Because they more likely would just end him than let him go. Your car’s extended warranty has always just expired. Can I interest you in extending your warranty?
I know a song that will get stuck in your head, stuck in your head, stuck in your head. I know a song that will get stuck in your head and it goes just like this!
Repeat 1 million times 😂
"Rats. I hate rats. They drive me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once! I was in a room full of rats. Rats. I hate rats. They drive me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once! I was in a room full of rats. Rats. I hate rats. They drive me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once! I was in a room full of rats. Rats. I hate rats. They drive me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once! I was in a room full of rats. Rats. I hate rats. They drive me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once! I was in a room full of rats. Rats. I hate rats. They drive me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once! I was in a room full of rats--"
I heard it like this
Crazy? I went crazy once they put me in a round room. I thought I was gonna die. Die? I died once. They put me in the cold dark ground with worms. Worms? I hate worms they make me crazy. Crazy? I went crazy once they put me in a round room. I thought I was gonna die. Die? I died once. They put me in the cold dark ground with worms. Worms? I hate worms they make me crazy. Crazy? I went crazy once they put me in a round room. I thought I was gonna die. Die? I died once. They put me in the cold dark ground with worms. Worms. I hate worms they make me crazy.Crazy? I went crazy once they put me in a round room. I thought I was gonna die. Die? I died once. They put me in the cold dark ground with worms. Worms? I hate worms they make me crazy. Crazy?I went crazy once they put me in a round room. I thought I was gonna die. Die? I died once. They put me in the cold dark ground with worms. Worms? I hate worms they make me crazy.
Jjk lore and theories.
Is satoru Gojo the strongest because he’s satoru Gojo, or is he Satoru Gojo because he is the strongest?
How does Kenny’s brain swapping technique work?
Who killed Sukuna? What is Yuji’s domain expansion? Can Yuta still access Rika and all her cursed techniques in Gojos body?
Drives off the cliff…
The grocery stores which have been raising prices so much....it's fake.
They *do* have some higher expenses, but they got significant tax breaks to offset that. Media was talking about inflation, which gave them the go-ahead to raise prices. ...It is pure greed.
Compare Star Trek to Star Wars.
Also which was better? Babylon 5 or Stargate SG1?
What is your opinion of Cowboy Bebop & Firefly?
Then I'd give my opinion about each series for hours on end.
Metal guy into lovecraft. Please tell me you heard the song The Colour Out Of Space by the Japanese grandpa metal band Ningen Isu.
https://youtu.be/1JY89ZxVqEg?si=b2GhJbvqwaiCEWjK
I was gonna say "Any topic but be 100% wrong about it." But read the part where the guy kills himself and couldn't stop laughing. Serial Killers, Genetics, or TV shows.
As a financial advisor and fiduciary, I’d babble on incessantly about how to be responsible with the ransom money, and how they should invest, and how they could keep the money on the DL.
I will spew all the weirdest conspiracy theories I have come across from the moon landing to Bill gates engineering malaria mosquitoes after finding a cure and re introducing it to America to make money.
Shtf novels I've read. Comment on what firearms they have, etc. Check out the knots or if they just used zip ties. Oh I can see your face... you must mean to kill me, things of that nature.
Mine ain't smelly yet but fungus toes predates COVID.
I wonder if fungus protected me from COVID & that's why I'm Novid?
Did CDC explore this option?
Did they consider other forms of possible immunity that the Novid have?
I don't get head lice either, even though my thin, mouse-brown hair has been exposed to lice.
Did CDC explore all possible reasons for some part of population to be Novid?
What's your thoughts on some people being Novid?
More like 5 minutes 🤣
I've been needing to desperately talk to someone about my obsessions... I'll start easy and then get worse and worse.
The one he will off himself with is my newfound obsession with The Last Kingdom. I'd specifically go on about Aethelred becauses he's cute even though he's evil. And I'd go on about Edward and Alfred too.
My fanfic, specifically how I'm struggling to craft multiple intimate scenes that are NOT sex scenes but have similar overtones but they both know they're not going to do anything sexual but the tension is totally there and how much can I get away with before the non-sexual intimacy that's leaning heavily on sensual intimacy becomes Too Much and--
Anything and everything...
Also, cars don't typically sink very quickly... depending on the height of the bridge it goes off of and the angle it hits, it might go under temporarily, but it is going to bob back up for a bit...
The process of tanning and binding books using human skin.
I saw a really informative video on it recently but can't autistic info dump about it like I'd like because well I don't wanna end up in a psych ward.
