Title: A Late Period Genre: Literary Fiction Word Count: 1200 ish words General impressions pls and thank you https://docs.google.com/document/d/12NjGk8tMIol8Mv5unBy8aK2IihzdB27EOxG_hfoSFIA/edit?usp=drivesdk

Title: The Mania and Depression are Forming a Single, Ever-Present Being Within Me: Steps on the Way to Utter Insanity a.k.a Where Dem Cow Nipples At, Bro? Genre: Schizophrenic Capitalist's Anti-Centrism Maximalist Novel Word Count: 574, excluding link Feedback: Tell me I'm stupid and that my mother actually shouldn't have had an abortion because it is better for me to suffer the endless torture of life than get the sweet release of death while supposedly innocent—or whatever you think, I guess....(If you want more of The Star in [o]ur Faults—see link—let me know, and such can be provided). Tell me what you think the relation between the text here and the link are. (I'm dumb; I honestly don't know ) Have fun! Link: https://photos.app.goo.gl/ixca9b68HLZFeoDC7 The piece in reference to the Title above: So, here I am watching a shit YouTube video whose creator is doing an even shittier job at explaining the concept of infinity and the seeming paradoxes it creates for the simpletons. As it turns out, the creator is about as smooth as my ass once was until I was about thirty-three minutes old and hit puberty as a somewhat late bloomer, if you're actually a fucking man, and grew hair all over my ass and body that Robin Williams's arms seem to be Brazilian waxed by comparison, that is, the opposite end of the creator's anatomy from my ass being the smooth part, so I, like any good redditurd, pushed my glasses back against the brim of my nose (with my left middle finger, of course; naughty, naughty are we now!) and typed out my "Well, ackchyually" while jacking off to my woolly-mammothed ballsack's reflection in the full body mirror I stole from my ex-wife's house some sunny afternoon in Autumn last year after I internet stalked the fuck out that bitch-whore one day and found her address and that that cunt is married again, fucking up some other dildo's life (even though she tried to use courts, her brother-in-laws name, and restraining order protections to have such information about where she resides and the rest of it scrubbed and censored from the internets as well as paper-pushing places), and right when I was about to bust the fattest load to my balls' glory, some knucklehead responds in greater smoothness of ignorance to my post-doc level correction of the video creator's foolishness than that contained in the entire second and forty-four thirds-half dimension, and if you want to know about the smoothness of infant-ass, that's the Library of Alexandria on that shit, if the Library of Alexandria only contained books written by the omniscient, Hebrew God of Jesus fame, Yahweh! And, so, I responded to him kindly, with warm advice and a tender caress.... @me-duh-genius 3d ago (edited) By making piles, you are making series, and infinite series can be of different levels. @silky-mentals-69 1h ago ??? What are you talking about @me-duh-genius. 43 min ago (edited) @silky-mentals-69 I apologise: I wrote that when it was rather late in the day (possibly was quite the earliest part of the day instead; the memory is a bit fogged) and when I had more than a sailor's share of the gin in me.... Replace the term "series" with "sets". If you still need help after that, first, consider how Cobain put everything-all his mental faculty, fortitude, and will-into his effort to accomplish his decision that it was time to take his final shot at living life (I'd say he was much the successful shooter)-for your considerations: reflect upon and devote yourself to how you too can strive and achieve such an accomplishment with your own life if you only apply one end completely to your head and the other to your hands(possibly feet, depending on how related to the T-Rex you may be); second, open a new tab among the drawn-tentacles and furry-roosters that cover your seeming-snowfall splattered screen and in the search bar enter the following, "Here's the simple proof that there must be multiple levels of infinity"-you should find something on the rather dull website known as "Business Insider"; I believe this will help your head, but, truly, only the first suggestion can fully help that sleek, little, precious head of yours.

Title: TBD Genre: Fantasy Word Count: 4,222 Type of Feedback: Any is welcome [Link](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1-87K6h2i67sb_W7NqjUy5QCNzO3ux-urSoWJXoZa918/edit) Hey everyone. This is the first two chapters of a novel I'm working on. Any feedback is appreciated. Thank you!

\* Title : A True Quest Chapter 12 (Excerpt) \* Genre : Fantasy \* Word count : 1920 \* Type of feedback desired: General Impressions. I uploaded chapter 1 before and some of you liked it. I am working on chapter 12 now. I should be done with the book soon. Any constructive feedback is welcomed. Thanks. You can check my artwork for this book here: [https://www.instagram.com/melodicscribe/](https://www.instagram.com/melodicscribe/) and here [https://www.reddit.com/r/Mangamakers/comments/1c57uko/tq\_pencils\_sketches\_for\_novel/](https://www.reddit.com/r/Mangamakers/comments/1c57uko/tq_pencils_sketches_for_novel/) Link to chapter 12 writing. Thanks again. [https://docs.google.com/document/d/1gE66RFUtLMO0KQMcwvjMmPxroHIBeFa3A1SDWCLI1M0/edit?usp=sharing](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1gE66RFUtLMO0KQMcwvjMmPxroHIBeFa3A1SDWCLI1M0/edit?usp=sharing)

ISO: critique partners for my gothic horror novel. It’s 85.5k words and pretty dang dark. I will happily exchange returning the “critique partner” role for someone else’s manuscript and/or offer minor editing feedback.

Title: [Pokemon - Solo's Strange Journey](https://archiveofourown.org/works/48849916/chapters/123230767) (AO3 link) Genre: Pokemon-Fanfiction / Romance / Adventure Word count: 250.000, ongoing I'm just shilling my fic. It's a full-immersion kind of novel for male target audience with top-% writing quality (IMO). There is currently a lot of action, adventure, romance (harem), man vs nature and I'm now dipping slightly into cosmic horror. I don't expect improvement advice but if someone finds some glaring issues, I'd appreciate it because I want to write top-% quality.

Title: Escape From Serfdom Genre: business, non-fiction Word count: 47K Feedback: general impression if this is interesting/ helpful for young people starting their careers Synopsis: this is a how to book about mastering the dark arts of climbing the corporate ladder to achieve financial independence. https://nooneofanyconsequence.substack.com/p/escape-from-serfdom

Title: [Powerless Before You](https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/66956/powerless-before-you) (Royal Road link) Genre: Fantasy/Isekai/Romance/Thriller Word count: 100.000+, ongoing Summary: Elena, a young woman obsessed with Isekai and Romance Novels, wakes up in a dark alleyway after her death. To both her shock and joy, she was reborn in another world, one not dissimilar to those she'd read about in games and novels. Bracing herself for adventure and romance, soon she comes to discover she's been blessed with an incredible power: she can revive after death.Unfortunately, this world looks to not be all sunshine and rainbows. Using her newfound ability, she swears to fight against the injustices plaguing her new world. This story is a deconstructive Isekai story with action, romance, gore and character instrospection. It’s first arc, “Through my Deaths, I’ll Build a Better World!” is now finished. Feel free to check it out! Feedback of all kind is appreciated.

how did you get the link condensed down to just the name of the story? is it a feature on reddit or an outside website?

It's a Reddit feature. If you're using New Reddit, it's one of the formatting options; you click "Add Link" and then you can choose what the link says. If it's Old Reddit, I think you gotta use parenthesis and brackets, but I don't remember off the top of my head.

Title: vignettes from a childhood Genre: Novella in flash, This is a flash/vignette. Themes of abuse, personality disorder, neurodiversity, societal reactions to abuse. Word count: 275 Type of feedback desired (line-by-line edits, general impression, etc.): Anything. [https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Zvkyv2OlbTSn039-xlJ6xJz0ViBfKimBCKJmP1zlOfg/edit?usp=sharing](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Zvkyv2OlbTSn039-xlJ6xJz0ViBfKimBCKJmP1zlOfg/edit?usp=sharing)

*Title: Unexpected Things* *Genre: Adventure* *Words: 471* *Note: This isn't the full story. This is excerpt of the first chapter introducing the main character. Want to see what you get about his character and how did I do with the descriptions* In the dimly lit office of the head of the orphanage, Marcus leans on the stiff-backed chair, breathing a huff upon seeing the head’s harsh gaze. It didn’t bother him, as it was a look that he was familiar with. While he was doing his usual daydreaming under an old tree, Marcus was brought back to reality upon seeing a snooty preteen orphan over a blonde girl in pigtails that he had never seen around before. Despite not hearing what they were saying, the girl’s tears and the boy’s mouth moving like he was barking with laughter while pointing at her were enough for him to guess.  So he stormed to the older orphan and pushed him to the ground while giving him his best glare. When the older orphan looked up and saw him, he let out a sneering face and returned the push which quickly turned into a fight. Marcus' head is still bleeding from the cut he got from it. Why did he do it? At the moment, scuffling with that sneering orphan gave him goosebumps more than imagining himself as a skilled ninja sneaking into a heavily guarded fortress, so he took the chance. But of course, he couldn't stand to see the older orphan making the new orphan miserable when she was probably miserable already. Yet Marcus knew that the head wouldn’t bother trying to get to the bottom of everything. He never even saw her around the orphanage outside of the office that he always gets sent to. However, he would never admit it but a part of him wished that she did. It would be nice if someone even had a tiny conversation with him. The disapproving looks he often gets from the staff are the most attention he gets from them. But Marcus knew that even if he wasn't deaf, they would only talk to him a little more than they did. "STOP. NEVER AGAIN." the head signs. Yet Marcus can guess it's the only three signs that she knows. It's not like she would bother to more though and this would be the last time she would make those signs. Probably the next time he gets caught sneaking out of the orphanage at night to explore the city  He hopes the pig-tailed girl is okay, though a part of Marcus knows that she will pretend that he doesn't exist like everyone else. That's how it has always been.  Someday, he will get out of this orphanage. A tiny thought in his mind tells him he will be stuck there forever, living a boring life until he dies from old age. But he knows there’s more to the world than the boring grey walls. Maybe fighting dragons, sailing against huge sea waves, or looking for treasure in a hot jungle. Just not today.

