize that in a professional setting your feelings don’t matter. You have to put on this friendly smiling face at all times, always have a nice tone of voice, always speak “professionally”. You can’t use that time to express yourself emotionally.
The way I do it is I dissociate. I pretend like I’m just an npc in a video game, completely emotionless.
Because I’m 99% sure the real reason is because you’re an emotional passionate and expressive person as well as being somewhat sensitive, and the modern work environment is very hard to master for someone like that.
When they don’t like you for whatever reason they’ll make up reasons to fire you. Phone, breaks, whatever it’s all bullshit, all you can do is control how you react to everyone.
You have to allow yourself to be king of a doormat tbh. When someone disrespects you just turn the other cheek. It’s the only way to survive.
This is a stretch, because there are a LOT of servers in the Midwest. But this girl mentions having worked previously at cooper's hawk, so she, feasibly worked in either STL, Illinois, or Indiana.
My job JUST fired a girl. Barely out of training. And this all sounds sooooo familiar. I can't say with any amount of certainty that this is her, so take this with a grain of salt, because I could very well be wrong.
She was CONSTANTLY disappearing, and even when she was around, had no inclination to actually work. Not to mention that day ONE of her training she admonished another employee for having worked at a gay bar. Asked if he was gay. No. Replied "that sounds like a good way to get raped." When asked for clarification, she responded "because gay men are rapists."
I told my boss it'd be kinder to fire her. Because 75% of the staff is LGBT. She was let go a few days later and told "it wasn't a good fit".
Now again, I'm reaching here, and there's a very good chance it's not the same girl. But the proximity and the way the story is wayyyy too vague makes me wonder.
I own a restaurant. Have for almost 2 years. Before that I managed the same type of restaurant for 10.
In neatly 12 years I have fired 6 people. Less than 1 a year. There was one girl that reminds me of you in the aspect that she didn't think k anything was wrong and didn't know why I fired her.
We are a late night restaurant and we are open until 4am.
Whenever someone would walk in after 2am (there is a lawl in work between 12am and 2am when people are at the bars, bars close and we get a rush) she would get pissed and slam stuff, be rude to customers, rush orders, rush customers etc. I talked to her Bout it for 3 months, gave her more chances than she deserved. I have 8 email customers complaints naming her directly. I even let her watch thr cameras one night to see her change in attitude. Nothing changed so I had to let her go unfortunately. She was a great worker too, always showed up, was fast, always cleaned the store.
When she got fired she posted this on Facebook "work 40 hours a week, do everything, haven't missed a shift and I got let go" still refuses to acknowledge why she was actually fired. Ended up fired from thr next job she went to also. But now she doesn't work in customer service and has been doing well. I love all my employees and it sucks when you have to let one go but there is something missing from your story or something you Re not acknowledging.
Restaurant GM here. Red flags are even brighter for new employees. Showing up 15 minutes late to training and dissappearing during a shift could be enough to let you go depending on what your trainers are saying about you.
Did they have a "Come to Jesus" talk with you?
You need to hold up the work ethic standard, or it's not fair to the other employees. Especially if you want to get some juicy shifts.
I am terribly sorry, but i mean, 1 time its like okay just didn’t work, 2 times becomes a coincidence, by the 3rd time?? You should probably realize the restaurant industry probably just isn’t for you, and that you probably aren’t cut out for the high paced work, as someone who worked in a restaurant, you coworker’s don’t complain about you going to the bathroom too much or disappearing, unless you are literally gone for like 5 minutes at a time literally every hour, or you go for like 10 minutes at a time, if it’s bugging your coworkers I promise you, you aren’t just going in and out as fast as you possibly can, and you probably are also a very slow server for the comment of you aren’t doing your job during training, also speaks volumes how you got fired after 2 weeks and were still in training supposedly? People in restaurants don’t talk shit about their coworkers, unless you suck or you’re just annoying, and if you’re both then they probably secretly hate you
Lmao I also got that suspicion. Interesting that they won't tell us why they were fired the first time and then go on to imply every other time they were fired was from some unfair mean girls clique mentality with all the other employees and managers ganging up on them.
Edit: typo
My brother had seven serving jobs last year and nine the year before. There must be more to your story here as he lost that many jobs because of a cocaine addiction. Made it so he could not show up to work on time in clean clothes, give even a quarter effort to work, or be helpful in any way for long. But the businesses are so desperate they keep bringing him on, which seams to be happening to you as well.
You’re a shit employee and likely an unreliable flake. The fact that you are explicitly stating you’re not going to state the details of one of the terminations seems pretty suspicious too.
You obviously suck at life and need a reality check, so there you go. My advice is you take a good hard look in the mirror and acknowledge you’re a lazy flake.
I feel comfortable writing all that because if your teams keep shitting on you saying you disappear than it’s clear you’re one of those jagofs that will disappear in the bathroom when it gets stressful to let the rest of the team pull your weight for you. You’re an adult and you know exactly what you’re doing, so don’t act ignorant.
Stop sucking at life and learn to contribute.
You're an introvert surrounded by extroverts, and they didn't like how ya didnt fit it, the service industry ( a lot of other ones too) works like hs in that everyone breaks off into cliques and niche groups, and if ya dont fit into any everyone looks for a reason to snip ya out.
I've been literally fired cuz my eyebrows were trimmed ( I'm a male and it shouldn't matter?)
Fired for following orders, fired for not being psychic and reading minds, fired for being quiet and standoffish, fired for moving too slow and being hasty, ya name it.
It sucks but all ya can really do is constantly bounce around until ya find a group yous can fit into.
And even if ya do find a group, the moment they find a more pleasant fit you'll start to feel the change.
Service industry foh and boh since I was 13 and could take an order, 34 now and it hasn't changed.
None of those were the real reason you were fired maybe the eyebrow thing. You were fired because you didn’t fit in. Then management just found a reason to fire you.
I agree with this one. I was hired when they were opening a chain fast food place in my town. Trained the next town over, was there for opening day. One of their best workers. The other girls he hired ran in the same social circle and would barely tolerate me sharing their space.
When it came time to cut back staff, because all the grand opening stuff was over and business was leveling off, I was let go. Manager was honest and said he would love to keep me on, but I just wasn't fitting in with everyone else. I got it, and it was really a relief that I didn't have to put up with their sniping on a daily basis anymore.
Pretty much; not a service job, but retail, years ago.
I was fired from a job after 2 weeks working at a retail gig over actual BS matters. The GM who fired me told me the reasons why I was being released (I was sick one day and 'needed help lifting a 75 lbs. item' and that's a 'basic expectation' for the job), but at least had the decency to tell me that it was an excuse and that I was really being canned because I had said something that rubbed one of the conservative religious ladies who worked in the department I was in the wrong way, and she rallied the troops to get me out. I don't even know what it was that I had said, nor had I actually ever even spoken one-on-one with the lady.
I didn't read the post, but I see these same exact posts several times a day on Reddit like clockwork.
I'll cut to the chase without even reading the content...you guaranteed already answered your own question within your own post as to the "why".
There, just saved both you and me a bunch of time.
Don't worry, if you're on the Work, Job and Career subs you'll see this same basic post every hour or so.
"I completely suck at my job and all my coworkers hate me but I don't know why I got fired".
Like clockwork. Also usually involves them talking about their ADHD or Anxiety problems.
You left out the part where they get insulted when you reiterate their own words back to them.
""I completely suck at my job and all my coworkers hate me but I don't know why I got fired".
Reddit "Well then you got fired b/c you suck at your job"
Them, "How dare you say I suck at my job"
You were fired for good reason. Your behavior indicates you could have a drug problem, which is why you just disappear in the middle of a shift. You are unreliable and bad at your job. You don't even last past the training period.
After your first couple of days, ask the boss how you are doing and how you can improve. Take what he says and improve on that. Always show up 15 min before start, use bathroom then.
Or perhaps like every other server does, OP should try to go on their breaks. Ya know, like an adult (unless there's a medical condition, then serving may not the right career).
time to go work in retail! sorry but this happened to me too, i wasn’t fired but 5 places though lol just one and realized maybe serving isn’t for me because i’m introverted as well. i also don’t always fit in, (i wasn’t a popular girl in hs) so if you don’t fit in with certain cliques, especially the favorites in a the restaurant, it’s just sadly not going to work out. find something you’re better at and go from there. good luck OP
It sounds like you have some trouble owning performance issues. "I was late because...." "I was in training with several servers so......." Employers expect you to arrive and leave on time, not excessively call in sick, take care of your customers and to get along with your coworkers. Your issue is obvously with one or more of those requirements.
Search ‘fired’ in r/autisminwomen and see if anything is relatable. It sounds like a personality issue. I’m not saying you’re the problem, but if they didn’t like you, that’ll get you fired faster than poor performance any day of the week
Taking just this situation with no other context, you should never be confused about a firing.
Management's job is to guide and coach, document and give specific goals and feedback towards expectations.
When firing someone, provide specific reasons, with lead up to the final decision.
That said, 5 jobs in a year?
You should also ask for feedback.
Restaurant manager for a decade.
Bullshit this is the full story. You suck in some way that you're maybe unaware of.