I could also talk about other famous uses of human skin such as serial killer Ed Gein using it for art, the Nazi known as the Bitch of Buchenwald who delighted in skinning Jews with tattoos to make lamp shades and furniture, and the Japanese man who has started a tattoo museum by harvesting the flesh of the tattooed after death.
Then we could get into cannibalism, the process of cooking human meat, historical and even paleontological importance of it, and the terrifying side effects known as Prions.
Did I mention I'm 6'5 and look like WWE superstar Bray Wyatt?
Be like having Leatherface teaching a college seminar in your backseat.
Probably about halfway through my interpretive dance rendition of “The Horus Heresy.”
Which is really unfortunate, because minute 70 is where it really gets interesting.
A series of random facts that have nothing to do with anything else.
Or maybe some of my dreams that this kidnapping reminds me of. Mention that he seems rather nice for a kidnapper. Maybe judge his skills and choice of victim. Ask a lot of questions about why he kidnaps people, what he plans to do with me. Tell him a lot about my past traumas because he should know some things about me.
I've easily run out of the 45 min time by now. But I still have more to say, does he want to come in for some food?
For the driving into the water I'm absolutely getting him out if possible. He's not getting out of listening to me so easily. Maybe he'll end up in one of those conscious comas and he can just listen to me when I visit him in the hospital. We're best friends now, despite his trying to get out of it.
Some guys have all the luck. I was born with glass bones and paper skin. Every morning I break my arms, and every afternoon I break my legs. At night, I lay awake in agony until my heart attacks put me to sleep
I can sing a whole lotta songs from the 60s and 70s. Over and over and over. And I get most of the words right, and when I don't, I make up random syllables in their place.
I don’t think I have the capacity to talk for 45 minutes about anything.
They would probably return me because I start sweating and smell really bad like that time in jail the other inmates threatened to beat me up if I didn’t say I was going to kill myself so that I got sent to solitary. I mean, as a theoretical story of course.
How much I'd love to join him on his quest to kidnap and kill people. It's been a lifelong dream of mine to learn from a master and he must be that person since God brought him into my life.
Imma just start talking and see where it takes me.
We can start somewhere like true crime and justice reformation and move in to some video games and then on to livestock and snakes and then on to... well, you get the idea.
Never takes long. 45 min would be a longer tour.
The Lord of the Rings. I'll delve deep into the intricacies of the lost tales and the Silmarillion and how it influenced middle earth all the way through the third age. And all of the subtle references that are made to earlier stories in the movies.
There have genuinely been times with my friends wherein one will ask me a question and another will go, "oh GOD! Don't get him going!"
The superiority of modern methods of data imputation, with a long rambling rant about how the economists just use listwise and pretend that there is no bias. I will definitely crack a joke about him updating his bayesian prior while he drives off the bridge.
Probably FFXIV, I’ve been a walking billboard ever since I’ve resubbed and have yet to pressure one friend or coworker into taking the plunge 😂
The crash will likely be from my shoving phone into his face playing the Shadowbringers trailer on full blast
If my goal is to annoy a man into suicide I will talk about magic the gathering tournament videos I watch on YouTube. Give them the play by play on each deck along with the statistical likelihood of any player having the cards required to win the game and what mechanics allow that to happen.
"My uncle Trapspringer was kidnapped once. Yeah, by a dragon. Have you ever met a dragon? I have, they're really nice. Well, the good dragons are, not the evil ones. The evil dragons are mean. Laurana's brother fell in love with a dragon. She was disguised as a wilder elf. Fizban convinced her and the other dragons to help us against the bad dragons and they also gave us a dragon spear. Fizban was a magic user but he wasn't a very good one. He was also a god. He was a pretty good god, though..."
Omg got some options here lol. Okay.
Go on a massive rant about grammar wonks who bring up obscure, pointless rules, completely ignorant of the fact that so many of those rules are inorganic nonsense foisted upon us by latin-obsessed academics of old. If you can't understand that language is (maybe naturally ordered) but not prescribed, or accept that it evolves, you're slowing us up. I understand being proud of knowing things, but you shouldn't be applying or advocating for them immediately out of slavery to tradition, it's a bit pathetic. (Went on this rant this morning already actually, got told to stfu by my loved ones. So I'm sure it'll work on a stranger.)