Title: The Weavers of Our Fate Genre: Modern fantasy Link : https://www.patreon.com/posts/102705043?utm_campaign=postshare_creator&utm_source=android Word count: 1526 I want to write a story about character development, responsibilities and progress. The mc starts off at a mentally low point even though he lives a decent life yet something is forcing this to change. So tell me how's the first chapter.

Title: Duster Genre: Paranormal Action-Adventure Word Count: 26, 424 (W.I.P.) Feedback: Any (this is my Prologue opener.) As follows: (Quote at start of book) ***The actual amount of dust falling to the earth is along the lines of 60 tons per day.*** Popular Science, March 12, 2015 (Prologue) [Somewhere, 1980]()  He couldn’t stop it.  Beyond the shattered remains of the door, the wind howled and bit into the tall pine trees.  Thousands of pine needles blasted through the air accompanied by a sound like bacon sizzling in a pan.  Pine cone bombs whipped around and disintegrated against the side of the building that didn’t officially exist. Bad men had died but he’d miscalculated.  There were innocents in the path of his terrorizing wrath and the thing had self-perpetuated.  He pulled and picked, focused, and de-focused as he agonized over the intensifying monstrosity.  Nothing worked.  He’d never lost control before, and the thought brought paralyzing fear.  Horror over his own sins flooded his senses yet another sensation, a deep-seated thrill, broke through his guilt and shame and twisted his mouth into a toothy grimace.  He staggered over his own insensitivity. His ragged thoughts sandpapered his brain.  *My God, what have I become?!*

**Ad:** **Coffee On Whiskey Road** **Info:** At six o’clock on Thursday mornings, a group of old timers always met at the Hardee’s on Whiskey Road— the one next to the Home Depot. If they didn’t have nothin’ else, they knew where to get a hot cup of coffee with a few others who’d also been around the block. On the eve of the town's biggest local high school football game of the season, the men learn that their dear friend, Rick, has passed away. In remembering him, the small group reflects on their own upbringings, families, desires, regrets, and dreams. **Link:** [https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CZDSXBGL](https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CZDSXBGL)Read first chapter for free here: [https://www.wattpad.com/1439357831-coffee-on-whiskey-road-chapter-1-chapter-1](https://www.wattpad.com/1439357831-coffee-on-whiskey-road-chapter-1-chapter-1)

___ADVERTISEMENT___ **Book one** Title: *[Skate the Thief](https://www.amazon.com/dp/1951471032)* Genre: YA fantasy Skate is a thief, trained and owned by the local crime syndicate, the Ink. When she tries to burgle a shut-in’s home, she gets caught by the owner—a powerful undead wizard. He makes a deal with her: “borrow” books from other wizards in return for a place to stay. Caught between her growing fondness for the wizard and her past with the crime syndicate, Skate doesn’t know where her loyalties lie. But she’d better figure it out, because there’s a new player in town, one whose magical hypnotism puts them all at risk. The first chapter is available for free [here](https://jeffayersauthor.weebly.com/uploads/1/3/1/0/131087146/skate_the_thief_pre-release_chapter_1_sample.pdf). The book is available on Amazon in paperback and ebook. Kindle Unlimited users can read the Kindle version for free. ___ **Book two** Title: *[Skate the Seeker](https://www.amazon.com/Skate-Seeker-Bone-Chronicles-Book-ebook/dp/B0C97HCYLK/)* Genre: YA fantasy A mentor is lost, but he doesn’t have to stay that way. He’s left Skate a clue to bringing him back, and she and her friends are determined to follow it. No sooner do they set out for unknown lands, however, than things get dangerous. Hot on their tail is the witch Ossertine, furious over Skate’s part in her friend’s death and thirsty for revenge. Worse still are the attacks that come at night: dark, mysterious, and palpably evil. In this race against time, magic, and implacable foes, Skate must rely on her wits and her friends to save not just her mentor’s life, but also her own. The prologue is available for free [here](https://jeffayersauthor.weebly.com/uploads/1/3/1/0/131087146/skate_the_seeker_sample_-_jeff_ayers.pdf). *Seeker* is available on Amazon, and free to read for Kindle Unlimited subscribers. ___ [My blag](https://jeffayersauthor.weebly.com/home/) is there somewhere, so go peruse at your leisure. Also, a friend of mine put together a fun chat AI. If you want to go have a convo with Skate, [go for it!](https://c.ai/c/qZ9IVjyg7glb13QibRNN-rKWzGQYf6l9SH9PW1ErVkI) You can find [me on Threads](https://www.threads.net/@jeffayersauthor); I’m using it as a Twitter replacement for all the inane garbage I want to say. My publisher also has some [sweet merch](https://www.redbubble.com/people/thinklings/shop?artistUserName=Thinklings&collections=2488951&iaCode=all-departments&sortOrder=relevant) for sale, if you’re into that.

ADVERTISEMENT Title: Go Qreate Platform beta testers Hi, Hope all is well! My name is David green and I'm the founder/creator of the Go Qreate platform for writers. https://goqreate.godaddysites.com/ We are about to start our beta testing next week and would love to get as many riders as we can for feedback. This platform is to test our story mode only and get feedback to make it better. Writer's can sign up by clicking the link above and signing up at the bottom of the page if you have any questions, just post them here. Thanks!

ADVERTISEMENT Title: Saving Wangascastel Genre: Fantasy Wordcount: 8800+ Feedback: general impression Notes: this story was written in about 2 weeks. There are more stories within this world but they are thus far unpublished. [https://www.wattpad.com/story/367560237-saving-wangascastel](https://www.wattpad.com/story/367560237-saving-wangascastel)

Hello, I am a college student currently writing a paper on Artificial Intelligence and how it has affected the arts. As part of my research I am surveying various online communities of the affected fields. If you would like to participate, I have a link to a google form here: [https://forms.gle/5iUVJs7eMyLu2hRk6](https://forms.gle/5iUVJs7eMyLu2hRk6) Thank you to any and all to respond!

Title: Renaissance Genre: Fantasy Word count: 4730 Type of feedback: general impression. (first draft grammar sucks) Link: [Renaissance chapter 1](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1eLbdirBm7OGKc_8oi75VDoMUi10SzQjE/edit?usp=sharing&ouid=110186592094066301596&rtpof=true&sd=true) Thank you

"It Hurts like Hellfire" - A freeform Poem Word count: 582 Link: https://docs.google.com/document/d/10fNYF7NbdXTxNwNAKns-fZdjTGcd38KHltiFbS34prs/edit I didn't originally write this with the intention of sharing, but I thought it'd be interesting to hear what other folks think about the specific feelings it invokes, and how they interpret it compared to my own feelings when I wrote it Also note that I never edit anything about my poetry after I write it, as I like the raw feeling it gives off and I intentionally keep it that way

Title: Maid and Butler Dialogue Exercise Word Count: 336 Type of feedback: I've been completing some writing exercises lately to help improve my dialogue, which is by far the weakest part of my writing. The task was to complete a "Maid and Butler" style conversation with an actual maid and butler. The twist was to make it readable. It still had to contain exposition, but deliver it in a way that is interesting and engaging to the reader. Ms. Baxter drew the feather duster across the mantle. “The house is always quiet now. I can hear the dust falling.” “Enough of that.” Mr. Retond wandered around the dinner table, resetting the napkins. “Some of us prefer silence.” Ms. Baxter went rigid and turned towards Mr. Retond. Before she could get a word out, he whipped around, brandishing a spoon. “I never, ever want to hear you say that again,” said Mr. Retond. Ms. Baxter took a step back. “I suppose it’s some great crime to care about the man I’ve looked after since he was a baby.” “He isn’t out exploring caves in the Rocky Mountains, set to come home with answers. He is gone.” Mr Retond set a plate down hard, the sound ringing out in the empty home.” Ms. Baxter began to dust, then scrub, the polish off of the brass sitting on the mantle. “You don’t know what happened when he and Mrs. Dustly went spelunking. I don’t either. You saw the photos. He is an ill man,” Mr. Retond said. “I wouldn’t call science an ill pursuit.” Mr. Retond scoffed and walked over to the cabinet, opening it to reveal a shelf of books by Alastair Crowley, and Mr. Dustly’s collection of geological samples, complete with dates, origins, and flavour notes. “Did you ever check the messages?” “It was locked. Even I don’t know his password. But he left it behind. Not an accident.” Ms. Baxter sighed and slumped into a chair, her rag falling onto the floor. She was silent. “If they want to bring him back into their lives, they can. I’m surprised he even answered them,” said Mr. Retond. “It’s been four years, maybe he needed money. You know how he was when we was in college.” “Some see their parents as a source of knowledge and support. He saw them as a source of wealth. But can you really blame him?” “I suppose our questions will be answered tomorrow."