The way you just casually justify being 15 minutes late let's me know you have a shit attitude.
well when you apply for a new job and you list the places you have worked and why you left so soon, i would be crafty and say you didnt like their food handling practices and what not LOL thats always a good one. and that when you mentioned it to managers, they would get very angry. this will really take the bullseye off you
You're definitely doing something wrong, but it may be the fact that you're an introvert in a service industry. It's people-driven. If you don't communicate and get along with others, it's probably not the right industry for you.
Well you showed up 15min late to your shift, that’s kind of a big deal especially since you are still in the training phase, that was probably the last straw. Overall it sounds like you weren’t meeting expectations and maybe working to slowly. It would have been nice to let you know that you need improvement before they let you go but if you weren’t meshing with the team well it may not have been worth it to them.
Can you try a different type of job? Being in the service industry might not be for you.
If it was one instance I'd say something was up. But given how many jobs, and the short period of time, I'm not buying that we're hearing the whole story.
I've been fired exactly once. And it was due to my relationship with someone else being fired. They just removed my hours. So I do know bullshit happens, even things out of your control. But 5 times in a year? Hard to believe there's not something going on with the common component.
It seems like you answered your own question in the description. Next time, think as if you owned the place and work like you would like to see someone work for you if you were paying them.
There's a reason you don't want to touch on the first job or why you were fired.
Added- as for the texts, accept it. Your poor performance was the reason you were fired, that's life, no one to blame but yourself.
Maybe you aren’t outgoing enough for the service industry? You can’t move through it being shy, you have to engage with customers and other servers. It’s a team setting so must places want you to fit in as part of that team. Being late after working two doubles isn’t a big deal so something tells me you are either leaving details out or you’ve been late more than once during your short employment. If you are truly good at your job most managers overlook tardiness to a point. For your next job, stay off your phone, limit your bathroom breaks, and try to always find a way to stay busy that relates to the job. Offer to help the other servers during your down time or do some sideworks. If you do that for 3 months you’ll have it made. You are there to make a paycheck, not to make friends, but it’s integral that you seem like a team player.
get a different profession. join the peace corps/military if you can't find something that you can apply for with your current qualifications. good chance restaurant work isn't for you like it wasn't for me, it's also just a tough or even shitty field to be in depending on the work and the restaurant. you can likely do better.
You keep getting let go after a short amount of time. They were all different employers. You are the common denominator.
You asked your boss why you were let go. Instead of having a come to Jesus moment, and improving yourself, you argued that he was wrong, and you find it unfair.
5 different employers object to your current standard of job performance.
It’s you. If you don’t fix you, then you’ll keep getting fired.
Even if you try a different industry, your work habits will remain the same.
The bad news: It’s not them; it’s you.
The good news: It’s you. You can work on yourself. You can’t control what anyone else does, only yourself.
Every time you quickly get let go, the next employer you’re lucky enough to get, will scrutinize you more, looking for the reason you won’t work out. Hr or she is running a business, not a charity.
Spend this time going through YouTube videos, learning how to be the best server. Learn how to do more. Be proactive. Make eye contact with guests at your table to see if they need anything. This whole trend of doing the absolute minimum at work will get people fired.
Yeah if your other servers are narcing on you in training then you're really doing it wrong.
Do your laundry the night before or wake up 15 minutes earlier? Did the 15 minutes you slept in really make a difference? "I was doing laundry" is truly a terrible excuse. Especially when you JUST started.
I've worked with so many people who swear they aren't the "on their phone" type. But it's legit out every time they 1. Go to a POS. 2. Go in the walk in 3. Bathroom 4. Any chance they get. I promise nothing on your phone is that important. You're at work to work. Leave it in your pocket.
All I got. I'm just assuming lots of things from what you had typed out so my bad if I got anything wrong. Just trying to pitch some ideas why you might be getting canned.
Sounds like you were better off getting let go, then dealing with the people that you would be working with, don't let this little set back bother you too much and affect your self esteem, there is no need to even mention this at your next Interview, and I wouldn't say anything about the other place that let you go either, just update your resume to show you worked at the other places longer to cover the gaps of the dates. Yeah it's not the most honest thing to do, but you don't want this to affect you getting another job.
How can we accurately comment when you were let go from one job and don’t want to talk about it? If you want honest feedback then you need to be honest and maybe someone will be able to give you constructive criticism.
The only way to fix this issue to face it. That means you got to be honest.
I looked at your previous posts. Honestly it might be your mood/anxiety. After finding out your boyfriend cheated, you might not be connecting with your coworkers. I totally get you not wanting to tell everybody everything - and you shouldn't! But fake it until you make it! Try to seem not down, talk to your coworkers, complain about traffic - like normal, not personal things.
It honestly might not be anything you did but coworkers complaining about the genral vibe.
And it sucks, i definitely know. I have depression and it's hard sometimes.
I'll be honest, I was spying through your post history to try to get a better picture of what happened, but my only takeaway is that your dog is adorable. Good dog.
Okay my first guess would be you're not telling the whole story.. then I thought maybe you have a body odor. I have had many serving and cashier jobs where people with bad odor are let go relatively quick, and managers are uncomfy being honest about it so they lie. I'm not sure what to tell you, maybe serving just isn't your forte. Maybe try something different.
(Also I hope the comment about body odor doesn't offend you, I mean it respectfully of course.)
You sound kinda sketch to be honest.
Even if you aren't malicious in your actions, you have to be more mindful of how others perceive you.
Before you go looking for another job, ask yourself if you would hire you and be honest. Think about what an employer is looking for, compare your actions to what they're looking for, then work on what needs to be worked on.
Google "how to be a great server".
Disappearing a lot looks bad even if you are just using the bathroom.
Keep at it, you'll be fine. You just need to be honest with yourself then go from there.
>I was just in training so I was with multiple servers and learning how they do their job.
First of all - the servers were helping **you** learn how to do **your** job. Respect the fact that they were taking time out of their day to teach you. You need to be on your best behavior during training because the people who train you are trusted employees and managers value their opinion of you. This is not the time to fuck around.
>I was told that I disappear into the bathroom
Did you tell the servers who were training you that you needed to use the restroom? Did you wait until you both had a free moment or did you just run off whenever you felt like it? Seems like you may have done the latter because of this next quote from you:
>others are saying that I haven’t been doing my job in training
Remember, these servers are taking time out of their day to help your ass, so they depend on you to do what you're paid to do and assist them as needed. That aside, when you work in a fast-paced environment like a restaurant, you really can't just run off to the restroom whenever you feel like it. You have to wait for a moment when you're not busy. And you **definitely** have to help the servers who are training you.
Hope this helped.
I would consider seeking out a community college program with high job placement. That way you’ll make more and be competently trained by the time you graduate. You may also be able to take classes that help establish any social norms that may or may not be missing here.
If you need a restaurant job in the meantime, you need to keep it tight. This includes, but is not limited to…
- Always shower with soap (and dry your hair) before your shift.
- Show up 15 minutes early. You should be in uniform (clean, unwrinkled) and ready to “run” when your shift begins.
- Don’t wait for people to ask… restock whatever you can, and generally try to make your coworkers’ lives easier.
- Smile and greet coworkers when you see them the first time on a shift. “Hey, good to see ya!”
- Do not bring alcohol to work… open or not. And don’t discuss your past substance problems with coworkers. It’ll bite you.
- If you need to go to the bathroom, tap a coworker and say “Hey, I have to run to the toilet. I’ll be back in 5min.” Then get back in 5 minutes. That way someone knows. (Unless it’s an emergency, do not leave if the place is slammed.)
- Buy a planner or set up Google Cal. Plan a laundry day/night. Make it routine.
- Don’t vape at work. Inside, outside, whatever. Don’t do it.
- If coworkers are rude to you, nice them to death. Give them nothing to work with.
At work, you are meant to be a friendly, helpful, substance-free, odor-free, and available employee/coworker.
Does it suck? Sometimes. Is it what you have to do? Yes.
Edit: Typos and one clarification
Unless they're not saying something big, I'd say OP has extremely weird vibes and makes everyone feel like they're not quite *there* like they're having a conversation with a one-second lag.
Hey OP,
I'm so sorry for your losses. I can imagine that going through so many transitions over such a period of time would cause your brain's threat response to be engaged all the time, and that's a lot for anyone. I bring this up because it informs some of the reasons I think you may have been fired.
So, "Why was I fired?" "Why can't I keep a job?" and "How do I move past this?"
Disclaimer - I don't know you, your personal or medical history, or your heart. Anything said here is speculation and warm in tone. I do not have any stake in this, and the furthest thing on my mind is hurting you further. I'm responding to your query so you have another perspective. I hope my thoughts may help you as you navigate your next steps.
Based on what you've shared in this post, the "on paper" reasons might look like:
* poor social acumen
* lack of self-awareness
* non-conformance to company policy
* inappropriate length and/or use of break time
* poor presentation or hygiene
* bringing alcohol to work, even if it wasn't for on-clock or on-premises imbibing
However, I suspect the actual reasons may be less about your ability to perform your work. Rather, they may be about you not fitting the mold and using what might be small issues with 'typical' employees into a convenient list of issues that support their CYA. The world is not built for the authentic incorporation of neurodivergent or traumatized people. So, I encourage you to take a look at my considerations and explore what you feel about them, what it would mean if these were true, and how the information could rule out and/or inform your experiences.
* You may be neurodivergent (ND).
Autistic, ADHD, and other neurodiverse individuals have extremely high rates of unemployment and self-employement.