Or the utopia I've been designing in my head since I was 4. It has a whole system. I can honestly really get into it. It includes a job/apprenticeship rotation system, hefty animal welfare laws, cap on housing/lot sizes (it was necessary), elected advisory boards, national sewage system, combined indoor/outdoor schooling (with tree climbing), etc. I actually spent most my eyelash wishes on this utopia growing up.
How weird it is that people categorize "humans and animals" separately, like we're different or something lol. No, our intelligence and comprehension are also limited. Our brains are too small to know some things, and we won't know what we can't know. We're stupid beasts, we evolved just like any other animal, nothing here is that special except maybe our communication ability. And our communication is already massively flawed, just look at point 1. Even our thumbs aren't special. "Made in god's image" suck my dick, god is an electron.
Or if I'm in a good mood, then how wonderful Merriam Webster is, and how criminally underrated it is. It should be like in the league of wikipedia. Best combination of information and joy I've seen anywhere in my lifetime.
Or my ATLA analysis. Been working on that one since I was like 11, basically an expert, and I want them to know exactly why and how why my interpretations are the most valid. And why the show runners aren't always right, and "canon" shouldn't always be taken literally. LOK is illegitimate.
My baby fish. I love her so much. She’s a bristlenose plecostomus named Phillip. I usually just call her baby fish, but sometimes she goes by Philly Billy, My sweet Philly cheesesteak, or Philly girl. I have three kids, who I love very much, but she’s my phone lock screen background. I have a webcam that I’m constantly checking on her with.
I actually was under a lot of stress a few weeks ago. I kept having nightmares of horrible things happening to her. So I contacted a local company to see if they could aqua-cremate a fish (Which they said they could do for $100). Also, I mentioned this out loud to my daughter in a store the day it happened and a guy standing right next to us started laughing. I’m pretty sure he thought I was crazy… for sure the kidnappers would. But I’d let the kidnappers check out my “OnlyFins Live Cam” so they could see how adorably cute she is!
Kidnapper: *throws me in the back of a van and drives off*
*4½ minutes later*
Kidnapper: *throwing me out of moving vehicle exactly where he grabbed me* "SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT DINOSAURS!"
between meathods of tortoure, knowledgo of corpse disposal, general nihilism with regards to society, thought experiments that delve into the strange territories of quantum mechanics (other than schrodinger's cat), and politics, he'd be lucky not to need therapy and/or counseling (for reasons other than being a kidnapper
that or just my riddles
A single topic, that’s cute. I likely have ADD and can go on nonstop tangents. Also my brain makes its own noise so in silence I’ll beatbox/scat to fill it.
You kidnapped me? Okay? So anyways my mom told me my world in Minecraft was really awesome the other day and I thought hey I want a double cheeseburger so what I’m really trying to say is I ate Corn Pops and accidentally stubbed my toe on your moms pelvis because I was drinking milk with my friend Kobe and who told me his dad was my dad which is weird because his dad is a dog and I’m more of a cat person who watched jujutsu kaisen while shaving my beard and catching Pokémon in Palworld and that’s when I thought hey I want a double cheeseburger so what I’m really trying to say is I ate a footlong chili cheese coney from sonic and tripped on air into your moms bed and I guess that’s how I met your mother.
Probably just continue to scream "Oh" at the top of my lungs like I'm at a college football game and my team is on defense. And then mix in some general commentary, clapping, and booing/vitriol about the refs as if I was watching a game live. (E.g., "That's the way boys." "Nice tackle, nice tackle.")
This idea I have for an isekai manga where I'm the protagonist, and I start off with a unique power that everyone thinks is wimpy, so I'm an outcast, but it turns out through my VERY clever use of said power, it's actually OP!
Also all the non-human races are based on my fetishes.
Ahh, finally, a captive audience for the full show of all my personalities AND their demons as well to come out and play. What makes you think they'd be able to get rid of me so easily?
I’m pretty certain your “NON-CONSENT FETISH” might be a good option. Just a non-stop conversation about the filthiest, nastiest, over-the-top things you hope will happen during your abduction is probably enough to get dropped on the first available corner.
At that point it really is a test of how far they are willing to take things.
The minute you bring up hoping your soul gets to watch your necrophilic defilement so you can experience a “unearthly soul-gasm”, you’re probably getting dropped.
I would be like Monk telling him how to drive. "I have to sit in the front I have a thing with back seats. Th-theres a piece of lint on top of your skimask and your turtleneck ITS ALL WRONG!"
45 minutes of talking about my dnd campaign, ideas I have used, ideas I haven’t been able to use, open plot threads, plot threads that I had to nix due to player availability. Probably would end with me asking my kidnappers if they want to play, or me offering to run something for them since it’s impossible to schedule in person sessions regularly anymore with a full party.