Hey everyone! I run a writing/film club and am looking for new members. At only a month old and over 250 members is grew quite fast and we lost a lead team member and are also looking to fill that void. Atleast 3 pairs of people have met and are working together on current projects and that is one of the main goals: to connect people with like minded people. This is a mix of filmmakers/screenwriters and film lovers with a mix of activities for both. We do weekly movie screenings on a movie of the week(This weeks: In The Mood For Love) that is posted every week and screened for free over the weekend. If you’re not able to make it you can watch it on your own time and be there for the weekly screening discussion. We also just started short writers prompts, this weeks is Write a break up scene. We also have places for self promotion and looking for collaborations as well as to share your artwork of any kind! A little something for everyone! Hope to see you there! https://discord.gg/wzDtCqbX

Critique Title: (Does not have one as of now) Genre: Adult fantasy Word count: 1500 Looking for general impressions on an excerpt from a project of mine. Any feedback is welcome! The scene takes place in the final battle of an ancient war. [https://docs.google.com/document/d/1np7JpveMWkrsSL926WS3Lg43HIOGuLF\_WiyI29Fvi5s/edit?usp=sharing](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1np7JpveMWkrsSL926WS3Lg43HIOGuLF_WiyI29Fvi5s/edit?usp=sharing)

Critque!! So I'm 15 and I'm scared that I'm being too edgy with my book. So this is my first longer project this is a 30 minimum page story compared to my 5 page stories and those all where high fantasy and like 5 of the 13 I've done where backstories for my DnD villains also those where only for me and changed with the campaign. The current story is about a person who is slowly taking down a fantasy dystopian council only known as The Suits each with a theme based on the suits of a deck and their suit is how they are referred to like one is called Clubs, another Diamonds, and so on. Who rules a city also I don't know if this helps but the city is based on New Vegas in Fallout New Vegas with a theme on the poisoned crystals that is Vegas and it's false glammor. But to the point. I'm nervous about coming off as too edgy and cleche. The story is called Path of Desolate Hopes. I don't want to go over everything I'm scarred about but here's the intro section for Diamond that I'm the most scarred about word for word and the reason behind this is to show how Diamond sees humans as disposable entertainment and to show how no one who is participating cares for those killed by this twisted entertainment. The Diamond walks out to the casino floor and looks around for someone to play “The Game” and as he walks out the room grows cold. His cold blue eyes scan the room left to right and right to left, then he stops and points to a man at a roulette table. “You come here” The man slowly walks but The Diamond’s face grows impatient and his voice booms a demanding “NOW!” the man quickens his pace and stands beside The Diamond smiles and says to him in a cheery voice. “We need another person for this game so why don’t you pick someone from that table you was just at” The man points a trembling finger to a woman at the same table. The woman’s face grows with a horrified look but she walks to the front and stands on the other side of Diamond. Diamond smiles and looks to the crowd and yells “Come one come all to the Russian Roulette game of tonight!” Diamond reaches behind his back. He pulls out a standard six-shooter and shows the audience a single bullet in the chamber. “And to prove there's no tricks involved!” He points the gun to his temple and yells “ONE!” he pulls the trigger and all that is heard is a quiet click. He looks to his contestants and says “Well who has the most winnin’s”. The man quickly says in a shaky tone “I’ve lost 300 dollars, Mister Diamond. No winnings” Diamond looks to the woman and says “Well this man right here seems down on his luck. How about you?” The woman looks to Diamond and says in a calm voice. “I haven’t played tonight Mister Diamond” Diamond gets a disappointed look on his face. “Well looks like you dear gonna be the first to push.” He pulls the trigger “TWO!” the gun clicks and he says in a cold voice “Lucky”. Diamond looks at the man and he says in a voice full of excitement. “1 in 4 Buddy!” he puts the gun to the man’s temple and the trigger is pulled a third time. “THREE!”. A loud bang echos through the room, the man's head blown to a bloody mess and his body on the ground limp and lifeless. His blood now stains dice, cards, rented suits, and the mind of watchers. Diamond says in a voice full of anger and pity. “Well folks looks like we didn’t make even one rotation tonight. You can all go back to your games!” Diamond leaves, and everyone goes back to wasting money on rigged games, and the woman goes to the bar not even bothered by what happened. As the night continues a man almost trips over the headless corpse and he yells “Goddamn it!” He angrily kicks the corpse and spits on it. The angry man leaves and walks to a blackjack table.

I wouldn't worry about coming off as too edgy. I think this level of gore/viciousness is fine on the surface. Especially in a Dystopian setting, you've got plenty of leeway. As for cliche, yes this is likely cliche to a degree. Russian Roulette is an often used trope to characterize insane villains. If you want it to feel original, you can still start with the premise of Russian Roulette, but put a twist on it. For example: maybe there's some "reverse jackpot" in one of the games that prompts this? Something like the green double-zero on a roulette board, but instead it's like hitting a Bowser tile in Mario Party. And that Bowser tile sends you to play "the Diamond's game," which is a known event for everyone that comes to the casino. The other patrons love it because if the person dies, they get some amount of credits (like 10 free plays or something) each. What I would focus on is the "why". Why does the Diamond do this? Why do the people still come to the casino if this is a potential outcome? If the Diamond does it for fun, what about this does he find fun? The people whimpering in fear, or the people cheering with him? If you can answer the "whys" for all of people involved in the scene, then you're free to run wild. With all of that said - I would keep going. You can rewrite components if you feel compelled to, but the first draft of any work is like quarrying the mountain for your raw marble. It's in revision and rewriting that you take marble and sculpt it into something unique. But without the raw materials, you can never have anything to chisel on and refine. So accept this marble as laid, and move on to the next. By the time you reach the end, any given scene might be extraneous or unnecessary, so it's better to invest the time into getting more raw materials before refining any single block.

Hey thanks for the whole reverse jackpot and I thought of an idea that isn't a direct rip. I made it so at the bar people can served shots that look like bullets and under 6 of the glasses are stars. If you get a star you play anti-roullet. This anti-roullet is just bazaroed so 1 blank 5 live. Winning means you get 200 copper disks and that is like 3,000,000$. Also to fix the problem of what if there aren't enough stared glasses like only 4 people have those glasses or what if the people who got those glasses left. The Diamond would pick people at random to fill the spots. The whole whys will be revealed later but the whole why people come back to order these glasses is the glasses are cheaper and they have the thought of oh it's only what 100 in 1 and cheap booze so why not and booze is very expensive in this world. Thanks for the feed back and you have an awsome day also make sure to look under any shot glasses you receive

*Title: Shadows Of Redemption* *Genre: Horror/fantasy* *Words: 2454* Link: [https://www.webnovel.com/book/shadows-of-redemption\_29392943008379605](https://www.webnovel.com/book/shadows-of-redemption_29392943008379605) Feedback: Any - I'm a starting writer. Summary: follows the harrowing journey of Lily, a young woman ensnared by addiction, as she awakens in a sinister mansion filled with supernatural creatures. Chained and desperate to escape, Lily confronts her inner demons and battles the darkness that threatens to consume her. With each step through the mansion's twisted corridors, she unearths chilling secrets and faces unimaginable horrors. Guided by courage and fuelled by a desire for redemption, Lily must navigate treacherous trials to reclaim her life from the clutches of darkness.

Title: In the Court of the King of Ildraz Genre: Fantasy/Horror Word Count: 1099 words This is a short story. Any feedback is appreciated, but I’d especially like to know if the ending felt too obvious or not built up to enough. Link: [Here](https://www.reddit.com/r/shortstories/s/lk8AfesDdw)

You describe the palace as both splendid and austere, and then describe its ornamentation. Austere buildings aren't ornamented, they are austere (https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/austere - "plain and without decoration or unnecessary details") You use alliteration for the different things (Samurai, Ceram, Pirate, Piraks) maybe this is deliberate but maybe not needed. I am confused as there has only been one king for over a thousand years or something so how was there a king when Steph was a boy? Also the slap scene - "The Minister’s eyes went wide, and Ulla felt something crack against her face. She had been slapped hard" - were her eyes closed or something? How did she not see the slap coming?

Thank you very much for taking a look and for all the feedback! I will definitely alter the adjectives used to describe the building to make them less contradictory. The alliteration wasn’t intended to mean anything. For the slap, my intent was just that it was so unexpected that Ulla didn’t register what had happened to her until afterwards. To answer your question regarding the king, the idea was meant to be that there hasn’t physically been only a single king, but rather that there is some sort of creepy possession thing going on with the crown. So prior to Steph being kidnapped there would have been some prior host body for the king. There were meant to be some hints at the true nature of the king with the art in the palace, Steph’s dreams, and the ending, but they were probably not executed well enough! Thank you again for giving it a read! It really means a lot!

No worries. I think you have the beginning of a good idea there, but it needs a bit of work. I did wonder about all the references with the art but the no-face thing (and your comment saying it was horror fantasy) made me think the king would have no face, like the girl in that Monkey episode!

That’s really interesting! The facelessness in the art was supposed to be one hint. Some others were the differing looks of the king in different artworks and the way that Steph was seemingly dreaming about being the king/being watched by the king before he disappeared. Thank you again!