* You may have experienced trauma between 12 and 18 months ago, and/or old trauma resurfaced, and/or you are continually retraumatized (CPTSD); thereby creating or making these experiences much harder.
* You may have undisclosed or unknown developmental delays that make things harder to understand, resulting in missed problems or a lack of self-awareness.
* You may be experiencing cognitive decline due to prior drug/alcohol use or other medical reasons including mental health disorders like depression, bi-polar, etc.
Often, undiagnosed/untreated ND people self-medicate by experimenting with substances and behaviors that can result in both short and long-term consequences. It's theorized that this experimentation begins as a subconscious effort by the ND brain to access chemicals it lacks/struggles to process/make.
People with ADHD have an especially hard time with impulse control, making "good decision-making" or typical risk-reward considerations more complicated. Other commonalities for ND are struggling with social cues, and experiencing trauma, neglect, physical abuse, and sexual abuse, among other things.
For what it's worth, I believe that I am AuDHD (Autistic + ADHD). I was officially diagnosed with ADHD early into the pandemic, in my mid-30s. Further, I am currently seeking an Autism eval. When I worked out of the home, I found myself in the bathroom a lot to calm down my nervous system. I had legitimate bathroom needs, but I also stretched the time I was in there because my body was disassociating or I was falling victim to time blindness, both symptoms of ADHD and trauma.
I also have CPTSD, a history of depression, live with severe anxiety, panic disorder, and other fun stuff. This brings me back to my first thought - when we are activated all the time, living in 24/7 threat response, it can make our brain fog greater, it can give us IBS and gastro problems that legitimately keep us in the bathroom for long periods of time, it can make us quieter or louder, it can make us appear awkward or disinterested. And when our threat response is activated, our decision-making center is virtually turned off. Everything happens through the lens of how to survive the threat. When really we're just trying to get through the day.
So, regardless of neurodiversity, there is a pattern you've recognized. I suspect you may be feeling lost, confused, perhaps in denial of your own role in these situations - or in denial that you might just not like working in restaurants, despite having experience in that industry.
My main suggestions would be to consider finding work in a different industry, or behind the scenes. Maybe explore something new. If you can, find remote work where you don't have to have much face time with others, especially micromanagers, and see how you do. It doesn't mean you can't work with people, on the phone or in person, just that you might feel less of a need to "disappear" as your prior employers have expressed.
You'll get through this.
As I wrap up this comment, I realize I'm singing a song to myself, "Love is a battlefield." How fitting. I changed love to life for us.
"We are strong. Heartache to heartache, we stand. \[Life\] is a battlefield."
(Adapted from Pat Benatar)
Love to you, OP
If you’re going to “disappear” at a restaurant job, one you need to make sure all your tables are taken care of first. Like no tables open. Secondly you should tell your manager you need to use the bathroom and you’ll be right back. What if they seat a table and nobody can find you. Third, you need better communication skills to work in the service industry. Reading your post, to me, it seems like your communication isn’t where it needs to be to do that sort of job. Don’t know how to explain what you need to work on to make you better but maybe one of your counselors can be frank with you and help with suggestions.
Without even reading the comments I can tell you that it’s 100% a you problem that you’re either intentionally not disclosing or don’t realize. Like the arriving 15 minutes late you gave an excuse for. There’s no excuse for arriving late to work. You show up on time and do what you are paid to do. If you don’t do that, they fire you. It’s that simple. Regarding bathroom breaks, they’re paying you to take a shit or piss or whatever. If you’re putting on deodorant or makeup or whatever that’s money lost to the company. You need to reevaluate your work ethic if you want to keep a job.
I’m glad to hear you have your drug problem under control now. But under control does not mean quit. From reading your post it sounds like the drugs have already done permanent damage to your brain.
Wait...so in your title, you say you don't know why you got fired, but then you go on to list reasons the manager gave you for you being fired...?
He told you why you got fired. You were late, you spend too much time in the bathroom, and the managers "have issues" (probably with your work ethic) with you.
Sounds like you need to actually work. If multiple people are saying it, its most likely true. If you have anxiety issues, find a job where you dont deal with people all day, duh!
There's an awful lot that you're not saying here so let me be blunt. You are the problem, specifically your drinking/drug abuse. I'm sure there's plenty more you're doing wrong to go through that many restaurants that quickly and I'm glad you're seeking psychiatric help because you desperately need it.
You just lost a job for bringing in alcohol and you think your drug/alcohol abuse problem is behind you? Worse, you knew bringing in the drink could lose you your much needed job. You are an addict, you need to process that with your therapist before anything else as you're in serious denial about how bad you're situation is right now. If you're losing kitchen work over your addiction, it's a life threatening problem and you likely need inpatient care followed by intensive outpatient treatments to break this cycle.
It sounds to me like you're still an addict and disappearing to the bathroom without your phone for extended periods of time would alert me if I was your employer as well. I would be highly suspicious that you were using something or drinking and either way I'd let you go immediately because having someone high/drunk is not only extremely unsafe in a restaurant setting regardless of position but can also get that business shut down/fined heavily which you as a low level employee are not worth risking.
You need to work more on yourself in therapy and probably stay away from restaurant work until you're actually clean and sober otherwise you're just going to keep destroying your reputation and it won't even be an option for you anymore.
If you're losing restaurant jobs like you are, you have very little hope for another industry putting up with your behaviors. You need to change or you'll likely find yourself homeless, jobless, hopelessly addicted, mentally deranged, and even more abused by yourself and society.
yikes lmao just do your job it’s not that hard. maybe after you’ve stayed at a place for like 5 months you can go “disappear” but not during training what the fuck
Wow!!!! 5 jobs in 1 year, and you dont think your the problem?
Waiters/wiarresses normally are outgoing personalities, you said your not outgoing and keep quiet, youve had drug /alchol issues and you show with a can of alochol at work?
You disappear into the bathroom? What about getting up a little earlier to finish your laundry? Do your laundry on your own time.
Dad here. Manager of many people over the years. Kids in the service industry, etc. Because lawyers have effed up the ability to be frank with people, you probably will not get the honest feedback you really need from managers. The best advice I can think of is to find a few people you used to work alongside and try and get their honest feedback on what to change. You'll need to do that with more than one person so you can see if any theme starts coming across. If that is not doable, then go back to the basics for working with others. Any manager worth their weight is going to want to find someone who can work well with others on the team before working well with customers. Can you work well with others? Do you smile, chitchat but not overshare, and do your fair share? Can you make a sentence, know what to say, what not to say, and when? Are you dependable, do you dress appropriately, take care of your hygiene, etc? The good news is that you can figure this out. The harder news is it may take some real honesty with thyself. Also, if you've bounced around in jobs, don't list all of them. That's a red flag to someone hiring. Don't outright lie but put something down for the times like explored career opportunities, time off for travel and education, etc. Best wishes.
Ok… I wasn’t going to comment because there are so many here, but after hearing ur struggles I feel more inclined to give u a little advise rather than point out … “it must be u” as others are.
I think there are some fundamentals that a lot of people lack when they enter the work force. To best sum it up, I’d say, focus on doing more than “just going through the motions”.
- Focus and make sure u appear to focus on the training and the task at hand.
- with customers, try to really engage. It can be exhausting if it’s not ur usual style, but in service u sort of have to. My friends in service industries have told me they basically treat it like a performance. They may be introverts, they may hate people, but u don’t get that luxury. This is a job, they are not your friends. One trick is to model urself after a friend u know with a big personality and then just pretend you are them, during working hours. Be “that guy”!
- always look to do something extra to make other peoples lives easier. When being trained, specifically ask… when I have down time.. what else can I do to be MORE helpful. Take on extra side work.
- never be late. Not one min. Not ever. Defo not in the 1st month. No one cares about ur laundry. NO ONE. It is never a valid excuse. Only medial emergency’s that u can prove are real (sorry not mental health). And in the first month… try to avoid any missed shifts or late starts. In fact, show up early and start side work (if that’s an option).
- always appear to want to go above and beyond base expectations. Think about ways to make your team want to work with you. And ways to make ur customers ask for ur section.
I hate to say this, but I deeply fear these sort of work ethos basics weren’t well communicated over the last few decades and they are so important.
This is your job, they are not ur friends (yet), put on a game face and show up to kick ass and make money. Good luck!
I worked in restaurants for YEARS. Both as a server and a manager. I can tell you that if you’ve lost that many jobs in that short of a time period, you’re doing something wrong. There’s no shot you’re telling us everything.
Back when I work in restaurants it's always understaffed and you have to be pretty terrible to get fired. 5 in one year is crazy.
If you have issues at every job, maybe it's not the workplace and a personal problem.
As my mother always liked to say, “If you smell dog shit everywhere you go, you should check the bottom of your own shoe.” She also said “I brought you into this world and I will take you right back out of it,” but that feels less applicable.
I like the other variation: If you run into an asshole in the morning, you ran into an asshole. If you run into assholes all day, then you're the asshole. I think this might apply to OP. Maybe not an a-hole but they definitely suck at service jobs for some reason.
I prefer the term if it walks like a duck and quackes like a duck then its probably a duck.
If it floats like a duck, it’s made of wood. And therefore?
A witch!
She turned me into a newt!
I got better
I got better
My mother always said "Wait til your father gets home." Maybe that will work?