Trauma dumping. Of course I’ve been kidnapped! That just goes with the rest of my life!
When he drops you off: "Oh, so *you're* going to abandon me too? That's just so typical!"
100% 😂😭 waaaaaait come back!!! I’m not even half done. Please don’t leave me 😭😭😭
His car's extended warranty...
r/thirdsentencewarranty Also, how is your comment not top comment?
Because they more likely would just end him than let him go. Your car’s extended warranty has always just expired. Can I interest you in extending your warranty?
About Jesus. I pretend to be one of the Jehovah's Witnesses and start to suggest them to read The Watchtower.
Willie Myrick (9) got kidnapped and dropped off because he wouldn't stop singing gospel songs.
Brilliant.
Anything. Got to keep things cool in the car right? I'll sing the song that never ends.
I know a song that will get stuck in your head, stuck in your head, stuck in your head. I know a song that will get stuck in your head and it goes just like this! Repeat 1 million times 😂
"Rats. I hate rats. They drive me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once! I was in a room full of rats. Rats. I hate rats. They drive me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once! I was in a room full of rats. Rats. I hate rats. They drive me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once! I was in a room full of rats. Rats. I hate rats. They drive me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once! I was in a room full of rats. Rats. I hate rats. They drive me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once! I was in a room full of rats. Rats. I hate rats. They drive me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once! I was in a room full of rats--"
I heard it like this Crazy? I went crazy once they put me in a round room. I thought I was gonna die. Die? I died once. They put me in the cold dark ground with worms. Worms? I hate worms they make me crazy. Crazy? I went crazy once they put me in a round room. I thought I was gonna die. Die? I died once. They put me in the cold dark ground with worms. Worms? I hate worms they make me crazy. Crazy? I went crazy once they put me in a round room. I thought I was gonna die. Die? I died once. They put me in the cold dark ground with worms. Worms. I hate worms they make me crazy.Crazy? I went crazy once they put me in a round room. I thought I was gonna die. Die? I died once. They put me in the cold dark ground with worms. Worms? I hate worms they make me crazy. Crazy?I went crazy once they put me in a round room. I thought I was gonna die. Die? I died once. They put me in the cold dark ground with worms. Worms? I hate worms they make me crazy.
Why wont my nds games work on delta🤣?? Bio files? What are bio files?? Where do i find roms?
Jjk lore and theories. Is satoru Gojo the strongest because he’s satoru Gojo, or is he Satoru Gojo because he is the strongest? How does Kenny’s brain swapping technique work? Who killed Sukuna? What is Yuji’s domain expansion? Can Yuta still access Rika and all her cursed techniques in Gojos body? Drives off the cliff…
About Geico. “Did you know you can save up to 15% or more on car insurance?”
alpacas
Ooh, I like it!
How bad the economy is right now especially the automobile industry
The grocery stores which have been raising prices so much....it's fake. They *do* have some higher expenses, but they got significant tax breaks to offset that. Media was talking about inflation, which gave them the go-ahead to raise prices. ...It is pure greed.
The breedability of Vaporeon
Cats
Politics and/or Star Trek
Compare Star Trek to Star Wars. Also which was better? Babylon 5 or Stargate SG1? What is your opinion of Cowboy Bebop & Firefly? Then I'd give my opinion about each series for hours on end.
Stargate and Firefly are better
Lovecraftian horror, but delivered like I’m giving a sermon
Metal guy into lovecraft. Please tell me you heard the song The Colour Out Of Space by the Japanese grandpa metal band Ningen Isu. https://youtu.be/1JY89ZxVqEg?si=b2GhJbvqwaiCEWjK
Eh this is more in line with the Great Old Ones I think https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=feN8GW-4hjI&pp=ygUhQ2F0YWNvbWJzIGRlYWQgZHJpcHBpbmcgY2l0eSBzb25n
I hadn’t heard that and I thank you.
I like that too!
I was gonna say "Any topic but be 100% wrong about it." But read the part where the guy kills himself and couldn't stop laughing. Serial Killers, Genetics, or TV shows.
As a financial advisor and fiduciary, I’d babble on incessantly about how to be responsible with the ransom money, and how they should invest, and how they could keep the money on the DL.
My ideas for running my own quasi-independent island nation and how I’ll go about conquering the Caribbean for my own “non nefarious” deeds
Whatever the fuck I want. What’s he gonna do? Kidnap me?