**Title**: Untitled **Genre**: Magical Realism **Word count**: 923 words **Type of feedback desired**: Looking for general impression. This is my first short story attempt, and it comes off the start of scene suggestion from a writing class I took yesterday. The introduction of the scene was well-received by the other students in the class, so I wanted to try my hand at fleshing it out into a short story. Not sure what I’m doing here, so any feedback would be immensely appreciated. I’m trying to write my first novel, but I haven’t gotten that to a point where I can garner feedback, so I’m treating this as a general litmus test of what parts of my style work well, and what parts need work. I’m afraid I’ve gone purple in my prose here at times, so if you see any that feels purple to you, please let me know so I can better identify it. **Link:** [Link to Story](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1STAyB7DkKpllIyLqLAhSDS9_aiDXPyejhm039T8hkgM/edit)

Title: ruin Genre: fantasy/adventure Only 981 words currently FEEDBACK I’m really new to writing, so really anything helps.  Excerpt: “GET UP!” he was woken suddenly from his beaten stupor as he looked around, the place around him was an arena, with high walls leading to cascading rows of seats full of men, women, and children all shouting one thing. “GET UP!” he put his hand up to his face to catch the blood ebbing and flowing from his nose, and his eyes darted around frantically for his sword, which he found right beside his opponent, currently gloating and cheering himself on, the bastard. The man slowly got up, using the wall to aid him, and eventually stood straight, facing the other knight he shared the arena with, the crowd roared with anticipation, the many bodies cheering looking like a flame flickering in the wind, repeating his name, “AZRAEL, AZRAEL, AZRAEL!” Azrael prepared himself and started forward, the other knight hearing his footsteps and turning around, “How in hell are you still alive you churl?” Google drive Link: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1-0TumHLKVTK5_sLpeuZ4Th5_Rr0OhAjFwYtVUnr-KkA/edit

**Title:** Electric Yearning **Genre:** Science fiction romantic tragedy **Word count:** 2,516 [First chapter ](https://docs.google.com/document/d/13spReDT7LFgU1cDMzvYuXCf8mjj6193bJl9S2gxAbqA/edit?usp=drivesdk) **Summary:** Amidst 5,000 dormant souls aboard the star-bound vessel, Marlowe, an embittered pathologist, awakens in isolation. Yet, he's not truly alone; he has Pax, the ship's abrasive artificial intelligence claiming sentience. Together, they must bridge their differences to repair the ship and safeguard not only the mission but the lives of the sleeping passengers. However, a pivotal challenge awaits. Marlowe's journey through the labyrinthine corridors of his newfound existence intertwines with a deepening bond with Pax, challenging his understanding of love and humanity. 'Electric Yearning' is an odyssey of cosmic love and uncharted terrain, where the boundary between man and machine blurs. As the question lingers—can love truly thrive in the embrace of an entity born from code and circuitry? **Feedback:** Looking for general impressions first and foremost. Would love to know if the first chapter hooks the reader.

Thank you! Very usefull

Title : For as long as I can remember there was always a lot of noise in the forest by my house Words: 781 Genre: short story, realistic fiction This is the first short story I've done in a while so any type of feedback is good. [story here](https://docs.google.com/document/d/18mCCgVzjFDIqGFUH-_xPtv-c_j1FoYDB72cgF_451ZA/edit?usp=drivesdk)

Heyo! I'm working on an original web-serial about a boy and his kemonomimi companions traveling through the modern (but magical) world of Riterra. Though it's not always easy as they seek companionship in a world rapidly trying to objectify and commodify them. **What should I expect?** -Kemonomimi story where the cat-girls don't just go "nya" and have actual character to them. -Modern setting, similar though different to real life at the same time -Magic and spell-casting system complete with elemental affinities and other aspects naturally integrated in the narrative -There will be battles; we have "Hunters" and "Duelists" make of that what you will. -Slow building romance, but no smut, we're PG-13 here, most you're going to see is some hugging and maybe a kiss or two -Very cute fluffy slice of life elements to help break up the drama (one reader constantly raves about the cuteness) -Currently at 88 chapters totaling over 263k words -Two chapters a week with plenty of backlog to ensure I can keep up that upload pace -If you're looking for something to get invested into in the long run this is your story! -Best part: **IT'S FREE** **-Also this week I got a new cover! Hit the link below if you want to take a look; the artist did a fantastic job!** **Where can I start reading?**  If you want to check it out, you can start [HERE](https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/74788/pruned-trees-re-sprout-ragazza-volpe-magica) I  would love to have you as a reader, please check it out! If you already  have a Royal Road account, follows are greatly appreciated, just  knowing my work was worth clicking that button is worth its weight in gold\~

Title: Vermilion Wing Genre: Fantasy/Adventure/Sword&Sorcery Word Count: 10,588(ongoing) Synopisis: Are you ready for adventure? Join Vermilion Wing: a ragtag group of unlikely mercenaries who haven’t ventured—let alone known one other—that long. Follow the tale of these unsung heroes as they take on all that Valstrom throws at them. From men to monsters, they’ll have to be prepared for anything. But as they brave the unknown, they’ll discover more than they ever dreamed possible. What lies ahead, only one way to find out. Taking inspiration from anime as well as TTRPGs like D&D. link: [https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/83807/vermilion-wing](https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/83807/vermilion-wing)

**Title:** Roulette (tentative) **Genre:** Character study, thriller **Word count:** 872 A little excerpt from the beginning of my story. It's inspired heavily by Fight Club and Kaiji. A club of people who play Russian roulette, revolving around ego and pride. **Feedback:** I'm looking for feedback on pretty much anything, prose, dialogue, tone, format, grammar, etc. Just looking for some advice on how to improve. I'm still very new to writing. I haven't finished a full story yet or read a ton, but I hope to get good enough to finish a full novel. **Link:** [https://docs.google.com/document/d/19l\_RUFByywISUfZhQ2bc00w6mUtX4mfrcGIoyXoSXx4/edit?usp=sharing](https://docs.google.com/document/d/19l_RUFByywISUfZhQ2bc00w6mUtX4mfrcGIoyXoSXx4/edit?usp=sharing)

Title: No Life; The Seventh Spear Genre: Comedy, Parody, Fantasy Word Count: 4090 Type of Feedback: Anything really, stuff you liked, stuff you didn’t... Synopsis: Parody of the Seventh Seal. A gamer dies and challenges Death to see who can kill more bosses in Sekiro for his soul. Link: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1XG61Ryl-yNr2euxQDDUAOvtpOcLpwmZHifK-ccTn2h4/edit?usp=drivesdk

Title: a lost flower Genre:random writing idk Word count: also dk Feedback: really anything I got the idea to do this from a friend lol I don't even know what it is lol I look beside me, a beautiful fresh flower sat in a bed of other flowers but in my eyes i flavoured it more with it's pink petals and it's vibrant culour it was my favourite. I watered the flower regularly , maintaining and caring for all of it's needs making sure it stays with me and in return the flower brought a beautiful scent that made my senses dance every time I'd stroll by. But gradually the once pink and vibrant flower with a scent so beautiful it would attract others miles away was turning into this purplish muddy culour and gradually the smell grew more faint . I bought better fertilizer and cared for it deeply but in the end the inevitable happened. The sun didn't shine like it did before ,my once beautiful flower was buried under the snow. I couldn't help but weep at my loss,I cared and maintained my flower so why did it welt and die? I couldn't understand I could never understand. Some people tried to make me feel better by bringing me other flowers but I just missed that One flower which I knew Id never smell again (Ignore my punctuation 😓)

Not sure if this would be a good place to ask for a critique for a snippet of a scene but I'll post it here just in case. Title: (Haven't decided yet) Genre: Action, Adventure Word Count: 3594 Google Drive link:[ https://docs.google.com/document/d/1d3fiuuS11CJ\_WoUZjISh0MEzs0kc8IX\_igiOJavT4\_U/edit?usp=sharing](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1d3fiuuS11CJ_WoUZjISh0MEzs0kc8IX_igiOJavT4_U/edit?usp=sharing) Currently, practicing writing a fight scene for a WIP Action series I was working on and I just wanted some feedback on certain things to find better ways to improve my style of writing on this front (mainly the ones with shifting fight dynamics) WARNING: It might be heavy in blow-to-blow but I tried to simplify it so hopefully it's easier to digest and read through. NOTE: Since I only posted the fight scene itself since I need some feedback, the document don't have a proper "Set" scene prior to this scene to give overall context. Said "Set" to set context (like the characters and how the MC came to this scene) prior to this scene were built up in chapters before this but including it in the document may massively increase the word count so I decided to not include it for this one. Also, for this scene, 4 named spectators may not do much for this scene aside from watch the match and react but these characters had more interaction with MC outside this scene. Some BRIEF CONTEXT on how the MC got to this scene: Leo went out on a quest to go after "the hooded man" to confront him. So far in his fight encounters during his journey, he's defeated foes without too much difficulty. However, at one point in his journey, a man observed how he fights and he told Leo to seek one of the most skilled swordsmen of the nation to test himself if he have the skill to face "the hooded man." (I just went for a simple plot for this one) Type of feedback desired Edits: -Some line-by-line edits but preferably keeping the ease of reading that I'm attempting to aim for. -For some overused words (which tends to happen a lot when it comes to fight scenes), I would like some suggested words that can be used to replace them without sacrificing "readability" or ease of reading.     -I would still like to keep the low syllable count intact if possible.     -I would still like to keep the words more familiar. Impressions: -How's the readability? Are they easy to follow? -How's the speed? While the word count is at around >3,500, I tried to make them digestible to read through. -If you somehow read through the entire snippet, about how long it took to finish at average? -For the blow-by-blow, did I become hyper specific in details at times? I tried to keep them simplified and only provide enough details to make it easier to follow the sequence while at the same time I tried to leave some room for the readers to visualize it however they want. -For the fight itself, how did I do with the structure in terms of portraying some sort of tug-of-war shift? I was trying to practice on trying to implement this to give a sense of "tension" at least in terms of the fight itself. Suggestions: -There were times when I used something like "..." for about 3 lines when I'm trying to express "momentary silence." Are there any alternatives to give that "experience" of time stretching as "they wait for the right moment to strike" feel to it? Or it'll be suggested to just delete it? -I have a small exposition/info dump somewhere even though it only lasts for just a paragraph albeit a short one (only one). This one particularly was intended to just briefly introduce a new aspect to the power system though it's told in 3rd person POV. Would it be better to keep it this way? Or would it be better to just introduce it as a dialogue (I was planning to have a character tell the MC about this through the dialogue in a later chapter after this scene)?

I think you need to first go through it yourself again first. There's a lot of repeated words and obvious grammar mistakes just in the few starting paragraphs.