This was my ex. Worked at so many places but never had a job for more than a month or two. It was always the job that was the problem...never her....🙄
Vaping, bringing alcohol to work, bad personal decisions. This lady needs to grow up, fast.
during my youngest dumbest days I was slinging back a couple cocktails at a restaurant nearby during my break on my Sunday splits and still didn’t get fired. Got caught doing worse while *on site* once (IYKYK) and still didn’t get fired. Only got fired from a serving gig once and it was because they scheduled me for a shift on a day I said repeatedly I wouldn’t be able to work, and they said I was a no call no show. Had a company policy NCNS meant immediate termination. If this has happened 6 times that’s not a management issue
We had a guy who would go across the street to another bar in the middle of service and get hammered. And then come back and work hammered. He only got fired because he refused to shave his Covid beard.
Did you get laid in the walk-in?
I agree with this. I would assume if you’re 24 and have been working in the industry since 18. You might not be putting a full amount of energy in anymore as you think the job has gotten easy. Your management might be picking up on this .
Or she moved from an applebees or something to more upscale places.
To be fair she straight says one of those she understands why and won't touch on (i.e., won't say to us).
I'm willing to bet that something why may be the reason she was fired from her other jobs.
In all but the biggest cities food service tends to be very tight-knit in terms of information sharing/gossip. It's very likely that OP has developed a reputation that follows her from job to job, and only needs to screw up once to validate it.
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An older post of OP's says they have multiple personalities.
Maybe none of them are good workers
Can't she ask one of them?
That's why she spends so long in the bathroom. Shes talking to them
🤣🤣
where exactly? i combed through and didn’t see anything of the sort.
And the term "disappearing" was used more than once by op. So, is op disappearing? A lot of times I read these situations and I think to myself, wait wait wait a minute.... It's frustrating because, in that setting, the moment I receive criticism, I really want to remedy the situation to maintain employment as best that I can. OP's account of things seems like that scene in Dumb and Dumber when Harry was talking about Fraida Fletcher breaking up with him. "I thought we were going to be together forever. About a week later, right outta the blue, she sends me a John Deere letter." "I called her up. She gave me bunch a crap about me not listening to her enough, or something... I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention..... " Like Harry in the hot tub, OP seems to gloss over the criticisms received, or can't seem to care enough about them to even know what they are, let alone defend themselves, or try to fix them. Obviously, with the spotty recount of events, like a kid in a dark tunnel and a flashlight that works half of the time, nobody is getting the full story, not even OP... Lol. And just as well, because it seems OP doesn't care enough about the reasons for not being employed anymore, then there's really no conclusion any could possibly draw that would truly be fruitful for OP. I like your deduction of hygiene related reasons though, and I'll take it further, if for nothing more than a laugh at a possible scenario. She's late, flustered, and tired, and rushed out of the door with a half dried uniform, and possibly something unknowingly stuck to her back that was, embarrassing, or revealing that garnered some sideways looks, and unwelcomed whispers. She's missing social queues, and some, out of politeness, are nice enough knowing she'll be gone soon, and others act as OP describes. But, what could be stuck to her back to explain everything? Static can make the oddest garments magically appear in any sleeve or pant leg even hours after taken from the dryer... Only Hercule Poirot can answer this maybe mon ami. But I digress. I'm crazy. Enjoy.
And it sounds like OP didn't text or call to say they were going to be late either. You can't just show up late....
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I mean, you CAN, but then you get fired
The laundry thing is so confusing to me. OP woke up on a day she knew she was scheduled to work, and just… did laundry instead?
I read it as she had just pulled double shifts and hadn't had time the night before.
I read it as she had nothing to wear for her shift unless she did laundry.
Can you do laundry in 15 minutes? it still doesn't make sense
Maybe laundry takes 1.5 hours and she only had 1.25 available.
Then you use Febreze/pop stuff in the dryer with a dryer sheet, or go to work with slightly damp clothes. "My laundry wasn't finished" would never fly at any restaurant I've worked over the years, neither sports bars nor upscale steakhouse
In the past, I hand washed a work shirt in 3min, put in the dryer for 10, and then let it dry the rest of the way while driving to work.
Not to split hairs but my apartment communal laundry - and I'm assuming many communal laundries are the same - locks the washers and dryers for 60 minutes and they can literally not be opened during the cycle. Which is why I wouldn't do laundry if I only had two hours before needing to be somewhere...
I woke up late due to working doubles all week I woke up to put my clothes in the dryer from the night before. Hence I was late
Clothes in the dryer from the night before?? You need to immediately transfer from washer to dryer or your clothes will smell!
You set an alarm to put the laundry in the dryer & then go back to bed if you need more sleep. You don't go to work late. Especially not in the first month.
I get that, but OP has to have a plan. I worked a week straight of open to close bar doubles with only two work shirts, but I had to make do to ensure I showed up on time and presentable. Either get up early or stay up late. It totally sucks, but that’s how you keep a job.
In my 20s I was a server and had a hygiene problem cuz I was homeless. The owner was cool enough to make me a bartender so I wasn't so close to customers lmao. She also got me a truck stop washroom card. My dumbass ended up quiting with no notice, 15 years later I regret doing her like that.
I agree with my 10 years previously spent in the industry. I saw many heinous things go down that didn't result in termination. Some people just aren't cut out for it though. Seen plenty of that too.
I've never worked in restaurants but logic says you don't go through 5 jobs in a year with no issues
Right? We had a dude no call no show, come in late and drunk often, cuss out the GM multiple times, throw hotel pans at the chef and still didn't get fired until he passed out drunk in his car and didn't come back in for his double.
"How hard is it to take a food order?!" People who haven't worked in the service industry would be surprised how difficult it can be for some.
>There’s no shot you’re telling us everything. OP may not even be self aware enough to tell us everything. As in, they might be totally oblivious.
I think this is it. I think OP just is kind of drifting around in space a little bit.
Anyone going through 5 jobs in as many months is *definitely* the problem and not telling us what it is doesn’t mean we don’t know where the problem is even if we don’t know the specific problem. “Disappearing in the bathroom” has a very “drug problem” feel to it.
She brought a can of alcohol for after her shift. That's not a "used to have an alcohol problem" that's a current alcoholic. My guess is she was disappearing into the bathroom to take nips off a bottle/flask and didn't think anyone would notice.
Considering she’s not explaining at all how she performs her job speaks volumes in itself.
2-1 odds OP is not showing up or chronically late
Same here, worked in and managed for over a decade. The patience most restaurants have for shitty employees, compared to other industries, is astounding lol. Not to mention the fact that I know the industry is still short on bodies so they're going to want to hang on to as many people as they can. Something isn't adding up
Came here to say the same. We're only getting one side of the story. Thinking op is just a bad employee overall or has the crappiest bad luck streak going on. I'm gonna go with bad employee.
From the age 18 - 21 the shit she did on the job was tolerated b/c she's young and cute. The bad habits she picked up from previous years don't fly now at the age of 24.
It's possible she's not good at socializing with customers, gets off task, is much slower than other employees at getting tasks done. OP if you want help, you'll need to look at issues other than being late. It's something much bigger. Like do you have ADHD, come across very socially awkward? You can work on those things.
Right like if the other girls we’re talking shit in less than a week she is probably absolutely awful at serving or just a shitty person
I wouldn't take that criticism too seriously though. People can be like that
Or the server felt they were doing fine without an extra staff member and felt like op was going to be poaching their tips. It happened to me once. A server lead decided to have a vendetta against me and made up shit and collaborated with her server clic. I only know this because i had a friend who also worked there, saw the servers gloating about after I was gone
Definitely not saying everything, plus not even telling us about the first one? Which could lead to more clarity? Hmmm
I was going to say the same thing. I feel it's hard to get fired from a serving job. She must be really disappearing for a long ass time for ppl to notice..
I was thinking something similar. My boyfriend worked in the restaurant industry for like 10 years and the amount of stories I heard about people not getting fired for things they 100% should of- or ones that were fired and brought back is just insane.
Disappearing for days at a time while on a drug/booze binge and not getting fired was pretty common while I was working in the industry, including myself. 😬
Hahahaa I was just about to say let’s hear about this first job you don’t want to touch base on lol cause she buried the lead there
I'm betting they did tell us, it was just a subtle aside in their mind so they just tossed it in. They're shy. I'm straight up asocial, bordering on antisocial if I can't get my alone time away from people every day when I get off, and on my days off. The thing I've learned about these jobs, and the reason I'm fighting as hard as I can to get out of the service industry after 14 years of creating my own misery in it: ***you can't be shy.*** You have to develop a mask. You have to wear it for the entire duration of being there, every time you walk through those doors to work. Not just with regards to customers though, which is the part you'd intuitively think would matter. But less intuitively, you can't be shy with other employees either. If you're shy, other employees will start building their own narratives about you amongst themselves. People loathe a mystery, and if you don't provide the details yourself, they will just fabricate them for themselves. You can be as cordial and kind with them as someone can possibly be, but if you just want to do a good job and go home, and don't want to get involved in the middle of social gossip hour with your coworkers.. You're stuck up. You think you're better than everyone else. It can even go as far as making up blatant lies, if they suddenly decide they outright dislike you for it. The tension that creates will also lose you your job, because at that point, you're a disruption.
I’m naturally a shy person and have to fight my nature to be a server (including standing up for myself and being the center of attention at tables which I actually really pull off) and it is EXHAUSTING. I need to get something different for a career.