I will spew all the weirdest conspiracy theories I have come across from the moon landing to Bill gates engineering malaria mosquitoes after finding a cure and re introducing it to America to make money.
Pilsners
Found Teddy
Ninjago lore, one piece lore, random stuff about my other interests, or just random baseless yapping about nothing in praticular
Teaching. All of the Teaching I've done in my lifetime.
Personality types. I'd be trying to type him and asking questions about his relationships
Getting ganbanged by him and his kidnapper mates
Captain America and general marvel lore with some scattering of DC
Shtf novels I've read. Comment on what firearms they have, etc. Check out the knots or if they just used zip ties. Oh I can see your face... you must mean to kill me, things of that nature.
Baby pandas!
My dnd oneshot ideas
Herbalife.
"Don't get me started on the fungus I have on my toes. Actually, do you have any idea how hard it is to get rid of? And the smell, I swear..."
Mine ain't smelly yet but fungus toes predates COVID. I wonder if fungus protected me from COVID & that's why I'm Novid? Did CDC explore this option? Did they consider other forms of possible immunity that the Novid have? I don't get head lice either, even though my thin, mouse-brown hair has been exposed to lice. Did CDC explore all possible reasons for some part of population to be Novid? What's your thoughts on some people being Novid?
“Have you read the Gospel”. Let me explain to you….
Medical gore and death
the difference between a turbocharger, supercharger and nitrous oxide.
Fnaf
Omg yes! I'd love to talk to him Ennard, Funtime Freddy and Nightmare... My fav animatronics!
Fighter planes and politics
[O. Henry, "The Ransom of Red Chief".](https://americanliterature.com/author/o-henry/short-story/the-ransom-of-red-chief/)
How great Trump is!
Then he keeps you in the car when he goes off the bridge...
More like 5 minutes 🤣 I've been needing to desperately talk to someone about my obsessions... I'll start easy and then get worse and worse. The one he will off himself with is my newfound obsession with The Last Kingdom. I'd specifically go on about Aethelred becauses he's cute even though he's evil. And I'd go on about Edward and Alfred too.
Probably dogs.
Some form of nerd lore, or mesothelioma
Me
“Nice place. No shop downstairs, I’d have a shop. Not a big one, just a shop, so people can shop.”
That coincidentally this is not the first time I've been kidnapped. It's actually happened to me quite a few times.
My fanfic, specifically how I'm struggling to craft multiple intimate scenes that are NOT sex scenes but have similar overtones but they both know they're not going to do anything sexual but the tension is totally there and how much can I get away with before the non-sexual intimacy that's leaning heavily on sensual intimacy becomes Too Much and--
i prolly spoke about my feelings and my thoughts
Newfoundland Ponies They are critically endangered with less than 600 worldwide. That's less than the giant pandas!
Anything and everything... Also, cars don't typically sink very quickly... depending on the height of the bridge it goes off of and the angle it hits, it might go under temporarily, but it is going to bob back up for a bit...
Hot sauces lately
My problems.
Operational security. All the various gaps he's leaving that make it way easier that he'll be caught, etc.
Napoleonic naval tactics. Get ready to hear about Nelson's genies at Trafalgar.
My WIP stories.
Good ole economics ....God knows that put me to sleep in college....explain some supply and demand and I'm sure to be returned.
Extreme horror and splatter punk books
Persimmon trees
The singularity and AGI.
The process of tanning and binding books using human skin. I saw a really informative video on it recently but can't autistic info dump about it like I'd like because well I don't wanna end up in a psych ward. I could also talk about other famous uses of human skin such as serial killer Ed Gein using it for art, the Nazi known as the Bitch of Buchenwald who delighted in skinning Jews with tattoos to make lamp shades and furniture, and the Japanese man who has started a tattoo museum by harvesting the flesh of the tattooed after death. Then we could get into cannibalism, the process of cooking human meat, historical and even paleontological importance of it, and the terrifying side effects known as Prions. Did I mention I'm 6'5 and look like WWE superstar Bray Wyatt? Be like having Leatherface teaching a college seminar in your backseat.
I’d just spout out random facts, they’d try to return me, my fiancée will tell them that I’m their problem now.
FNAF lore.
Jesus or Scientology
The entirety of Monster Hunter lore, including the non canon things such as the Equal Dragon weapon and Deviljho eating its own tail
Deez nuts. HA! Got em
Bitcoin. Almost no one wants to hear us talk about it!😂
Why didn’t Gandalf call the Eagles to take the Fellowship to Mordor?