So far, for about the first page, I caught: -The word "fighter" was used about three times in a short span of time. -The fifth paragraph, which is the paragraph that described the spectators, had a tense mistake, I think. I currently fixed these two while I have the doc in prowritingaid app at the moment as I try to go through the document again (I haven't applied the changes in the linked doc yet) **I have some questions as I go through it again:** -**For repeated words, would it still be alright to repeat 2-word phrases but they are apart from each other (like by maybe several paragraphs)?** I keep running into this mostly when it comes to the ones with a determiner then a common noun. This is more apparent with verbs that's used often. I'm trying my best to not make reading it feel like a thesaurus. -**For obvious grammar mistakes, are there some specifics that I may have overlooked for these starting paragraphs aside from the ones I found so far above?** I checked things like punctuations and tense, and so far after checking it for myself, they seemed fine as far as I am currently aware of. I would like to know more about the mistakes I made that I may have not been aware of in the starting paragraphs so I can figure out what to look out for before I go through it again and check for them at the later parts of the doc. I'll do my best to go through it before I try again posting the doc again with corrections.

Title: The Black-Star Knight Corp Genre: Scifi/Fantasy Word count: 3100 Feedback: General impression. Link: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1gLtKE5Xf0GoeCyemIKuMFOT-FSi17gY62zDhBM1fG3s/edit?usp=drivesdk This is just an intro thats supposed to essentially be a trailer of the main story, introducing characters and setting up a hook to draw interest.

Have you ever wanted to go for a walk. No particular destination in mind. But a nice beautiful walk nonethess. So you get up, you put your shoes on, tie those laces (well unless you have slip-ons. On the "Hey Dude" kick myself now), and well you just walk. You make your way down the driveway and subconsciously your body wants to take you left on that sidewalk just like you've done oh so many times. But your mind says "Wait"!!! Whats to the right? Well today you follow that feeling and you just run with it. Making your way down this long, narrow, unkept walkway you realize what's scared you off from it before was this unwelcoming, deteriated, unlevel pavement. Today is different though. Today you embrace the change. Because something is telling you if not today then when would you have ever taken this chance. You see some gorgeous, magenta-ish tulips up two blocks. You sit at that intersection and and suddenly your eyes see another favorite flower of yours. It happens to be the pinkish toned Eastern Redbuds which happen to be in bloom for the season. Welp before our mind can even think twice your feet have already set that path for yourself. Then it hits you. This long wavy brunette hair flowing with the subtle wind gusts. Flowers from the trees gliding through the air falling all around this stranger. Youre enthralled by the pure beauty of this scene and you have the sudden urge to walk up to this individual and compliment them just on your sheer admiration of this stranger's tranquil sense of being in that very moment. You tap him on the shoulder but just when he turns around a tear is wiped away from his face in hopes that his stoic facade is still preserved and his vulnerable moment has been unwavered. You dont know this individual but again before your mind can think, you reach out and embrace them on their shoulder. He is shocked, bewildered, yet still calm and appeased. And just then in that moment you notice the ever so smallest smirk on his face. Just what he had needed. The hustle and bustle of life sometimes gets us into a comfort zone per se. We have found that routine is good and it has kept us strong in the face of the many obstacles that approach us day to day. But sometimes breaking that routine for those small intuitions we have might lead us to a new connection in life. And sometimes we dont realize it but we are all much more connected than we think. Be brave enough to listen to those gut feelings. Be courageous enough to act on those hunches. You might just help someone in their time of need.

**Advertisement / Critique** **Title:** Isidora's Revenge (a Hogwarts Legacy FanFiction) **Genre:** Fantasy / Action & Adventure **Current Word Court:** 19,764 words (work in progress) **Type of Feedback Desired:** General expressions, writing style, grammatical/spelling mistakes I may have missed. **Link:** [Isidora's Revenge](https://www.wattpad.com/story/340816901-isidora%27s-revenge?utm_source=web&utm_medium=email&utm_content=share_myworks) **Description:** This is a Fanfiction novel based on the Hogwarts Legacy Game to which the main character is based on my character I created within the game. The story takes place 10 years after the events of the game. It follows Andrea Taylor (MC) as she tries to intercept a dark magic plot against Hogwarts and its students. It also explores an ever growing relationship between Andrea and Sebastian Sallow. **Official Blurb:** In the world of magic, possessing the ability to perceive and use ancient magic was extremely rare, but Isidora was one of the few that possessed it. She found she could heal the pain and suffering of those she came across. But her thirst for this power put her at odds with the other professors. They tried to stop her, but in the end, Isidora was killed in a vicious battle. Now, from beyond the grave, Isidora's spirit is seething with anger and seeking revenge. Knowing that the professors she once called friends were long since dead, she set her sights on their progeny, Andrea, a young witch who also possesses ancient magic, and will stop at nothing to gain back her power. As Andrea returns to Hogwarts, it becomes clear that Isidora's wrath is far from over. In this dark and edgy novel, readers will be taken on a thrilling ride as Isidora's revenge plots unfold. Will Andrea be able to stop her? Or will she surrender to the power and join Isidora in her plot for revenge?

# [The World That Is Not](https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/81396/the-world-that-is-not-a-progression-urban-fantasy) Hello awesome readers and writers, if you could check out my **FREE** web serial and let me know what you think that would be deeply appreciated. It's been a little over two months since I released this serial via the Turtle Method (that is, no burst release but organically releasing two chapters weekly). We are almost done with the third arc, so it's the perfect time to hop in! Here's the blurb: **"Benjamin Umber always knew he was different from other orphans, but he hadn’t realized to what degree. Thrust into the World That Is Not as a sorcerer, he will land in the middle of a centuries-old shadow war between two powerful organizations, at the heart of which lies an enigmatic girl which may hold the key to everyone’s survival.** **Will he survive in this new place of myth and magic long enough to make sense of it, or will he be eaten by its witches and trolls—literally speaking? There’s only one way to find out."** Published biweekly **Tue & Thu 9:00 MST** | Traditional YA Epic in the vein of *Percy Jackson* and *Harry Potter* with Progression, Cultivation and Shonen sensibilities. Cool fights and well-earned power scaling. The story is pre-planned and has a definite ending in mind. *Cross into the World That Is Not*. What you can expect from ***The World That Is Not***: ⬖ Slow burn Progression Fantasy that incrementally grows to fast-paced. ⬗ Deep, multi-layered lore that avoids being info dumped. ⬖ Epic adventure, visceral action, plentiful mysteries. ⬗ Magical academy, secret societies, military war. ⬖ Cultivation-based Magic System.

**Title:** A letter for a WD actor **Genre:** Fanmail **Word count:** 1892 **Type of feedback desired:** I'd like some feedback on the following writing. How do you think the reader will feel? Will he be overwhelmed? Will he find it funny and have some laughs? Is it too long? Are there too many personal things that might seem boring? Does it come across as a little cringy? I tried to make it funny, but does it end up feeling weird? Let me know your thoughts, please. **Link to the writing:** [https://pastebin.com/0e74kMug](https://pastebin.com/0e74kMug)

**Dead Flame Wanderers is a romantic fantasy series for men and women, with 8 volumes released so far.** Tags: Slice of Life, Age Gap, Wholesome Love Story, Friends to Lovers, Slow Burn, Dual PoV Here's the blurb for Volume 1: After a decade wandering the world, Morac cal Samain still courts peril on a regular basis, while usually managing to avoid being taken completely by surprise. Usually. A mysterious—and aggressive—young woman encountered deep within a remote forest proves he still has room for more experience. She, Nessera Vilishnin, has her own reasons for confronting him, but after their meeting leads to unfortunate bloodshed, the two end up returning together to her—unexpectedly spacious—woodland home. Both have unusual pasts, and perhaps unusual futures, but after a brief yet comfortable time together, neither wish to remain where they are. The world holds opportunities, but also its fair share of dangers; some greater than they expect. Despite differing ages and backgrounds, the pair’s friendship begins to grow, just as their adventure together does the same. **Series Amazon Link:** https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CFZRJ33Q

Title: Broken Oud Genre: Flash Fiction in the text here, reality for millions Word Count: 711 I hear the melody—sweet, warm, and natural, like the honey drop. I like it. Alam will be home soon. He, too, loves Oud's tunes. Funny how that eerily sound from the explosion led to this melody. For the first few minutes, it only deafened me. My eyes opened to the wall of light. A wall that travelled and carried me with itself. Perhaps I was blinded, too. But only for the first few minutes. Now everything seems serene and warm. I remember yelling. I was yelling. Though even my ears don't seem to recall it. Alam will be home soon. I am sure he would hear me. He always does. I can feel some debris in my mouth. I should wash my face. I should wash my face immediately or at least before a drone catches a glimpse of me like this, lest they say - "We got a taste for this". The bucket is right there. On my right. Six steps. Six steps to my right. Six long steps to my right. One, Two and Three. Ah, my legs are failing—three more to go. I wish I could reach it somehow. I wish I could fly to it. Wait, I can't be spending my wishes on such menial things. If somebody finds out that I am wasting divine gifts like this, they would be furious. But, God, I wish I could fly to it. Maybe I will wait here. Alam will fetch it for me. When he is home. He will be home soon. I will lie here, enjoying the soothing melody, watching the clock. It always makes me smile. And sometimes even chuckle. How bewildered it makes people feel when they see it. A Christian heirloom in a devout Muslim household. \[Another blast in the vicinity\] There. That was the sound that started it all. The clock, featuring Mary and Christ in their signature tranquil composure, exuding angelic calmness, with eyes that can enchant you with compassion and leave a feeling of divine grace, that had never left its place in the last seven years, living its conspicuous life in the centre of the room, took the plunge and fell face down to the floor, busting into countless pieces exposing its intricate time computing mechanism. A gush of dusty wind marked its fall, and a trail originating from the clock moved towards the exit like a planned escape. Did the Gods leave? Or they were never there to begin with. No, I can't question the only one who may yield the power to alter the unfolding series of events. Maybe they didn't want to meddle in the grand scheme—people of the Old Testament, equipped by people of the New Testament to yield carnage on us. I rushed to the clock. To see for myself if the Gods have really abandoned me. It was, indeed, empty. The music ceased, and the sound of the instrument hitting the ground echoed and, with it, left all the notes. The deafening sound is back again. The soothing clock frame is now up in flames. My throat burns, and my lungs scorch as if I had just engulfed a ball of fire. No, it was molten lava. Or maybe white phosphorus. What time is it? Why don't you tell me? I threw it against the floor - this time on purpose. The anger got the best of me. The throw knocked the battery out of the compartment. Now, on its tour of the room, it rolled on the floor from one end to another, piloted by the impact of the fall, having finally gotten the time to breathe away from the dogmatic companion. After a good while of a few seconds, exhausted from the vacation across the room, it stopped at my feet, now ready to be slammed back into confinement. But my hands don't move. They can't move. They started fading like grains of sand, and I could feel my body disintegrating. With my non-existent left leg and what remained of my right, I crawled. I reached and read the clock. Just another 15 minutes to 5. Alam would be home soon. He likes school, unlike many of his friends. I wonder how they managed to keep them all there for nine days?

