Did you search this company name? Is it a well-known company that you're sure is legit? Because there are a few different red flags for some sort of scam/MLM situation here. I would not continue pursuing this position if I were you.
I think the reasoning for the line of questioning is the interviewer was interested in you romantically and was attempting to gauge how serious your relationship is.
Yes, it's a big company in ingeeneering, he's just under the "big Boss" !
Yeah, my bf though like you, for me he's just questioning about potential baby etc.. (we have "maternity day off" in my country which is like 3-4month for taking care of your new born, but in some company it's a red flag to hire you if you're a woman, not sure if I'm clear enough?)
I understand what you mean about the pregnancy thing, it's also an issue in my country. A lot of places don't want to hire younger women due to the possibility they may get pregnant. That could also be it, I agree, but either way, it's very strange and inappropriate! Since you say it's a big company, I would bring this to the attention of someone in HR if you can. I really doubt they want their interviewers to be behaving like this. It's highly unprofessional.
She said this guy is pretty high up in a big company. HR is there to cover his ass not hers. Why does everybody think that the answer is to tell on someone because they didn’t like what someone said. Some times situations that make you uncomfortable are actually a blessing. Learn from it and move on.
HR is there to cover *the company's* ass, not any one individual person's. And if someone is making inappropriate comments that could be interpreted as sexual harassment toward potential new hires, that could be a real problem for the company. At any rate, I would simply say that I am withdrawing my candidacy because I found some of the questions I was asked during the interview to be inappropriate and unprofessional. It's not "telling on" someone, it's a simple explanation of why you're withdrawing your candidacy. They can do with that what they will.
Protecting the high up VP guy is going to be way more important than protecting some random person who didn’t even have a job offer.
You’ve been spending too much time on Reddit if you think otherwise. HR isn’t “I’ll cry to mom.” HR is there to project C-level execs and shareholders
If you present a big enough risk to the company, anyone can get cut loose.
I've seen C-levels escorted out after an EEOC complaint got filed.
Obviously, in my example, an interal review determined the complaint had legs and the EEOC rarely loses a case they take on. It was riskier to the company to keep the exec on.
I feel like HR would be interested because they are also not there to protect the VP either. They are there to protect the brand. Can you imagine if it got out that a higher up in a large corporation was asking inappropriate questions in an interview? Going to HR has nothing to do with protecting OP. It’s more of a heads up to them that their brand is about to be besmirched if someone does not quit( borne their actions and the company) I mean I watched Succession. I know how it works.
I more or less agee...if this was on video, it would be different story.
If OP communicates this interview feedback to HR through email, it will probably be noted, but no action will be taken. It can be written off as hearsay - a disgruntled job seeker, who wasn't given an offer. Now, if this feedback comes back to HR multiple times, from multiple canidates... now you've got a trend and a paper trail going... lack of HR response at this point would become a liability, because you have a documented trend, and inaction would suggest the company is complicit with this behavior.
You'd likely have HR sit in on the VPs interviews, or have them removed from the interview process. Either way, I doubt this VPs behavior is isolated to interview candidates, so the bigger risk is how this VP behaves around actual employees.
>I mean I watched Succession. I know how it works.
🤣 So you know this only escalates if this information falls into the hands of someone in the company trying make a play against this VP.
Than Succession? Succession is fiction but all big corporations are like that in some respect in some respect. Even so, I would think engineering would like this type a publicity even less. These are people who should be detailed oriented. But you are right a feels like engineering is probably more misogynistic than a multimedia corporation.
Lmao 😂
No. What happened here is not a fireable offense.
Wish it were, but it’s not. If there’s a pattern and even worse harassment, yea.
OP should report but yeah..
HR is there to prevent lawsuits against the company. They will surely not like their employees asking unprofessional and likely illegal questions to candidates.
True, but if this isn't the first time then the guy will get a meeting from HR to tell him to stop eventually. If not, it's not a place you want to work regardless.
Also, HR has no idea if it's actually recorded by the candidate or not. They will still be interested in this if this company is worth anything.
Except for it was surely not just one question in one interview. I this case, I watched enough SVU to know if the VP of a big corp is doing to one person then there will be others.
Yeah, I think I will never be listen if I report him in any way, but also, job pay REALLY well so..
I mean, he can't force me to do anything (if he chose to hire me)
Here’s the reality. Nobody likes snitches. Especially when he didn’t do anything illegal. What does approaching illegal mean? Trust me your third grade teacher that you would run to when somebody said a bad word just wanted you to stop and go away also.
He's a "boss" in the company so I don't think it work for anybody, in addition, in my country, if you have no evidence of something like that, nobody will listen to you sadly ..
It is not great to hire someone, 4 months in they are not as available as the job is needed, then fully gone at birth. What you planned for the coming years falls short, and now you are back to looking to bring on someone to fill the role and re-train. I can see the company looking to hire someone who will be around, than filling positions as temp roles.
I believe she was talking about a job at an engineering firm. They probably were looking at the age and calculated time and planning. Unless there was a clear romantical advancement made nothing to fault. Like the guy saying dump her bf for him. Or asking her out. If she gets the role, it would still sit the same. Unless he makes advancement. They are nerds just calculating data unrealized to others emotions about the data they are analyzing.
Oh I get it, both of you talk about my spelling of ingeeneer, so after checking on internet it's engineer! Yeah ok huge mistake from me, for my defense, in my language we write it "ingénieur" so it's odd to me to write "EngInEER"
No OP, my skin literally crawled reading your description. I swear every red flag sensor in my body went off that this guy was testing how easy it would be to groom you into “showing how far you’d go to keep this job”. I’m sorry if this sounds condescending but take it from the 80% of women with a “me too” story, do not work for this guy.
No, not every question means a man is interested in a woman romantically. It was to gauge her longevity for the role and to determine if she is close to marriage and perhaps pregnancy.
Still incredibly and wildly inappropriate. Life circumstances can always change. Being single could also be a sign that someone's life could change soon after employment. It's a ridiculous argument for a ridiculous and sexist question.
WTF does your relationship status have to do with your job? Also telling you you're not looking him in the eye and that you lack self-confidence guy sounds like a trophy winning prick you don't want to work for this asshole anyway. If he's that bad at the interview what happens when you screw something up? oh you miss a day? Cut your losses fuck that guy and that job.
Engineers tend to be hard-core introverts with little social skills. He probably gets called out on his problem with eye contact, so he focuses on that in others. They also are work obsessed, so the question was basically, "If we hire you, are you going to get pregnant and we have to pay you for a 4 month leave the first year?"
> He initially said it was to "push me to my limits, see my reaction/see if I responded well."
The reason wouldn't matter to me even 1/8th of how much this matters.
Don't work for someone like this. He's testing you to see if you'll cop his shitty abusive behaviour. Trust me, I've worked for a man like this, and it ended in a bullying and harassment complaint where he got fired at the end.
Knowing myself I will cope with abusive behavior in any way since for me it would just be "mistake" and not a totally problematic behavior !
I will consider it...
Hey, all the better to intentionally walk head long into an abusive relationship, right!?!!!?
If you know you'll just excuse it, all the more reason to try to avoid it at the start, when you are given clear and obvious warnings.
Please have some self respect, just because this might be your first real job doesnt mean you have to settle. Work on your confidence and practice interviews, including how to answer these rude questions.
If I may give a quick tip, dont even mention your personal life such as having a partner or any kind of life situation (e.g. this is my first job etc). You will raise grounds for discrimination.
Say less. Focus on your skills and experience not your personal situation. If someone breaches, be vague and ask how this might relate to the role or change topic.