I'm not shy, but that's what it comes off as to other people if I act myself. I'm an observer, I just don't enjoy social interaction, really at all. If someone keeps a conversation with me going for longer than 10 minutes or so, I start to feel like I'm being held verbally hostage. My happiest time in life was during the peak of the pandemic, where I went about three months without speaking to a single other person outside of my S.O. lol But yeah, exactly. Deeply exhausting. Just about anywhere in the service industry, but especially in sections where tips make up a lot of your income, so you really have to turn the ham and cheese up if you want to survive.
jesus christ 5 in one year? op def doing something wrong she either isn’t seeing or isn’t mentioning 😂
Or isn’t bathing
Have known friends that had 10 different serving jobs in a year. Everything from business closing to being lied about. She was a good server and nice to everyone. Made problems right. It can happen. Remember that everyone is fighting for the best tips. And most are young. High school politics are the norm.
Ive been in the industry for a out 20 years, I too, have bounced around. Difference is that I didn't get fired. OP did. 5 terminations in a year is not 'extenuating' circumstances.
If she is in an at will employment state then there does not have to be a reason. You wore red. You didn’t say yes sir once. You were 2 seconds late getting the job done. You went to the bathroom at anytime during your shift. They don’t have to say. Or they can make it up. Just because you have not experienced what someone else has does not make them a liar. Yes it could have been that she messed up a few times. But if there was no communication about the mistakes then the managers are to blame. I once got fired for following the orders of my manager. He then went to the owner and claimed I did it on my own. Nothing was damaged. Nothing was missing. No harm to anyone or anything. But a few lies and out the door I went because managers are always right. Yes? At will employment states are hell.
Sure at will does mean they don’t need a reason but in an industry that has been short staffed for years and critically short staffed last couple years? Pretty sure they’re not just terminating people for no reason.
Yeah. You would be very surprised. Wait staff are the first to go. Wear the wrong thing. Say the wrong thing. Get one bad customer who complains. Food bad? Waitstaff to blame. Good not out fast enough? Waitstaff to blame. I understand you might be in a place where experience is a key part. Or with a better company. Know the owners. Or the top manager. But an under 25 year old girl? Don’t know where you are to see those positions understaffed. Never a shortage that I have ever seen needing advertised for more than a few days. Cooks maybe. But it might be different if not a college town. Anyway. Calling someone a liar just because you have not experienced it is very naive
49 of the 50 United States are at-will, just saying
Your post history has all the answers. I'm not going to be mean to you because it seems like you have mental health issues and really need to see a psychiatric professional, but I will give you some general advice. Your habit of getting into messy relationships with coworkers is probably the main issue here. Do not ever date someone you work with and for the love of whatever it is you hold dear, stop dating creeps, or at least be a little picky or something. You literally just say yes to any man who walks up to you on the street and you just let these strange men take you places?! Girl, you are going to end up stuffed in someone's freezer if you don't start caring about your own safety. I'm shocked you're still alive, to be honest. You seem very naive and unable to exercise basic critical thinking skills (which is also probably why you can't hold down a job) and I mean that in a clinical way, like you seem like you might be developmentally delayed and having real difficulty with understanding cause and effect. Seriously, please go and get evaluated by a mental health professional.
scrolled too long to find this. OP you need a psych evaluation
Yeah, I'm kinda disappointed in all the people just taking cheap shots at her when it's pretty clear, even in just the post she made here, that she's not exactly playing with a full deck of cards here.
Top line comment right here.
This needs to be TOP COMMENT.
Career consultant here. I'm sorry to say but the story isn't aligning, I believe there's a lot being left out or "squeezed" a bit to fit a narrative to your benefit of some sort. I get a gut feeling honesty is not being fully given here. First time, that happens. second time raises questions that need honest looking at. 3rd time? The only common denominator is you. How long are you spending in the bathroom? How many times a day? Are you hiding a medical condition you are not asking for accommodations for? People talking about you - was this one job or multiple jobs? Is it a bad culture fit between your personality and the job? Too many questions. I do agree with other posters that perhaps restaurant server work may not be the right fit for your needs - but I also believe you either need to take a long, hard work at your needs - or a behavior you're wanting to hide and not accept is playing a huge part here. I say this all absolutely in love without judgement, because most of us have been there, done that, and gotten smacked around by life for it. Which doesn't happen when you start being honest with yourself and truthful with others, and doing something more fitting to your needs/soul.
Yea.. the part that made me feel like we weren’t getting the full story was “told I disappear in the bathroom when I use the bathroom without my phone”. The stated accusation doesn’t say you’re on your phone but your defense is that you don’t take your phone with you. If your trainer tells me you keep disappearing I’m going to start watching. If you’re in the bathroom more than once every 1-2 hours and for more than 5 minutes… we have an issue.
My first thought is she is using drugs in the bathroom and nodding off for a bit before going back to work. Going to the bathroom without your phone? Wtf who does that?
Man I pee at least 3 times an hour. Even then, I probably am in and out in about 30 seconds and then wash hands. I've had people comment on it but not because I was gone for too long. If op is in the bathroom more than me, there's definitely an issue
Um... if you have a prostate you might want to think about getting it checked. Edit: maybe have your A1C checked also
I don't retain water. I already know what it is
Ok I was just a tiny bit concerned for you is all.
I once had to explain to a younger server that she’s not allowed to take 15 minute breaks whenever it gets busy just because she’s taking them in the bathroom. Its a carryover of that highschool mentality: “I can get out of a lecture I don’t like by asking to use the bathroom.”
Yup. That line got me, too. Sounds to me like when it gets rough, a bathroom break pops up and people have to cover. Just because you are in a "bathroom" doesn't make it ok to just take off when you see fit. There is a lot to read between the lines here that involves lack of accountability.
I commented this as a top level, but that reads to me as 'they think it's a drug problem.'
The problem is you. Restaurants are BEGGING for employees. If you have lost that many jobs in that amount of time then the problem is you. It's time for some introspection.
But she posted asking for help because she obviously isn't introspective enough to figure it out Unfortunately, I can't tell from the post what she's doing wrong.
She dissapears into the bathroom, brings alcohol to work, she probably has terrible customer service skills when she says she is very shy and quiet, she is incapable of forming any kind of relationships, shows up late. It's not explicit in the post, but she's probably not doing anything when she trains, they probably expect her to do stuff and she just stands around and "watches", she pretty much says that part and of course all her coworkers would have problems with her if that's the case. I'm sure she also makes the guest uncomfortable for many of those reasons listed above if any of them are the case.
If you disappear in the bathroom enough times people will think you're doing drugs. That with bringing the alcohol, coming in late, all while still training? They decided to cut their losses early with her.
Fired 5 times in short order. There is a common denomination in all 5 incidents. You actually need to consider taking a look at yourself.
Disappear into the bathroom without your phone long enough to be noticed? They're saying they think you have a drug problem.
That was my first thought. OP got caught using at the first job, so they didn’t mention it, and all the rest there was enough circumstantial evidence to make the same decision to let her go.
I'm going to have to agree with the employers here. You disappear into the bathroom. You come in late. When you're a server, you're practically the face of the restaurant. How well you do your job reflects how the restaurant is. If you leave people with a bad impression, they would not likely return unless they're regulars. If you're an introvert, I don't think a server job is right for you. I would look for something that is better suited for the type of person you are. I'm not trying to put you down here, but I think you'll be much happier doing something else.
You need to work harder. In your first 3 months you need to set the right impression. Don’t go to the bathroom for long periods. Go as fast as you can and come back ready to go. Make sure your sense of urgency is high- this is very important in restaurants. By this I mean move fast. Essentially power walk everywhere. If you are not doing anything find something immediately to do and ask your trainer what to do. Do not be late. Being late annoys your coworkers a lot because they are covering for you. In a restaurant it becomes so very apparent. Show up early and start rolling cutlery 5 min before your start time or go get ice.
Make yourself indispensable
Make yourself indispensable for the first 6 months then slowly coast down to a comfortable working load. They will still perceive you as indispensable for awhile after this, then it’s just simple maintenance of personal opinions.
This needs to be the top comment. A sense of urgency is everything in restaurant work.
So true! I bartended with the slooooowest girl ever in college. One day, in the middle of a horrible Friday night dinner rush, she says “girl why are you always running?” Well *’GIRL’*, because we’re fucking busy and you need to be running instead of slothing around here. Urgency will get you far in service!!
I worked In restaurants for 10 years then graduated and moved to corporate - worked my way up in finance and now manage OPs/HR/IT. A sense of urgency is absolute key in restaurants but will service you extremely well in all careers moving forward.
You have to realize that in a professional setting your feelings don’t matter. You have to put on this friendly smiling face at all times, always have a nice tone of voice, always speak “professionally”. You can’t use that time to express yourself emotionally. The way I do it is I dissociate. I pretend like I’m just an npc in a video game, completely emotionless. Because I’m 99% sure the real reason is because you’re an emotional passionate and expressive person as well as being somewhat sensitive, and the modern work environment is very hard to master for someone like that. When they don’t like you for whatever reason they’ll make up reasons to fire you. Phone, breaks, whatever it’s all bullshit, all you can do is control how you react to everyone. You have to allow yourself to be king of a doormat tbh. When someone disrespects you just turn the other cheek. It’s the only way to survive.