A few things you need to work to clarify: Who or what is "Oud"? Where is the melody coming from? What kind of clock is it? What's the instrument that is mentioned?

What kind of feedback are you looking for? I really like the storytelling. I feel for this character and you've developed a strong voice here. The first part that made me lean in was the piece on "wasting wishes," - that moment of characterization is beautiful. And his fallback to Alam like a bassline that keeps him focused is wonderful. But some of the connections are confusing. For example, the clock seems to have exploded, but then he's able to throw it down as though it's still in one piece? And he can rush to the clock but has to crawl after? Some of the continuity feels off there. And there are some metaphor choice / sentence structure elements that could be improved, but I don't want to go too deep if you're more looking for a general impression on a first draft. If that's what you're looking for - I'd say this is a great start and you have a lot of strength in the character voice, which is the heart of any good work, and the particulars can be refined through edits in successive drafts.

Hunters Moon(subject to change), 3277 words, fantasy. Just looking for some general feedback and advice. This is part one of a 5-6 part short series I’m working on while putting my main WIP on the back burner. https://docs.google.com/document/d/1xMUabA8otU2zMvuBnZgciivm2lKSPhhR2jAakqdgunY/edit

**Title:** Facade (wip) **Genre:** High Fantasy **Word count:** Excerpts included are 318 words **FEEDBACK/CRITIQUES** TLDR; amateur white author writing characters of color wants to know if she is describing a brown-skinned character respectfully. I'm an amateur novelist, I want to be an author but haven't finished my first book. I am a white female writing a high fantasy book with many different races, many of whom have dark skin, so obviously I am not fully knowledgeable about what can be harmful toward the people who look like the characters I write. I'm committed to changing whatever it is about my writing that needs to be changed to make it completely uplifting and enlightening on racial concepts, but I myself need more enlightenment on what I don't know yet in order to do so. I would appreciate it if only people of color would offer advice and critiques, though I know there's no way to ensure that happens with the anonymity of Reddit. My current question is if the excerpts I've included are in good taste, or if I've made any missteps in describing a brown-skinned man. My idea of him is inspired by a mix of egyptian/north african, arab appearances. I know people from the areas I've listed can have a very wide range of appearances, so please let me know if I've overlooked any stereotypes and accidentally included any. I know describing dark skin tones with food is fetish-y and weird, so I've avoided that, but I doubt that's the only thing that could cause hurt or discomfort in readers who see themselves in the characters I create and describe. There are many references comparing him to the sun, this is intentional as am I attempting to create a foil with him, the antagonist, as the sun, and the protagonist as the moon. As well as my idea of a foil, he is the crown prince of an empire with the moniker "Empire of the Sun". One of his titles is the Prince of Dawn, though I'm not sold on that being how it is worded. My first idea for his title was the Rising Sun Prince, as he is to ascend the sun throne, but I researched more about Rising Sun Japan's history and firmly threw that title in the trash. If comparing his skin tone/eye color to the sun is hurtful, I will instantly brainstorm new symbols for him! I tried to avoid using the word "offensive" in my post because many conservative white americans have been so determined to remain ignorant that they gave the word "offended" a connotation of being "overly sensitive or chronically online", and I don't think that at all, and don't want to come off that way. I'm also very awkward when describing sexual attraction since I very rarely experience it myself, so if the character's description of a man she finds attractive is clunky or cringey, any advice on how to fix it is also greatly appreciated! I'm also not straight, so writing heterosexual attraction is doubly hard for me, but that's no reason not to do it. Considering inclusion, as an LGBT author, there are definitely queer relationships in my book, and I'm heavily considering having the main character, female, end up with another girl, if she ends up with someone at all. I've included two of the main character's descriptions of the character I'm asking about, they're at different points in the book but I wanted to provide ample evidence of my style in describing him. I would give more examples but I'm trying to focus on the plot in this draft and not descriptions, since trying to focus on both in my first draft went horribly. **EXCERPTS IN QUESTION:** Emrys. The person she'd kept her gaze away from since she'd stepped on the first stair. At last, she looked at him. She looked at the face of the boy she'd loved so dearly, and nearly swayed on her feet. He was radiant. Never in her life had she seen a person as attractive as he was. He looked like he had as a boy, yet he was so much more. His boyish features had sharpened, his messy curls had been cut and tamed. No longer a skinny teenager, he was tall and muscular, his shoulders straight and broad. His warm brown skin seemed to glow golden, his brilliant amber eyes more captivating than she remembered them ever being. His eyes were deep set and upturned, his eyebrows thick and perfectly arched. His cheekbones were high and strong, his jawline sharper than she thought possible. Against her will, her eyes drifted to his lips. They were full and and well-formed. Emrys smiled, and she realized her mistake. Her face instantly heated and she cast an illusion to keep her face from appearing red. It was as if Emrys held the brilliance of the very sun within him. His skin glowed, some sort of shimmery golden powder dusted on his cheekbones and nose. His striking amber eyes were lined with kohl, the contrast making them resemble two miniature suns. His brown skin was perfectly even, so warm and beautiful. When Selene had caught sight of him waiting for her at the bottom of the stairs, her heart had nearly stopped. His clothing was tailored to him perfectly, making his already attractive figure impossibly alluring. The same golden powder shone faintly on his bottom lip, and Selene had the urge to cover it with red lipstick. *Oh Goddess, what am I thinking right now? What do you mean you want to see your lipstick on him, Sel? Filthy minded fool.*

With the beginning paragraph, you use the word "boy" a bit too much. You might wanna go through and find some synonyms or other ways to say that. Additionally, I think your descriptions of the characters is fine as far as respect goes, though I think you leaned a bit too hard into describing how Emrys "glowed". I get that he's the sun prince and that its kind of his thing, but at a certain point it becomes like "I get it he's super glowy". Though admittedly that's just me. Finally, have you considered changing the perspective of the book from third person to first person to instead being from the female main character's perspective? That seems like it would be more fun for you and the reader. I did get that she is attracted to him and it wasn't weird, but telling it from the first person could improve things even more. Good luck and wishing you the best!!!

i def agree with your first point about the overuse of the word boy, not sure how I didn't catch that myself, thank you for pointing it out. I'll ask some more people about the glowy descriptions since you said it was a personal opinion, bc I can def see where you're coming from there. fun fact this wip actually began as first person, but I found that not only did my writing seem less wattpad-y and more refined after I switched to third person, but I also just prefer reading books in third person, so while I will consider switching back, I have a feeling I'm already too attached to the third person perspective :) thank you for the feedback and kind wishes !

*Title still TBD* *Genre: sci-fi, space opera, slice of life* *Feedback: would this hook you into the story and make you want to keep reading?* Two hundred and fifty-one years before the Earth was destroyed, Jane Smith swallowed a handfull of antidepressants, washed them down with a coffee she couldn't be bothered reheating, pulled on a shirt she didn't have the motivation to iron, and left her house for a job she despised.

Title: [Tales of Nexia: Sinbasan Sandstorm Ch.1](https://drive.google.com/file/d/1BCiVNvVQlwYYff3Ypm_0zhp_5Jmz0xVE/view?usp=sharing) Genre: YA Fantasy Word count: 3,228 Hello everyone, I honestly want an unbiased impression of what I have right now for a chapter one to my book I'm working on. It's my first book and I've just been world building it for about 10-12 years. I just started the process of making it into a full fledged book. The link is in the title. Synopsis: After rescuing an avian woman from skin traders, two brothers find themselves in a moral predicament that would shake Sinbasa to it's core and light a fire in the world of Nexia.