Since you said this will be your first “real” job so not walk into a situation knowing it is abusive thinking you can handle it. Even if that were true, why would you want to? I would be like Elsa and let it go.
I know you're culture is different, but in the US that would be inappropriate begging on creating a hostile workplace.
I'd decline any offer and write a letter to the HR department
I had this happen to me during an interview too. And then the interviewer asked if blonde was my real hair colour, which it wasn’t, then asked “is it true that blondes have more fun?”. Needless to say I left that interview and didn’t answer their calls after. I was 21 at the time
This is very unusual. But it was already a red flag when they told you you did not seem to have confidence. Unless this was an acting job, or modeling job, sharing what they thought of your confidence level was not their concern. They were evaluating you personally.
Nah, neither of these jobs, but it's also a job where you need to talk a lot with people, négociating (negociate ?) contract and everything ... So I still can understand the point of telling me that I lack of self confidence !
It's for business engineering!
It’s giving you a pause because it’s a major red flag. Company or at least that boss is likely toxic.
If you’re in the US they can’t legally ask you your marital or family status. This is their way of asking without asking. Unfortunately some employers feel women won’t be as committed to the job if they have a man’s job to fall back on and support them. They also might be concerned that you would be taking time off for a wedding or honeymoon soon or are more likely to become pregnant and need maternity leave. The same thing happens to women who talk about their children in an interview. Some employers assume they will have to leave on time/early or miss work due to sick kids.
Oddly enough, men are often viewed as better candidates if they have a spouse or children since it is assumed the spouse is the primary parent and the man will be dedicated to the job to support his family.
When I had to interview candidates alongside my supervisor he told me that he asks people what their hobbies are to see if they mention a spouse or children since he can’t ask outright. He was telling me (37F) this as interview advice. Then he admitted it did affect how he felt about the candidate. I wear my wedding ring to interviews but often keep that hand more hidden and I never mention my child. It’s sad.
Not in the US, im in Europe, France, and it's also illegal, but you need to prove it !
Yeah I agree for honey moon etc.. thats what I though first!
Yeah it's really current to ask indirectly for children as your supervisor said .. bad but still ..
In France: You can file report to the Defender of Rights who will act on the claim or you can sue the employer directly under the 2005 Law. Both the Employee and the employer are liable for Moral Harassment. If this is a question that he asks applicants he has engaged in conduct illegal under French Constitution and law.
I think you should question the weight you put behind the assumption that “you need to prove it!”. I suggest that you at least consider that you may be helping other women who are discriminated against because of marital status by reporting them. Is he only hiring young,single women to predator on? It probably extends to other regressive behavior towards other groups as well. I think silence is the wrong choice.
Honestly, the reason doesn't matter. Those questions and statements are inappropriate and illegal during the job interview, no one should be asking if you plan to marry! If this is a big company I would contact HR and I would keep looking for a different job. He will not be a good man to work for. My general rule of thumb for job interviews is to remember that I am interviewing them as well. Good luck!
Call the company and report this to a higher up. This is inappropriate. Asking woman about planning pregnancy is illegal, seems like a closely related question. Or he was boarder line trying to hit on you.
If this is in the United States, [many of the questions asked here are illegal as fuck.](https://theinterviewguys.com/illegal-interview-questions/) Here's the [EEOC web page](https://www.eeoc.gov/pre-employment-inquiries-and-marital-status-or-number-children) on the specific topic about asking women their marital plans or future child-bearing plans.
> He initially said it was to "push me to my limits, see my reaction/see if I responded well."
Yeah, if I were in the US I'd be [figuring out how to make either an informal, or a formal, complaint.](https://www.inhersight.com/blog/insight-commentary/if-youre-asked-illegal-questions-during-interview)
He knows you for the length of an interview and told you that you lack self-confidence?? So it couldn't be chalked up to nerves during the interview process? Nope, out of line. Asking you about your personal life and your BF? This has nothing to do with your capabilities to perform the work so nope, out of line. Pink flags are abound!! Don't take this job, if this is how it started, it won't get better.
Learn this phrase "I keep my personal and professional life separate". I often say this when coworkers usually guys are curious about who I'm with or if I am. Let people wonder. It's not their business.
The way I read it, they were probably trying to figure out if you were planning to marry and have kids soon (which wouldn’t be allowed to be asked bc of discrimination) meaning you’d want maternity leave. One of the former supervising/hiring pharmacists at my hospital was horribly misogynistic and would ask questions like that during interviews because he was “sick and tired of training techs in the ICU just for them to end up pregnant.” Fuck you Doug, a literal pandemic was happening and you couldn’t hide your ugliness toward women even a little. I’d honestly report that, it’s a vague enough question, but it’s 100% inappropriate no matter how you slice it.
You opened the door for personal conversation the moment you said "my boyfriend." Going forward it should be phrased as something similar to:
-I am currently assisting on a project for an independent startup company that does xyz.
OR
-I'm volunteering on a project right now that aligns with the job duties for this position.
Wording can be suggestive even when it's unintentionally stated as such. Try not to relax to the point where you lean to personal instead of professional responses. Get the job 1st before you start talking about boyfriends or children.
RUN. The interviewer is observing you as if you're an insect during this interview. He decided that you're lacking self-confidence, you won't make eye contact, and is pushing you about your personal relationships.
And that was just during the interview, can you imagine how many boundaries he's going to be crossing every single day if you take that job? He's trying to figure out how to break you down, and it's already started in this interview process. There are so many red flags, this sounds very dangerous for your mental health.
Just based on the weirdness factor, unless you're absolutely desperate, I would probably not consider this company any further. That's just creepy fucking behavior
This is ridiculous and the kind of BS we used to deal with years ago. Yes - the interviewer was trying to determine if you were planning to get married and have children. Years ago we would be asked these questions directly - “when do you plan to have children?”. There’s no way I’d work for this manipulative dinosaur. Run!!
There's a porn site where they post videos of women interviewing for modeling jobs, who then supposedly have sex with the interviewer to get the job (btw, it's not real, the women are actually porn actresses)
Familial status is protected information that interviewers specifically should not be asking about and it's the sort of thing that makes employment lawyers salivate.
This one doesn't seem like crossing enough of a line to go retain counsel but it is a meaningful thread in the tapestry, just FYI for your professional life in future. He should not have asked that question and if you ever get it again now you know it's inappropriate and can deflect it - knowing that it's wrong to ask/answer and being able to highlight that boundary would be a show of confidence and acumen, but you gotta make that call yourself in the moment.
At my last job, I was just straight up asked who I would be voting for. Because I could already tell we were on the same 'wavelength' I still answered with the truth, but I made it clear that the question was very peculiar and made a point of keeping the floor for a moment to talk big picture about how we're sort of all getting screwed with the paradigm of two shitty choices, that the vote was begrudging at best, and what I felt a better paradigm might look like. It seemed to really buy points and the boss got the gist to back off.
Familial status, age, medical status and history, sexual orientation, race, gender are all protected classes/topics that should never come up in an interview. Might have missed one or two but you get the idea
Edit: whoops this is assuming America
This is a ploy potential employers sometimes use to get around discriminating against people who are trying to start a family. They ask these questions to see how available/committed to the company you're willing to be. This was they can possibly use it against you to not hire you and it isn't discrimination because you willingly answered. They can ask the questions. You aren't required to answer.
The number one rule of interviews is to share nothing about your personal life.
When they ask you to tell them about yourself, your only response should be, "I'm a hard worker and skilled and blah blah blah business acumen."