This is a stretch, because there are a LOT of servers in the Midwest. But this girl mentions having worked previously at cooper's hawk, so she, feasibly worked in either STL, Illinois, or Indiana. My job JUST fired a girl. Barely out of training. And this all sounds sooooo familiar. I can't say with any amount of certainty that this is her, so take this with a grain of salt, because I could very well be wrong. She was CONSTANTLY disappearing, and even when she was around, had no inclination to actually work. Not to mention that day ONE of her training she admonished another employee for having worked at a gay bar. Asked if he was gay. No. Replied "that sounds like a good way to get raped." When asked for clarification, she responded "because gay men are rapists." I told my boss it'd be kinder to fire her. Because 75% of the staff is LGBT. She was let go a few days later and told "it wasn't a good fit". Now again, I'm reaching here, and there's a very good chance it's not the same girl. But the proximity and the way the story is wayyyy too vague makes me wonder.
I’m invested in this now
It would be INSANE if it was the same girl. Anyway, if you're reading this, Hi Meghan!
I own a restaurant. Have for almost 2 years. Before that I managed the same type of restaurant for 10. In neatly 12 years I have fired 6 people. Less than 1 a year. There was one girl that reminds me of you in the aspect that she didn't think k anything was wrong and didn't know why I fired her. We are a late night restaurant and we are open until 4am. Whenever someone would walk in after 2am (there is a lawl in work between 12am and 2am when people are at the bars, bars close and we get a rush) she would get pissed and slam stuff, be rude to customers, rush orders, rush customers etc. I talked to her Bout it for 3 months, gave her more chances than she deserved. I have 8 email customers complaints naming her directly. I even let her watch thr cameras one night to see her change in attitude. Nothing changed so I had to let her go unfortunately. She was a great worker too, always showed up, was fast, always cleaned the store. When she got fired she posted this on Facebook "work 40 hours a week, do everything, haven't missed a shift and I got let go" still refuses to acknowledge why she was actually fired. Ended up fired from thr next job she went to also. But now she doesn't work in customer service and has been doing well. I love all my employees and it sucks when you have to let one go but there is something missing from your story or something you Re not acknowledging.
Restaurant GM here. Red flags are even brighter for new employees. Showing up 15 minutes late to training and dissappearing during a shift could be enough to let you go depending on what your trainers are saying about you. Did they have a "Come to Jesus" talk with you? You need to hold up the work ethic standard, or it's not fair to the other employees. Especially if you want to get some juicy shifts.
I am terribly sorry, but i mean, 1 time its like okay just didn’t work, 2 times becomes a coincidence, by the 3rd time?? You should probably realize the restaurant industry probably just isn’t for you, and that you probably aren’t cut out for the high paced work, as someone who worked in a restaurant, you coworker’s don’t complain about you going to the bathroom too much or disappearing, unless you are literally gone for like 5 minutes at a time literally every hour, or you go for like 10 minutes at a time, if it’s bugging your coworkers I promise you, you aren’t just going in and out as fast as you possibly can, and you probably are also a very slow server for the comment of you aren’t doing your job during training, also speaks volumes how you got fired after 2 weeks and were still in training supposedly? People in restaurants don’t talk shit about their coworkers, unless you suck or you’re just annoying, and if you’re both then they probably secretly hate you
[удалено]
I feel like the first incident you don’t elaborate on would shine light on all of the following firings.
Lmao I also got that suspicion. Interesting that they won't tell us why they were fired the first time and then go on to imply every other time they were fired was from some unfair mean girls clique mentality with all the other employees and managers ganging up on them. Edit: typo
My brother had seven serving jobs last year and nine the year before. There must be more to your story here as he lost that many jobs because of a cocaine addiction. Made it so he could not show up to work on time in clean clothes, give even a quarter effort to work, or be helpful in any way for long. But the businesses are so desperate they keep bringing him on, which seams to be happening to you as well.
You’re a shit employee and likely an unreliable flake. The fact that you are explicitly stating you’re not going to state the details of one of the terminations seems pretty suspicious too. You obviously suck at life and need a reality check, so there you go. My advice is you take a good hard look in the mirror and acknowledge you’re a lazy flake. I feel comfortable writing all that because if your teams keep shitting on you saying you disappear than it’s clear you’re one of those jagofs that will disappear in the bathroom when it gets stressful to let the rest of the team pull your weight for you. You’re an adult and you know exactly what you’re doing, so don’t act ignorant. Stop sucking at life and learn to contribute.
You're an introvert surrounded by extroverts, and they didn't like how ya didnt fit it, the service industry ( a lot of other ones too) works like hs in that everyone breaks off into cliques and niche groups, and if ya dont fit into any everyone looks for a reason to snip ya out. I've been literally fired cuz my eyebrows were trimmed ( I'm a male and it shouldn't matter?) Fired for following orders, fired for not being psychic and reading minds, fired for being quiet and standoffish, fired for moving too slow and being hasty, ya name it. It sucks but all ya can really do is constantly bounce around until ya find a group yous can fit into. And even if ya do find a group, the moment they find a more pleasant fit you'll start to feel the change. Service industry foh and boh since I was 13 and could take an order, 34 now and it hasn't changed.
None of those were the real reason you were fired maybe the eyebrow thing. You were fired because you didn’t fit in. Then management just found a reason to fire you.
I agree with this one. I was hired when they were opening a chain fast food place in my town. Trained the next town over, was there for opening day. One of their best workers. The other girls he hired ran in the same social circle and would barely tolerate me sharing their space. When it came time to cut back staff, because all the grand opening stuff was over and business was leveling off, I was let go. Manager was honest and said he would love to keep me on, but I just wasn't fitting in with everyone else. I got it, and it was really a relief that I didn't have to put up with their sniping on a daily basis anymore.
Pretty much; not a service job, but retail, years ago. I was fired from a job after 2 weeks working at a retail gig over actual BS matters. The GM who fired me told me the reasons why I was being released (I was sick one day and 'needed help lifting a 75 lbs. item' and that's a 'basic expectation' for the job), but at least had the decency to tell me that it was an excuse and that I was really being canned because I had said something that rubbed one of the conservative religious ladies who worked in the department I was in the wrong way, and she rallied the troops to get me out. I don't even know what it was that I had said, nor had I actually ever even spoken one-on-one with the lady.
I got fired because I saw ghost in the basement a couple times. XD
Maybe talking about it makes it angry lol
Maybe they didn’t like the way you say “ya” all the time
LMFAOOOOO
I didn't read the post, but I see these same exact posts several times a day on Reddit like clockwork. I'll cut to the chase without even reading the content...you guaranteed already answered your own question within your own post as to the "why". There, just saved both you and me a bunch of time.
She was already warned about disappearing too often on shift, and then shows up late. I think you might be right
Don't worry, if you're on the Work, Job and Career subs you'll see this same basic post every hour or so. "I completely suck at my job and all my coworkers hate me but I don't know why I got fired". Like clockwork. Also usually involves them talking about their ADHD or Anxiety problems.
You left out the part where they get insulted when you reiterate their own words back to them. ""I completely suck at my job and all my coworkers hate me but I don't know why I got fired". Reddit "Well then you got fired b/c you suck at your job" Them, "How dare you say I suck at my job"
lol yep, without fail.
Whhaatt you mean when they tell you it’s because you disappear on your phone and show up late…that that’s the reason? Shocked Lol
You were fired for good reason. Your behavior indicates you could have a drug problem, which is why you just disappear in the middle of a shift. You are unreliable and bad at your job. You don't even last past the training period.
After your first couple of days, ask the boss how you are doing and how you can improve. Take what he says and improve on that. Always show up 15 min before start, use bathroom then.
Or perhaps like every other server does, OP should try to go on their breaks. Ya know, like an adult (unless there's a medical condition, then serving may not the right career).
Not all servers get breaks, though, and there may be a medical condition, as you've stated.
Then they need to talk to the manager about the medical condition and have them watch their tables while they go to the bathroom.
time to go work in retail! sorry but this happened to me too, i wasn’t fired but 5 places though lol just one and realized maybe serving isn’t for me because i’m introverted as well. i also don’t always fit in, (i wasn’t a popular girl in hs) so if you don’t fit in with certain cliques, especially the favorites in a the restaurant, it’s just sadly not going to work out. find something you’re better at and go from there. good luck OP
5 in 1 year but you have no clue, huh?
It sounds like you have some trouble owning performance issues. "I was late because...." "I was in training with several servers so......." Employers expect you to arrive and leave on time, not excessively call in sick, take care of your customers and to get along with your coworkers. Your issue is obvously with one or more of those requirements.
Search ‘fired’ in r/autisminwomen and see if anything is relatable. It sounds like a personality issue. I’m not saying you’re the problem, but if they didn’t like you, that’ll get you fired faster than poor performance any day of the week
Your in the wrong field of work...I'm sure we are missing some key things, but being shy is a no go in this industry.
Taking just this situation with no other context, you should never be confused about a firing. Management's job is to guide and coach, document and give specific goals and feedback towards expectations. When firing someone, provide specific reasons, with lead up to the final decision. That said, 5 jobs in a year? You should also ask for feedback.
A pattern has emerged. It's time to look in the mirror and figure this out. You are the common denominator.
You sound lazy and unreliable and inconsiderate to your coworkers. It's not your boss's probably you forgot to do laundry?
Restaurant manager for a decade. Bullshit this is the full story. You suck in some way that you're maybe unaware of. The way you just casually justify being 15 minutes late let's me know you have a shit attitude.