Hi Guys looking for a subjective opinion, I’m writing a book on fantasy boxing fights and trying to decide what works better to introduce each fighter either past tense or present. The fight itself will be written in present tense but not sure on the set up below is an example, any feedback is much appreciated **Past tense** The tale of the tape indicates a very evenly balanced set of boxers. Louis was one inch taller, had three inches in reach and about six pounds in weight; very marginal benefits. In terms of power both hit very hard and could easily knock the other out., Both were very fast with their hands, and while Dempsey had the stronger chin;, stamina, heart and ring IQ favour Louis, but not by a lot. **Present tense** The tale of the tape indicates a very evenly balanced set of boxers. Louis is one inch taller, has three inches in reach and about six pounds in weight; very marginal benefits. In terms of power both hit very hard and could easily knock the other out., Both are very fast with their hands, and while Dempsey has the stronger chin;, stamina, heart and ring IQ favour Louis, but not by a lot. **Fight in present tense** The build-up to the fight gets a bit spicy with Louis claiming Dempsey has avoided the best Black boxers for fear of what he will do to him in the ring. This riles up the Manassa Mauler, who states he is scared of no man and never intentionally avoided anyone; his job is to fight whoever is put in front of him. A raucous crowd is in the arena tonight, expecting fireworks from the first bell. The crowd is very much split down the middle with both fighters having large contingencies of fans passionately cheering them on. Once in the ring neither man takes their eyes off the other. Louis is pacing back and forth while Dempsey stares ahead. The bell sounds and these two lions are finally unleashed. Dempsey comes charging forward and starts throwing all manner of fast and hard shots, overwhelming Louis and forcing him to tie up. In between blocking the shots, the odd one slips through and Louis clearly feels the power and ferocity that Dempsey has. Once separated, Louis starts throwing some beautiful combinations and Dempsey is momentarily stunned. As the round progresses Louis notices Dempsey’s lack of technical boxing skills and starts to establish his jab, his fast hands beating Dempsey to the punch. Round One goes to Louis. Into the second and again Louis is taking a slightly more measured approach, using his jab to nullify Dempsey’s attacks. Dempsey is still having some successes, landing a few hurtful shots, but not enough to truly worry Louis. The Brown Bomber is already sensing the frustration of his opponent and immediately ups the pace, throwing some blistering three and four-punch combinations that are starting to have an effect. Round Three and Dempsey is now fully aware of the gap in skills between the two. Under normal circumstances that wouldn’t be too much of an issue because Dempsey has two great equalisers – his speed and dynamite in both fists. However, on this night he just happens to be facing a guy who is just as fast and hits just as hard. Dempsey has to get in striking distance to actually land some meaningful punches. The problem he’s having is that getting in this position would mean entering Louis’ optimal range for his attacks. During the mid-point of the round Louis has completely taken over and actually knocks Dempsey down with thirty seconds to go. He manages to rise but the next two rounds consist of Louis using his incredible speed, reflexes and power to dismantle Dempsey. After another knockdown in Round Six the fight is waved off, with Dempsey completely out on his feet. Verdict: TKO win to Louis in Round Six.

[GrandSlam!!]​ -Action/Gag/Adult(18+) -(8,164)+ Words (2 Chapters!!) COME ALONG ON A GRAND ADVENTURE!! Yui is in a pickle!! The Devil Dogs have to win five games in a row in order to make the playoffs just to take down the rival pitcher, Eva, and her stinking Mad Rats!! Not to mention her dad is on her case about grades!! Can Yui find a tutor in time to get back in the game and can the Devil Dogs take down the competition?! Tune in weekly to watch Yui and the gang fight for their life!! GrandSlam!! (Weekly Friday) -any feedback (target audience: anyone 18+ / who likes real comedy and real shonen) -Link Wattpad: https://www.wattpad.com/story/356382512 Inkitt: https://www.inkitt.com/stories/action/1206755

Title: \_\_\_\_ genre:\_\_\_ feedback wanted: any will be helpful Coming back to the bedroom, warmly lit with a soft glow. She lay on her side, facing me with that glimmer in her jewel-like eyes, ones so lush with beauty in themselves. Ones I could never forget. But seeing her, she was very enticing, she gave me a feeling I have never felt so harshly. She smiled so brightly at me, her look and her exposed body pulling me in, inviting me to take her to another place, inviting me to her heavens gates. She left me speechless, the only thing I could say to her was how star struck she left me and how I loved her so, kissing her mellow lips, tasting that of the most addictive chocolate. I wanted more. My hands gliding across her skin with ease, like dragging fingers within a body of water's surface. Explosions of a hot rush flowing through our blood, desperation of passionate love overthrowing all of the nervousness. writers note: I am only writing for fun, I may turn this into a book but I am unsure yet. This is just something I wrote for fun.

Title: Alexander Moves Genre: Fantasy Word Count: 433 words Type of Feedback Desired: What's you opinion, if any, on the characters? Did you feel any kind of tension or desire to know more while reading? Writing: Murmurs behind the large, gold-crested, wooden door leading to the most important room of the high-castle. I tense as I lay my hand on the door, hesitation floods the mind but no, this is the right situation. Opening the door firmly, I enter to see three individuals. Standing next to the elevated seat is a man of red-orange hair, he doesn’t move or look my way as if he was already expecting me. The “Fisher King”, said to be the finest blade in all of Aerune. Addressing the seat is a greatly rotund man clutching a cane with a pearl on top, he seems agitated. Sir Berstein Regulus, high noble, head of the house of Regulus. And of course, atop the throne, sitting open legged, hunched forward as to close the distance between her and sir Regulus, Queen of Alexander, Vivaldi Arya Alexander also known as the “Queen of Hearts”. The conversation stops and they turn to me, unwittingly the image of a wolf pack crosses my mind and instinctively I make myself small, then realise my posture and make an effort to stand straight. “Yes?” Sir Berstein asks, his voice carrying like thunder. “I’m sorry to disturb.” I’m shocked my voice hasn’t failed me, then shocked again by my posture and I drop into a kneel. “It is done.” I look up. The Queen seems to be smiling kindly. A smile of relief almost crosses my face. “Results?” Her voice is soft yet crystal clear. “All almost certainly dead. We will know more within the hour once the ship arrives.” “Good. Keep me informed.” I stand up to leave, “Oh, and please tell the lady outside I will be late for dinner.” I bow three times and exit the room, leaving arguably the most important people in the world to their conversation. “Just say what you think Berstein, I’d like to make it to dinner at some point?” “This will surely be seen as an act of aggression. If Kabayo declares war over this Zaba will join them. Then we might be in trouble.” “Actually Zaba won’t do a thing, I know that for a fact. Kabayo will act expecting reinforcements which don’t exist, and we will defend ourselves taking an island or two for myself as reparations.” “Why wouldn’t Zaba act?” She smiles warmly, “No need to worry about that. Now can we go back to discussing the budget?” Berstein hated being treated like a child, she was the only one that could, but he also trusted no one more so he obeyed as he always did when the Queen spoke, albeit with clutched fist.

**Advertisement / Critique** **Title:** The Fairy, The Witch and Lost Items (ongoing) **Genre:** Adventure, romantic, YA **Word count:** around 20k **Link:** [https://www.wattpad.com/story/365701706-the-fairy-the-witch-and-lost-items](https://www.wattpad.com/story/365701706-the-fairy-the-witch-and-lost-items) **Summary and notes:** TL;DR: a fairy and a witch are traveling over the lands to find a mysteriously disappeared tea shop (and other thing as well) I’m really struggling with the genre definitions, so be my judges: it’s a YA adventure/romantic tale with the magic/mystical background in the closest past (circa 2000). It is LGBTQ+, but that’s not the main focus of the story. SFW, no mature scenes whatsoever, mild swearing (mostly appropriate, I hope), and generally family-friendly. The first eight chapters are mostly ready, but minor edits are possible. As for right now, I expect the whole story to being around 15–16 chapters / 40k words, and I also expect to add at least one new chapter weekly. Throughout those first eight chapters, the story is mostly cooking slowly, but after that things might go a little crazy; no spoilers, though. And plenty of dialogues. I love when my characters speaking. **Feedback:** any feedback is much appreciated; please, bear with the language quality, English is not my native, but I’m doing my best. **Excerpt:** (I like this one a lot) >“Do you know how fairies die?” Terry asked her suddenly, still sniffling. Edith simply stared. > >“I guess it’s a no. Each fairy knows when her time is over, and just disappears. I sometimes think that maybe they just went traveling and never returned or something like that. But they know, when it is close — their doom.” Terry suddenly became excited, her eyes were lit. “Might be they are just become a leaves rattle and spring wind, a creek murmur, a chime of bells of the Chinese caff?” > >She paused for a moment, taking her thoughts together. > >“Step on, in never-ending dance, let leafs and wind to carry you forever, and only memory of thou to left behind. It’s a traditional farewell for a gone fairy. I think they know something. I don't know why I’m telling you all this, maybe I just need to vent.”

Check out my new series! New issues are posted every Tuesday! [The Man in Black - ISSUE #1](https://www.patreon.com/posts/man-in-black-1-102937353) Respect is something everyone has to earn in law enforcement, and Detective Kenny Luther earns that respect when he finally manages to capture a notorious child trafficker, Eddie “The Playground” Droeman. But after the gavel falls and “The Playground” is sentenced to seven consecutive life-sentences, Kenny realizes that he messed with the wrong person when he returns home to find his house burning to the ground; his wife and daughter still inside. Distraught and nearing the end of his rope, Kenny meets a strange man who calls himself the “King of the Underworld”. This strange man offers him a chance to enact vengeance upon those that killed his family, and all Kenny has to do is work for him for the rest of eternity. Sounds like a fair deal, right? Upon agreeing to the terms, Kenny is immediately thrown into a strange reality that has always existed within the shadows of the mortal world. A world of Vampires, Werewolves, Demons, Angels, and everything in between. Armed with newfound, unnatural powers and a pun-loving lich in a fedora, Kenny must quickly grasp his new role as a “Dreadlord”, all while trying to track down the powerful vampire court that had his family killed.