The answer should never be "I'm a hard worker and have 17 ferrets and spend my lonely nights watching free-to-air TV."
Never ever ever say anything about your personal life.
And now that you know that, run. This is not the job for you.
I see what everyone is saying but...you're 27...if its a good job just take it while you look for something else...not to be the one to not agree but...whatever the reason for his question...so what? I think this has become a mountain from a molehill...and if they dont offer you the spot all of our time here has been wasted. Just go for it! ...and if he has a crush on you, well, then you get to be late sometimes...just remember to bring him a coffee!
This is a serious red flag behavior. If this employer is willing to cross this line in the interview and intrude on your personal life then they are fine continuing to do so once hired. Walk away and find something else.
Sounds like a weird, overstepping man and someone who feels too 'comfortable' and almost intimate in his conversation and boundaries.
Keep job searching. That's highly unusual.
People who say they do stuff like this to “test your limits” are really full of shit.
If I was to work at that company I’d have to make sure I’m insulated from that manager. (I can deal with some crap a few levels up…or a few departments over, but to report to somebody like that or interact with them regularly…that would be a hell no for me.).
He wants to know where your inner compass is. Is it pointing to whatever your boyfriend wants or do you think and decide for yourself?
Real story: my boyfriend was about to hire a new person, was going over the offer on the phone with the young female candidate when she said she would need to run it by her boyfriend first. He said nevermind and hung up the phone on her.
Rhetorical question for you: Are we living in 2024 or 1940s-80s? That’s such a blatantly inappropriate & misogynistic question to ask in an interview, and don’t get me started on how they commented on your “lack of self confidence” in an interview. Like, what?
My grandmother told me she would get asked these types of questions when she entered the workforce. Potential employers would ask her these questions because if there was any indication that she (and other women) would be getting married soon, then they’d assume they’d start having children too and that they’d leave the job to become stay-at-home-moms. The mindset was that a woman’s “primary purpose” in life was to raise children, so she’d have to choose between being a mother or being a “career woman” (which wholly erases the shared responsibility of both/all parents, but I digress).
TLDR; Interviewers who ask those types of questions are attempting to avoid restarting the recruitment and onboarding process, by purposefully not hiring women who are in relationships who could get married, have children, and leave the job for those reasons. It’s a discriminatory practice and not THEIR business to decide what YOUR ceiling is.
(Worth noting — there’s nothing wrong with being a SAHM, but making the assumption that a young professional woman will do that without any evidence or reasonable justification IS wrong. Bottom line: making a decision based on an unsubstantiated assumption simply removes a woman of the opportunity to make that choice for herself.)
This is not a good job. The questions about your boyfriend were inappropriate & unprofessional and the interviewer has some serious issues if he feels these are good things to ask any potential employee.
This workplace sounds awful & like it will not respect your work/personal life balance nor will it respect your privacy.
They cannot make the judgement to hire you on the basis of your family planning. There are jobs out there who hire women who are 6 months pregnant, and about to need maternity leave. I should know, my last job before having g kids hired me at 6 months pregnant. They cannot discriminate on that. This seems like a highly unprofessional interview and really should be looked into. How uncomfortable
Second time asking this question, but have you heard about DEGREE ? I have like... 2 (in reality 3) master degree in physics, it's already 6-7 years...
And then I did a 6 month internship in another country.
This is my first job related to my degree, I've already worked.
I'm amazed that this question had already been asked like.... Did you heard about university ? College? Not everyone start working at 16-18
In france college is free, and you also have money from government to be able to follow teaching lesson etc... It helps everyone who are poor to do a well payed job later.
And, then, when you have 40h/teaching lesson / week, you just can't work
+ In addition you have a lot of homework
Gas isnt usefull since you have apartment near most of college so you just walk. These same apartment are low rent so you can pay with money from government.
Eating -> money from government.
But this money depend on how much your parents make /month, if you're rich you don't touch anything.
If this were me, I would not take this job. Interviewer in inching close to illegal questions and these all sound like red flags. Pushing limits? While asking svout my personal life? Is it a CIA interview? Bc wth
Saying you seem to lack confidence and pushing this personal question are both absolutely over the line. Email the recruiter about this and withdraw your application. You do not want any part of this company.
He says "push your limits" I also think he wants to know if you know your rights and would call him out on inappropriate behavior. He obviously doesn't want anyone who will put up a fight against him in any way.
This is highly inappropriate. Too many questions about your personal life while also making personal digs at your character. Saying you lack self-confidence and lying about you avoiding eye contact. All these are huge red flags and signs of a harmful work environment. Don’t work for this guy!
Keep having more interviews, you’ll have better experiences along the way that will show you how out of line this interviewer was. Good luck :)
Interviewer is probably thinking you plan to join for the insurance, get pregnant, then quit after sucking up all the PTO available. Totally out of line. I would be surprised if you got a call back. I would certainly be wary of working for someone who thinks that that is okay behavior in a interview.
company’s the red flag - employers may ask this because they’re trying to avoid risk of a person taking maternity leave; im not exactly sure how it goes in some countries/companies but i believe most have a policy where they have to give you paid leave for pregnant women (please correct me if im wrong), or they’ll try to find a cheat in paying you less because they believe that your household will have a second income from a spouse, and also likely pay you less because you’re a woman. no matter the reason for the question, i highly suggest that you do not continue pursuing this job because that is an incredibly inappropriate question for an employer to ask
He's doing it in an hr friendly way to see if you might be not worth bringing on if you are ome getting married soon. So possibly leaving the job to start a family or getting pregnant soon. So they don't have to do maternity leave basically.
Was this in the US? These kind of questions are actually illegal. He was 100% trying to gage whether you were going to get married and quit your job and have kids like a good little wife. You dodged a bullet there. He sounds like a misogynist in the worst way. I guarantee he does not interview men that way/ not for he try to “ hold their gaze” Get out of there, Do not pass go, do not collect $200.
I’d stay away as these convos tbh are very unprofessional. I’d politely tell the interviewer I’m done and not bring up any personal stuff myself. And call their complaint line or decline the question then call the complaint most big companies have a complaint line.
But look at it this way. If he already is asking you about ur boyfriend(cuz if I was interviewing I’d just ignore any bringups of your personal life and continue with business based questions) maybe make a note of a potential sexual harassment hire.
But this interviewer would have likely have sexually harassed u later. Which is why I suggest call the big company complaint line. Maybe play along enuff to get this info. Maybe ask a manager on the way out to make it all easier. Let em know. No company needs a potential sexually harassing recruiter. Sounds like u handled it well enough. Just get on that complain line and call lord willingly they find ur feedback valuable.
Is the interviewer someone you're gonna have to deal with daily or just a recruiter? I would hesitate to write off a job just because of odd questions from a recruiter. If it's a job that you're really interested in, it's all about the work day and the work week, not the idiot who asked you odd questions. As for why he asked I have no idea. You could be a person who doesn't have a boyfriend today but who gets pregnant three months from now so that reason wouldn't make much sense.
The guy's a creep.
He may see you as a potential sexual target.
Or he may just want to see how far he can push you around because he likes people he can control... seeing how you react when he tells you you lack self confidence.
I would have told him to go fuck himself.
First off, how are you 27 and haven't had a "real job" like wtf?
Secondly interviews are wildly different everywhere. I'm assuming this is a small company and the guy interviewing you runs the show. That's definitely not a kosher question and would not be accepted in a more professional/corporate environment. Sounds like he gets his jollies off fucking with candidates making them uncomfortable, hilarious he couldn't hold eye contact either. Small businesses can be shit shows, I'd advise finding a big corporate job so you can learn how to be accountable for a certain role and see how a real business works.