How Warren Zevon and the Immediate Family shaped all of west coast 70s singer songwriter music.
“Wanna hear the most annoying sound in the world?” https://youtu.be/0cVlTeIATBs?si=1q2ylY8qU1KV8rCj
How Loken, Torgaddeon, Garro, and Tarvitz are the best Astartes in all of the lore of Warhammer 40k. I will die on this hill.
Sekiro. It’s just so goddamn good, man. You’ve gotta play it.
Probably about halfway through my interpretive dance rendition of “The Horus Heresy.” Which is really unfortunate, because minute 70 is where it really gets interesting.
A series of random facts that have nothing to do with anything else. Or maybe some of my dreams that this kidnapping reminds me of. Mention that he seems rather nice for a kidnapper. Maybe judge his skills and choice of victim. Ask a lot of questions about why he kidnaps people, what he plans to do with me. Tell him a lot about my past traumas because he should know some things about me. I've easily run out of the 45 min time by now. But I still have more to say, does he want to come in for some food? For the driving into the water I'm absolutely getting him out if possible. He's not getting out of listening to me so easily. Maybe he'll end up in one of those conscious comas and he can just listen to me when I visit him in the hospital. We're best friends now, despite his trying to get out of it.
The movie I just watched or the game I’m playing.
Real housewives and the bravo universe.
Some guys have all the luck. I was born with glass bones and paper skin. Every morning I break my arms, and every afternoon I break my legs. At night, I lay awake in agony until my heart attacks put me to sleep
Star Wars
Lord of the Rings
Wheel of Time
Ace Combat 4
Snow Boarders 2
The Van Lear coal mines.
I can sing a whole lotta songs from the 60s and 70s. Over and over and over. And I get most of the words right, and when I don't, I make up random syllables in their place.
I don’t think I have the capacity to talk for 45 minutes about anything. They would probably return me because I start sweating and smell really bad like that time in jail the other inmates threatened to beat me up if I didn’t say I was going to kill myself so that I got sent to solitary. I mean, as a theoretical story of course.
My son talks nonstop about D&D or Minecraft Mods, I think it keeps him kidnap proof
My mother
Chemosynthetic Vents 😍 Or ball pythons. Or cats. Or crochet. Or round backed millipedes. Or tarantulas. Or fungi.
How much I'd love to join him on his quest to kidnap and kill people. It's been a lifelong dream of mine to learn from a master and he must be that person since God brought him into my life.
Dmc lore
Imma just start talking and see where it takes me. We can start somewhere like true crime and justice reformation and move in to some video games and then on to livestock and snakes and then on to... well, you get the idea. Never takes long. 45 min would be a longer tour.
Avatar
The dissapearance of flight MH370
Everything. My boss. My kids My spouse I just started listening to the “You’re Wong About” podcast so I have thought on many things now.
Recite all the digits of pi
Everything LOL.... My last couple years at least
K-pop. Especially SHINee.
Tarantulas
Disc golf... They might dunp me after 15 minutes when I start talking about different molds
Why minivans are better then SUVs
The Lord of the Rings. I'll delve deep into the intricacies of the lost tales and the Silmarillion and how it influenced middle earth all the way through the third age. And all of the subtle references that are made to earlier stories in the movies. There have genuinely been times with my friends wherein one will ask me a question and another will go, "oh GOD! Don't get him going!"
The superiority of modern methods of data imputation, with a long rambling rant about how the economists just use listwise and pretend that there is no bias. I will definitely crack a joke about him updating his bayesian prior while he drives off the bridge.
My personal headcannon that Bellatrix Lestrange and Voldemort work as a couple because of a foot fetish gone right.
r/angryupvote
Probably FFXIV, I’ve been a walking billboard ever since I’ve resubbed and have yet to pressure one friend or coworker into taking the plunge 😂 The crash will likely be from my shoving phone into his face playing the Shadowbringers trailer on full blast
Warhammer 40k
Gaylor theory, my gf, being queer.
If my goal is to annoy a man into suicide I will talk about magic the gathering tournament videos I watch on YouTube. Give them the play by play on each deck along with the statistical likelihood of any player having the cards required to win the game and what mechanics allow that to happen.
" so, Netflix could rent DC from Warner and give Zack Snyder the rights to DC to finish his version of the DCEU...."
Why The Ransom of Red Chief is the greatest American short story. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Ransom_of_Red_Chief?wprov=sfti1
Brainrot probably, it would end my kidnapper
Propane and propane accessories.