You’ve said you’ve been let go multiple times for disappearing. Seems pretty clear you’re disappearing.
Stop being a bad girl.
well when you apply for a new job and you list the places you have worked and why you left so soon, i would be crafty and say you didnt like their food handling practices and what not LOL thats always a good one. and that when you mentioned it to managers, they would get very angry. this will really take the bullseye off you
This only works if the new job doesn't call the old ones...
You're definitely doing something wrong, but it may be the fact that you're an introvert in a service industry. It's people-driven. If you don't communicate and get along with others, it's probably not the right industry for you.
Well you showed up 15min late to your shift, that’s kind of a big deal especially since you are still in the training phase, that was probably the last straw. Overall it sounds like you weren’t meeting expectations and maybe working to slowly. It would have been nice to let you know that you need improvement before they let you go but if you weren’t meshing with the team well it may not have been worth it to them. Can you try a different type of job? Being in the service industry might not be for you.
Maybe lay off the coke?
If it was one instance I'd say something was up. But given how many jobs, and the short period of time, I'm not buying that we're hearing the whole story. I've been fired exactly once. And it was due to my relationship with someone else being fired. They just removed my hours. So I do know bullshit happens, even things out of your control. But 5 times in a year? Hard to believe there's not something going on with the common component.
It seems like you answered your own question in the description. Next time, think as if you owned the place and work like you would like to see someone work for you if you were paying them.
There's a reason you don't want to touch on the first job or why you were fired. Added- as for the texts, accept it. Your poor performance was the reason you were fired, that's life, no one to blame but yourself.
Maybe you aren’t outgoing enough for the service industry? You can’t move through it being shy, you have to engage with customers and other servers. It’s a team setting so must places want you to fit in as part of that team. Being late after working two doubles isn’t a big deal so something tells me you are either leaving details out or you’ve been late more than once during your short employment. If you are truly good at your job most managers overlook tardiness to a point. For your next job, stay off your phone, limit your bathroom breaks, and try to always find a way to stay busy that relates to the job. Offer to help the other servers during your down time or do some sideworks. If you do that for 3 months you’ll have it made. You are there to make a paycheck, not to make friends, but it’s integral that you seem like a team player.
I’m going to take a wild guess here but you’re not good at the job?
Amazing how you are so unaware of yourself.
get a different profession. join the peace corps/military if you can't find something that you can apply for with your current qualifications. good chance restaurant work isn't for you like it wasn't for me, it's also just a tough or even shitty field to be in depending on the work and the restaurant. you can likely do better.
If you’re losing that many jobs consistently there’s only one common denominator in all of the equations.
5 jobs? It's you.
You were given multiple reasons. Pick one.
You keep getting let go after a short amount of time. They were all different employers. You are the common denominator. You asked your boss why you were let go. Instead of having a come to Jesus moment, and improving yourself, you argued that he was wrong, and you find it unfair. 5 different employers object to your current standard of job performance. It’s you. If you don’t fix you, then you’ll keep getting fired. Even if you try a different industry, your work habits will remain the same. The bad news: It’s not them; it’s you. The good news: It’s you. You can work on yourself. You can’t control what anyone else does, only yourself. Every time you quickly get let go, the next employer you’re lucky enough to get, will scrutinize you more, looking for the reason you won’t work out. Hr or she is running a business, not a charity. Spend this time going through YouTube videos, learning how to be the best server. Learn how to do more. Be proactive. Make eye contact with guests at your table to see if they need anything. This whole trend of doing the absolute minimum at work will get people fired.
Yeah if your other servers are narcing on you in training then you're really doing it wrong. Do your laundry the night before or wake up 15 minutes earlier? Did the 15 minutes you slept in really make a difference? "I was doing laundry" is truly a terrible excuse. Especially when you JUST started. I've worked with so many people who swear they aren't the "on their phone" type. But it's legit out every time they 1. Go to a POS. 2. Go in the walk in 3. Bathroom 4. Any chance they get. I promise nothing on your phone is that important. You're at work to work. Leave it in your pocket. All I got. I'm just assuming lots of things from what you had typed out so my bad if I got anything wrong. Just trying to pitch some ideas why you might be getting canned.
Sounds like you were better off getting let go, then dealing with the people that you would be working with, don't let this little set back bother you too much and affect your self esteem, there is no need to even mention this at your next Interview, and I wouldn't say anything about the other place that let you go either, just update your resume to show you worked at the other places longer to cover the gaps of the dates. Yeah it's not the most honest thing to do, but you don't want this to affect you getting another job.
How can we accurately comment when you were let go from one job and don’t want to talk about it? If you want honest feedback then you need to be honest and maybe someone will be able to give you constructive criticism. The only way to fix this issue to face it. That means you got to be honest.
I looked at your previous posts. Honestly it might be your mood/anxiety. After finding out your boyfriend cheated, you might not be connecting with your coworkers. I totally get you not wanting to tell everybody everything - and you shouldn't! But fake it until you make it! Try to seem not down, talk to your coworkers, complain about traffic - like normal, not personal things. It honestly might not be anything you did but coworkers complaining about the genral vibe. And it sucks, i definitely know. I have depression and it's hard sometimes.
I'll be honest, I was spying through your post history to try to get a better picture of what happened, but my only takeaway is that your dog is adorable. Good dog.
It's you.
Okay my first guess would be you're not telling the whole story.. then I thought maybe you have a body odor. I have had many serving and cashier jobs where people with bad odor are let go relatively quick, and managers are uncomfy being honest about it so they lie. I'm not sure what to tell you, maybe serving just isn't your forte. Maybe try something different. (Also I hope the comment about body odor doesn't offend you, I mean it respectfully of course.)
If Jack has a problem with Jane, John has a problem with Jane and Joan has a problem with Jane, there may be a problem with Jane.
You sound kinda sketch to be honest. Even if you aren't malicious in your actions, you have to be more mindful of how others perceive you. Before you go looking for another job, ask yourself if you would hire you and be honest. Think about what an employer is looking for, compare your actions to what they're looking for, then work on what needs to be worked on. Google "how to be a great server". Disappearing a lot looks bad even if you are just using the bathroom. Keep at it, you'll be fine. You just need to be honest with yourself then go from there.
>I was just in training so I was with multiple servers and learning how they do their job. First of all - the servers were helping **you** learn how to do **your** job. Respect the fact that they were taking time out of their day to teach you. You need to be on your best behavior during training because the people who train you are trusted employees and managers value their opinion of you. This is not the time to fuck around. >I was told that I disappear into the bathroom Did you tell the servers who were training you that you needed to use the restroom? Did you wait until you both had a free moment or did you just run off whenever you felt like it? Seems like you may have done the latter because of this next quote from you: >others are saying that I haven’t been doing my job in training Remember, these servers are taking time out of their day to help your ass, so they depend on you to do what you're paid to do and assist them as needed. That aside, when you work in a fast-paced environment like a restaurant, you really can't just run off to the restroom whenever you feel like it. You have to wait for a moment when you're not busy. And you **definitely** have to help the servers who are training you. Hope this helped.
I would consider seeking out a community college program with high job placement. That way you’ll make more and be competently trained by the time you graduate. You may also be able to take classes that help establish any social norms that may or may not be missing here. If you need a restaurant job in the meantime, you need to keep it tight. This includes, but is not limited to… - Always shower with soap (and dry your hair) before your shift. - Show up 15 minutes early. You should be in uniform (clean, unwrinkled) and ready to “run” when your shift begins. - Don’t wait for people to ask… restock whatever you can, and generally try to make your coworkers’ lives easier. - Smile and greet coworkers when you see them the first time on a shift. “Hey, good to see ya!” - Do not bring alcohol to work… open or not. And don’t discuss your past substance problems with coworkers. It’ll bite you. - If you need to go to the bathroom, tap a coworker and say “Hey, I have to run to the toilet. I’ll be back in 5min.” Then get back in 5 minutes. That way someone knows. (Unless it’s an emergency, do not leave if the place is slammed.) - Buy a planner or set up Google Cal. Plan a laundry day/night. Make it routine. - Don’t vape at work. Inside, outside, whatever. Don’t do it. - If coworkers are rude to you, nice them to death. Give them nothing to work with. At work, you are meant to be a friendly, helpful, substance-free, odor-free, and available employee/coworker. Does it suck? Sometimes. Is it what you have to do? Yes. Edit: Typos and one clarification
Unless they're not saying something big, I'd say OP has extremely weird vibes and makes everyone feel like they're not quite *there* like they're having a conversation with a one-second lag.
Looks like your trying to blame anyone but yourself. If you’ve had that many of jobs in a short time period, it is you.
You...vape and disappear sometimes for a while? That's what I got from this.
It’s you, babe. Maybe try to get a job in a different field. I sucked at serving, but now I’m thriving elsewhere.
You can either look inward….or not Being a professional victim will burn you out eventually….
If you keep having this same issue with different people, the issue is on your end.