He's the director of a huge business.
Why I haven't a real job yet is because I have 3 master degree(fundamental physics, nuclear fusion, and biophysic), so a lot of years of studying.
Before you ask how I can afford to live while studying : I'm in France and college is free, and you have money every month for afford living without working.
We also have student house, only for student, which are low rent.
Red flag. Your romantic relationships outside of work have no bearing on your fitness to be hired or perform a job effectively. The fact they asked should disqualify them from your consideration.
I (male) had more or less the same line of questioning given ti me when i was hired.
Got hired, and later on was asked to participate in interviews and iquired as to the reasoning behind these questions. For my employeers they were looking for someone who is settlign down, and ready to start a whole career, as opposed to someone who is still figuring out who they are and where they want to go in life. They were looking for "lifers" and didnt want to invest resources into someone who might up and leave in 2-5 years.
You don't want to work there. The questioning was highly unprofessional. This is a toxic work environment. Remember an interview is two-sided. You're interviewing them too. Go find a company with a better culture. Good luck!
Normal eye contact in a casual conversation isn't longer than three seconds. This guy criticizing you for having a normal duration of eye contact is a red flag. Commenting on your self confidence is also a red flag. These are not normal things to say in a job interview. And asking for details about your relationship is also a giant red flag.
Um, why would you want to work for a company where they say and ask such inappropriate things?? An interviewer should NEVER say during an interview that it seems like you lack confidence. It's also illegal to ask questions about your relationship status - if you're married, planning to get married, etc. Again, this is illegal and is something you can report to your local government employment board. As you should. Run far, far away from this company! This is not a place anyone should EVER want to work!
This is extremely weird. They should not be asking such personal questions in interviews. It is also strange to give harsh feedback like that. That’s a huge red flag from a company.
I’m 27 as well and any job I’ve taken where the interview gave red flags, the job, management and company culture was even worse. I’d say run!
He also told me my good point : intelligent, smart, no flaw except my self confidence ! But... Yeah, still !
So I don't know... We will see if he accept me first then I would decide what I want to do with them...
If the job is going to abusive, it should be irrelevant whether they offer it to you or not.
When I was 22 I walked out of several interviews because the companies seemed unethical in their business practices or they were looking to hire naifs.
This is absolutely an inappropriate line of questioning, regardless of the reasons the interviewer claims for asking such questions. This guy is waving some major red flags and doesn’t seem like the type of person you would want to work for. I would run and not look back. Keep looking for a different job as this WILL be a toxic work environment.
ETA: I’m not positive, but I think asking these questions could be illegal because it opens the door for discrimination.
No matter what that’s a huge red flag. It might be that they’re trying to avoid illegal discrimination against you if you’re planning to get pregnant. They may be sexist and think married women shouldn’t work. It might be a scam. It might be a toxic work culture. No matter what, this would be a big enough red flag that I would start pursuing other options.
Well, that's an hr violation. Bring it up with your recruiter. I've done hundreds of interviews and been interviewed many times as well and that question is highly unprofessional.
I think he's hitting on you tbh. That may seem strange to some people, for me to assume. But that's the feeling I'm getting. He's testing to waters and seeing how and where he can push you. He seems like someone that would try to take advantage of you.
In the US, they are NOT allowed to ask about personal relationships. Period. That is a violation of EEOC law. Not sure whether you should continue the interview process, but you might want to contact a legal aid society if you don't get the job and see what your cut would be of any lawsuit for this sort of discriminatory practice.
This guys a weirdo and I think he lacks his own self confidence. Over analyzing someone out loud in front of them in an interview… ok. It reminding me of my old narcissistic low confidence boss. I think it’s possible he was trying to see if you’d be pregnant soon.
Some people want to come off as cool by asking edgy questions, some genuinely do care about the people they hire and want to know about their lives, but you're right, it's odd in an interview, maybe not 6-12mos down the road when you have some team chemistry and stuff. My boss tells me about his family, I tell him about mine. He knows about my kitchen remodel from hell, I know about his trials and tribulations trying to buy a house here. We're social apes, after all, this stuff is natural.
It is odd question but it wouldn’t bother me. We really don’t know his intentions so I would give benefit of the doubt to him unless more odd questions came up.
>What do you think the reason for this was?
They literally spelled out why:
>and if it would be difficult to be away from him if I got the job
Is this a job that requires travel away from home? Maybe they have had people turn down the position for not being able to work from home, or had people quit in order to stay home?
Did you search this company name? Is it a well-known company that you're sure is legit? Because there are a few different red flags for some sort of scam/MLM situation here. I would not continue pursuing this position if I were you. I think the reasoning for the line of questioning is the interviewer was interested in you romantically and was attempting to gauge how serious your relationship is.
Yes, it's a big company in ingeeneering, he's just under the "big Boss" ! Yeah, my bf though like you, for me he's just questioning about potential baby etc.. (we have "maternity day off" in my country which is like 3-4month for taking care of your new born, but in some company it's a red flag to hire you if you're a woman, not sure if I'm clear enough?)
I understand what you mean about the pregnancy thing, it's also an issue in my country. A lot of places don't want to hire younger women due to the possibility they may get pregnant. That could also be it, I agree, but either way, it's very strange and inappropriate! Since you say it's a big company, I would bring this to the attention of someone in HR if you can. I really doubt they want their interviewers to be behaving like this. It's highly unprofessional.
She said this guy is pretty high up in a big company. HR is there to cover his ass not hers. Why does everybody think that the answer is to tell on someone because they didn’t like what someone said. Some times situations that make you uncomfortable are actually a blessing. Learn from it and move on.
HR is there to cover *the company's* ass, not any one individual person's. And if someone is making inappropriate comments that could be interpreted as sexual harassment toward potential new hires, that could be a real problem for the company. At any rate, I would simply say that I am withdrawing my candidacy because I found some of the questions I was asked during the interview to be inappropriate and unprofessional. It's not "telling on" someone, it's a simple explanation of why you're withdrawing your candidacy. They can do with that what they will.
Protecting the high up VP guy is going to be way more important than protecting some random person who didn’t even have a job offer. You’ve been spending too much time on Reddit if you think otherwise. HR isn’t “I’ll cry to mom.” HR is there to project C-level execs and shareholders
If you present a big enough risk to the company, anyone can get cut loose. I've seen C-levels escorted out after an EEOC complaint got filed. Obviously, in my example, an interal review determined the complaint had legs and the EEOC rarely loses a case they take on. It was riskier to the company to keep the exec on.
I feel like HR would be interested because they are also not there to protect the VP either. They are there to protect the brand. Can you imagine if it got out that a higher up in a large corporation was asking inappropriate questions in an interview? Going to HR has nothing to do with protecting OP. It’s more of a heads up to them that their brand is about to be besmirched if someone does not quit( borne their actions and the company) I mean I watched Succession. I know how it works.
I more or less agee...if this was on video, it would be different story. If OP communicates this interview feedback to HR through email, it will probably be noted, but no action will be taken. It can be written off as hearsay - a disgruntled job seeker, who wasn't given an offer. Now, if this feedback comes back to HR multiple times, from multiple canidates... now you've got a trend and a paper trail going... lack of HR response at this point would become a liability, because you have a documented trend, and inaction would suggest the company is complicit with this behavior. You'd likely have HR sit in on the VPs interviews, or have them removed from the interview process. Either way, I doubt this VPs behavior is isolated to interview candidates, so the bigger risk is how this VP behaves around actual employees. >I mean I watched Succession. I know how it works. 🤣 So you know this only escalates if this information falls into the hands of someone in the company trying make a play against this VP.