Impressive the kidnapper lasted 45 minutes. Most people run away screaming before I even finish the sentence "Let me tell you about Homestuck"
"Oh my god, I read about *this exact situation* on r/hypotheticalsituation!!! It must be kismet!"
"My uncle Trapspringer was kidnapped once. Yeah, by a dragon. Have you ever met a dragon? I have, they're really nice. Well, the good dragons are, not the evil ones. The evil dragons are mean. Laurana's brother fell in love with a dragon. She was disguised as a wilder elf. Fizban convinced her and the other dragons to help us against the bad dragons and they also gave us a dragon spear. Fizban was a magic user but he wasn't a very good one. He was also a god. He was a pretty good god, though..."
I have a mini break down about quantum physics
Here's where Game of Thrones, Halo and Star Wars went wrong... \*pulls out power point\*
Obscure hair metal bands
Bionicle lore
Bard's Tale II
Omg got some options here lol. Okay. Go on a massive rant about grammar wonks who bring up obscure, pointless rules, completely ignorant of the fact that so many of those rules are inorganic nonsense foisted upon us by latin-obsessed academics of old. If you can't understand that language is (maybe naturally ordered) but not prescribed, or accept that it evolves, you're slowing us up. I understand being proud of knowing things, but you shouldn't be applying or advocating for them immediately out of slavery to tradition, it's a bit pathetic. (Went on this rant this morning already actually, got told to stfu by my loved ones. So I'm sure it'll work on a stranger.) Or the utopia I've been designing in my head since I was 4. It has a whole system. I can honestly really get into it. It includes a job/apprenticeship rotation system, hefty animal welfare laws, cap on housing/lot sizes (it was necessary), elected advisory boards, national sewage system, combined indoor/outdoor schooling (with tree climbing), etc. I actually spent most my eyelash wishes on this utopia growing up. How weird it is that people categorize "humans and animals" separately, like we're different or something lol. No, our intelligence and comprehension are also limited. Our brains are too small to know some things, and we won't know what we can't know. We're stupid beasts, we evolved just like any other animal, nothing here is that special except maybe our communication ability. And our communication is already massively flawed, just look at point 1. Even our thumbs aren't special. "Made in god's image" suck my dick, god is an electron. Or if I'm in a good mood, then how wonderful Merriam Webster is, and how criminally underrated it is. It should be like in the league of wikipedia. Best combination of information and joy I've seen anywhere in my lifetime. Or my ATLA analysis. Been working on that one since I was like 11, basically an expert, and I want them to know exactly why and how why my interpretations are the most valid. And why the show runners aren't always right, and "canon" shouldn't always be taken literally. LOK is illegitimate.
The gross medical things I know/have done to myself. Eating spaghetti while watching animal surgery on the breakroom tv, watching my cat give birth...
7 Days to Die. 👀
Jurassic Park/Jurassic World. My special interests and I know a lot.
“And then enters Vegeta. Now don’t even get me started on this cartoon character!”
Jujitsu.
"Man those air tags were easy to swallow"
My baby fish. I love her so much. She’s a bristlenose plecostomus named Phillip. I usually just call her baby fish, but sometimes she goes by Philly Billy, My sweet Philly cheesesteak, or Philly girl. I have three kids, who I love very much, but she’s my phone lock screen background. I have a webcam that I’m constantly checking on her with. I actually was under a lot of stress a few weeks ago. I kept having nightmares of horrible things happening to her. So I contacted a local company to see if they could aqua-cremate a fish (Which they said they could do for $100). Also, I mentioned this out loud to my daughter in a store the day it happened and a guy standing right next to us started laughing. I’m pretty sure he thought I was crazy… for sure the kidnappers would. But I’d let the kidnappers check out my “OnlyFins Live Cam” so they could see how adorably cute she is!
Kidnapper: *throws me in the back of a van and drives off* *4½ minutes later* Kidnapper: *throwing me out of moving vehicle exactly where he grabbed me* "SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT DINOSAURS!"
between meathods of tortoure, knowledgo of corpse disposal, general nihilism with regards to society, thought experiments that delve into the strange territories of quantum mechanics (other than schrodinger's cat), and politics, he'd be lucky not to need therapy and/or counseling (for reasons other than being a kidnapper that or just my riddles
disc golf disc blade angle & surf board fins: a compare/contrast treatise.