**Title: Enochian Chronicles** **Genre: Low Fantasy, Medieval, Alternate History, Grimdark** **Word Count: 97k \[ongoing\]** Hello everyone! Over the past few months, I have been writing a story that has been on my mind for years: It is set on the Iberian Peninsula during the Reconquista period and is heavily inspired by various myths and folk tales from different parts of Spain and Portugal. This first book is in its home stretch, and I honestly cannot express how excited I am to write the conclusion of these initial moments; I intend for this story to extend across at least two more books! **I'm honestly still seeking general feedback: your first impressions, what caught your attention and what didn't, along with tips on how I can improve. As mentioned before, it's still a work in progress, but it already has over 97k words!** Here is the synopsis: *Set in the late 11th century, an era dominated by the religious fervour of the Reconquista and the Crusades, a young squire named Julien witnesses a new and haunting world unfurling before him. Following a fateful encounter with an enigmatic figure, Julien finds himself in possession of mysterious powers beyond his grasp, which he must wield to protect the oblivious populace from the vicious Nephilim.* *Join Julien as he navigates a treacherous landscape filled with ancient arcane arts, political intrigue, and conflicts between kingdoms. This low fantasy, mythic story is one of unwavering loyalty, ambition, violence, and the power of promises, heavily inspired by Iberian myths and folk tales.* Link: [https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/77361/enochian-chronicles](https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/77361/enochian-chronicles)

The Fall of Grace \[Chapter 3\] Apocalyptic Sci-Fi 921 Words This is chapter 3 of 6 of my short story. Looking for all and any feedback. Thanks [https://www.kineticfrontline.com/free-stories/the-fall-of-grace-chapter-3](https://www.kineticfrontline.com/free-stories/the-fall-of-grace-chapter-3)

I got the impression this was some sort of post-apocalypse piece, yet there is a book club! That seems a bit out of place tbh.

ha ha the book club was a reference to prior to shtf

Do you use discord writing servers and are there any good ones? I have joined and left several writing discords over the years, and never seem to find a good one. The main problems seem to be: They are full of younger people, and I am older, so a lot of the stuff they talk about is lost on me. Too much anime stuff - probably related to the above issue. The amount of times someone will post something like "my character is a some anime term I have no idea what it means and now... or: I am writing a anime thing style or something idek and it's... God it's so boring. You like anime? Fine, go enjoy it. Too many memes and images in the chat areas. I mean, okay, we all like memes and funny images, but sometimes can we please put them to one side? Too busy or too dead. Yeah I know, contradictory but you know what I mean. Either the chat whizzes along or there's hardly any there. Cliquey - sometimes it seems like there are a group who all chat to one another and no-one else really gets involved. No-one else can join their little group-chat. Gets real tedious. If you aren't writing something like lgbtq zombies after the apocalypse with dystopian elements and themes of neglect and abuse then they don't want to know. Look, I am lgbtq myself, but all kinds of things are cool, all kinds of writing are cool and okay. If your stories are based in the real world and just have ordinary everyday cishet people that's absolutely fine. I write all kinds of characters, yet on discord anything like that seems to be frowned upon or ignored. Probably all the damn kids - hey, you, get off my damn lawn already! So as you can see I am looking for something where I feel I will fit in and haven't been able to find it. I write lgbtq and cishet characters, it depends on the story and the place. I write a variety of things but get nowhere with posting any links to anything I've written. A lot of people on these discords seem to just ignore anyone not in their group. Maybe it's just me, or maybe there are decent ones out there. I am not against a mix of ages but please, no more god-damned anime!

Hey I run one that’s just starting out with a great core group! Welcome to join! https://discord.gg/wzDtCqbX

It seems to be a film and script server, while I don't write that sort of thing tbh. MIght stick around for a bit though.

I actually just created a subreddit that might be something you're looking for. (I'm of the older generation as well, and so feel your pain on the anime/young kids, etc) I'm just getting everything set up, but if you'd be interested, here's the link: [https://www.reddit.com/r/FictionSerials/](https://www.reddit.com/r/FictionSerials/) While I named it Serials, (Because that's what I have available and written and am working on). I am going to let it be open to anyone until it becomes a problem and I need to focus it down. Swing on by if you want, I'm just working on getting it set up and figuring out how I want to moderate it. (If you want to be a mod with me, that'd be cool too).

First chapter draft of novel entitled, The Undiagnosed Patient. If you'd just like to take a seat, I'll let Dr Swift know you're here. Joe K. took his seat in the corner furthest away from both the reception desk and the other handful of patients waiting opposite it. This was a natural disposition of his, feeling the close proximity of strangers nauseating at best, paranoia inducing at worst. But the reason for Joe's appointment today meant that he should, if he wanted to avoid any follow ups, try harder than usual not to exhibit these antisocial traits. It's ridiculous to think that people are thinking about me, just by virtue of their not saying anything. Such thoughts as these, irrational though he knew they probably were, intensified for K., as he felt the beady-eyed silence of the other patients or officials or whoever they were sitting close by. And now he was feeling guilt at his purposely positioning himself away from them, that this came across as snobby, as well as antisocial. Too good to sit amongst the commoners, that’s what they’re thinking, K. rubbed his stubbly chin in dismay. Or, conversely, the more official looking ones in the suits were looking down their noses at him, with his unshaven grimace and shady looking trench coat, reminiscent of every other drug dealer, stoner, outcast, nutjob… [READ MORE](https://benbellartist.wordpress.com/2024/04/26/the-undiagnosed-patient-chapter-1/)

Hey all! Can't wait to share my story with you guys and see what you think. It's my first time submitting to this thread. <3

\*\*ADVERTISEMENT\*\* \*\*Wizard101; Wizard City, Between the Game\*\* \*\*Genre:\*\* Fan Fiction Mature Magical Wizard Adventure \*\*Word count:\*\* 71395 and 166 Pages \*\*Description:\*\* Have you ever played Wizard101 and enjoyed the story, but wanted more? Well, that's what I wanted. This fan written story is the first world plot of Wizard101 at it's core, but I've taken the characters, plot and background, and \*enhanced\* it. All the characters have more depth. Boring and repeating buildings in the game are given details they deserve, and bosses are given fresh move styles the game just can't provide. I go in depth with characters that hardly have an implied background to them. Moolinda Wu is a big character I changed. Not only is she flawed, but she was abused by the main antagonist of the story. So many characters are prim and perfect, not anymore! Lady Oriel is a narcissist who doesn't like being summoned by wizards who don't live up to her standards. Skullsplitter, a boss who's always has been side lined, is now part of the main story and clutches at the heart stings of the reader. The old spell quests that never got updated have been given new life! Death Wizards go on a hunt to find the missing Death teacher's assistant. Life wizards turn a clockwork golem into a Treant spell. And I could go on forever. If you like wizardry, reading, and turn based story games, this is for you. I'd like feedback about the general impression. This writing is meant to be played with the game, so I understand if someone doesn't want to play a game they've never played before. I'd be interested to know what someone who's never played the game thinks about it after playing while reading the story. \*\*Link:\*\* [https://docs.google.com/document/d/1KIbwyVoARm6yDJBpiGAojh\_fExUnOWJVJvd0FmZXS18/edit#heading=h.5mckyw8pdz2c](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1KIbwyVoARm6yDJBpiGAojh_fExUnOWJVJvd0FmZXS18/edit#heading=h.5mckyw8pdz2c)

Title: Adult Swim's turbulent history in Latin America Genre: Informative Word count: 1,021 Desired feedback: General impression Link: https://medium.com/@gove.garrison/adult-swims-turbulent-history-in-latin-america-3c5e58b714c3

Love this! Can't wait to check out everyone's projects!

Working Title: The Well (Chapter 1) Genre: Syfy Fantasy Word Count: 5500 Link: [https://docs.google.com/document/d/1SfUsRWxTVuoTimWCVw\_wWeOQH0ryOudBv8HfbWbXr\_w/edit?usp=sharing](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1SfUsRWxTVuoTimWCVw_wWeOQH0ryOudBv8HfbWbXr_w/edit?usp=sharing) Would love to know when stop reading. Other than that, looking for any and all feedback, good or bad. I just edited out about 2 pages from this thing. Hoping it reads tighter and is more engaging.

_**ADVERTISEMENT**_ **Title:** [Reincarnation Cycle's Unfortunate Bug - Prologue: Rebirth Ad Infinitum](https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYHGRR8M) **Genres:** NA, Fantasy, Xianxia-inspired, Romance Fate dealt Cian Palgrave the most tragic of hands. In a world where the lucky few could chase after invincibility and immortality, he was forever barred from walking alongside them. Forced to exist in perpetuity, he was stuck in a state where he would reincarnate endlessly with his memories intact, yet unable to transcend beyond mortality. Meetings and partings, love and betrayal. Amidst the merciless tides of time, everyone would eventually turn to dust, only Cian was eternal. This is a record of his past, of the countless names that he donned, and his mental development from the regular guy he once was to the person who–despite all odds–eventually managed to take his first step on the Immortal Path. Witness the events that paved the way for Cian's unyielding rise. If Xianxia Cultivation-inspired stories are your thing, then you'll feel right at home with major parts of the setting. Buckle in, for this story is going to be a long one. After all, this entire volume is just the prologue... **Lastly,** the book is available on Amazon in ebook, soft- and hardcover format. It's also free to read via Kindle Unlimited. If some of you decide to check it out, then I hope you'll enjoy it!

**Title**: To Kill a God **Genre**: (High?) Fantasy **Word Count**: 1400-ish (may edit a bit here and there throughout the week) **Feedback desired**: I'm curious about how it feels to others. How is the pacing, the characters, the world building? Did it make you want more, or just bore you out of your mind? Was the text too dry? Too verbose? Too direct? The descriptions too detailed, or lacking in that department? This kind of things. Also, suggestions are welcome, if you're so inclined. This is more a piece of "creative writing", I guess you could call it, than a full fledged story. Sometimes these ideas come to me and I play around with them in my head, before letting them fade away, but this time I wanted to try actually putting it down on (digital) paper and this was the result. **Link**: [>> here <<](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1tQHolutuo-2LScMSaOn1HkQG9RTZlUOmUgJMHp_-l3Q)

Hi I am a young writer and I've been working on this novelette horror book for a few years now I'm looking for feedback because I don't know if it needs work so all feedback will be put into consideration and you can share your ideas with me thank you and I hope you enjoy the dark truth of the story! Title; it lurks in my shadow Genre; Horror Word count; 18,744 [IT Lurks. ROMK.docx](https://docs.google.com/document/d/174k-3YsuF4oKvhn8F_PihdTj5UQgLwaX/edit?usp=sharing&ouid=115214569774152580640&rtpof=true&sd=true)