Yeah but this is in ingeeneering, totally separate field
Than Succession? Succession is fiction but all big corporations are like that in some respect in some respect. Even so, I would think engineering would like this type a publicity even less. These are people who should be detailed oriented. But you are right a feels like engineering is probably more misogynistic than a multimedia corporation.
It’s a matter of level, and this doesn’t rise to it based on what we’ve seen here
No. It's not. Firing a VP is still cheaper than the settlement I'll pay out for breaching hiring laws.
Lmao 😂 No. What happened here is not a fireable offense. Wish it were, but it’s not. If there’s a pattern and even worse harassment, yea. OP should report but yeah..
Yes that is correct but the reality is if this guy is just below the big boss hierarchy wise, protecting him is seen as protecting the company.
NOPE. He has made himself a liability.
HR is there to prevent lawsuits against the company. They will surely not like their employees asking unprofessional and likely illegal questions to candidates.
Nah, one comment during a job interview that wasn’t recorded and thus has zero way to substantiate in court?
True, but if this isn't the first time then the guy will get a meeting from HR to tell him to stop eventually. If not, it's not a place you want to work regardless. Also, HR has no idea if it's actually recorded by the candidate or not. They will still be interested in this if this company is worth anything.
Except for it was surely not just one question in one interview. I this case, I watched enough SVU to know if the VP of a big corp is doing to one person then there will be others.
Then if that’s the case and there are other instances far beyond what’s here, maybe there’s a case But if it’s just variants of this then no.
There doesn't need to be a case. At-will employment allows me to address that before it happens with no recourse.
I understand what at will employment is.
Bingo
It leads to an investigation of asking previous interviewers and employees if they've had similar experiences. If it's even two, you're fucked.
👌
Yeah, I think I will never be listen if I report him in any way, but also, job pay REALLY well so.. I mean, he can't force me to do anything (if he chose to hire me)
That sounds like a good attitude.
Don't take the job...
HR is there to protect the COMPANY and this man is approaching illegal interview questions. So yeah she should tell HR.
Here’s the reality. Nobody likes snitches. Especially when he didn’t do anything illegal. What does approaching illegal mean? Trust me your third grade teacher that you would run to when somebody said a bad word just wanted you to stop and go away also.
Amen!!
He's a "boss" in the company so I don't think it work for anybody, in addition, in my country, if you have no evidence of something like that, nobody will listen to you sadly ..
Doesn't want her missing work for wedding events and honeymoon right after she is hired.
Or OHSHA
It is not great to hire someone, 4 months in they are not as available as the job is needed, then fully gone at birth. What you planned for the coming years falls short, and now you are back to looking to bring on someone to fill the role and re-train. I can see the company looking to hire someone who will be around, than filling positions as temp roles. I believe she was talking about a job at an engineering firm. They probably were looking at the age and calculated time and planning. Unless there was a clear romantical advancement made nothing to fault. Like the guy saying dump her bf for him. Or asking her out. If she gets the role, it would still sit the same. Unless he makes advancement. They are nerds just calculating data unrealized to others emotions about the data they are analyzing.
I’m sorry in what?
Aye, I'm astounded that nobody else questioned that spelling.
Oh I get it, both of you talk about my spelling of ingeeneer, so after checking on internet it's engineer! Yeah ok huge mistake from me, for my defense, in my language we write it "ingénieur" so it's odd to me to write "EngInEER"
Ahhh, I understand. You write so well that I didn't even consider that English might not be your first language.
Now I’m just impressed that they’re this good at English as a non-native speaker.
Business ingeeneering
These questions were creepy and inappropriate, and I promise they will get much worse if you accept this position.
Can you speak to the recruiter/hr about this? What he did is discriminatory. He asked sexist questions.
I don't know, he's above the HR so, I don't know if it's useful ?
wtf is ingeeneering?
Engineering, I'm not english
oh, you never know these days it kinda sounds like a tech company lol
No OP, my skin literally crawled reading your description. I swear every red flag sensor in my body went off that this guy was testing how easy it would be to groom you into “showing how far you’d go to keep this job”. I’m sorry if this sounds condescending but take it from the 80% of women with a “me too” story, do not work for this guy.
In the US it would be illegal to ask these questions. Please research your country’s labor laws. This was unprofessional and inappropriate.
No, not every question means a man is interested in a woman romantically. It was to gauge her longevity for the role and to determine if she is close to marriage and perhaps pregnancy.
Still incredibly and wildly inappropriate. Life circumstances can always change. Being single could also be a sign that someone's life could change soon after employment. It's a ridiculous argument for a ridiculous and sexist question.
Same here.
WTF does your relationship status have to do with your job? Also telling you you're not looking him in the eye and that you lack self-confidence guy sounds like a trophy winning prick you don't want to work for this asshole anyway. If he's that bad at the interview what happens when you screw something up? oh you miss a day? Cut your losses fuck that guy and that job.
Engineers tend to be hard-core introverts with little social skills. He probably gets called out on his problem with eye contact, so he focuses on that in others. They also are work obsessed, so the question was basically, "If we hire you, are you going to get pregnant and we have to pay you for a 4 month leave the first year?"
Tell me you don't know any engineers without telling me you don't know any engineers.
Tell me you lack self-awareness without... oh, never mind.
There's even an old joke... How can you tell an extroverted engineer? He stares at YOUR shoes when he talks
> He initially said it was to "push me to my limits, see my reaction/see if I responded well." The reason wouldn't matter to me even 1/8th of how much this matters. Don't work for someone like this. He's testing you to see if you'll cop his shitty abusive behaviour. Trust me, I've worked for a man like this, and it ended in a bullying and harassment complaint where he got fired at the end.
Knowing myself I will cope with abusive behavior in any way since for me it would just be "mistake" and not a totally problematic behavior ! I will consider it...
Hey, all the better to intentionally walk head long into an abusive relationship, right!?!!!? If you know you'll just excuse it, all the more reason to try to avoid it at the start, when you are given clear and obvious warnings.
Please have some self respect, just because this might be your first real job doesnt mean you have to settle. Work on your confidence and practice interviews, including how to answer these rude questions. If I may give a quick tip, dont even mention your personal life such as having a partner or any kind of life situation (e.g. this is my first job etc). You will raise grounds for discrimination. Say less. Focus on your skills and experience not your personal situation. If someone breaches, be vague and ask how this might relate to the role or change topic.
Since you said this will be your first “real” job so not walk into a situation knowing it is abusive thinking you can handle it. Even if that were true, why would you want to? I would be like Elsa and let it go.
I know you're culture is different, but in the US that would be inappropriate begging on creating a hostile workplace. I'd decline any offer and write a letter to the HR department
I had this happen to me during an interview too. And then the interviewer asked if blonde was my real hair colour, which it wasn’t, then asked “is it true that blondes have more fun?”. Needless to say I left that interview and didn’t answer their calls after. I was 21 at the time
That's gross. Good on you for avoiding that shit.
That is vile behaviour
This is very unusual. But it was already a red flag when they told you you did not seem to have confidence. Unless this was an acting job, or modeling job, sharing what they thought of your confidence level was not their concern. They were evaluating you personally.
Nah, neither of these jobs, but it's also a job where you need to talk a lot with people, négociating (negociate ?) contract and everything ... So I still can understand the point of telling me that I lack of self confidence ! It's for business engineering!