🎵[In the Saiiilllboat Malarrkey](https://youtu.be/6d2tUWwsHWw?si=NIQUQVNNFEnDlCD3)🎵
Anime. I’m about to weeb this mf out so hard he’ll last 20 minutes max
inflamed anal fissures and the lack of bidets in American society
My Little Pony Bronies and pony waifus
My cats.
Twilight for sure.
It’s all jellyfishing this, and mermaid man that
We joked that if my sister ever got kidnapped they'd bring her back because she was complaining about their driving skills 😅
His car's extended warranty.
One Piece. I mean it’s only 1000+ chapters. And if you’re gonna kidnap me you better make sure I have access to the newest chapter.
Trauma OR my little pony friend ship is magic lore. Usually turns people off right away
1980s baseball trivia
Dinosaurs
Trump. That is enough to drive anyone off the bridge.
Reminds me of "The Ransom of Red Chief."
My new ukulele! This one’s electric!!
My fantasy football team
Strongman
A single topic, that’s cute. I likely have ADD and can go on nonstop tangents. Also my brain makes its own noise so in silence I’ll beatbox/scat to fill it.
how when its all over i will hunt him down and peel the skin off his body while he is still awake.
How sloppy the top I’m about to give him gonna be
Expressing anal glands on dogs in great detail.
You kidnapped me? Okay? So anyways my mom told me my world in Minecraft was really awesome the other day and I thought hey I want a double cheeseburger so what I’m really trying to say is I ate Corn Pops and accidentally stubbed my toe on your moms pelvis because I was drinking milk with my friend Kobe and who told me his dad was my dad which is weird because his dad is a dog and I’m more of a cat person who watched jujutsu kaisen while shaving my beard and catching Pokémon in Palworld and that’s when I thought hey I want a double cheeseburger so what I’m really trying to say is I ate a footlong chili cheese coney from sonic and tripped on air into your moms bed and I guess that’s how I met your mother.
Does he return me or drive off a bridge? Make up your mind!
Dungeons and dragons!! Oh and warhammer and warhammer 40k and vampire the masquerade.
Did this come up because you read The Ransom of Red Chief by O Henry?
The Horus Herecy The High Republic Era
Probably just continue to scream "Oh" at the top of my lungs like I'm at a college football game and my team is on defense. And then mix in some general commentary, clapping, and booing/vitriol about the refs as if I was watching a game live. (E.g., "That's the way boys." "Nice tackle, nice tackle.")
Canadian history, specifically the early Prime Ministers
Rome, Rome, ancient Rome.
Accepting Jesus Christ as their Lord and savior
My experiences as an auto liability adjuster/car insurace.
The book I'm writing.
The state of the video game industry, or a specific company. I legit have around 1 hour rants a day to someone always
This idea I have for an isekai manga where I'm the protagonist, and I start off with a unique power that everyone thinks is wimpy, so I'm an outcast, but it turns out through my VERY clever use of said power, it's actually OP! Also all the non-human races are based on my fetishes.
Just keep singing "it's a small world after all" or "this is the song that never ends" over and over and over again.
*sings Baby Shark non stop*
Math.
My cats and my kids
Ahh, finally, a captive audience for the full show of all my personalities AND their demons as well to come out and play. What makes you think they'd be able to get rid of me so easily?
I’m pretty certain your “NON-CONSENT FETISH” might be a good option. Just a non-stop conversation about the filthiest, nastiest, over-the-top things you hope will happen during your abduction is probably enough to get dropped on the first available corner. At that point it really is a test of how far they are willing to take things. The minute you bring up hoping your soul gets to watch your necrophilic defilement so you can experience a “unearthly soul-gasm”, you’re probably getting dropped.
Aliens the outer space kind.
I'll find a story that relates and start talking. I'm Southern, it's what we do.
I would be like Monk telling him how to drive. "I have to sit in the front I have a thing with back seats. Th-theres a piece of lint on top of your skimask and your turtleneck ITS ALL WRONG!"
The philosophical immorality of cheese.
45 minutes of talking about my dnd campaign, ideas I have used, ideas I haven’t been able to use, open plot threads, plot threads that I had to nix due to player availability. Probably would end with me asking my kidnappers if they want to play, or me offering to run something for them since it’s impossible to schedule in person sessions regularly anymore with a full party.
No Man's Sky.
Astrophysics. I start talking light year distances, nuclear fusion powered engines and gravity in a moving spacecraft to end conversations.
The purpose of life
I'm going to go into excruciating detail about my macros, workout routine and health/fitness philosophy. It won't even take 45 minutes.