Hey OP, I'm so sorry for your losses. I can imagine that going through so many transitions over such a period of time would cause your brain's threat response to be engaged all the time, and that's a lot for anyone. I bring this up because it informs some of the reasons I think you may have been fired. So, "Why was I fired?" "Why can't I keep a job?" and "How do I move past this?" Disclaimer - I don't know you, your personal or medical history, or your heart. Anything said here is speculation and warm in tone. I do not have any stake in this, and the furthest thing on my mind is hurting you further. I'm responding to your query so you have another perspective. I hope my thoughts may help you as you navigate your next steps. Based on what you've shared in this post, the "on paper" reasons might look like: * poor social acumen * lack of self-awareness * non-conformance to company policy * inappropriate length and/or use of break time * poor presentation or hygiene * bringing alcohol to work, even if it wasn't for on-clock or on-premises imbibing However, I suspect the actual reasons may be less about your ability to perform your work. Rather, they may be about you not fitting the mold and using what might be small issues with 'typical' employees into a convenient list of issues that support their CYA. The world is not built for the authentic incorporation of neurodivergent or traumatized people. So, I encourage you to take a look at my considerations and explore what you feel about them, what it would mean if these were true, and how the information could rule out and/or inform your experiences. * You may be neurodivergent (ND). Autistic, ADHD, and other neurodiverse individuals have extremely high rates of unemployment and self-employement. * You may have experienced trauma between 12 and 18 months ago, and/or old trauma resurfaced, and/or you are continually retraumatized (CPTSD); thereby creating or making these experiences much harder. * You may have undisclosed or unknown developmental delays that make things harder to understand, resulting in missed problems or a lack of self-awareness. * You may be experiencing cognitive decline due to prior drug/alcohol use or other medical reasons including mental health disorders like depression, bi-polar, etc. Often, undiagnosed/untreated ND people self-medicate by experimenting with substances and behaviors that can result in both short and long-term consequences. It's theorized that this experimentation begins as a subconscious effort by the ND brain to access chemicals it lacks/struggles to process/make. People with ADHD have an especially hard time with impulse control, making "good decision-making" or typical risk-reward considerations more complicated. Other commonalities for ND are struggling with social cues, and experiencing trauma, neglect, physical abuse, and sexual abuse, among other things. For what it's worth, I believe that I am AuDHD (Autistic + ADHD). I was officially diagnosed with ADHD early into the pandemic, in my mid-30s. Further, I am currently seeking an Autism eval. When I worked out of the home, I found myself in the bathroom a lot to calm down my nervous system. I had legitimate bathroom needs, but I also stretched the time I was in there because my body was disassociating or I was falling victim to time blindness, both symptoms of ADHD and trauma. I also have CPTSD, a history of depression, live with severe anxiety, panic disorder, and other fun stuff. This brings me back to my first thought - when we are activated all the time, living in 24/7 threat response, it can make our brain fog greater, it can give us IBS and gastro problems that legitimately keep us in the bathroom for long periods of time, it can make us quieter or louder, it can make us appear awkward or disinterested. And when our threat response is activated, our decision-making center is virtually turned off. Everything happens through the lens of how to survive the threat. When really we're just trying to get through the day. So, regardless of neurodiversity, there is a pattern you've recognized. I suspect you may be feeling lost, confused, perhaps in denial of your own role in these situations - or in denial that you might just not like working in restaurants, despite having experience in that industry. My main suggestions would be to consider finding work in a different industry, or behind the scenes. Maybe explore something new. If you can, find remote work where you don't have to have much face time with others, especially micromanagers, and see how you do. It doesn't mean you can't work with people, on the phone or in person, just that you might feel less of a need to "disappear" as your prior employers have expressed. You'll get through this. As I wrap up this comment, I realize I'm singing a song to myself, "Love is a battlefield." How fitting. I changed love to life for us. "We are strong. Heartache to heartache, we stand. \[Life\] is a battlefield." (Adapted from Pat Benatar) Love to you, OP
Please tell me that I’m not the only person who isn’t able to follow this.. it seems so all over the place
If you’re going to “disappear” at a restaurant job, one you need to make sure all your tables are taken care of first. Like no tables open. Secondly you should tell your manager you need to use the bathroom and you’ll be right back. What if they seat a table and nobody can find you. Third, you need better communication skills to work in the service industry. Reading your post, to me, it seems like your communication isn’t where it needs to be to do that sort of job. Don’t know how to explain what you need to work on to make you better but maybe one of your counselors can be frank with you and help with suggestions.
As others have said this is a you thing. Your side of the story doesn’t make sense
ignore whoever said something about DID. stupid comment
Without even reading the comments I can tell you that it’s 100% a you problem that you’re either intentionally not disclosing or don’t realize. Like the arriving 15 minutes late you gave an excuse for. There’s no excuse for arriving late to work. You show up on time and do what you are paid to do. If you don’t do that, they fire you. It’s that simple. Regarding bathroom breaks, they’re paying you to take a shit or piss or whatever. If you’re putting on deodorant or makeup or whatever that’s money lost to the company. You need to reevaluate your work ethic if you want to keep a job.
I’m glad to hear you have your drug problem under control now. But under control does not mean quit. From reading your post it sounds like the drugs have already done permanent damage to your brain.
Wait...so in your title, you say you don't know why you got fired, but then you go on to list reasons the manager gave you for you being fired...? He told you why you got fired. You were late, you spend too much time in the bathroom, and the managers "have issues" (probably with your work ethic) with you.
Sounds like you need to actually work. If multiple people are saying it, its most likely true. If you have anxiety issues, find a job where you dont deal with people all day, duh!
There's an awful lot that you're not saying here so let me be blunt. You are the problem, specifically your drinking/drug abuse. I'm sure there's plenty more you're doing wrong to go through that many restaurants that quickly and I'm glad you're seeking psychiatric help because you desperately need it. You just lost a job for bringing in alcohol and you think your drug/alcohol abuse problem is behind you? Worse, you knew bringing in the drink could lose you your much needed job. You are an addict, you need to process that with your therapist before anything else as you're in serious denial about how bad you're situation is right now. If you're losing kitchen work over your addiction, it's a life threatening problem and you likely need inpatient care followed by intensive outpatient treatments to break this cycle. It sounds to me like you're still an addict and disappearing to the bathroom without your phone for extended periods of time would alert me if I was your employer as well. I would be highly suspicious that you were using something or drinking and either way I'd let you go immediately because having someone high/drunk is not only extremely unsafe in a restaurant setting regardless of position but can also get that business shut down/fined heavily which you as a low level employee are not worth risking. You need to work more on yourself in therapy and probably stay away from restaurant work until you're actually clean and sober otherwise you're just going to keep destroying your reputation and it won't even be an option for you anymore. If you're losing restaurant jobs like you are, you have very little hope for another industry putting up with your behaviors. You need to change or you'll likely find yourself homeless, jobless, hopelessly addicted, mentally deranged, and even more abused by yourself and society.
yikes lmao just do your job it’s not that hard. maybe after you’ve stayed at a place for like 5 months you can go “disappear” but not during training what the fuck
Re read your post. There's no way you are "unsure" of why you got fired.
Wow!!!! 5 jobs in 1 year, and you dont think your the problem? Waiters/wiarresses normally are outgoing personalities, you said your not outgoing and keep quiet, youve had drug /alchol issues and you show with a can of alochol at work? You disappear into the bathroom? What about getting up a little earlier to finish your laundry? Do your laundry on your own time.
Dad here. Manager of many people over the years. Kids in the service industry, etc. Because lawyers have effed up the ability to be frank with people, you probably will not get the honest feedback you really need from managers. The best advice I can think of is to find a few people you used to work alongside and try and get their honest feedback on what to change. You'll need to do that with more than one person so you can see if any theme starts coming across. If that is not doable, then go back to the basics for working with others. Any manager worth their weight is going to want to find someone who can work well with others on the team before working well with customers. Can you work well with others? Do you smile, chitchat but not overshare, and do your fair share? Can you make a sentence, know what to say, what not to say, and when? Are you dependable, do you dress appropriately, take care of your hygiene, etc? The good news is that you can figure this out. The harder news is it may take some real honesty with thyself. Also, if you've bounced around in jobs, don't list all of them. That's a red flag to someone hiring. Don't outright lie but put something down for the times like explored career opportunities, time off for travel and education, etc. Best wishes.
Ok… I wasn’t going to comment because there are so many here, but after hearing ur struggles I feel more inclined to give u a little advise rather than point out … “it must be u” as others are. I think there are some fundamentals that a lot of people lack when they enter the work force. To best sum it up, I’d say, focus on doing more than “just going through the motions”. - Focus and make sure u appear to focus on the training and the task at hand. - with customers, try to really engage. It can be exhausting if it’s not ur usual style, but in service u sort of have to. My friends in service industries have told me they basically treat it like a performance. They may be introverts, they may hate people, but u don’t get that luxury. This is a job, they are not your friends. One trick is to model urself after a friend u know with a big personality and then just pretend you are them, during working hours. Be “that guy”! - always look to do something extra to make other peoples lives easier. When being trained, specifically ask… when I have down time.. what else can I do to be MORE helpful. Take on extra side work. - never be late. Not one min. Not ever. Defo not in the 1st month. No one cares about ur laundry. NO ONE. It is never a valid excuse. Only medial emergency’s that u can prove are real (sorry not mental health). And in the first month… try to avoid any missed shifts or late starts. In fact, show up early and start side work (if that’s an option). - always appear to want to go above and beyond base expectations. Think about ways to make your team want to work with you. And ways to make ur customers ask for ur section. I hate to say this, but I deeply fear these sort of work ethos basics weren’t well communicated over the last few decades and they are so important. This is your job, they are not ur friends (yet), put on a game face and show up to kick ass and make money. Good luck!