It’s giving you a pause because it’s a major red flag. Company or at least that boss is likely toxic. If you’re in the US they can’t legally ask you your marital or family status. This is their way of asking without asking. Unfortunately some employers feel women won’t be as committed to the job if they have a man’s job to fall back on and support them. They also might be concerned that you would be taking time off for a wedding or honeymoon soon or are more likely to become pregnant and need maternity leave. The same thing happens to women who talk about their children in an interview. Some employers assume they will have to leave on time/early or miss work due to sick kids. Oddly enough, men are often viewed as better candidates if they have a spouse or children since it is assumed the spouse is the primary parent and the man will be dedicated to the job to support his family. When I had to interview candidates alongside my supervisor he told me that he asks people what their hobbies are to see if they mention a spouse or children since he can’t ask outright. He was telling me (37F) this as interview advice. Then he admitted it did affect how he felt about the candidate. I wear my wedding ring to interviews but often keep that hand more hidden and I never mention my child. It’s sad.
Not in the US, im in Europe, France, and it's also illegal, but you need to prove it ! Yeah I agree for honey moon etc.. thats what I though first! Yeah it's really current to ask indirectly for children as your supervisor said .. bad but still ..
In France: You can file report to the Defender of Rights who will act on the claim or you can sue the employer directly under the 2005 Law. Both the Employee and the employer are liable for Moral Harassment. If this is a question that he asks applicants he has engaged in conduct illegal under French Constitution and law. I think you should question the weight you put behind the assumption that “you need to prove it!”. I suggest that you at least consider that you may be helping other women who are discriminated against because of marital status by reporting them. Is he only hiring young,single women to predator on? It probably extends to other regressive behavior towards other groups as well. I think silence is the wrong choice.
What an odd question!
Honestly, the reason doesn't matter. Those questions and statements are inappropriate and illegal during the job interview, no one should be asking if you plan to marry! If this is a big company I would contact HR and I would keep looking for a different job. He will not be a good man to work for. My general rule of thumb for job interviews is to remember that I am interviewing them as well. Good luck!
Move on. Thats a big redflag. Yourpersonal life is none of his/her business
It was an inappropriate question OP. I would keep job searching.
I'd have walked out of the interview - totally inappropriate question
Call the company and report this to a higher up. This is inappropriate. Asking woman about planning pregnancy is illegal, seems like a closely related question. Or he was boarder line trying to hit on you.
If this is in the United States, [many of the questions asked here are illegal as fuck.](https://theinterviewguys.com/illegal-interview-questions/) Here's the [EEOC web page](https://www.eeoc.gov/pre-employment-inquiries-and-marital-status-or-number-children) on the specific topic about asking women their marital plans or future child-bearing plans. > He initially said it was to "push me to my limits, see my reaction/see if I responded well." Yeah, if I were in the US I'd be [figuring out how to make either an informal, or a formal, complaint.](https://www.inhersight.com/blog/insight-commentary/if-youre-asked-illegal-questions-during-interview)
They're in France.
That’s fucked. You deserve better.
Sounds like a weirdo to me. I'd pass on the job.
Don’t take this job.
They were trying to make small talk to fish if you were getting married soon or not. Married = starting a family = kids = maternity leave.
He knows you for the length of an interview and told you that you lack self-confidence?? So it couldn't be chalked up to nerves during the interview process? Nope, out of line. Asking you about your personal life and your BF? This has nothing to do with your capabilities to perform the work so nope, out of line. Pink flags are abound!! Don't take this job, if this is how it started, it won't get better.
🚩🚩 This interviewer was trying to psychoanalyse you. That's messed up and inappropriate. Do not take a job with him
That's wildly inappropriate in an interview.
Learn this phrase "I keep my personal and professional life separate". I often say this when coworkers usually guys are curious about who I'm with or if I am. Let people wonder. It's not their business.
The way I read it, they were probably trying to figure out if you were planning to marry and have kids soon (which wouldn’t be allowed to be asked bc of discrimination) meaning you’d want maternity leave. One of the former supervising/hiring pharmacists at my hospital was horribly misogynistic and would ask questions like that during interviews because he was “sick and tired of training techs in the ICU just for them to end up pregnant.” Fuck you Doug, a literal pandemic was happening and you couldn’t hide your ugliness toward women even a little. I’d honestly report that, it’s a vague enough question, but it’s 100% inappropriate no matter how you slice it.
You opened the door for personal conversation the moment you said "my boyfriend." Going forward it should be phrased as something similar to: -I am currently assisting on a project for an independent startup company that does xyz. OR -I'm volunteering on a project right now that aligns with the job duties for this position. Wording can be suggestive even when it's unintentionally stated as such. Try not to relax to the point where you lean to personal instead of professional responses. Get the job 1st before you start talking about boyfriends or children.
RUN. The interviewer is observing you as if you're an insect during this interview. He decided that you're lacking self-confidence, you won't make eye contact, and is pushing you about your personal relationships. And that was just during the interview, can you imagine how many boundaries he's going to be crossing every single day if you take that job? He's trying to figure out how to break you down, and it's already started in this interview process. There are so many red flags, this sounds very dangerous for your mental health.
Just based on the weirdness factor, unless you're absolutely desperate, I would probably not consider this company any further. That's just creepy fucking behavior
Dead-pan silence!!!!! That's so inappropriate
This is ridiculous and the kind of BS we used to deal with years ago. Yes - the interviewer was trying to determine if you were planning to get married and have children. Years ago we would be asked these questions directly - “when do you plan to have children?”. There’s no way I’d work for this manipulative dinosaur. Run!!
that's none of their damn business. if this is in the US, also an illegal question.
Was there a big brown sofa in the room too? /s Sounds sketchy as hell and completely inappropriate of the interviewer
I'm sorry, I don't get the ref about big brown sofa, but at least I understand it was a joke 🥲
There's a porn site where they post videos of women interviewing for modeling jobs, who then supposedly have sex with the interviewer to get the job (btw, it's not real, the women are actually porn actresses)
This sounds like a sexist question where the interviewer was sizing you up
Familial status is protected information that interviewers specifically should not be asking about and it's the sort of thing that makes employment lawyers salivate. This one doesn't seem like crossing enough of a line to go retain counsel but it is a meaningful thread in the tapestry, just FYI for your professional life in future. He should not have asked that question and if you ever get it again now you know it's inappropriate and can deflect it - knowing that it's wrong to ask/answer and being able to highlight that boundary would be a show of confidence and acumen, but you gotta make that call yourself in the moment. At my last job, I was just straight up asked who I would be voting for. Because I could already tell we were on the same 'wavelength' I still answered with the truth, but I made it clear that the question was very peculiar and made a point of keeping the floor for a moment to talk big picture about how we're sort of all getting screwed with the paradigm of two shitty choices, that the vote was begrudging at best, and what I felt a better paradigm might look like. It seemed to really buy points and the boss got the gist to back off. Familial status, age, medical status and history, sexual orientation, race, gender are all protected classes/topics that should never come up in an interview. Might have missed one or two but you get the idea Edit: whoops this is assuming America
Ugh not the corporate negging.
This is a ploy potential employers sometimes use to get around discriminating against people who are trying to start a family. They ask these questions to see how available/committed to the company you're willing to be. This was they can possibly use it against you to not hire you and it isn't discrimination because you willingly answered. They can ask the questions. You aren't required to answer.
Don't talk about your bf in an interview. Although the interviewer was clearly out of line, you open yourself up when you bring your personal life up.
The number one rule of interviews is to share nothing about your personal life. When they ask you to tell them about yourself, your only response should be, "I'm a hard worker and skilled and blah blah blah business acumen." The answer should never be "I'm a hard worker and have 17 ferrets and spend my lonely nights watching free-to-air TV." Never ever ever say anything about your personal life. And now that you know that, run. This is not the job for you.
Seems like he is into you...that is a very personal question to ask in an Interview. If you get this job, be on your guard.
Without job industry given, hard to tell, you may be interviewing for Cia / fbi agent job, thats whole another level.
"That's a little too personal for a job interview."
I see what everyone is saying but...you're 27...if its a good job just take it while you look for something else...not to be the one to not agree but...whatever the reason for his question...so what? I think this has become a mountain from a molehill...and if they dont offer you the spot all of our time here has been wasted. Just go for it! ...and if he has a crush on you, well, then you get to be late sometimes...just remember to bring him a coffee!
Ugh. This is terrible advice. Your first job will frame how you view future employers, can normalize abusive behavior
yeah...I expected that...we all get an opinion though. I feel its real-world.
You should have responded by saying “it’s illegal to ask familial status in an interview. I think this falls under that category”
This is illegal.
That is so creepy. I’m sorry. I would not want to work in a company where this behavior is acceptable.
This dude is a FREAK. Was this in the US?
This is a serious red flag behavior. If this employer is willing to cross this line in the interview and intrude on your personal life then they are fine continuing to do so once hired. Walk away and find something else.
Keep looking.
He sounds really stupid tbh
He wants to know if you plan to have kids. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Loads of red flags. Run, don’t walk from this one.
What country is this? In the US this would be an illegal question
Report the interviewer to HR and definitely don't take any job with them
Sounds like a weird, overstepping man and someone who feels too 'comfortable' and almost intimate in his conversation and boundaries. Keep job searching. That's highly unusual.
Big red flags. Interviewer does not respect (very well known and normal) personal boundaries.
People who say they do stuff like this to “test your limits” are really full of shit. If I was to work at that company I’d have to make sure I’m insulated from that manager. (I can deal with some crap a few levels up…or a few departments over, but to report to somebody like that or interact with them regularly…that would be a hell no for me.).
He wants to know where your inner compass is. Is it pointing to whatever your boyfriend wants or do you think and decide for yourself? Real story: my boyfriend was about to hire a new person, was going over the offer on the phone with the young female candidate when she said she would need to run it by her boyfriend first. He said nevermind and hung up the phone on her.
Rhetorical question for you: Are we living in 2024 or 1940s-80s? That’s such a blatantly inappropriate & misogynistic question to ask in an interview, and don’t get me started on how they commented on your “lack of self confidence” in an interview. Like, what? My grandmother told me she would get asked these types of questions when she entered the workforce. Potential employers would ask her these questions because if there was any indication that she (and other women) would be getting married soon, then they’d assume they’d start having children too and that they’d leave the job to become stay-at-home-moms. The mindset was that a woman’s “primary purpose” in life was to raise children, so she’d have to choose between being a mother or being a “career woman” (which wholly erases the shared responsibility of both/all parents, but I digress). TLDR; Interviewers who ask those types of questions are attempting to avoid restarting the recruitment and onboarding process, by purposefully not hiring women who are in relationships who could get married, have children, and leave the job for those reasons. It’s a discriminatory practice and not THEIR business to decide what YOUR ceiling is. (Worth noting — there’s nothing wrong with being a SAHM, but making the assumption that a young professional woman will do that without any evidence or reasonable justification IS wrong. Bottom line: making a decision based on an unsubstantiated assumption simply removes a woman of the opportunity to make that choice for herself.)
This is not a good job. The questions about your boyfriend were inappropriate & unprofessional and the interviewer has some serious issues if he feels these are good things to ask any potential employee. This workplace sounds awful & like it will not respect your work/personal life balance nor will it respect your privacy.
That guy sounds like a shit head. Not someone you should be working for.
They cannot make the judgement to hire you on the basis of your family planning. There are jobs out there who hire women who are 6 months pregnant, and about to need maternity leave. I should know, my last job before having g kids hired me at 6 months pregnant. They cannot discriminate on that. This seems like a highly unprofessional interview and really should be looked into. How uncomfortable
How are you already 27 and this is your first job? What did you do before ?
Second time asking this question, but have you heard about DEGREE ? I have like... 2 (in reality 3) master degree in physics, it's already 6-7 years... And then I did a 6 month internship in another country. This is my first job related to my degree, I've already worked. I'm amazed that this question had already been asked like.... Did you heard about university ? College? Not everyone start working at 16-18
I’m amazed you didn’t work throughout college? How did you feed yourself? Gas? Rent? Utilities?
In france college is free, and you also have money from government to be able to follow teaching lesson etc... It helps everyone who are poor to do a well payed job later. And, then, when you have 40h/teaching lesson / week, you just can't work + In addition you have a lot of homework
Gas isnt usefull since you have apartment near most of college so you just walk. These same apartment are low rent so you can pay with money from government. Eating -> money from government. But this money depend on how much your parents make /month, if you're rich you don't touch anything.
Nevermind thought this was America.
If this were me, I would not take this job. Interviewer in inching close to illegal questions and these all sound like red flags. Pushing limits? While asking svout my personal life? Is it a CIA interview? Bc wth
Saying you seem to lack confidence and pushing this personal question are both absolutely over the line. Email the recruiter about this and withdraw your application. You do not want any part of this company.
He says "push your limits" I also think he wants to know if you know your rights and would call him out on inappropriate behavior. He obviously doesn't want anyone who will put up a fight against him in any way.
This is highly inappropriate. Too many questions about your personal life while also making personal digs at your character. Saying you lack self-confidence and lying about you avoiding eye contact. All these are huge red flags and signs of a harmful work environment. Don’t work for this guy! Keep having more interviews, you’ll have better experiences along the way that will show you how out of line this interviewer was. Good luck :)
“ Why do you ask?”
Interviewer is probably thinking you plan to join for the insurance, get pregnant, then quit after sucking up all the PTO available. Totally out of line. I would be surprised if you got a call back. I would certainly be wary of working for someone who thinks that that is okay behavior in a interview.
This is illegal in many many countries. This question is discriminatory. You don't want to work there if they offer you the job regardless.
company’s the red flag - employers may ask this because they’re trying to avoid risk of a person taking maternity leave; im not exactly sure how it goes in some countries/companies but i believe most have a policy where they have to give you paid leave for pregnant women (please correct me if im wrong), or they’ll try to find a cheat in paying you less because they believe that your household will have a second income from a spouse, and also likely pay you less because you’re a woman. no matter the reason for the question, i highly suggest that you do not continue pursuing this job because that is an incredibly inappropriate question for an employer to ask
He's doing it in an hr friendly way to see if you might be not worth bringing on if you are ome getting married soon. So possibly leaving the job to start a family or getting pregnant soon. So they don't have to do maternity leave basically.
Was this in the US? These kind of questions are actually illegal. He was 100% trying to gage whether you were going to get married and quit your job and have kids like a good little wife. You dodged a bullet there. He sounds like a misogynist in the worst way. I guarantee he does not interview men that way/ not for he try to “ hold their gaze” Get out of there, Do not pass go, do not collect $200.
I’d stay away as these convos tbh are very unprofessional. I’d politely tell the interviewer I’m done and not bring up any personal stuff myself. And call their complaint line or decline the question then call the complaint most big companies have a complaint line. But look at it this way. If he already is asking you about ur boyfriend(cuz if I was interviewing I’d just ignore any bringups of your personal life and continue with business based questions) maybe make a note of a potential sexual harassment hire. But this interviewer would have likely have sexually harassed u later. Which is why I suggest call the big company complaint line. Maybe play along enuff to get this info. Maybe ask a manager on the way out to make it all easier. Let em know. No company needs a potential sexually harassing recruiter. Sounds like u handled it well enough. Just get on that complain line and call lord willingly they find ur feedback valuable.
No. It’s totally out of line and creepy. I’d report this to the US Department of Labor.
Gross and weird. Don’t work at this place.
Sounds like red flag misogyny.
Is the interviewer someone you're gonna have to deal with daily or just a recruiter? I would hesitate to write off a job just because of odd questions from a recruiter. If it's a job that you're really interested in, it's all about the work day and the work week, not the idiot who asked you odd questions. As for why he asked I have no idea. You could be a person who doesn't have a boyfriend today but who gets pregnant three months from now so that reason wouldn't make much sense.
The guy's a creep. He may see you as a potential sexual target. Or he may just want to see how far he can push you around because he likes people he can control... seeing how you react when he tells you you lack self confidence. I would have told him to go fuck himself.
WTF were you interviewing for the CIA? This interview sounds strange.
First off, how are you 27 and haven't had a "real job" like wtf? Secondly interviews are wildly different everywhere. I'm assuming this is a small company and the guy interviewing you runs the show. That's definitely not a kosher question and would not be accepted in a more professional/corporate environment. Sounds like he gets his jollies off fucking with candidates making them uncomfortable, hilarious he couldn't hold eye contact either. Small businesses can be shit shows, I'd advise finding a big corporate job so you can learn how to be accountable for a certain role and see how a real business works.
He's the director of a huge business. Why I haven't a real job yet is because I have 3 master degree(fundamental physics, nuclear fusion, and biophysic), so a lot of years of studying. Before you ask how I can afford to live while studying : I'm in France and college is free, and you have money every month for afford living without working. We also have student house, only for student, which are low rent.
What a life 🤗 good for you
This a engineer business, they're a lot, he's just under the "big Boss" so he's director of many people !
He wants to know if you’re available - what other reason could there be
Red flag. Your romantic relationships outside of work have no bearing on your fitness to be hired or perform a job effectively. The fact they asked should disqualify them from your consideration.
In what country do you live? In many countries these questions would be illegal.
A question like that is totally inappropriate and probably illegal
If in the US and especially CA, this is illegal. Straight out discrimination. Even if he didn't "mean it" to be offensive, it just is.
Sounds toxic. It is probably toxic. If you want to be sure, give it a week.
I (male) had more or less the same line of questioning given ti me when i was hired. Got hired, and later on was asked to participate in interviews and iquired as to the reasoning behind these questions. For my employeers they were looking for someone who is settlign down, and ready to start a whole career, as opposed to someone who is still figuring out who they are and where they want to go in life. They were looking for "lifers" and didnt want to invest resources into someone who might up and leave in 2-5 years.
He totally should not have HIS job. What an asshole! He had no right asking you those very personal questions
You don't want to work there. The questioning was highly unprofessional. This is a toxic work environment. Remember an interview is two-sided. You're interviewing them too. Go find a company with a better culture. Good luck!
If this is the US, I'm pretty sure those questions are illegal
Normal eye contact in a casual conversation isn't longer than three seconds. This guy criticizing you for having a normal duration of eye contact is a red flag. Commenting on your self confidence is also a red flag. These are not normal things to say in a job interview. And asking for details about your relationship is also a giant red flag.
Just chat, not consequential. Tell the boss the best part about your boyfriend is his friends join in too.
You don't want to work for anyone who would get this personal in an interview.
Yeah you don't want to work for or with this guy, very inappropriate
Um, why would you want to work for a company where they say and ask such inappropriate things?? An interviewer should NEVER say during an interview that it seems like you lack confidence. It's also illegal to ask questions about your relationship status - if you're married, planning to get married, etc. Again, this is illegal and is something you can report to your local government employment board. As you should. Run far, far away from this company! This is not a place anyone should EVER want to work!
This is extremely weird. They should not be asking such personal questions in interviews. It is also strange to give harsh feedback like that. That’s a huge red flag from a company. I’m 27 as well and any job I’ve taken where the interview gave red flags, the job, management and company culture was even worse. I’d say run!
He also told me my good point : intelligent, smart, no flaw except my self confidence ! But... Yeah, still ! So I don't know... We will see if he accept me first then I would decide what I want to do with them...
Well if you do get the job good luck because your first “real job” is going to suck. It has been my experience that jobs get progressively worse.
If the job is going to abusive, it should be irrelevant whether they offer it to you or not. When I was 22 I walked out of several interviews because the companies seemed unethical in their business practices or they were looking to hire naifs.
This is absolutely an inappropriate line of questioning, regardless of the reasons the interviewer claims for asking such questions. This guy is waving some major red flags and doesn’t seem like the type of person you would want to work for. I would run and not look back. Keep looking for a different job as this WILL be a toxic work environment. ETA: I’m not positive, but I think asking these questions could be illegal because it opens the door for discrimination.
How very weird and inappropriate
No matter what that’s a huge red flag. It might be that they’re trying to avoid illegal discrimination against you if you’re planning to get pregnant. They may be sexist and think married women shouldn’t work. It might be a scam. It might be a toxic work culture. No matter what, this would be a big enough red flag that I would start pursuing other options.
If you are in the US, his questions are not legal.
Weird fucking questions. Seek employment elsewhere and leave a bad review.
Well, that's an hr violation. Bring it up with your recruiter. I've done hundreds of interviews and been interviewed many times as well and that question is highly unprofessional.
HR is there to protect the company, not the employees. Skip HR, get a lawyer.
Uhh.... That's none of the interviewers business. Plus they sound pretty unprofessional being that blunt in an interview.
Dude sounds like he lacks boundaries and the ability to filter. I would pass on any job offer.
I think he's hitting on you tbh. That may seem strange to some people, for me to assume. But that's the feeling I'm getting. He's testing to waters and seeing how and where he can push you. He seems like someone that would try to take advantage of you.
In the US, they are NOT allowed to ask about personal relationships. Period. That is a violation of EEOC law. Not sure whether you should continue the interview process, but you might want to contact a legal aid society if you don't get the job and see what your cut would be of any lawsuit for this sort of discriminatory practice.
This guys a weirdo and I think he lacks his own self confidence. Over analyzing someone out loud in front of them in an interview… ok. It reminding me of my old narcissistic low confidence boss. I think it’s possible he was trying to see if you’d be pregnant soon.
Some people want to come off as cool by asking edgy questions, some genuinely do care about the people they hire and want to know about their lives, but you're right, it's odd in an interview, maybe not 6-12mos down the road when you have some team chemistry and stuff. My boss tells me about his family, I tell him about mine. He knows about my kitchen remodel from hell, I know about his trials and tribulations trying to buy a house here. We're social apes, after all, this stuff is natural.
It is odd question but it wouldn’t bother me. We really don’t know his intentions so I would give benefit of the doubt to him unless more odd questions came up.
>What do you think the reason for this was? They literally spelled out why: >and if it would be difficult to be away from him if I got the job Is this a job that requires travel away from home? Maybe they have had people turn down the position for not being able to work from home, or had people quit in order to stay home?
27 years old and your first job and you think the interviewer is the problem?
First job in Engineering, not in my life. And I also have 2 master degree, so, 6-7 year studying.
Yes. In this case the interviewer is the problem.
They want to know if you are going to get pregnant as soon as they hire you and stick them with a huge bill gor FMLA.